Contributor Post Created with Sketch. Ask Amelia: Hearing Too Much vs. Hearing Too Little

 

AskAmelia3It’s Friday afternoon, so it’s time for Ask Amelia to answer all your questions about new jobs, noisy neighbors, and horrible headwear.

Should I move to D.C? I am considering a job opportunity there. Plus, that is the place to be for the deaf, and I’m deaf. But also Texan. — @TheMaverick21

Dear Maverick,

That is a big decision. It would depend on the job, and what taking it would mean for your life versus staying where you are. Moving to D.C. is not just a change in job, but a change in lifestyle. That might be a change for the better, especially if it’s “the place to be” for the deaf, but it’s something to consider. Is that what you want? I can’t in good conscience ever recommend that somebody leave Texas for D.C., but consider every facet carefully and then go with your gut. If you move and you hate it? You can always go back home.

 

Dear Amelia,

I am at my wits’ end living in an apartment. At my advanced age (I happen to know she’s only in her 30s! — Amelia), I no longer care about my neighbors’ raucous activities. I know way too much about their late-night lives, including noisy lovemaking for hours on end. I have tried earplugs to no avail. Barring a miracle job that will allow me to live in a single-family home where I do not share walls with free-love twenty-somethings, what can I do when their parties get out of hand?

Sleepless in the Southwest

Dear Sleepless,

My goodness. This is noisy neighbors on a whole new level. I would always suggest trying to block out the noise before making things uncomfortable with your neighbors. So, if you’ve tried earplugs, have you tried white noise? A fan or white noise app on your phone, even coupled with earplugs might do the trick

Of course, they are being quite rude being so loud (regardless of the activity) that the neighbors can’t sleep. Have you tried talking to the neighbors on the other side? Maybe you could have a friendly chat with the noisy girls, letting them know that you would appreciate it if they kept the volume down so everyone could get some sleep. Failing that, could you make a complaint to the landlord? They might have a little more power over the situation.

You want to keep things as friendly as possible with your neighbors, but they should know that they’re making life difficult for others. In the meantime, keep praying for that miracle job to get you out of there!

 

Dear Amelia,

I have a friend who always wears a certain style of hat. Unfortunately, the hat is really quite terrible. It’s ugly and not suited to him, but it’s more than that. It’s the kind of hat worn by people I don’t like or respect. Frankly, it’s a downright un-American style of chapeau.

But I like my friend. I’m conflicted. Should I just deal with it? What’s the best way to tell a friend that one of their favorite pieces of clothing is irredeemably obnoxious and should be burned and the ashes thrown into the sea?

Signed,

Haberdashery Hater

Dear Hater,

An un-American chapeau sounds like a nightmare, but I’m afraid there’s not much you can do about a friend’s sartorial choices. A couple of friendly suggestions for alternatives or a subtle hints on how great he looks sans hat are really all you can do. Failing that, you’ll have to be his friend regardless and wait for him to ease out of this phase. Sorry.

 

Agree? Disagree? Have something to add? Leave a comment! To ask a question, tweet using #AskAmHam or e-mail [email protected].

There are 12 comments.

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  1. PHCheese Member

    The deaf man in Texas should forget D.C. and swap places with sleepless in the Southwest.

    • #1
    • June 12, 2015, at 4:27 PM PDT
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  2. Kay of MT Member

    Ah, noisy neighbors on the other side of the wall. I had that problem once, and I also tried just about everything to block the noise. But, finally one night when they were hot and loud, I banged on the wall and yelled, “ME NEXT.”

    Never, ever heard another sound out of them, not even during the day.

    • #2
    • June 12, 2015, at 4:28 PM PDT
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  3. Leigh Member

    Sleepless,

    Second the white noise idea. Been there and done that, though actually what I used is called “brown noise.” Turns out there’s also pink noise. I have not explored sound colors further.

    You might have a local noise ordinance, too. If it’s a severe enough problem and the people are obviously inconsiderate (blaring music at 3am, not a few bumps and bangs at 11pm), that might be a final desperate effort if you don’t think the apartment manager will be on the case. (Some will.)

