Dictator for a Week

 
Cincinnatus

Cincinnatus: Everybody’s favorite dictator. By the way, you also have to wear a toga for a week.

Let’s imagine that — a few years from now — the Ricochetti have mobilized a majority of American citizens who understand that the country is in serious trouble and have little trust in politicians to fix it. The result is the “Cincinnatus Amendment,” giving one citizen – elected by a supermajority of states or the popular vote – extraordinary power for exactly one week in order to restore Constitutional governance. This temporary dictator would control the executive branch and also have the legislative power of Congress. He is not, however, allowed to change the Constitution, remove federal judges, or change the current membership of Congress or Presidency, whose office holders will return to power next week.

And, for some reason, the people chose you to be the temporary dictator! So here you are in the Oval Office: it’s 8 AM on Monday, and you have 168 hours to fix the country! What are you going to do?

Here’s my approach:

First I’ll have some lackeys – dictators have plenty of lackeys, right? – get me some caffeine. Then I’ll tell the lackeys to leave me alone for a bit, while I pray and read a Psalm. And maybe I’ll call up a few friends or some pastors I trust or Ricochet’s Divine Help thread and ask them to mobilize a big prayer effort on my behalf.

Next, I’ll turn to delegating power to people who are smarter and better informed than I am.Here are a few strategies I’ll use (since it’s 8 AM on Monday for me too, I’m only allowing myself enough time to write these all out once before I post this, with maybe just a bit of proofing! But I’ve thought about it a bit already.)

  • I’ll give Rep. Paul Ryan two days to enact all his reforms of the welfare system. That should save the country from our current national debt problem for a generation or so.
  • If Ryan needs more than two days, he can have them. But I’m hoping he’ll finish on time; if he does, I’ll ask him if he can work to move the welfare system to state control; i.e., more in line with the original meaning of the Constitution.
  • I’ll ask Scott Walker to reform federal employment policies a bit: unions, pensions, whatever.
  • I’ll have someone (like John Yoo) recruit the best Originalist judges to fill all empty federal court seats.
  • I’ll give Tom Coburn three days to identify up to 25 federal programs or agencies to eliminate. If he finishes on time, he can kill another 15 agencies.
  • I’ll have Conrad Black identify a few hundred laws and regulations that unfairly punish people who are innocent — or only slightly guilty — and get rid of them. The regulations, I mean, not the people. He can also recommend some victims for pardoning.
  • I’ll ask a few people to clean-up, shrink, or eliminate federal agencies. I may have to toss a few maniacal dictatorial laughs at the Liberals at this point.
  • I’ll have Rick Santorum clean-up and shrink HHS.
  • I’ll give Sen. Rand Paul the Dept. of Education. His job is to cut its powers and budget by 50%. If he prefers to eliminate it, he can have 30 minutes to try to convince me. I’ll try to be fair and objective, but part of me hopes he’ll succeed.
  • I’ll find someone to handle the EPA in the same fashion (Help! I don’t know who!).
  • And to find someone to clean up the federal tax code (Help! I don’t know who!). I think I’ll settle for a thorough clean-up this week, since I’m probably unqualified to decide whether we should just have a flat tax or some other whole new system.

Later this afternoon, I’ll sign a few things:

  • A repeal of Obamacare.
  • An Obamacare replacement with the best the plan Republicans have come up with so far. Phil Gingrey’s finest, or whatever.
  • An agreement with Stephen Harper to build the Keystone Pipeline.
  • A bill opening ANWR to drilling.
  • Another bill loosening some restrictions on drilling, refining, and trading oil. I’ll have to consult someone on what exactly needs to be changed and how. I’ll check with Larry Kudlow; I bet he knows.
  • An upgrade to the Mexico City Policy, promoting it from a mere executive policy to federal law.
  • The elimination of all federal SWAT teams, except for the FBI’s (Does NASA really need a SWAT team?).
  • A ten-year moratorium on new executive branch regulations. “But what about the important regulations?” you may ask. I answer: “Congress can make them! It’s their job, isn’t it?”

And tomorrow morning I’ll meet with Boehner and McConnell. Since the Republicans now controls two thirds of the federal government, I’ll ask them to each list the three things they would most like to do if they could (I’ll probably do those six things before lunch, but I’m not promising anything until I hear what they are).

