What Do You Now Ignore With Impunity?

 

Getting old can be a pain (both literally and figuratively). But there are some good things: Hair care takes no more than a few seconds daily, no more raging hormones, dramatically reduced need to impress others, being able to yell at the neighbor kids when they get on my lawn (I’ve not exercised this privilege, but it’s coming), and – best of all – grandchildren.

One of the greatest blessings of age is that there comes a time when you can completely ignore things and people who would otherwise irritate you. Sadly, I cannot yet ignore Hillary Clinton or John Kerry. I am able to completely ignore Al Gore. (Although I heard he may jump in the race if Hillary crashes. Then I’d have to think about him again: I could do it for the good of the country).

Here are three things I now ignore with impunity, and I’m better off for it:

1.  Jimmy Carter

jimmy carter

I’m informed by credible sources that Jimmy has just written yet another book, this one treating his reflections on turning 90. Sorry, Jimmy. I’ll ignore that book just like I ignored the several hundred other forgettable books you’ve foisted on the gullible. Okay, sometimes Jimmy has managed to irritate me with one of his “Yasser Arafat was a man of peace” comments, but not anymore.  After this post, I will never think of Jimmy Carter again.

2.  All Math Higher Than Calculating a Percentage

no mathI have reached that wonderful point in life where I will never, ever again need to know the quadratic equation, let alone what it does. I will never have to prove another geometry theorem. Trigonometry: I don’t need you. Algebra: Who cares what x is? As far as I’m concerned, the time has come to decide what x is once and for all and put the kids out of their misery.  Calculus: Sorry, I don’t have to forget you – I never knew you in the first place.

Don’t get me wrong. I know that mathematics is incredibly important to our lives. The world we know would not exist without people who perform amazing mathematical feats. But not me. I now live in a purely arithmetical world. I’ll pay for the products I buy, and in that way will pay to have my math done for me.

3.  Lousy Modern and Post-Modern Novels

bad books

I finally read Ulysses last year. I’m glad I did it, but I’m not going there again (so much brilliance expended for so little value). I’ve read some stuff by Virginia Woolf, but I wish I had the brain cells back. I refuse to read any book that requires more effort to read than it took to write and produces even less enjoyment.

Sorry John Updike, Philip Roth, Virginia Woolf, Norman Mailer, Toni Morrison, Don Delillo, Thomas Pynchon, and a host of European writers whose names I never actually knew, I’ve decided I don’t need you – I don’t even need to think about you. Ever. I like books with beginnings, middles, and ends (in that order). That’s why I like the great ones: Homer (yes, I know it’s really poetry), Austen, Dickens, Trollope, Conrad, and Cather.

I no longer feel that I must deny that I really like good fantasy and sci-fi. And children’s books. I love the good ones. I’ve received more pure enjoyment from The Wind in the Willows and The Chronicles of Narnia than from any contemporary novelist (Marilynne Robinson excepted). Not only do I no longer have to read lousy novels, I no longer have to pretend to have read them, or that I even know their names or who wrote them. I realize that this might make me a barbarian. Who cares? I now ignore people who call people like me a barbarian.

Surely there are some things you now ignore with impunity. Let’s hear them.

Update: I also ignore Mike Murphy now that he’s working for Jeb. Mr. “We Must Support Electable Candidates” is now working for Jeb, who I believe is unelectable.

 

 

Published in Culture, General, Humor, Literature
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  1. TheRoyalFamily Member
    TheRoyalFamily
    @TheRoyalFamily

    I ignore anything old people* say that doesn’t directly involve me in some way.

    *Anyone over 30

    • #31
  2. Basil Fawlty Member
    Basil Fawlty
    @BasilFawlty

    Ignore with impunity?  I prefer to impune with ignorance.

    • #32
  3. Larry3435 Inactive
    Larry3435
    @Larry3435

    Basil Fawlty:Ignore with impunity? I prefer to impune with ignorance.

    In this, you are not alone.

    • #33
  4. Ricochet Member
    Ricochet
    @

    I ignore the fashionistas. I wear clothes (and shoes) that fit decently and are comfortable and suitable for whatever is on the agenda.

    Although this isn’t really something that came about with age. I’ve always joked that one of the perks of graduating from high school was no longer having to care what others thought of the style of clothes you were wearing.

    • #34
  5. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    John McCain.

    Meghan McCain.

    Superhero movies. Yeah, I’m a nerd, but ShakyCam cinematography gets on my nerves, and I am through with “origin stories.”

    • #35
  6. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    If I have to listen to Uncle Ben say “with great power comes great responsibility” one more time, I’m going to start taking hostages.

    • #36
  7. Howellis Inactive
    Howellis
    @ManWiththeAxe

    I’m happy to ignore: Charles Blow, Gail Collins, Thomas Friedman, Maureen Dowd, Paul Krugman, Nicholas Kristof, Frank Bruni.

    • #37
  8. Gödel's Ghost Inactive
    Gödel's Ghost
    @GreatGhostofGodel

    drlorentz:

    Being innumerate is somewhat akin to being illiterate: you can still take part in political debate and vote but you’re impaired.

    Let me highly recommend A Mathematician Reads the Newspaper for a fun (really!) exploration of this observation.

    As for me, I remember the first time I went through the check-out line at the grocery store and recognized not one name or face on the covers of People or Us. I felt like that deserved a Cuban cigar and an 18-year-old bourbon.

    • #38
  9. tabula rasa Inactive
    tabula rasa
    @tabularasa

    Larry3435:

    Basil Fawlty:Ignore with impunity? I prefer to impune with ignorance.

    In this, you are not alone.

    I ignore with impunity in the morning.  I save my impugning for the afternoon.  These are complementary skills.

    • #39
  10. listeningin Inactive
    listeningin
    @listeningin

    Awesome.

    • #40
  11. Mr. Dart Inactive
    Mr. Dart
    @MrDart

    I ignore everyone except my bird dog and my wife. My wife tells me I just got that wrong. She’s right. Gotta go take the dog for a walk.

    • #41
  12. Trink Coolidge
    Trink
    @Trink

    Some threads are more perfect than others in their ability to just get to certain truths.

    Amen to your observation about the advantages of aging – the “ignoring thing” being right up there.

    I fear, though, that my contribution – Music – isn’t going to inspire “Likes”.

    I can’t listen to it.  ANY  of it.   Particularly the current whining that tries to pass itself off as music today.   Oh!!!  And I refuse to listen to pre-event performances of “The Star Spangled Banner” sung as a showcase for some diva’s vocal agility !!

    A REAL MAN – should sing the nation’s hymn to courage and freedom.

    • #42
  13. Miffed White Male Member
    Miffed White Male
    @MiffedWhiteMale

    Phone calls from numbers I don’t recognize. I don’t even twitch towards them anymore.

    • #43
  14. Casey Inactive
    Casey
    @Casey

    Yes, absolutely Miffed. Also, phone calls from numbers I do recognize.

    The phone feature is the only part of my phone I don’t use.

    • #44
  15. user_494971 Contributor
    user_494971
    @HankRhody

    Awards. For anything at all.

    • #45
  16. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    Hank Rhody
    Awards. For anything at all.

    Especially televised awards.

    • #46
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