Hire Those Brats! I’m Serious!

 

Do I really need to describe this? We all know what’s happening on college campuses. Whining, coddled, over-sensitive little brats demanding this and that, weeping over emails, that sort of thing.

And one of the more popular responses is — at least from folks who are roughly aligned with our point of view — Hey, those kids are in for a rude awakening and Who on earth is going to hire those entitled brats?

May I offer a slightly different interpretation?

What skills are on display, on Yale’s Cross Campus and University of Missouri’s quad? Yes, yes: emotional displays of silliness, thuggish disregard for free speech, and open debate. Okay, stipulated.

But there are also some pretty impressive skills being deployed here. At the University of Missouri, the whole nonsense erupted because certain football players refused to play ball unless certain conditions (and those conditions kept sliding) we met — in other words, they leveraged their capital (football makes a lot of money) and made a large institution bend to their will. A university president was essentially dismissed. The campus has come under the indirect control of a smallish group of powerful students.

Not bad, actually, from a sheer power-politics perspective. I mean, we don’t even really know how exactly all of this started.

At Yale, a group of students has exploited their overseers’ weak and pathetic need to appear “inclusive” and “nurturing” and “safe.” We’ve all seen the pictures: thoughtful and intellectually accomplished professors and administrators begging their charges for forgiveness, covering themselves in shame and remorse, confessing to all sorts of crimes and shortcomings.

Again: pretty impressive for a group of students at one of the most elite universities in the world. Think of the exams they’ve been able to get cancelled! Think of the late term papers that won’t be penalized!

Let’s total up the life skills on display here: 1. brilliant use of financial leverage; 2. exploiting an opponent’s weakness and cowardice; 3. remorselessly demanding that heads roll; 4. and here’s the best one: Doing it all on someone else’s dime!

I don’t know about you, but those seem like some pretty impressive life and business skills. I don’t know about you, but if I were a college recruiter from, say, Goldman Sachs, I’d have to say that these are exactly the skills I’m looking for.

Economics, financial statistics, that sort of thing you can learn in a webinar. But an instinct for blood and power? That’s some powerful innate stuff right there.

My advice? Hire those brats. Hire them at Goldman and JP Morgan Chase and Cravath. Pay them really well the first year in order to get them hooked on being members of the power elite — there’s nothing that shakes off progressive ideology like a fat end-of-year bonus — and watch those killer instincts go into motion.

Just make sure to stay on their good side. You wouldn’t like to see them angry.

There are 55 comments.

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  1. Brian Watt Member
    Brian Watt
    @BrianWatt

    It does make one wonder whether these brats are the ones who become Donald Trump’s tough negotiators. Not that The Donald ever harbored any of their progressive ideals or anything or felt entitled. I would never even suggest such a notion. Move along.

    • #1
  2. Vice-Potentate Inactive
    Vice-Potentate
    @VicePotentate

    I don’t think you “hire” future dictators.

    • #2
  3. Brian Watt Member
    Brian Watt
    @BrianWatt

    Vice-Potentate:I don’t think you “hire” future dictators.

    Really? What are the Hillary Clinton or Trump campaigns all about?

    • #3
  4. EThompson Inactive
    EThompson
    @EThompson

    Brian Watt:It does make one wonder whether these brats are the ones who become Donald Trump’s tough negotiators.

    They should be so lucky.

    • #4
  5. Vice-Potentate Inactive
    Vice-Potentate
    @VicePotentate

    Brian Watt:

    Vice-Potentate:I don’t think you “hire” future dictators.

    Really? What are the Hillary Clinton or Trump campaigns all about?

    Haha, I guess even Lenin had a party apparatus.

    I meant you don’t “hire” dictators they kill you and take all your stuff.

    • #5
  6. lesserson Member
    lesserson
    @LesserSonofBarsham

    What kind of person would you have to get to be their manager though? Yikes.

