Help Me Save McDonald’s

 

A photo of a McDonalds' McRib sandwich iI have been inspired by The Daily Shot’s reference to my McRib obsession on the one hand, and McDonald’s poor earnings reports on the other. (How often are those linked?!) We must come to McDonald’s rescue and help it deliver a menu that real fast-food-loving Americans want. No empty snack wraps for me. No more artisan grilled chicken sandwiches.

The Daily Shot’s citation of KFC’s Double Down provides a good template: a sandwich made out of two McRibs with bacon inside — no bun. That’s not an appetizer, but what we fancy pants in the Bay Area would call an amuse-bouche (I think).

So, Ricochet food lovers, what would be your suggestions for additions to the McDonald’s menu that you would actually eat? How about a sausage, pepper, and onion Philly-style hoagie? Help me rescue McDonald’s with a new menu!

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  1. user_656019 Coolidge
    user_656019
    @RayKujawa

    Hugh:Mechanize!!

    Install kiosks so people punch the buttons themselves to order their meals/pay. (we already do this at the grocery store).

    Get those robots preparing the food. Technology is amazing.

    With all due respect, I think humans are better at preparing food for humans. I don’t think I’m biased. Robots are better for saving the world.

    • #61
  2. user_656019 Coolidge
    user_656019
    @RayKujawa

    Guruforhire:What really makes McDonald’s special is the onions they use. I don’t know why but they are AWESOME.

    We talked so much about it I had to go get a McDouble.

    I live for the toppings! Meat and cheese are optional. They don’t taste like much anyway.

    • #62
  3. David Clayton Inactive
    David Clayton
    @DavidClayton

    Serving breakfast until noon would be good start. Make the McRib permanent. Dump the Dollar Menu (which served them well during the recession but has suffered a massacre by attrition ever since).

    Don’t skimp on burgers that include bacon, onions and pickles. Use whole onion discs, not the chopped stuff. Get some better barbecue sauce and introduce some barbecue into the menu. Serve a good variety milkshakes with real ice cream, not the soft serve stuff. Serve onion rings, hushpuppies, cheese curds, cole slaw. Learn some things from the Southern chain Cook-Out.

    Most of all, improve the taste of the beef patties. This might mean flame-grilling them, or at least frying them, instead of steaming them, as you do now, in those little pressure cooker cubbies or whatever those are. That stuff has gotta go. Huge towers of smoke billow from the top of Cook-Out. Cook your burgers however they do.

    Incorporating kale is going in exactly the wrong direction. Don’t try to be Panera; it’ll never work. Cook-Out shows us that guilty, greasy, fast-food can be both cheap and good.

    Final note: service is terrible at all fast-food places (with the exception of Chick-Fil-A for some reason). I’m not sure there’s much McDonald’s can do to improve in this regard. But giving more control to franchisers might help.

    • #63
  4. Guruforhire Inactive
    Guruforhire
    @Guruforhire

    Ray Kujawa:

    Douglas:McDonald’s is the Wal Mart of fast food (“Always low prices… always”), and that’s going to affect the quality of stuff they sell, and the quality of people they hire. And while fast food is bad across the board for the kind of they-don’t-pay-me-enough-to-care types, in my areas,

    On the other hand, I hate going to Stuff White People Like Burger. $15 for a *&^%$#@ burger, greasy fries, and Coke at Five Guys? Pass. This applies to pretty much all of the higher end joints that appeal to honkey.

    I think the growth in the standard of living is a big factor. McDonald’s appears to cater mostly to an economic class that most of us aspired to in the 60′s and 70′s. The explosion in the standard of living since then has created opportunities for the various niche restaurants. McDonald’s has been making only partially successful attempts at gaining that business. But I also think they’re up against perception. People go to niche-y restaurants because they have a negative association with being seen at or eating the kind of food that McD’s serves (hint: that’s what drive-thru’s and tinted windows are for!).

    Yes this.  McDonald’s does way too much product testing and development.  Its that there are enough niche players that everybody has a preferred one that isn’t “obesity causing fat pills for poor people” at MickeyDs

    • #64
  5. Howellis Inactive
    Howellis
    @ManWiththeAxe

    Back in my day, McDonalds had a simple menu of hamburgers, cheeseburgers, fries, filet-o-fish, milkshakes, and cokes. Nothing else. You ate in your car.

    The grill man would put down, say, 48 burgers, and call out, “How many cheese on 48?” The front man would look at the bin, make a judgment on this important question, and perhaps call back “12 cheese.” A shake guy would keep the shake freezer full of vanilla, chocolate, black and white, and strawberry shakes. The fry guy would keep the real fries coming. The front man would add up the total on his pad and make change without help from a computer.

