Who’s on Your Airing of Grievances List?

 

castanzaToday is Christmas Eve eve, which means it’s time to enjoy Frank Costanza’s Festivus, an annual tradition when we participate in the “Airing of Grievances.” This is a special day to skewer those deserving of our ire.

Many folks are on my list, from politicians, journalists and celebrities to my neighbor upwind of me who partakes in the “herb.”

I will start the list with Terry Fine. Terry is a professor at University of Central Florida who wrote an article suggesting Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, or even Happy Holidays is “exclusionary.” Instead, Terry wants us to greet each other with “Happy Federal Holiday.” Because guv’ment is our true religion, amirite?

fedholiday

I would suggest that we take a new approach that observes “the holidays” we all have on our calendars, no matter our religion.

My friends and I wish each other a “Happy Federal Holiday.”

Most everyone is included and no one is excluded no matter their religious beliefs or practices. The banks are closed, along with post offices, local, state and federal government offices, and state institutions such as UCF. As long as we live in the United States, these federal and state holidays impact us equally so we might as well celebrate them equally, too.

Obviously the force stupid is strong with this one. If Terry was just some random blogger, it would be laughable. However, the fact she is a political science professor molding the minds of Orlando’s yutes distinguishes her to be on my list of people worthy of grievances.

Imagine the carols sung at Professor Fines annual Federal Holiday party:

Good tidings we bring
To you and any non-gender specific thing,
We wish you a Happy Federal Holiday
And a Happy New Anytime You Wish to Be in this Space/Time Continuum

Merry Christmas Terry!

What/who are on your airing of grievances?

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  1. danys Thatcher
    danys
    @danys

    Bicyclists in Santa Monica who ignore stop signs & red lights.

    • #1
  2. Brian Wyneken Member
    Brian Wyneken
    @BrianWyneken

    I used to wish my wife “Happy Federal Holiday” on those days I got to stay home and she trudged off to work. I don’t think she thought it was very inclusive.

    I have to decline the offer to air grievances. I have many of course, and they’re almost all pathetic, yet at times I feel them mightily. Not today though, for whatever mystical reason I’m feeling up and would like to stay there for a few moments.

    But, please, don’t hesitate on my account (I love this kind of stuff!).

    • #2
  3. Franco Member
    Franco
    @Franco

    I can’t stand when ads for companies change the words to Christmas songs touting their product, for one thing.

    • #3
  4. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    In that Gif, I swear Rob Long is in the background wearing a curly wig.

    • #4
  5. SoDakBoy Inactive
    SoDakBoy
    @SoDakBoy

    We had a rare “family movie night” the other day.  My kids, aged 5-16, all watched The Sound of Music sing-along version thanks the support of commercial sponsors.

    What kind of a dirtbag do you have to be to run commercials promoting homosexuality, child rape (promo for an upcoming TV show), and fornication (promo for “The Bachelor” in which the contestant invites the bachelor to “pollinate her” during their introduction)?

    So, I guess my grievance is with the world that decided that there will no longer be any places in America where children can be innocent, not even The Sound of Music during Advent!

    • #5
  6. Misthiocracy Member
    Misthiocracy
    @Misthiocracy

    The cold, uncaring meaninglessness of the Universe.

    It owes me.

    • #6
  7. Susan the Buju Contributor
    Susan the Buju
    @SusanQuinn

    In our community, people can drive cars or golf carts on our streets. And if someone is driving a golf cart, he/she goes 5 mph or waves you around so that you can come home with a ticket for crossing the double yellow line. AAarrrrrggggghhhh!!!

    • #7
  8. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    People complaining about the content of posts.

    People complaining about people complaining about the content of posts.

    People complaining about people complaining about people complaining about the content of posts.

    … And Canadians.

    • #8
  9. David Knights Member
    David Knights
    @DavidKnights

    The entire GOP.  Every last bit of it.

    • #9
  10. Randy Weivoda Moderator
    Randy Weivoda
    @RandyWeivoda

    Coworkers who borrow pens, markers, knives, and tape from a desk and don’t put them back.

    • #10
  11. David Sussman Podcaster
    David Sussman
    @DaveSussman

    Randy Weivoda:Coworkers who borrow pens, markers, knives, and tape from a desk and don’t put them back.

    200

    • #11
  12. EThompson Inactive
    EThompson
    @EThompson

    Even more than all the wannabe Lance Armstrongs in my neighborhood, my number one pick has to be: lawn blowers.Why can’t the EPA help a girl out and go after “noise” polluters?

    And, regardless of anyone’s religion, may I wish you all a Joyeux Noël!

    • #12
  13. Layla Inactive
    Layla
    @Layla

    People who turn every–every–conversation to politics. Just…stawwp. Step outside. Breathe free. Get a life.

