Ask Amelia: Will a Beard Help My Poker Face?


AskAmelia3It’s Friday, which means it’s time for Amelia Hamilton to answer all your questions about face problems, beard problems, and lovin’ Merica.

Dear Amelia: I always stand and hold my hand over my heart when the National Anthem plays, even when it’s on TV at home. Am I too patriotic? — Anthem Fan

Dear Fan,

Not at all. Patriotism isn’t just about a display for others, it’s about actually loving your country. Showing respect for the National Anthem, even when you’re in the privacy of your own home, is just another expression of that. Patriotism doesn’t need display to be meaningful, so keep doing what feels right to you!


Dear Amelia,

My friend has this problem with her face. You see, she can’t conceal her true feelings about anything because her facial expressions are entirely too honest. With her eyebrows, she can tell the world someone’s an idiot. The room will know you’re being a jerk with one bulge of her eyes. Her lips carry the same power as Commodus: upturned, you’re okay; downturned, you’re not. Oh, and if you can’t see her lips at all, it’s about to get real. While many would think this candor to be an admirable trait, her friends find it difficult to deal with due to guilt by association. How can my friends… I mean her friends… not be afraid to hang out with her in the company of morons?

Totally Asking For A Friend

Dear Friend,

Part of adulting is having a better poker face. Be genuine, but be respectful in a golden rule kind of way. If you don’t realize you’re doing revealing your negative feelings, your friends will have to kick you under the table when you’re being too transparent. That being said, there are situations when transparency is a good thing. Learn to be more aware of what you’re portraying to the room, and do with that information what you will.

I mean, that’s what you should tell your friend.


Dear Amelia,

I’ve given up on trying to grow Seth Rogen’s beard and am now rudderless in the universe. What should I do next?


Dear Jazz,

Growing another man’s beard just seems odd. Obviously, his beard is on his face and it is literally impossible for you to grow it. If you want a beard to look like his, one has to wonder why he would be your choice in role models, facial hair or otherwise. You grow the beard that is right for you, making sure that Mrs. Jazz approves. After all, she’s the one who will have to look at it.

As to the real question, you should consider a hobby. Macrame perhaps, or poetry? How about target shooting? Yes, target shooting. That’s the one.


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There are 9 comments.

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  1. Whiskey Sam Member
    Whiskey Sam

    Beards cover a multitude of sins.


    • #1
  2. donald todd Member
    donald todd

    beards cover a multitude of face unless you visit Harry’s.

    • #2
  3. BrentB67 Member

    Adulting is a word? I gotta try that.

    • #3
  4. Vance Richards Member
    Vance Richards

    Amelia Hamilton: Part of adulting is having a better poker face.

    Reminds me of this . . .

    It is said that Abraham Lincoln, when he was President of the U.S., was advised to include a certain man in his cabinet. When he refused he was asked why he would not accept him. “I don’t like his face,” the President replied.

    “But the poor man isn’t responsible for his face,” responded his advocate.

    Every man over forty is responsible for his face” countered Lincoln.

    • #4
  5. drlorentz Member

    I like ‘adulting.’ Gonna use that.

    • #5
  6. Casey Member

    Amelia Hamilton: keep doing what feels right to you!

    Except put pants on.

    • #6
  7. Whiskey Sam Member
    Whiskey Sam


    Amelia Hamilton: keep doing what feels right to you!

    Except put pants on.

    You’re not the boss of me!

    • #7
  8. wilber forge Member
    wilber forge

    An “Adulting” face is far afield from a trained Poker face and a beard hides little. Expressions are a tool as if no one has guessed that.

    For fun, there is a book on the history of beards and cultures. One exerpt notes that a clean shaven man was sent as an emmisary to the King of an opposing nation. All men of that locale had beards and the King was offended that a woman might have been sent as an insult.

    The Messenger had to strip naked before the court to validate, well you know, before the message would be accepted.

    Will leave it at that.

    • #8
  9. Dustoff Member

    Why, I was Adulting just earlier today and didn’t even realize what it was until reading Amelia’s insightful observation about that confused person’s, friend’s face.

    • #9

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