Discussing Jim Webb’s Exit with the Vietnamese Guy He Killed

 

Pavnbattle

This week, former Virginia Sen. Jim Webb dropped out of the Democratic presidential primaries. Here to comment, via seance, is Demh So Dimh, the Viet Cong member Webb killed in 1969.

TLD: Comrade Dimh, I understand this is the first American political debate you’ve seen. Any first impressions?

DSD: Sheryl Crow’s rendition of your national anthem allowed me to understand the American military better than fighting them in combat did. If that is what they must listen to, no wonder they are not afraid to die.

TLD: Good point. Do you think any of the candidates on stage could appeal to Viet Cong voters?

DSD: Why would they? We are not American citizens, and most of us are also dead.

TLD: You could still be a major voting bloc in Chicago.

DSD: Oh, right. Well, in that case, I think Bernie Sanders has a point about corporate power, but his economics are a little too far left for my liking.

TLD: Were you surprised to hear yourself mentioned in the debate?  Senator Webb mentioned you when the candidates were asked who the enemies were that they were most proud of, and it caused a bit of a stir.

DSD: Really? He mentioned someone who was trying to kill him, instead of a domestic political enemy, and he’s the odd one out?

TLD: Yes. All the others mentioned domestic political forces.

DSD: You know I was trying to kill him, right? I wasn’t blocking a bill he had proposed. I wasn’t raising money to run attack ads against him. I. Was. Trying. To. Kill. Him. I threw a small bomb at him with the intention of blasting him into little bits, and —

TLD: Comrade Dimh, I understand you have strong feelings, but —

DSD: I don’t mean to get angry, but if he thinks I’m his enemy, promote him from lieutenant to Captain Obvious. And your political class thinks that’s weird?

TLD: Some of them do, yes.

DSD: This is why I will never understand your culture.

TLD: Would you consider Senator Webb the enemy you’re most proud of?

DSD: Actually, no.  I’m more angry at the Pho Sho restaurant in Shamokin, Pennsylvania. [Code of Conduct violation] stole my family’s banh mi recipe. [Code of Conduct violation].

TLD: Wrapping up, are there any other aspects of American culture that fascinate you?

DSD: I’ve been trying to get into your baseball, but I just can’t bring myself to follow it that much.  The last time I threw a small, round object, it didn’t turn out so well.

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There are 13 comments.

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  1. ctlaw Coolidge
    ctlaw
    @ctlaw

    Like.

    • #1
  2. jmelvin Member
    jmelvin
    @jmelvin

    Very nice.  This is Main Feed material.

    • #2
  3. Tonya M. Member
    Tonya M.
    @

    Nicely done.

    • #3
  4. Oblomov Member
    Oblomov
    @Oblomov

    Yup, good stuff.

    • #4
  5. Manfred Arcane Inactive
    Manfred Arcane
    @ManfredArcane

    Bloody good, mate.

    • #5
  6. Addiction Is A Choice Member
    Addiction Is A Choice
    @AddictionIsAChoice

    Nice! Perhaps the seance could be a regular feature. I’ll bet PT Barnum and Sir Edmund Hillary are available.

    • #6
  7. James Gawron Inactive
    James Gawron
    @JamesGawron

    TLD,

    DSD: You know I was trying to kill him, right? I wasn’t blocking a bill he had proposed. I wasn’t raising money to run attack ads against him. I. Was. Trying. To. Kill. Him. I threw a small bomb at him with the intention of blasting him into little bits, and —

    Far out man, I mean really wild, I mean really far out.

    Regards,

    Jim

    • #7
  8. Marion Evans Inactive
    Marion Evans
    @MarionEvans

    Principles of Democrat enemy-ology (I made it up. It means the ability to discern your enemies):

    1- If a person or a group of persons or a country wants to kill you, they probably just need a hug. They are not enemies, they are hug-seeking people. See how Obama hugged Cuba, Iran etc. The hug will distract them from their decades-long vow to pound you into the ground.

    2- Your true enemies are the people who don’t care about a Democrat’s hug. For example, Republicans, the NRA, Putin etc.

    • #8
  9. Layla Inactive
    Layla
    @Layla

    Funniest thing I’ve read today. Thank you! :)

    • #9
  10. Western Chauvinist Member
    Western Chauvinist
    @WesternChauvinist

    Hilarious! Thanks for the laughs.

    • #10
  11. Cat III Member
    Cat III
    @CatIII

    Why did I wait until just now to read this? Great job Dutchman.

    • #11
  12. The Lost Dutchman Member
    The Lost Dutchman
    @TheLostDutchman

    I was originally going to write “the Pho Sho restaurant in Walla Walla, Washington”, but then I Googled and found out there actually is (or was- apparently it closed recently) a restaurant called Pho Sho in Walla Walla, Washington.

    Google is also how I found the term “banh mi”.  I’m still not exactly sure what that is.

    • #12
  13. profdlp Inactive
    profdlp
    @profdlp

    The Lost Dutchman:

    …Google is also how I found the term “banh mi”. I’m still not exactly sure what that is.

    It’s Vietnamese for “Improvised Explosive Device”.

    • #13
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