    If your hope lies in Washington, DC, I am so sorry for you. But also you should know that you annoy the aitch-ee-double-toothpicks outta me.

    • #13
  14. Mike LaRoche Inactive
    Mike LaRoche
    @MikeLaRoche

    People who drive slow in the fast lane.

    • #14
  15. EThompson Inactive
    EThompson
    @EThompson

    Mike LaRoche:People who drive slow in the fast lane.

    Better yet, Mike, the ones who dart out remarkably quickly to cut you off and then ease into 55 mph. Grrrr!

    • #15
  16. Basil Fawlty Member
    Basil Fawlty
    @BasilFawlty

    People who think the universe should be warm, caring and meaningful.  And Canadians.

    • #16
  17. livingthehighlife Inactive
    livingthehighlife
    @livingthehighlife

    Discrimination against those of us without significant means, thus limiting our grievances to only 250 words.

    • #17
  18. Johnny Dubya Inactive
    Johnny Dubya
    @JohnnyDubya

    NYC tourists on sidewalks who walk slowly or stop on the busiest, most crowded pedestrian highways in midtown. Folks, you wouldn’t stop or creep along on the interstate at 5 MPH, would you?

    • #18
  19. Umbra Fractus Inactive
    Umbra Fractus
    @UmbraFractus

    Donald Trump

    • #19
  20. Barbara Duran Thatcher
    Barbara Duran
    @BarbaraDuran
    • litterers
    • people who wear their street shoes inside your (my) house (almost everyone, now that I’ve left Hawaii, so I get to be mad all the time)
    • saying “passed away” or “passed” instead of died
    • the word “literally,” which is so misused I hate it even when used correctly
    • Canadians, which I’ve just now realized are a constant annoyance.
    • #20
  21. tabula rasa Member
    tabula rasa
    @tabularasa

    Umbra stole mine.

    I feel deeply aggrieved at people who don’t agree with me on all things.  I have offered myself out as a free national resource and have been rejected.

    Sigh!

    • #21
  22. Jimmy Carter Member
    Jimmy Carter
    @JimmyCarter

    People in the grocery store Who shake the salad dressing. Almost everyone grabs the dressing, shakes it, then puts it in the basket. I watch ’em. They ain’t looking at the contents or anything. They just grab, shake, place. It’s not as if They’re about to use it. It’s some ridiculous, conditioned, reflex when it comes to those bottles. It annoys Me to no end.

    And Canadians.

    • #22
  23. Dad Dog Member
    Dad Dog
    @DadDog
    1. People who don’t signal their lane changes and turns.
    2. People who exit from the center of the driveway, effectively preventing you from turning into that driveway.
    3. People who take up two spots when they park.
    • #23
  24. Tom Riehl Inactive
    Tom Riehl
    @TrinityWaters

    Mike LaRoche:People who drive slow in the fast lane.

    I dream of mounting a grenade launcher on my front bumper.

    • #24
  25. Tom Riehl Inactive
    Tom Riehl
    @TrinityWaters

    Umbra Fractus:Donald Trump

    Boring.

    • #25
  26. Owen Petard Member
    Owen Petard
    @OwenPetard

    Television commercials that invite you to go to the Internet to watch the rest of the commercial.

    • #26
  27. Umbra Fractus Inactive
    Umbra Fractus
    @UmbraFractus

    Owen Petard:Television commercials that invite you to go to the Internet to watch the rest of the commercial.

    Television commercials which are two or more decibels louder than the program you’re watching.

    • #27
  28. RightAngles Member
    RightAngles
    @RightAngles

    -Prescription drug companies advertising directly to the public. They have pleasant music and laughing people, and then at the end in a rushed whisper they give you the horrible side effects: “halitosisstrokeheartattackinstantdeath may occur”

    -people who don’t know how to turn left at a green light. They stay behind the line and wait until it turns red, and nobody gets through. Pull out into the intersection! Ya dork.

    and  Barbara took two of mine:

    -saying “passed away” instead of “died.” Or “went on to glory,” “Went on to his greater reward” etc.  He DIED. Same goes for saying “chauffeur” instead of “driver.”

    -Overuse of “literally.” I knew a woman who always used to say “I was literally beside myself” haha

    • #28
  29. Mike LaRoche Inactive
    Mike LaRoche
    @MikeLaRoche

    • #29
  30. Sandy Member
    Sandy
    @Sandy

    I’m sorta with Professor Terry Fine, because I’m always happy when the Feds take a holiday, though of course we can’t really mix religion and government, nothing holy about the Feds (I mean, really!) so how about “Happy Federal Leave Day?”  Still that might bother people who have to work that day, like people who take care of the sick or wait tables or fight fires.  Gosh this is hard.

    • #30

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