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Bad Airports We Have Known
I traded a few tweets with fellow Ricochet members Whiskey Sam and 6Foot2InHighHeels — yes, we’ve joined the Twitter Borg — about bad airports and airport experiences. The exchange got us wondering what would make a good post on the topic. I settled on what became the title of this post: the worst airports you and I have known.
First, let me stipulate that my dad has many better airport — even landing zone — stories than I do. His two worst are LOS (Murtala Muhammad in Lagos) and MLW (the domestic airport in Monrovia, Liberia). LOS was the airport you’d see warned about in US airports:
The FAA has determined that the following airports do not maintain adequate security standards: Murtala Muhammad, Lagos.
Criminals roamed the terminal, customs, and even the runway. Planes were stopped and robbed during taxi. Oh, and the maintenance was lovely.
MLW (a.k.a., Spriggs Payne) had problems with aircraft maintenance and a rough runway. However, my dad learned to fly there and was on the verge of getting his pilot’s license. Then a volley of RPGs hit his plane and the runway … the Liberian Civil War was on!
My personal worst airports are more mundane, save for one: BZV, or Maya-Maya, in Brazzaville, the Republic of the Congo. Unfortunately, when I made its acquaintance, it was known as the People’s Republic of the Congo. I was on my way to visit my parents, who were stationed in Lomé, Togo (LFW is no prize, by the way. Open shakedowns at customs.)
However, I missed my connection in CDG — the French built a great aerobic exercise center cum airport in DeGaulle’s memory — and the French TWA agent granted my demand to get on the next flight out.
Be careful of Frenchmen granting your demands. He put me on an Air Afrique flight in a few hours, which had a stop in Brazzaville, which didn’t have diplomatic relations with the United States … and I didn’t have a visa. I was pulled out of the immigration line at gunpoint, taken to a holding cell, and interrogated about the McDonald’s manuals in my luggage. (But that’s a story for another time.)
My least favorite US airport is PHL. Philadelphia International is not only the home to US Airways — the Official Airline of Old Scratch® — it hosts the nastiest and least helpful airport staff I know. “Lost” baggage, infinite car rental and return, lousy airport hotels … PHL has it all. EWR (Newark) and JFK are no fun either.
I’m sure you all have plenty of your own nominees, so sock it to me!
Published in General
There are around beaucoup airports with
challenginginteresting geography. Sunken Lunken in Cincinnati is in a basin which makes for interesting approaches with weather minimums in high performance aircraft.My least pleasant airport experience was at Ben Gurion. It is absolutely a top-notch airport, particularly by Middle East standards. But when you are clearly not Arab but have an Arabic name that is also, coincidentally, the name of probably the most famous female Palestinian terrorist and airplane hijacker; when you arrive in Israel from an Arab country during the first Intifada and you are trying to board an El Al flight to another Arab country; and when during your stay in Israel a series of unrelated, unfortunate coincidences coalesce in a way that makes your entire trip appear suspect…Ben Gurion is a most unpleasant place to be. :)
The freakiest airport I landed/took off from was CUZ, Cuzco, Peru. High altitude, in the middle of a city, lots of terrain. Slow, agonizing takeoffs.
I don’t know if it still has it, but the airport in Eugene OR has (or had) a wall decorated with cardboard cutouts of people on of its concourses. My guess is that they are supposed to look like they are flying. But the effect is actually one of people falling from the sky. Maybe not the best motif for an airport.
Lunken is wonderful! You approach over Indian Hill and take a hard bank, and a dive down. Take off requires acrobatics and a barrel roll to get out. The Ohio River seen upside down is beautiful.
Lagos: Shivers. Never again. Nigeria has a barter system. They have gun; you give money. Never leave the hotel without armed guards. Never leave hotel. Never go there.
Charleston, WVA. The air strips used to be shorter than a carrier deck, mounted on a hill top. Pilots bragged about how many Charleston landings they made and how many they landed at night. Oh, and there were no arresting wires to snag the tail hook.
Best airports: Places in China and Russia where they have to shoo the sheep off the runways before you can set down. Bird strikes are common since they raise chickens on the midfield.
