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It’s Friday, which means it’s time for Amelia Hamilton to answer all your questions about face problems, beard problems, and lovin’ Merica.
Dear Amelia: I always stand and hold my hand over my heart when the National Anthem plays, even when it’s on TV at home. Am I too patriotic? — Anthem Fan
Not at all. Patriotism isn’t just about a display for others, it’s about actually loving your country. Showing respect for the National Anthem, even when you’re in the privacy of your own home, is just another expression of that. Patriotism doesn’t need display to be meaningful, so keep doing what feels right to you!
My friend has this problem with her face. You see, she can’t conceal her true feelings about anything because her facial expressions are entirely too honest. With her eyebrows, she can tell the world someone’s an idiot. The room will know you’re being a jerk with one bulge of her eyes. Her lips carry the same power as Commodus: upturned, you’re okay; downturned, you’re not. Oh, and if you can’t see her lips at all, it’s about to get real. While many would think this candor to be an admirable trait, her friends find it difficult to deal with due to guilt by association. How can my friends… I mean her friends… not be afraid to hang out with her in the company of morons?
Totally Asking For A Friend
Part of adulting is having a better poker face. Be genuine, but be respectful in a golden rule kind of way. If you don’t realize you’re doing revealing your negative feelings, your friends will have to kick you under the table when you’re being too transparent. That being said, there are situations when transparency is a good thing. Learn to be more aware of what you’re portraying to the room, and do with that information what you will.
I mean, that’s what you should tell your friend.
I’ve given up on trying to grow Seth Rogen’s beard and am now rudderless in the universe. What should I do next?
Growing another man’s beard just seems odd. Obviously, his beard is on his face and it is literally impossible for you to grow it. If you want a beard to look like his, one has to wonder why he would be your choice in role models, facial hair or otherwise. You grow the beard that is right for you, making sure that Mrs. Jazz approves. After all, she’s the one who will have to look at it.
As to the real question, you should consider a hobby. Macrame perhaps, or poetry? How about target shooting? Yes, target shooting. That’s the one.
Agree? Disagree? Have something to add? Leave a comment!
Want to submit a question? Tweet using #AskAmHam or e-mail email@example.com.