Contributor Post Created with Sketch. Ask Amelia: Rumble at the Ballet Barre

 

AskAmelia3It’s time for Amelia Hamilton to answer your questions about gyms, dancing, and … licking machines?

Just how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie pop? I never learned the answer. — @LilMissRightie

Dear Rightie,

Ah, a question for the ages. That owl was so busy cheating that we never got a real answer. It’s okay, we have the internet now; the internet knows everything and never lies.

MGBEHHd

At Purdue University, students created a licking machine to test this age-old question and came up with an average of 364 licks to get to the middle. The University of Michigan’s licking machine (seriously, what?) had an average of 411. At Swarthmore Junior High, students just used the actual tongues in their mouths like regular people and found it took an average of 144 licks. I’d go with the humans on this one.

 

Amelia,

I’m a dude. There’s this guy I work with who belongs to the same gym as I do. I’ve said “hi” to him a few times … even approached him at work and mentioned how we belong to the same gym, yet still he ignores me. In fact, just today I passed him in the hall and he glanced at me for a split second then just walked on past without saying anything. It’s really starting to tick me off and I think I may need to kick his butt. Should I? SHOULD I?

Gym Buddyless

Dear Buddyless,

Let it go, man. Princess Elsa style. If he doesn’t talk to you, don’t talk to him. Presumably, you have actual friends who sometimes reply when you say hello. As for the fighting, I guess that depends on which of you works out more.

 

Dear Amelia,

A woman was nasty to me in a dance class. In fact, she made me cry. Now she turns her back on me in class. It’s bizarre. She’s a coward and a bully. But I’ve decided to smile and pretend nothing has happened — just to get her goat. What do you think of my plan? Kill them with kindness, I say (because murder is illegal).

Dancing Diva

Dear Diva,

I’m sorry you had to deal with a grown-up (chronologically, at least) mean girl. George Herbert said “Living well is the best revenge,” and I have to agree. She’s clearly a miserable creature, and you don’t need to sully yourself with her nonsense. Be kind, be happy, and “accidentally” land a misplaced kick to her shin at some point.

 

Agree? Disagree? Have something to add? Leave a comment!
Want to submit a question? Tweet using #AskAmHam or email askamelia@mail.com.

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  1. Casey Inactive

    Amelia Hamilton: George Herbert said

    George Herman “Babe” Ruth said “I didn’t mean to hit the umpire with the dirt, but I did mean to hit that bastard in the stands.”

    • #1
    • September 4, 2015, at 2:07 PM PDT
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  2. Lash LaRoche Inactive

    When you get to this level, half of this game is ninety percent mental.

    • #2
    • September 4, 2015, at 2:26 PM PDT
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  3. Hoyacon Member

    Wasn’t the second question an episode of Seinfeld?

    • #3
    • September 4, 2015, at 2:53 PM PDT
    • Like
  4. Dr. Jimmy Carter Member
    Dr. Jimmy CarterJoined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    Hay, Brent, aka “Dancing Diva,” She answered Yer question.

    Congrats.

    • #4
    • September 4, 2015, at 2:55 PM PDT
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  5. iWe Coolidge
    iWeJoined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    Amelia Hamilton: As for the fighting, I guess that depends on which of you works out more.

    Typical female explanation.

    The reality is that in a fight, the first landed blow usually wins. Being in good shape is not all that relevant – willingness to fight to win matters a good deal more.

    Of course, sucker-punching some guy probably has some downside risks, or we would do it more often….

    • #5
    • September 4, 2015, at 3:04 PM PDT
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  6. Man With the Axe Member

    Amelia Hamilton: t Purdue University, students created a licking machine to test this age-old question and came up with an average of 364 licks to get to the middle.

    I would like to acquire one of these licking machines, purely for the purpose of doing further research on tootsie-roll pops. Can you tell me where I can get one before the weekend? Yes, Tootsie-roll pops. That’s the ticket.

    • #6
    • September 4, 2015, at 3:42 PM PDT
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  7. BrentB67 Inactive

    Jimmy Carter:Hay, Brent, aka “Dancing Diva,” She answered Yer question.

    Congrats.

    Darn It. My cover is blown. Thanks Jimmie.

    Will you be organizing the Dallas Ricochet Meet Up at the Donald Trump rally on September 14th?

    • #7
    • September 4, 2015, at 4:31 PM PDT
    • Like
  8. Al Sparks Thatcher

    Amelia Hamilton:

    Dear Amelia, A woman was nasty to me in a dance class. In fact, she made me cry. Now she turns her back on me in class. It’s bizarre. She’s a coward and a bully. But I’ve decided to smile and pretend nothing has happened — just to get her goat. What do you think of my plan? Kill them with kindness, I say (because murder is illegal). Dancing Diva

    Dear Diva, I’m sorry you had to deal with a grown-up (chronologically, at least) mean girl. George Herbert said “Living well is the best revenge,” and I have to agree. She’s clearly a miserable creature, and you don’t need to sully yourself with her nonsense. Be kind, be happy, and “accidentally” land a misplaced kick to her shin at some point.

    I’m glad that Amelia advocated some sort of (physical even) passive aggressive combat.

    Dancing Diva is weak, and happens to be projecting. Her opponent is a coward? Who made her cry? And who isn’t retaliating? Worse, Dancing Diva actually cares about what her opponent thinks of her. Why? She’s decided to “kill” her opponent “with kindness”. Again why? Worse, why does she think her opponent would be “slayed” by such “kindness”? Her opponent obviously has contempt for her, and it’s doubtful that she can be “killed” with “kindness” by someone she disdains.

    Since Dancing Diva isn’t up for combat, enough of the passive (not aggressive) kindness. She doesn’t really know her opponent, so it’s time to simply ignore her. She should move on with her life.

    • #8
    • September 5, 2015, at 4:45 PM PDT
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