    • #6
  7. I Walton Member
    I Walton
    @IWalton

    We already did, we hired the sixties generation who showed the same skills and the country is in ruins because we did.  Let’s draft them and send them to the M.E. as peace corps to teach tolerance to Muslims and make Muslims pay dearly if they fail to cave in like liberal professors.

    • #7
  8. Casey Inactive
    Casey
    @Casey

    Rob, this all seems rather Mock-iavellian.

    • #8
  9. Seawriter Contributor
    Seawriter
    @Seawriter

    lesserson:What kind of person would you have to get to be their manager though? Yikes.

    Imagine what it would be like to work for them. Talk about abusive. The company that hires them would be end up in a lot of lawsuits due to these li’l snowflakes.

    Seawriter

    • #9
  10. Guruforhire Member
    Guruforhire
    @Guruforhire

    They are the next wave of human resources administrators inflicted upon us as a scourge to tone police and prevent useful communication and destroy human happiness.

    • #10
  11. lesserson Member
    lesserson
    @LesserSonofBarsham

    Seawriter:

    lesserson:What kind of person would you have to get to be their manager though? Yikes.

    Imagine what it would be like to work for them. Talk about abusive. The company that hires them would be end up in a lot of lawsuits due to these li’l snowflakes.

    Seawriter

    Oh, there’s some money to be made here. You hire them and then make R. Lee Ermey their manager. Roll tape…

    • #11
  12. Dick from Brooklyn Thatcher
    Dick from Brooklyn
    @DickfromBrooklyn

    Let’s total up the life skills on display here: 1. brilliant use of financial leverage; 2. exploiting an opponent’s weakness and cowardice; 3. remorselessly demanding that heads roll; 4. and here’s the best one: Doing it all on someone else’s dime!

    Let’s hire them to replace the head of the GOP. The current one lacks three out of the four skills listed above.

    • #12
  13. DrewInWisconsin Member
    DrewInWisconsin
    @DrewInWisconsin

    Rob Long: Pay them really well the first year in order to get them hooked on being members of the power elite — there’s nothing that shakes off progressive ideology like a fat end-of-year bonus — and watch those killer instincts go into motion.

    From my point of view they already have the killer instinct. And the more college administrators they can get to resign, the more power they will feel. Don’t we already too many wealthy, powerful elitists running the country?

    • #13
  14. EThompson Inactive
    EThompson
    @EThompson

    Dick from Brooklyn:

    Let’s total up the life skills on display here: 1. brilliant use of financial leverage; 2. exploiting an opponent’s weakness and cowardice; 3. remorselessly demanding that heads roll; 4. and here’s the best one: Doing it all on someone else’s dime!

    Let’s hire them to replace the head of the GOP.

    I’d agree but there appears to be this disdain for capitalism and the free market and just making lots and lots of money. It’s frankly a turn-off for me.

    • #14
  15. Yudansha Member
    Yudansha
    @Yudansha

    You first, Rob.  I’d like to see how you handle it when there’s any kind of disciplinary action necessary.  All of a sudden, your head is the one being leveraged.  

    Just fire them, you say?  Ha!  Go ahead and try that.  They’ll scream in your face and occupy your office… then sue you.

    • #15
  16. Dick from Brooklyn Thatcher
    Dick from Brooklyn
    @DickfromBrooklyn

    Are they effective? Sure.

    But these marxist paroxysms seem about as spontaneous as – well – the assault on Benghazi.

    The agitators were prepared for conflict and were well trained to shout key phrases and names loudly so as to be heard clearly on the videos over which we are all lamenting.

    I bet a dollar that if one were to follow the money one would discover a clear connection to some of the usual suspects such as Soros and/or SEIU.

    If that is the case, I’ll bet another dollar that some if not all of the racial incidents that precipitated the protests were exaggerated or entirely fabricated.

    Does racism exist? Yes.

    Do out-of-the-closet, poop-smearing racists exist? Maybe.

    Do well-trained agitators exist on college campi? Yes – and in greater numbers.