Tomorrow afternoon I’ll probably pull a Roosevelt add two justices to the Supreme Court, for a total of 11. The two additions will, of course, be solid Originalists.

After all this, I’ll have to turn to someone who seems like he knows everything and ask him what I should do next. Since I’m not sure who that is, I’ll call in Charles Krauthammer; if he doesn’t know everything, maybe he can tell me who does!

Later in the week I might bring in someone like Michael Stokes Paulsen to tell me what power Congress and the President have to effectively nullify some flagrantly unconstitutional SCOTUS decisions, to tell me whether it can be done in two days, and to help me identify a couple of good decisions.

But enough about me. What will you do in your week as dictator?

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  1. Pony Convertible Inactive
    Pony Convertible
    @PonyConvertible

    I would make the whole country go metric.   Then I would eliminate a whole bunch of departments.  Then I would simplify the tax code.  Maybe 2 or 3 tax rates, no deductions.   I would eliminate tariffs on steel and sugar, and probably others.

    • #31
  2. Augustine Member
    Augustine
    @SaintAugustine

    Pony Convertible:I would make the whole country go metric. Then I would eliminate a whole bunch of departments. Then I would simplify the tax code. Maybe 2 or 3 tax rates, no deductions. I would eliminate tariffs on steel and sugar, and probably others.

    That all sounded good to me, except for the metric system.  Would you really make the country go metric, and may I ask why?

    • #32
  3. Augustine Member
    Augustine
    @SaintAugustine

    Bryan G. Stephens:The Republic I grew up in is too far gone to ever put the likes of me into that sort of power ;)

    If the old Republic is dead, when did it die exactly?  What is the criterion for the death of a Republic?

    • #33
  4. RPD Inactive
    RPD
    @RPD

    It’s a fun thought experiment.

    I’d pare down the govt to the departments actually mentioned in the constitution. Then I’d reset the tax code to a flat 10%. That might be too low, but I know congress will monkey with it the moment my dicatorship expires anyway.

    Then I’d bulldoze both wings of the Capitol building, leaving only the rotunda. Congress would be required to conduct the nations business from their home districts and states. Modern communication being what it is they really don’t need to all be in the same building. It’ll do lobbyists some good to rack up the miles travelling all over the country.

    Finally I would require the Supreme Court justices to take a remedial course in reading. It probably would help, but I’d feel better knowing they are actually capable of reading plain language.

    • #34
  5. JimGoneWild Coolidge
    JimGoneWild
    @JimGoneWild

    Eliminate at least 5 cabinet level departments, starting with Dept. of Education.

    Roundup the top 10,000 socialist/Marxist/communist advocates and send them to Gitmo for 10 years to life.

    • #35
  6. Western Chauvinist Member
    Western Chauvinist
    @WesternChauvinist

    Augustine:

    Bryan G. Stephens:The Republic I grew up in is too far gone to ever put the likes of me into that sort of power ;)

    If the old Republic is dead, when did it die exactly? What is the criterion for the death of a Republic?

    When it becomes a “democracy” and ancient institutions like “marriage” can be re-imagined to be something else by majority vote (by the people or by judges, legislatures, or even the Supreme Court).

    When “penalty” means “tax” and it’s your patriotic duty to pay them.

    When “State exchange” also means “federal exchange,” because otherwise politics might happen. And we know how messy that is!

    When people who wish to treat people differently based on their race are “against racism,” and people who wish everyone to be treated the same regardless of race are “racists.”

    When some people have a political philosophy defining “freedom” as the government leaving us the hell alone, and others with governmental power have a political philosophy with the goal of controlling every aspect of our lives. Including whose wedding you’ll bake a cake for.

    Does it matter when it happened? It happened. And now we’re scr…. in an unfortunate position. I don’t think a benevolent dictator could fix this. It’s a hearts and minds game, and the Left is winning. Although, this too shall pass.

    • #36
  7. Augustine Member
    Augustine
    @SaintAugustine

    RPDFinally I would require the Supreme Court justices to take a remedial course in reading. It probably would help, but I’d feel better knowing they are actually capable of reading plain language.

