Contributor Post Created with Sketch. Ask Amelia: Handsome Fish Are Always On

 

AskAmelia3It’s Friday, so it’s time once again for Amelia Hamilton to answer your most pressing questions about bumper stickers, online personae, and mirror images.

Does a person have to drive more courteously if he has a Jesus fish on his car? Asking for a friend. — Friend of Jesus Fish

Dear Fish Friend,

I’m afraid you (we all know it’s not your friend) will have to be courteous, yes. It is up to those with emblems on their cars to be ambassadors of those positions. I have to think about my “Avenge Me!” Reagan bumper sticker when I drive, and you’ll have to think about your fish. You won’t be perfect, but Jesus will forgive you.

How would Jesus drive?


For those of us who write for public consumption, there is a tendency to adopt a certain public persona. Most people are able to strike a balance, but some seem incapable and it’s exhausting. What’s the best way for dealing with somebody who is “always on?”

— Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

I’m not sure that’s exclusive to writers, as most people these days have an online persona. Health-nut (workout selfie!), supermom (my-kids-are-perfect selfie!), fashionista (#OOTD selfie!), etc. I think the best thing you can do is be real. It’s okay to remind people, in a funny, friendly way, that you know their real selves, and they don’t need to keep the show going for you. Some people, unfortunately, don’t know their real selves from their personas anymore. To them, I say, “bye, Felicia.”


Every day when I wake up, I scream “Hellooo, handsome!” at the mirror. I don’t really have a question, I am just telling you this.

— Mr. M

Good for you! But your poor neighbors.


Agree? Disagree? Have something to add? Leave a comment.
Want to submit a question? Tweet using #AskAmHam or email askamelia@mail.com.

There are 11 comments.

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  1. Lash LaRoche Inactive

    Amelia Hamilton:

    How would Jesus drive?

    Not sure how Jesus would drive, but I have a reasonably good idea of *what* he’d drive: a Chevy Silverado or a Ford F-150. Jesus was, after all, a carpenter by trade.

    • #1
    • November 20, 2015, at 2:39 PM PST
    • Like
  2. Herbert defender of the Realm,… Inactive

    Amelia Hamilton: Every day when I wake up, I scream “Hellooo, handsome!” at the mirror. I don’t really have a question, I am just telling you this. — Mr. M Good for you! But your poor neighbors.

    I’m a late riser, they are all at work….

    • #2
    • November 20, 2015, at 3:05 PM PST
    • Like
  3. TempTime Member

    Amelia Hamilton

    ” … has a Jesus fish on …”

    Really? “Jesus fish”? Is that what it is called?

    • #3
    • November 20, 2015, at 3:38 PM PST
    • Like
  4. Eustace C. Scrubb Member

    Perhaps an argument could be made for owning a Humvee covered with Hillary stickers and driving like a maniac. (Anyone at the RNC willing to finance this venture?)

    • #4
    • November 20, 2015, at 3:47 PM PST
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  5. Seawriter Contributor

    Mike LaRoche:

    Amelia Hamilton:

    How would Jesus drive?

    Not sure how Jesus would drive, but I have a reasonably good idea of *what* he’d drive: a Chevy Silverado or a Ford F-150. Jesus was, after all, a carpenter by trade.

    Nah. He’d drive a stretch Honda Accord. The Bible said Jesus and his disciples left in one Accord.

    Seawriter

    • #5
    • November 20, 2015, at 4:53 PM PST
    • Like
  6. Seawriter Contributor

    A joke my brother told me:

    A man was being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

    The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.

    As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.

    He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door.

    She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

    He said, “I’m very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him.”

    I noticed the ‘What Would Jesus Do bumper sticker, the ‘Choose Life’ license plate holder, the ‘Follow Me to Sunday-School’ bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk.

    Naturally…I assumed you had stolen the car.’

    Seawriter

    • #6
    • November 20, 2015, at 5:23 PM PST
    • Like
  7. Dr. Strangelove Thatcher
    Dr. StrangeloveJoined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    Seawriter: bye, Felicia

    Seawriter:

    Mike LaRoche:

    Amelia Hamilton:

    How would Jesus drive?

    Not sure how Jesus would drive, but I have a reasonably good idea of *what* he’d drive: a Chevy Silverado or a Ford F-150. Jesus was, after all, a carpenter by trade.

    Nah. He’d drive a stretch Honda Accord. The Bible said Jesus and his disciples left in one Accord.

    Seawriter

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    • #7
    • November 20, 2015, at 6:06 PM PST
    • Like
  8. J. D. Fitzpatrick Member
    J. D. FitzpatrickJoined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    How would Jesus drive?

    Like his father was in heaven and the apocalypse was nigh.

    Steer clear!

    • #8
    • November 20, 2015, at 6:35 PM PST
    • Like
  9. Profile Photo Member

    Seawriter:A joke my brother told me:

    … ok remember … you asked for this …

    An older person of the fair gender had a little parking lot “incident” but could not afford to make an insurance claim, so a friend put her in touch with a fellow who did body work on the side in his back yard. She agreed to his good price and he got to work.

    All went well until the painting: He had only half as much pearl coat as the job required in a mostly-used can and didn’t want to lay out for more. So he thought, “meh! The old lady won’t know …” and added a bit of solvent to “stretch” it a bit. He painted, baked and buffed it in his driveway and was admiring his work when it began to rain. The colour began to run … he started to cover it up with a plastic sheet.

    Just then lightning flashed nearby and a thundering voice spoke from the clouds …

    “REPAINT, YOU THINNER!”

    • #9
    • November 20, 2015, at 9:53 PM PST
    • Like
  10. Seawriter Contributor

    R. Craigen:

    Seawriter:A joke my brother told me:

    … ok remember … you asked for this …

    An older person of the fair gender had a little parking lot “incident” but could not afford to make an insurance claim, so a friend put her in touch with a fellow who did body work on the side in his back yard. She agreed to his good price and he got to work.

    All went well until the painting: He had only half as much pearl coat as the job required in a mostly-used can and didn’t want to lay out for more. So he thought, “meh! The old lady won’t know …” and added a bit of solvent to “stretch” it a bit. He painted, baked and buffed it in his driveway and was admiring his work when it began to rain. The colour began to run … he started to cover it up with a plastic sheet.

    Just then lightning flashed nearby and a thundering voice spoke from the clouds …

    “REPAINT, YOU THINNER!”

    You win.

    • #10
    • November 21, 2015, at 4:18 AM PST
    • Like
  11. Lizzie in IL Inactive

    Seawriter: Nah. He’d drive a stretch Honda Accord. The Bible said Jesus and his disciples left in one Accord.

    LMAOOOOO!!

    Hi-larry-us…

    • #11
    • November 21, 2015, at 7:05 PM PST
    • Like

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