    • #16
  17. Basil Fawlty Member
    Basil Fawlty
    @BasilFawlty

    Yeah, but those brats are really the worst.

    • #17
  18. RyanFalcone Member
    RyanFalcone
    @RyanFalcone

    Methinks Rob is just floating an idea for a new sitcom.

    • #18
  19. Sabrdance Member
    Sabrdance
    @Sabrdance

    I hope that’s a sitcom idea.  Half the country already wants the head of Goldman Sach’s CEO mounted on a pike.  Putting these miniature aristos into positions of actual power isn’t going to make them grow up, it’s going to give us an aristocratic class worthy of the guillotine.

    • #19
  20. I Walton Member
    I Walton
    @IWalton

    RyanFalcone:Methinks Rob is just floating an idea for a new sitcom.

    Brilliant, yes of course.  Now everyone, run with it.

    • #20
  21. Kate Braestrup Member
    Kate Braestrup
    @GrannyDude

    Rob Long: Again: pretty impressive for a group of students at one of the most elite universities in the world. Think of the exams they’ve been able to get cancelled! Think of the late term papers that won’t be penalized!

    As it happens, in today’s NYT, in the generally sympathetic story about the aggrieved students, there are references to students asking to be excused from midterm exams and papers due to their emotional fragility.

    Hmmmn….

    • #21
  22. BrentB67 Inactive
    BrentB67
    @BrentB67

    Tell ya what Rob. You hire them and let the rest of us know how it goes.

    I can’t wait until the first time they submit a screenplay or script (apologies if I am butchering the lingo) and you hand it back with some corrections and recommendations, but no smiley face on the front page.

    You are promptly run out into the parking lot while your office is turned into a #safespace from your offensive aggression.

    You pull out your phone to text Peter “y’all aren’t gonna believe this” and your Twitter feed starts going mad with the sobbing 20 somethings posting pictures of them sitting on your desk followed by #racistroblong.

    Then they send out a list of demands:

    1. Your immediate resignation from your own company
    2. All of their student debt paid by you personally
    3. Pizza
    4. Foosball table
    5. Racial sensitivity counselors and chair massage

    Yes, leverage that amazing 21st century skill set. We can’t wait of the post.

    • #22
  23. BrentB67 Inactive
    BrentB67
    @BrentB67

    Kate Braestrup:

    Rob Long: Again: pretty impressive for a group of students at one of the most elite universities in the world. Think of the exams they’ve been able to get cancelled! Think of the late term papers that won’t be penalized!

    As it happens, in today’s NYT, in the generally sympathetic story about the aggrieved students, there are references to students asking to be excused from midterm exams and papers due to their emotional fragility.

    Hmmmn….

    Excuse them all: “F”

    • #23
  24. Kate Braestrup Member
    Kate Braestrup
    @GrannyDude

    Though this is really not-pc, I’m wondering whether some of the alienation these kids are feeling have to do with feeling “out of place” because Yale is (or at least, it was) an intellectually rigorous environment that requires adequate preparation; under affirmative action, students are being admitted who aren’t prepared? Recalling the general sense of inadequacy and anxiety that I felt in my first year at college, I can imagine that anyone not primed for coping with Yale would find Yale overwhelming and “not for me.” In that situation, any slight or perceived slight would fall upon an already raw ego. That these kids have been trained to see a bias and unfair system as the source of their unhappiness rather than a.) their own limitations and b.) life being life doesn’t help.

    What’s awful is that I can so easily imagine the young woman who screamed obscenities at a perfectly nice, earnest Silliman Master dropping out of Yale persuaded that the system is stacked against her and there’s nothing she can do about it.  The worst thing, to me, about all of this is how profoundly disempowering and dehumanizing it is to the young people (especially the “of color” young people) involved.

