Contributor Post Created with Sketch. Ask Amelia: Happy New Year!

 

AskAmelia3This week, Ask Amelia is all about saying goodbye to this year and welcoming in the new. Since giving you that advice on Friday, my usual day, would be fairly useless (You need time to let it sink in, right?), this is coming at you early. Here we go…

I need advice on how to keep all the young ladies from jumping up on stage and trying to kiss me at midnight at my gig on New Year’s Eve (And don’t tell me to stop being such a studmuffin. That’s not an option).

— Unavailable

Dear Unavailable,

Axe body spray. You’re welcome.


Last year, my New Year’s resolution was to finally go a year without being arrested, a resolution that ended about 35 minutes into the year. My question is: if I get arrested before midnight, does my resolution not to be arrested in the New Year count for next year?

— Two Strikes and Counting

Dear Two Strikes,

What kind of a question is this? It does not. If you get arrested in 2015, you failed at your 2015 resolution. Should you make the same resolution in 2016, you can’t get arrested in 2016.


What do old people who don’t drink do on NYE?

— Sober Celebrator

Dear Celebrator,

Whatever you like! Drinking is optional.


What makes New Year’s special from a guy’s perspective?

— Happy Wife, Happy Life

Dear Wife,

As I am a cis female, I asked the men in my life. And, as I live in Michigan, I got a nearly unanimous answer of “dinner and the New Year’s Eve Red Wings game.” (Note: That would also be a pretty happy New Year’s Eve for me.) Steak is also fairly fail-safe for ringing out the old year or, really, anytime.


This will be our first NYE with our kids, who usually go to the grandparents at that time. Based on past years we are pretty sure we will not make it ’til midnight. Any suggestions for keeping up with the kids to see the ball drop?

— Tired Already

Dear Tired,

Depending on your time zone, you may only have to stay up until 9:00 in order to see the ball drop in New York City. I have complete confidence that you can stay awake until 9:00. If you live on the east coast, find a YouTube video of it from a previous year and show them. Just pause before they display the new year on screen. That leads to questions you don’t want to answer.

If you are against lying to your children in order to go to bed, I suggest a hot chocolate caffeine burst and a few games of Exploding Kittens to pass the time.

You can do this!

Wishing you all a wonderful 2016!


Now, for some advice that applies to all of us. The end of the year is a perfect time to ensure that we’re not bringing 2015’s nonsense into 2016. If there are things that need to be done in your personal or professional life, things that you’ve been avoiding, things that are looming like the sword of Damocles, now is the time. (Note: don’t quit your job in this economy unless you’ve got a plan. That would be silly, but you can start to formulate the plan.)

The New Year is a fresh start, so ring it in with the people and things that you’ll want around you for the coming year. Don’t just love the one you’re with, be with the one you love (sorry, Stills, you had that exactly backwards). Finally, don’t take it so seriously. People can get so wrapped up in needing the perfect New Year’s Eve making it full of expectations it can’t possibly meet. Calm down. Kiss somebody who matters to you. Have fun and, finally, drink champagne. You can’t go wrong with good champagne.

Agree? Disagree? Have something to add? Leave a comment!

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There are 10 comments.

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  1. Doctor Bass Monkey Inactive

    I’m celebrating another year of no one finding the bodies yet!

    • #1
    • December 28, 2015, at 1:24 PM PST
    • Like
  2. The Reticulator Member

    Amelia Hamilton: Dear Wife, As I am a cis female, I asked the men in my life. And, as I live in Michigan, I got a nearly unanimous answer of “dinner and the New Year’s Eve Red Wings game.” (Note: That would also be a pretty happy New Year’s Eve for me.) Steak is also fairly fail-safe for ringing out the old year or, really, anytime.

    You say you’re from Michigan but you don’t know there’s an important football game that night? Mrs. Reticulator has informed me all about it, and has made plans for the rest of us to forage for food and beverages while she watches the game. I’ll help her watch, of course, but it might be my job to get up and get refills for her.

    • #2
    • December 28, 2015, at 1:49 PM PST
    • Like
  3. Austin Murrey Inactive

    WS – look on the bright side: someone may have found them and decided to blackmail you instead of turning you in.

    • #3
    • December 28, 2015, at 1:50 PM PST
    • Like
  4. Lash LaRoche Inactive

    Amelia Hamilton:

    I need advice on how to keep all the young ladies from jumping up on stage and trying to kiss me at midnight at my gig on New Year’s Eve (And don’t tell me to stop being such a studmuffin. That’s not an option).

    — Unavailable

    Dear Unavailable,

    Axe body spray. You’re welcome.


    I don’t know about groupies, but that does nothing to keep the sorority girls and cheerleaders away.

    • #4
    • December 28, 2015, at 2:31 PM PST
    • Like
  5. Randy Webster Member

    Mike LaRoche: I don’t know about groupies, but that does nothing to keep the sorority girls and cheerleaders away.

    Maybe you’re not doing it right.

    • #5
    • December 28, 2015, at 2:58 PM PST
    • Like
  6. Lash LaRoche Inactive

    Randy Webster:

    Mike LaRoche: I don’t know about groupies, but that does nothing to keep the sorority girls and cheerleaders away.

    Maybe you’re not doing it right.

    If what I’m doing’s wrong, I don’t wanna be right!

    • #6
    • December 28, 2015, at 3:51 PM PST
    • Like
  7. Randy Webster Member

    I think you stole that line.

    • #7
    • December 28, 2015, at 3:58 PM PST
    • Like
  8. Sandy Member

    My wish for 2016 is that we never again see the words “cis female,” nor any of its relatives, on the pages of Ricochet. I am pretending that if we ignore this language it will go away.

    • #8
    • December 28, 2015, at 6:26 PM PST
    • Like
  9. BrentB67 Inactive

    Sandy:My wish for 2016 is that we never again see the words “cis female,” nor any of its relatives, on the pages of Ricochet. I am pretending that if we ignore this language it will go away.

    I was thinking the same thing about ‘studmuffin’.

    • #9
    • December 29, 2015, at 5:13 AM PST
    • Like
  10. Sandy Member

    BrentB67:

    Sandy:My wish for 2016 is that we never again see the words “cis female,” nor any of its relatives, on the pages of Ricochet. I am pretending that if we ignore this language it will go away.

    I was thinking the same thing about ‘studmuffin’.

    You are so Right.

    • #10
    • December 29, 2015, at 6:27 AM PST
    • Like

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