Contributor Post Created with Sketch. Ask Amelia: Mayonnaise Is Thicker than Water

 

AskAmelia3It’s Friday and Amelia Hamilton is here to answer your questions on co-workers, drinking, and mayonnaise… but not co-workers drinking mayonnaise.

Dear Amelia,
I don’t drink alcohol or coffee. Most first dates I get asked out on are for “a drink” or “coffee,” and it is awkward when I just get water. Any ideas for an equally casual first date?
— Tired of Dating Dilemmas

Dear Dating Dilemma,
The first thing that came to mind is not to order water. There’s no reason you can’t enjoy an iced tea, lemonade, or club soda on a date; it will be much less awkward and you don’t want to be the woman who had nothing but water on a date. What about meeting for an appetizer or dessert? That isn’t as long as dinner if things don’t go well, but enough time to get to know each other a little (and you can always drink water with your treat).
Otherwise, I’d suggest an “experience” date — go for a hike or wander the farmers’ market. Check out a local museum or whatever else you’re both into. Experiencing a shared interest is a great way to start out and, if the guy is a dud, at least you did something you enjoy.

 

Dear Amelia,

Who is the worse coworker: “same crap, different day” guy or “another day in paradise” guy?

— Gary

Dear Gary,

They are both terrible. However, if forced to choose, I would prefer to work with “another day in paradise” guy, because I dig his spirit of gratitude. We are guaranteed nothing in this life, so being appreciative for what we have is of great importance. It doesn’t mean that person isn’t really annoying to work with, though.

 

Dear Amelia,

A relative just posted a “Chocolate Mayonnaise Cake” recipe on Facebook. Should I disown her?

— April

Dear April,

Yes. That’s unacceptable. I don’t think any more needs to be said on the matter except, “bye, Felicia.”

 

Agree? Disagree? Have something to add? Leave a comment! Tweet your questions using #AskAmHam or email them to [email protected]

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  1. Spin Coolidge
    Spin Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    These aren’t real questions, are they? You are one of Hillary’s twitter followers, aren’t you?

    • #1
    • April 17, 2015, at 3:04 PM PDT
    • Like
  2. Casey Inactive

    if I have a coworker who is drinking mayonnaise, should I spare his heart by introducing him to something hard on the liver?

    • #2
    • April 17, 2015, at 3:06 PM PDT
    • Like
  3. Amelia Hamilton Contributor
    Amelia Hamilton

    These questions are 100% real! I promise!

    • #3
    • April 17, 2015, at 3:18 PM PDT
    • Like
  4. Amelia Hamilton Contributor
    Amelia Hamilton

    That’s the worst thing I have ever heard.

    • #4
    • April 17, 2015, at 3:18 PM PDT
    • Like
  5. Man With the Axe Member

    Please send me that chocolate mayonnaise cake recipe. It sounds terrific.

    • #5
    • April 17, 2015, at 3:20 PM PDT
    • Like
  6. Basil Fawlty Member
    Basil Fawlty Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    I would have prayed for a first date who only ordered water.

    • #6
    • April 17, 2015, at 3:22 PM PDT
    • Like
  7. iWe Reagan
    iWe Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    Chocolate mayonnaise cakes can be amazing. No joke.

    • #7
    • April 17, 2015, at 3:25 PM PDT
    • Like
  8. Z in MT Member

    Chocolate Mayonnaise Cake.

    Think about it. What are the three ingredients that you usually add to a boxed cake mix:

    Eggs, oil, and water.

    What are the three main ingredients of mayonnaise?

    Eggs, oil, and water.

    • #8
    • April 17, 2015, at 4:05 PM PDT
    • Like
  9. Spin Coolidge
    Spin Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    Amelia Hamilton:These questions are 100% real! I promise!

    If they are real I say this: my grandma used to make cake with a tablespoon of mayo. And it was the best dang cake you ever ate!

    • #9
    • April 17, 2015, at 4:25 PM PDT
    • Like
  10. Mike Hubbard Member
    Mike Hubbard Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    If you don’t want an alcoholic drink on a date, most bartenders will make you something virgin. One of my favorites is club soda with bitters and lemon. Good for upset stomachs.

    • #10
    • April 17, 2015, at 4:33 PM PDT
    • Like
  11. Mr. Dart Inactive

    Man With the Axe:Please send me that chocolate mayonnaise cake recipe. It sounds terrific.

    The best one uses the best (some would say only) mayo, Duke’s.

    Here it is, Lawd have mercy, it will set you free:

    http://www.dukesmayo.com/recipes_list.asp?id=5

    • #11
    • April 17, 2015, at 4:49 PM PDT
    • Like
  12. Basil Fawlty Member
    Basil Fawlty Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    Mike Hubbard

    “If you don’t want an alcoholic drink on a date, most bartenders will make you something virgin. One of my favorites is club soda with bitters and lemon. Good for upset stomachs.”

    “Virgin” is a term of the patriarchy. Please be more inclusive.

    • #12
    • April 17, 2015, at 5:02 PM PDT
    • Like
  13. Charlotte Member
    Charlotte Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    I’m (mostly) a teetotaler who is not a huge fan of coffee.

    I also love happy hour and coffee dates with friends and coworkers. I’ve had much success with virgin Marys, virgin pina coladas, interesting/flavored lemonades or teas, diet sodas, sparkling water, hot chocolate, hot or iced chai, cranberry juice, or hot cider.

    None of my alcohol- or coffee-drinking companions think anything of it. And your dates will appreciate how inexpensive you are!

    • #13
    • April 17, 2015, at 5:11 PM PDT
    • Like
  14. Charlotte Member
    Charlotte Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    I hate mayonnaise but I need to have this cake.