    Excellent.

    • #37
  8. Austin Murrey Inactive
    Austin Murrey
    @AustinMurrey

    Oh, to be Supremo!

    Well, if I did have dictatorial power I’d eliminate the direct election of Senators, eliminate all departments except Agriculture, Defense (which I’d rename War), Justice, State and, possibly, Commerce. Everything else would go in the dustbin, all jobs in other departments would be revoked and their occupants and direct descendants or relatives banned from federal employment for life.

    The FLE departments would be slashed except for the FBI would who have an oversight board drawn from the editors of Reason for, well, hilarity.

    Federal drug laws would be repealed, and a new amendment inserted in the Constitution banning federal laws regarding any form of recreational drug.

    All pensions or retirement plans for federal workers would be reabsorbed into the Treasury “for the national interest”.

    Six justices would be forcibly retired and replaced.

    I’d eliminate all entitlements, and insert a second amendment banning the federal government from distributing funds directly to citizens.

    I’d repeal the income tax, and replace it with a flat 8.25% sales tax that had its rate fixed in the Constitution.

    Then I’d wipe the federal register clean, and the last Amendment I imposed would be that laws automatically are removed from the federal register after no more than 5 years, that time to be defined in the law itself.

    Legal standing for any challenge brought against the government by a citizen would be defined solely by fact of citizenship.

    And I’d establish term limits for the House, Senate and Supreme Court. I’d think 8, 12 and 25 years respectively would be sufficient.

    On Day 2 I’d probably make a sandwich. Turkey, I think.

    Needless to say I should never, ever be made dictator.

    • #38
  9. Pony Convertible Inactive
    Pony Convertible
    @PonyConvertible

    Augustine:

    Pony Convertible:I would make the whole country go metric. Then I would eliminate a whole bunch of departments. Then I would simplify the tax code. Maybe 2 or 3 tax rates, no deductions. I would eliminate tariffs on steel and sugar, and probably others.

    That all sounded good to me, except for the metric system. Would you really make the country go metric, and may I ask why?

    Yes.   I am an engineer who specializes in automation (robots and such).  If a technician has to work on a machine he has to have two sets of tools.  Then when he is working he has to guess which tool to use, or which thread, etc.  Then there is the fact that we do business overseas.  To do so you have to have two sets of specifications.  One for the US and one for everyone else.  These specifications often do not match due to rounding of tolerances.  So a part is good here, but out of spec in Canada.   Add to that the errors made converting from one system to the other.  It has to add to $billions annually, and in many cases can but people at risk.

    The metric system is much easier.   If it were mandated, it would only take about 2 years for everyone to become comfortable with it.  After that we would reap big benefits.

    • #39
  10. Pokey Hokie Inactive
    Pokey Hokie
    @PokeyHokie

    It seems to me this would be similar to seasonally trimming shrubbery. It will grow back so let’s trim liberally…err.. conservatively as needed.

    I would eliminate baseline budgeting, tax withholding and the EPA. Congress could only meet 2 weeks each year. Term limits. Have senators elected by state assemblies.

    Oh to dream.

    • #40
  11. Augustine Member
    Augustine
    @SaintAugustine

    The Cincinnatus Amendment would only give the dictator/super-president temporary powers of the executive and legislation.  He doesn’t have Congress’ power to impeach judges, and he can’t change the Constitution.

    The Cincinnatus Amendment makes a temporary, Constitutional dictator.  So direct election of senators, coming from a Constitutional amendment, is something he can’t touch.

    Maybe a better dictator would have those powers.  After all, we’re only dreaming.

    (And I emphasize that I’m not seriously recommending a Cincinnatus Amendment.  But I’m happy to hear arguments for it.  If there is anyone we really would trust to temporarily give that kind of power, and if we could be sure that that person, and only that person, would have that power, it would be kinda of neat.)