Safest Most Luxurious Airport: The old Genoa airport that was housed in WWII US Army Air Force Quonset huts. The Lufthansa pilots (who back then were also weekend Luftwaffe pilots) used to land when the winter winds were blowing off the Sahara across the Med by practicing touch and go’s. Once we touched three times before we landed. Sickness bags mandatory.
The Alitalia pilots just diverted to Milano – and a tender cotelleta with a good glass of wine.
Nigerians come up with the best euphemisms for bribes. My mom was approached in a hotel parking lot for “Christmas in Advance.”
Another vote for PHL and EWR – these airports are an abomination.
Couple that with the crowded airspace, and the slightest of cloud cover will screw up flight times for hours. I tried to avoid both those airports at all cost.
“Whiskey Sam, 6foot2 In High Heels, and I traded a few tweets…”
He is, huh? Okay, maybe, but are we talking two inch mules or six inch stilettos?
At least Cincinnati has kept Lunken for us small aircraft owners.
Two former U.S. airports that were difficult for jets included Denver Stapleton and Austin TX Robert Mueller. Getting out of Stapleton was tough, even with 10,000+ foot runways – We took 9,500+ feet before rotation in a fully loaded 737, and the 727 the pilot had thrust reversers on before touchdown at Mueller.
The shortest strip I’ve been to in a commercial jet is John Wayne in Orange County CA, which is 5701 x 150 ft!
The old airport in Bangalore which finally closed about five years ago.
When you arrived you entered this low-ceiling, dimly lit, non-airconditioned series of random rooms, seemingly built before the end of the Raj and often with your vision obscured by the fog of pesticide recently sprayed within the terminal and hanging heavy in the air, with no signage telling you what was going on and then after finally stumbling across the place where luggage was collecting being abruptly discharged into a crowded, chaotic street scene in which you would frantically search for someone from your hotel who was supposed to pick you up.
When leaving you faced a waiting room with disgustingly filthy seats on which you never quite wanted to place your bottom so you’d try to hover about 1/2 inch above the cushion.
The new airport is actually quite nice.
I hate landing at Logan in Boston. The runway is surrounded by water on all sides, and you do not want to look out the window. You just hope the pilot has done this 1000 times before.
I like Charles de Gaulle in Paris.
O’Hare in Chicago is efficient but so big, and I always seem to have a connection to Gate B43 or something, the equivalent of about a mile walk depending.
After almost four decades of flying, the most hated airport is whichever one I am in , waiting to go home.
Charleston, West VA’s Yeager airport; It’s lone operational runway is very short and yet it’s on top of a mountain with sheer drop offs on all sides. When pilots miscalculate (happens almost yearly) there is nowhere to go but down.
I had a series of maybe 13 business trips to London in 2003. Heathrow was undergoing some kind of renovation and there were barrier walls all over the place. Dreary, crowded, noisy, smelly. Haven’t been back since – is it any better?
Charleston WV Yeager (CRW) is longer at 6802 x 150 ft compared to John Wayne. Until recently, Asheville NC had one of the worst records for a “mountain” airport, but it is now 8000 feet. Still, lousy “mountain weather” can get you, due to wind shear, ice, and fog.
Was at Heathrow this summer and my terminal was very good. However, like many older airports, terminals are spread out, so YMMV.
Yes, Bangalore was an Africa-class airport. Luckily my remaining trips were to the new one…couldn’t believe I was having a latte while waiting.
I was there a couple of years ago…agree with Vectorman, it was OK compared to past nightmares. I had colleagues who change planes there. It was a disaster every time I tried it.
Last trip was to Birmingham International: nice, efficient, and nonstop from EWR.
Sheryemetyevo in the old days. The worst part of traveling to and from the USSR. The worst combo of iron fistedness and anarchy. Mobs of angry, shoving people–no discernable lines–few signs in English or anything but Russian. An inexplicable exit procedure, which nobody even tries to explain. Ridiculously strict rules, enforced solely on western travelers, or those Russians unlucky or clumsy enough to offend the guards. You can’t carry rubles in or out of the country, so you had to exchange them, right down to the last kopeck. But the one place you could do the exchange was mobbed, or closed, usually both, and it was in the middle level of a three part procedure that required cash at each end. So you were automatically breaking the law just complying with the law.