    The service was excellent. The food was good. The work staff were all high school students making minimum wage ($1.10). Business was booming. Hamburgers were 15¢, fries 12¢, coke 10¢, with inflation, $1.09, 87¢, 72¢ respectively. Two burgers, fries, and coke would set you back $3.77 in today’s dollars.

    There is a business opportunity for McDonald’s to open a “McDonald’s Classic” restaurant that duplicates the old model. I bet it would succeed. They can test market it right where I live.

    • #65
  6. Petty Boozswha Inactive
    Petty Boozswha
    @PettyBoozswha

    “The service was excellent. The food was good. The work staff were all high school students making minimum wage ($1.10). Business was booming. Hamburgers were 15¢, fries 12¢, coke 10¢, with inflation, $1.09, 87¢, 72¢ respectively. Two burgers, fries, and coke would set you back $3.77 in today’s dollars.”

    I, too, remember walking two miles to school in the snow.

    Now get off my lawn!!!

    • #66
  7. Douglas Inactive
    Douglas
    @Douglas

    Ray Kujawa:

    I think the growth in the standard of living is a big factor. McDonald’s appears to cater mostly to an economic class that most of us aspired to in the 60′s and 70′s. The explosion in the standard of living since then has created opportunities for the various niche restaurants. McDonald’s has been making only partially successful attempts at gaining that business. But I also think they’re up against perception. People go to niche-y restaurants because they have a negative association with being seen at or eating the kind of food that McD’s serves (hint: that’s what drive-thru’s and tinted windows are for!).

    Their urban, funky-music “I’m lovin’ it!” campaign didn’t help in this regard, and drove the SWPL crowd to your In-n’-Out Burgers and Chipotle Grills.

    All of this points up an uncomfortable fact for the SWPL crowd… Paleface Progressive is supporting companies that essentially exist to give them places to shop, socialize, and eat where there are no black people. Their whole aversion to McDonald’s isn’t the food as much as its “Uh, no, not going there, because THOSE people eat there… I mean, err, the poor, dispossessed minorities eat there. How horrible for them“.  I wonder if the irony occurs to them at all?

    • #67
  8. gts109 Inactive
    gts109
    @gts109

    I hate to call a man with an axe old, but when you hearken back to the good ole days when things cost 15 cents and pine for a time before cash registers, you sound like a grandma who doesn’t understand the concept of inflation and that burgers are probably cheaper in real terms today than they were in the golden age, which (happy accident!) happened to coincide with your youth.

    • #68
  9. Howellis Inactive
    Howellis
    @ManWiththeAxe

    gts109:I hate to call a man with an axe old, but when you hearken back to the good ole days when things cost 15 cents and pine for a time before cash registers, you sound like a grandma who doesn’t understand the concept of inflation and that burgers are probably cheaper in real terms today than they were in the golden age, which (happy accident!) happened to coincide with your youth.

    I may be pining for the fiords, but not for the good old days. Clearly I do understand inflation as I provided the inflation-adjusted prices and wages.

    My point is not to go back to those days, but to remember why McDonald’s was considered in those days to be the ultimate fun food. It was actually good, and at prices that, adjusted for inflation, are close to the prices they charge today for not-so-good food. Perhaps they lost something when they went from “millions sold” to “n billions sold” to “billions and billions sold.”

    My point about the cashiers making change is that McDonald’s had to hire employees who could count. Thus, they tended to be smarter and better educated than the cretins (no offense intended) you sometimes encounter there now.

    • #69
  10. profdlp Inactive
    profdlp
    @profdlp

    Man With the Axe:

    …My point about the cashiers making change is that McDonald’s had to hire employees who could count. Thus, they tended to be smarter and better educated than the cretins (no offense intended) you sometimes encounter there now.

    I had an order there once which came to $4.28.  I handed the gal a five along with three pennies.  (I’d rather get three quarters back than have a pocketful of pennies.)  She refused the pennies and handed them back, snidely remarking that I had given her too much.  I asked her to humor me and plug $5.03 into her little keypad.  As the figure for the change owed to me popped up she tilted her head from side to side like a puzzled dog.

    • #70
  11. Howellis Inactive
    Howellis
    @ManWiththeAxe

    profdlp:

    Man With the Axe:

    …My point about the cashiers making change is that McDonald’s had to hire employees who could count. Thus, they tended to be smarter and better educated than the cretins (no offense intended) you sometimes encounter there now.

    I had an order there once which came to $4.28. I handed the gal a five along with three pennies. (I’d rather get three quarters back than have a pocketful of pennies.) She refused the pennies and handed them back, snidely remarking that I had given her too much. I asked her to humor me and plug $5.03 into her little keypad. As the figure for the change owed to me popped up she tilted her head from side to side like a puzzled dog.