    Keep in mind that if you talk to them directly, the problem continues, and you pursue it with either management or the police, they’ll figure out it was you. So I’d consider whether that situation would make you feel unsafe — or if you think they’d respond well — before talking to the noisy neighbors.

    And of course, there might be another solution besides a house. Not all apartment complexes are noisy.

    • #3
    • June 12, 2015, at 4:44 PM PDT
    • Like
  4. GadgetGal Thatcher

    Oh Maverick–that’s a tough one. Many….many….years ago, I took some ASL courses at Gallaudet where I mostly learned how to sign profanities and how to generate hysterical laughter among deaf people with my ineptitude. So I get the whole DC attraction, including the charming story about Abraham Lincoln’s statue signing his initials at the Lincoln Memorial. I really only got a little glimpse, but I could see the vibrancy of the deaf community and if being part of that is important to you, I think you should go for it.

    Yes, DC is the home of the leviathan and everything antithetical to Texas (I reckon), but there are plenty of Ricochetti that live there and have remained untainted. Although the dominant culture is liberal, you will be able to find like-minded friends as well. At the end of the day, DC is a pretty city with lots of interesting things to do, beautiful parks and a great zoo. Just be prepared for sticker shock. Hope the job opportunity pays well. Good luck!

    • #4
    • June 12, 2015, at 6:04 PM PDT
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  5. Petty Boozswha Inactive

    I like Kay’s attitude; if you can’t beat’em, join’em.

    • #5
    • June 12, 2015, at 6:06 PM PDT
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  6. MLH Inactive
    MLH

    I’m guessing that the chapeau is a beret.

    • #6
    • June 12, 2015, at 6:19 PM PDT
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  7. Man With the Axe Member

    Regarding the noisy love-making neighbors: I would call the police. They could be employed to confront the neighbors. Perhaps the police could take them into custody and order them to “come quietly.”

    • #7
    • June 12, 2015, at 6:30 PM PDT
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  8. PHCheese Member

    MWtA,perhaps they were sleeping together and just snoring loudly.

    • #8
    • June 12, 2015, at 7:45 PM PDT
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  9. Eustace C. Scrubb Member

    Hats, or really any fashion choices, have never been part of my friendship criteria. But if it was, these would be my friendly hats:

    James Bond hatRaylan GivensCocoa Crisp hat

    And these would be enemy hats:

    Odd Jobberet french guyManny yankee

    • #9
    • June 12, 2015, at 8:09 PM PDT
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  10. Al Sparks Thatcher

    Amelia Hamilton:

    Dear Amelia,

    I am at my wits’ end living in an apartment. At my advanced age (I happen to know she’s only in her 30s! — Amelia), I no longer care about my neighbors’ raucous activities. I know way too much about their late-night lives, including noisy lovemaking for hours on end. I have tried earplugs to no avail. Barring a miracle job that will allow me to live in a single-family home where I do not share walls with free-love twenty-somethings, what can I do when their parties get out of hand?

    Sleepless in the Southwest

    Well, it’s an apartment. Some of the recommendations were to call the police. If you prefer to get a 3rd party involved, I’d start with the management of the apartment.

    Look at the rental agreement you signed (which is likely the same as the one your neighbors signed). Does it include noise restrictions? If so, then management has recourse against your neighbors, if they are violating the agreement.

    And realizing you might have signed a lease, consider moving. If the apartment complex you’re living in encourages bad neighbors you should leave. It might take some planning and time. But do it.

    • #10
    • June 13, 2015, at 12:16 AM PDT
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  11. Randy Webster Member

    Back in my wild youth, we solved the noise problem by inviting the neighbors to the party. Worked like a charm.

    • #11
    • June 14, 2015, at 4:56 AM PDT
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  12. Pelicano Inactive

    When I encountered that noise problem earlier this year I left a discreet note on their door. Seemed to do the trick. The people were middle-aged, though, so perhaps they had a little more dignity than twenty somethings.

    If that hadn’t worked, I was prepared to fight back by letting our baby cry them into submission. Noise goes both ways, after all.

    • #12
    • June 14, 2015, at 8:37 PM PDT
    • Like

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