It’s the only place I’ve ever been where the immigration officer took her time while leafing through my notebook, reading every word. “And why do you know Mr. Yevgeny Yevtushenko?”
When I saw this title my mind immediately went to the Philadelphia International Bus Station. Newark was right behind it. Philly feels like you are going to be offered crack in the bathroom. Newark made me go through security three times without ever once actually leaving the airport (you have to go through security again if you have to change terminals. Guess who had a gate change.) They had a security guard who was more interested in going through his rote memorized “comedy” “routine” (which he repeats in full every 10 minutes, ask me how I know) than answering questions or actually helping people get through security by doing such unimportant things as, I dunno, making sure the required bins which we have to put our shoes and all earthly possessions into are actually available. It’s a miracle I caught my connection.
Newark: not even once.
Haven’t been to many, but 5 years ago i was in JFK, which was devoid of sign, and the only person who was helpful was a guy with a very thick Carribbean accent.
The airport I avoid is Burbank. Short runway combined with a ridiculously steep takeoff requirement to avoid jet noise will eventually end up killing a bunch of people when the wrong thing goes wrong at the wrong time. All so some Californians can have a slightly quieter house by the airport.
The old Monetego Bay, Jamaica (MBJ) was a challenging airport. Hot, humid run down. The new terminal is very nice. The approach is over the water to the very last minute and each time you swear you are going to land in the water.
The old Mombai Airport was a nightmare, the new one is modern and up to date. From my younger years Damascus was the dodgy-est airport. Nothing like landing at a commercial airport ringed with anti aircraft batteries. Domestically Hartsfield (my home airport) is taking on a third world flavor as most of the ceiling tiles over the TSA area have been torn down or rotted away from the leaking roof. My favorite small airport in the US is White Plains. You can turn in your rental car about 100 feet from the entrance to the TSA security area. Almost totally hassle free.
MCI (Kansas City International) is the same way. When I pick up people at their gate and we walk out the doors 10 ft away they just kind of freak out.
When Francis Coppola was head of the film jury at the Moscow film festival, he wanted to take part in a famous tradition where all the foreign guests were crammed into an overnight sleeper train to Leningrad. I’ve been on it; it’s a wild all night vodka party. But his handlers said, “No, no, Mr. Coppola, you are far too important for that silly train ride. We have arranged a private flight for you and VIP accommodation”. He protested, but they insisted, so he boarded a small Soviet jet and in about two hours was landing in Leningrad. He’d be met there by officials and the press.
The terminal was almost empty. There was no reception and no ride waiting. The elderly woman caretaker didn’t know who he was, refused permission to use her telephone, didn’t speak English, turned out the lights and left, leaving Coppola locked in the terminal.
O’Hare is dependent upon which part you’re flying out of. The E/F terminal was notorious for listing the gates backwards so you showed up at E5 and your plane was leaving from F5.
I once had to spend the night in Philly’s airport. Woke up the next morning vomiting blood. Needless to say, I’m not fond of that place.
Charlotte has become the bane of my existence. The airport itself isn’t bad, but the majority of the time my flight to or from there to VA is delayed. Many is the time the delay was going to be so long that I rented a car and drove the 3 hours home instead, still arriving before the later flight took off. My sister has had the same bad luck there, and we jokingly refer to it as “Where connections go to die”.
Bob Hope Burbank (BUR) has two runways, 6886 x 150 ft and 5802 x 150 ft, both slightly longer than John Wayne. And yes, flight safety should come before noise abatement. The airport started in the 1930’s with commercial service, so there’s little excuse for objecting to the noise. But this is in California, land of fruits and nuts.
Kinda like how the monkey’s paw grants wishes, eh?
I would like to enter a vote for Atlanta Hartsfield Jackson. It (not unlike I-285 around Atlanta) is the place where dreams go to die. If you are flying Delta, no matter what your destination, you will end up in Atlanta and have your flight delayed or miss your connection. The airport is at least 1,000 acres and uncannily every connecting flight ends up departing from the furthest terminal from where you arrive. Yet another reason why when the South succeeds we will refuse to take Atlanta with us.