    • #41
  12. RushBabe49 Thatcher
    RushBabe49
    @RushBabe49

    You forgot a BIG one.  I would install John Bolton at State.  First, he fires every single political appointee post-haste, and every single person with “deputy assistant” in his job title.  Next, take the US out of the UN, and make that body find a new headquarters.  Perhaps Pyongyang? Or Beijing?  Make every State employee re-apply for his or her job, and swear to abide by the policies of the Dictator.  Triple the budget of Voice of America immediately, and make sure it is broadcast 24/7 in most languages, and live-streamed on the Internet.  Get that bust of Churchill back, cut off all talks with Iran, and start supporting their dissidents, and the Kurds of Iraq.

    • #42
  13. Augustine Member
    Augustine
    @SaintAugustine

    RushBabe49:You forgot a BIG one. I would install John Bolton at State. First, he fires every single political appointee post-haste, and every single person with “deputy assistant” in his job title. Next, take the US out of the UN, and make that body find a new headquarters. Perhaps Pyongyang? Or Beijing? Make every State employee re-apply for his or her job, and swear to abide by the policies of the Dictator. Triple the budget of Voice of America immediately, and make sure it is broadcast 24/7 in most languages, and live-streamed on the Internet. Get that bust of Churchill back, cut off all talks with Iran, and start supporting their dissidents, and the Kurds of Iraq.

    I completely ignored foreign affairs.  I didn’t even have the sense to schedule it for Friday afternoon!  Good work, RB49!

    • #43
  14. Casey Inactive
    Casey
    @Casey

    I want Fred to take the power…. take it, Fred.  Take it!

    • #44
  15. Yudansha Member
    Yudansha
    @Yudansha

    Austin Murrey:

    Needless to say I should never, ever be made dictator.

    Because you say this, it makes more sense to pick you as dictator.   I want someone for dictator who (like Cincinnatus himself) doesn’t want to be dictator.

    The moment you apply for the job, you’re eliminated as a candidate.

    • #45
  16. Yudansha Member
    Yudansha
    @Yudansha

    Yudansha:

    …I want someone for dictator….

    I can’t believe my own traitorous fingers typed those words.  May God and Ricochet forgive me.

    • #46
  17. Augustine Member
    Augustine
    @SaintAugustine

    Yudansha 95, right on. Aslan said something like that to Caspian.

    • #47
  18. Kate Braestrup Member
    Kate Braestrup
    @GrannyDude

    If I only have a week, I’d go for process rather than outcomes, mostly derived from my mothering strategies (other than term limits for Supreme Court justices):

    So: Term limits for SCOTUS

    Then:

    “Figure It Out And Let Me Know: ”

    If there is a big, intractable social policy issue (e.g. whether we’re going to Funtown or Santa’s Village, gun control, SSM) we lock two reasonably intelligent people who hold opposing views into a room with no food, and they can’t come out until they have come up with a policy they can both live with. If one injures or kills the other, the dead guy’s policy automatically wins.

    “Sharing The Organic Whole Wheat Muffin” (In my household, these were dessert) (I know. I was a horrible mother/dictator)

    when it comes to any territorial dispute (gerrymandered congressional districts, Palestinians and Israelis) one side gets to make the cut…the other gets to choose which piece s/he wants.

    “You Don’t Want To Get My Attention:”

    If Mommy (read: Dictator or, for that matter, World’s Only Superpower) needs to get involved in a dispute, you aren’t going to like what happens. (Important: don’t be too specific about what happens…imagined punishments are always more powerful than predicted ones) Do I need to get involved in the Californian water shortage, or whether Christian bakers in Idaho have to bake cakes for gay weddings? No? You’re all set? Terrific.

    Incidentally, in order for You Don’t Want To Get My Attention to work, the parties involved have to test it, and the dictator has to follow through. In the case of my children, it meant Mommy roaring ALL ARE PUNISHED (with Shakespearean pronunciation) and everyone being sent to their room for the rest of the day. It only took the once.

    “This Can Get Worse.” Follow-up to those who aren’t getting the message on getting my attention. Also known as: you’ve been tapped with a toothpick…do you need to get whacked with a two-by-four?

    • #48
  19. user_136364 Inactive
    user_136364
    @Damocles

    I would start by calling P.J O’Rourke and ask him to bring by a stack of copies of Parliament of Whores, 1st chapter, “Would you kill your Grandmother for I-5?” in which he balances the Federal budget in about 6 pages.

    • #49
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