    • #14
    • April 17, 2015, at 5:13 PM PDT
    • Like
  15. Jules PA Member

    Man With the Axe:Please send me that chocolate mayonnaise cake recipe. It sounds terrific.

    I don’t have the recipe, but chocolate mayonnaise cake is very good, and the mayo makes it moist.

    The cake does not taste like Mayo at all.

    Ricochet, let’s live on the edge.

    • #15
    • April 17, 2015, at 7:22 PM PDT
    • Like
  16. Lash LaRoche Inactive

    Amelia Hamilton:Dear Dating Dilemma, The first thing that came to mind is not to order water. There’s no reason you can’t enjoy an iced tea, lemonade, or club soda on a date; it will be much less awkward and you don’t want to be the woman who had nothing but water on a date. What about meeting for an appetizer or dessert? That isn’t as long as dinner if things don’t go well, but enough time to get to know each other a little (and you can always drink water with your treat). Otherwise, I’d suggest an “experience” date — go for a hike or wander the farmers’ market. Check out a local museum or whatever else you’re both into. Experiencing a shared interest is a great way to start out and, if the guy is a dud, at least you did something you enjoy.

    I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

    • #16
    • April 17, 2015, at 7:35 PM PDT
    • Like
  17. Jules PA Member

    Mike LaRoche:

    Amelia Hamilton:Dear Dating Dilemma, The first thing that came to mind is not to order water. There’s no reason you can’t enjoy an iced tea, lemonade, or club soda on a date; it will be much less awkward and you don’t want to be the woman who had nothing but water on a date. What about meeting for an appetizer or dessert? That isn’t as long as dinner if things don’t go well, but enough time to get to know each other a little (and you can always drink water with your treat). Otherwise, I’d suggest an “experience” date — go for a hike or wander the farmers’ market. Check out a local museum or whatever else you’re both into. Experiencing a shared interest is a great way to start out and, if the guy is a dud, at least you did something you enjoy.

    I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

    omg.

    spritzer with extra lime please. and a double old-fashioned on the side. :)

    • #17
    • April 17, 2015, at 7:38 PM PDT
    • Like
  18. Jimmy Carter Member
    Jimmy Carter Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    Charlotte:None of my alcohol- or coffee-drinking companions think anything of it. And your dates will appreciate how inexpensive you are!

    Perhaps I should try this some time (yeah, Right). I get annoyed that My dates don’t appreciate how expensive I am.

    • #18
    • April 18, 2015, at 6:09 AM PDT
    • Like
  19. MaggiMc Inactive

    We have something of a family tradition in that Chocolate Mayonnaise Cake is the first cake that the kids learn to bake. It’s very simple, and since you don’t have to deal with cracking eggs, small children can pretty much do it all themselves except for taking the pan out of the oven. They can eat all the batter they want out of the bowl. It’s good messy fun, and everybody likes to eat the delicious results.

    • #19
    • April 18, 2015, at 6:28 AM PDT
    • Like
  20. The Great Adventure! Inactive
    The Great Adventure! Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    I’ve developed a standard practice when mixing seemingly strange food ingredients – don’t tell anyone until after they’ve tasted it.

    Strawberry jam and Dijon mustard makes a fabulous glaze. My steak rub contains copious amounts of cocoa powder. And I make a cream pasta sauce that gets raves every time. Primary ingredients are cream, low vinegar hot sauce (Cholula is best), maple syrup, peas and pine nuts.

    I believe the trendy culinary name is “fusion”.

    • #20
    • April 18, 2015, at 10:16 AM PDT
    • Like
  21. Amelia Hamilton Contributor
    Amelia Hamilton

    I’d like to clarify: I’m not at all against unusual ingredients or combinations. I am against mayonnaise always in anything ever (that includes you, Miracle Whip).

    • #21
    • April 18, 2015, at 11:10 AM PDT
    • Like
  22. Reese Member
    Reese Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    Amelia Hamilton:I’d like to clarify…

    Oh, now you’ve done it: Mentioned Miracle Whip in the same sentence as mayonnaise. That’ll “whip” up some controversy.

    • #22
    • April 18, 2015, at 11:28 AM PDT
    • Like
  23. Casey Inactive

    You know what they put on french fries in Holland?

    • #23
    • April 18, 2015, at 12:03 PM PDT
    • Like
  24. MaggiMc Inactive

    Agree with Mr. Dart. Duke’s is the best mayo, followed by Blue Plate, then Hellman’s.

    • #24
    • April 18, 2015, at 2:30 PM PDT
    • Like
  25. Devereaux Inactive

    MaggiMc:Agree with Mr. Dart.Duke’s is the best mayo, followed by Blue Plate, then Hellman’s.

    No, those are the best commercial mayos. I make an altogether killer mayo for a potato salad I make.

    • #25
    • April 19, 2015, at 12:09 PM PDT
    • Like
  26. Devereaux Inactive

    Charlotte:I hate mayonnaise but I need to have this cake.

    YOU are clearly a terrorist! ?How can anyone not like mayo!

    • #26
    • April 19, 2015, at 12:11 PM PDT
    • Like
  27. Habumike Inactive

    My wife’s boss calls mayo “The Devil’s Sputum”. Just saying

    • #27
    • April 20, 2015, at 6:40 AM PDT
    • Like
  28. Mr. Dart Inactive

    Reese:

    Amelia Hamilton:I’d like to clarify…

    Oh, now you’ve done it: Mentioned Miracle Whip in the same sentence as mayonnaise. That’ll “whip” up some controversy.

    It’s not worth it, Reese. People who think Miracle Whip is in the same family as Duke’s are beyond redemption.

    • #28
    • April 20, 2015, at 6:48 AM PDT
    • Like

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