    • #24
  25. Brandon Shafer Coolidge
    Brandon Shafer
    @BrandonShafer

    Kate Braestrup:Though this is really not-pc, I’m wondering whether some of the alienation these kids are feeling have to do with feeling “out of place” because Yale is (or at least, it was) an intellectually rigorous environment that requires adequate preparation; under affirmative action, students are being admitted who aren’t prepared? Recalling the general sense of inadequacy and anxiety that I felt in my first year at college, I can imagine that anyone not primed for coping with Yale would find Yale overwhelming and “not for me.” In that situation, any slight or perceived slight would fall upon an already raw ego. That these kids have been trained to see a bias and unfair system as the source of their unhappiness rather than a.) their own limitations and b.) life being life doesn’t help.

    What’s awful is that I can so easily imagine the young woman who screamed obscenities at a perfectly nice, earnest Silliman Master dropping out of Yale persuaded that the system is stacked against her and there’s nothing she can do about it. The worst thing, to me, about all of this is how profoundly disempowering and dehumanizing it is to the young people (especially the “of color” young people) involved.

    I think you’ve hit on something here.

    • #25
  26. H. Noggin Inactive
    H. Noggin
    @HNoggin

    Yep Kate. Now they’ve got something else to focus on.

    • #26
  27. Eric Hines Inactive
    Eric Hines
    @EricHines

    Rob Long: emotional displays of silliness, thuggish disregard for free speech, and open debate. Okay, stipulated.

    These fatally poison their value as employees.  What’s the value of all those other skills you’ve touted when I can’t count on these little snowflakes to use those skills for the benefit of my organization?

    One behavior trait you didn’t stipulate is their empirically demonstrated concept of loyalty only to themselves, and not to the organization that hired them (those football players of yours) or that is trying, however imperfectly, to educate them so they can have better and independent lives.

    Eric Hines

    • #27
  28. Eric Hines Inactive
    Eric Hines
    @EricHines

    BrentB67:

    Kate Braestrup:

    Rob Long: Again: pretty impressive for a group of students at one of the most elite universities in the world. Think of the exams they’ve been able to get cancelled! Think of the late term papers that won’t be penalized!

    As it happens, in today’s NYT, in the generally sympathetic story about the aggrieved students, there are references to students asking to be excused from midterm exams and papers due to their emotional fragility.

    Hmmmn….

    Excuse them all: “F”

    At my undergrad school, my classmates took part, out of solidarity, with other schools’ anti-Vietnam War protests.   The protests began in late spring and ran until–semester exams.

    The protests ended, and the students went for their exams, which were administered on schedule.  These were a collection of students who understood what they’d need in order to work solutions rather than cry to mumsy and pop-pop about how abused they were.

    Color me unsympathetic with the precious little snowflakes who pretended to be too distraught to take a test.

    Eric Hines

    • #28
  29. Eric Hines Inactive
    Eric Hines
    @EricHines

    BrentB67:Tell ya what Rob. You hire them and let the rest of us know how it goes.

    I can’t wait until the first time they submit a screenplay or script (apologies if I am butchering the lingo) and you hand it back with some corrections and recommendations, but no smiley face on the front page.

    You are promptly run out into the parking lot while your office is turned into a #safespace from your offensive aggression.

    You pull out your phone to text Peter “y’all aren’t gonna believe this” and your Twitter feed starts going mad with the sobbing 20 somethings posting pictures of them sitting on your desk followed by #racistroblong.

    Then they send out a list of demands:

    1. Your immediate resignation from your own company
    2. All of their student debt paid by you personally
    3. Pizza
    4. Foosball table
    5. Racial sensitivity counselors and chair massage

    Yes, leverage that amazing 21st century skill set. We can’t wait of the post.

    Trigger warnings, Brent, trigger warnings.  You’re microaggressing.

    Eric Hines

    • #29
  30. Brian Clendinen Member
    Brian Clendinen
    @BrianClendinen

    I know this post is tongue and cheek.  However,  in the real world if all someone cared about was money they would sack their rear ends in a heart beat or just do business with someone else if they displayed unprofessional brat like behavior like that. Despite what business school college professor like to think College campuses are nothing like real life corporate America.

    • #30
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