    All it would take for any cashier with half a brain to be able to make change is to be told by a supervisor on day 1:

    • To make change count up from the amount of the sale, as follows: $4.28 and 2¢ is $4.30, and 2 dimes makes $4.50 and 2 quarters makes $5.
    • If the bill is $4.28 and the person gives you extra change, (e.g., 3¢), subtract the extra from the sale amount and start from there: $4.28 less 3¢  they already paid leaves $4.25. That and 3 quarters is $5.

    I actually received this lesson my first day working the register. It took less than one minute.

    • #71
  12. Basil Fawlty Member
    Basil Fawlty
    @BasilFawlty

    Man With the Axe:

    profdlp:

    I had an order there once which came to $4.28. I handed the gal a five along with three pennies. (I’d rather get three quarters back than have a pocketful of pennies.) She refused the pennies and handed them back, snidely remarking that I had given her too much. I asked her to humor me and plug $5.03 into her little keypad. As the figure for the change owed to me popped up she tilted her head from side to side like a puzzled dog.

    All it would take for any cashier with half a brain to be able to make change is to be told by a supervisor on day 1:

    • To make change count up from the amount of the sale, as follows: $4.28 and 2¢ is $4.30, and 2 dimes makes $4.50 and 2 quarters makes $5.
    • If the bill is $4.28 and the person gives you extra change, (e.g., 3¢), subtract the extra from the sale amount and start from there: $4.28 less 3¢ they already paid leaves $4.25. That and 3 quarters is $5.

    I actually received this lesson my first day working the register. It took less than one minute.

    I don’t understand.

    • #72
  13. Howellis Inactive
    Howellis
    @ManWiththeAxe

    Basil Fawlty:

    Man With the Axe:

    profdlp:

    I had an order there once which came to $4.28. I handed the gal a five along with three pennies. (I’d rather get three quarters back than have a pocketful of pennies.) She refused the pennies and handed them back, snidely remarking that I had given her too much. I asked her to humor me and plug $5.03 into her little keypad. As the figure for the change owed to me popped up she tilted her head from side to side like a puzzled dog.

    All it would take for any cashier with half a brain to be able to make change is to be told by a supervisor on day 1:

    • To make change count up from the amount of the sale, as follows: $4.28 and 2¢ is $4.30, and 2 dimes makes $4.50 and 2 quarters makes $5.
    • If the bill is $4.28 and the person gives you extra change, (e.g., 3¢), subtract the extra from the sale amount and start from there: $4.28 less 3¢ they already paid leaves $4.25. That and 3 quarters is $5.

    I actually received this lesson my first day working the register. It took less than one minute.

    I don’t understand.

    You must have studied under Common Core.

    • #73
  14. Basil Fawlty Member
    Basil Fawlty
    @BasilFawlty

    Man With the Axe:

    Basil Fawlty:

    Man With the Axe:

    profdlp:

    I had an order there once which came to $4.28. I handed the gal a five along with three pennies. (I’d rather get three quarters back than have a pocketful of pennies.) She refused the pennies and handed them back, snidely remarking that I had given her too much. I asked her to humor me and plug $5.03 into her little keypad. As the figure for the change owed to me popped up she tilted her head from side to side like a puzzled dog.

    All it would take for any cashier with half a brain to be able to make change is to be told by a supervisor on day 1:

    • To make change count up from the amount of the sale, as follows: $4.28 and 2¢ is $4.30, and 2 dimes makes $4.50 and 2 quarters makes $5.
    • If the bill is $4.28 and the person gives you extra change, (e.g., 3¢), subtract the extra from the sale amount and start from there: $4.28 less 3¢ they already paid leaves $4.25. That and 3 quarters is $5.

    I actually received this lesson my first day working the register. It took less than one minute.

    I don’t understand.

    You must have studied under Common Core.

    Studied?  I invented it.

    • #74
  15. profdlp Inactive
    profdlp
    @profdlp

    Basil Fawlty:

    I don’t understand.

    Good boy, here’s a biscuit.

    (I am assuming we’re both joking.  I know I am.)  ;-)

    • #75
  16. gts109 Inactive
    gts109
    @gts109

    Oh you did include inflation adjusted amounts! I missed that in my haste to make fun of you.

    • #76
  17. Tonguetied Fred Member
    Tonguetied Fred
    @TonguetiedFred

    Caroline:They should return to frying the fries in beef tallow instead of Frankenplantfats.

    Absolutely.  You can chart the decline of Micky Dees from when they caved to the veggie crowd and removed the beef tallow.   All they had to do was say, nope it’s not vegetarian and we aren’t going to change it because our customers like how they taste but instead they folded…

    • #77
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