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I’m Not Writing about Kitty Pope
I started writing about Indiana’s RFRA law, but everyone else already has. Blogs left, right and center have covered the issue for days; why should I pour a couple hours into an article destined to get lost in the crowd? Completely out of ideas, I asked my 11-year-old daughter, “what should I write about today?”
“I know! KITTY POPE!” She was very enthusiastic.
“Uhh… what?”
“The Pope — BUT A CAT!”
“I’m not writing about Kitty Pope.”
My daughter was dejected. She then recommended I Photoshop the President’s face on a cat’s body, but by now I questioned her editorial judgment.
The whole concept of Kitty Pope doesn’t even make sense. Is the kitty a pope just for cats or the Pope-pope who intercedes for human Catholics too? And if Kitty Pope only ministers to felines, we’re talking Catholic cats (cat-olics) only, no? I can only assume there would have been a Kitty Luther who attempted to reform the hierarchical structure and ceremonial trappings of the Roman church. Probably a German Rex.
On second thought, cat church history wouldn’t necessarily run parallel to human church history. There needn’t be a great schism between eastern and western cats, and it certainly wouldn’t have involved the insertion of the filioque clause into the Nicene Creed since cats have no written language. I mean, I don’t even understand the Trinity, so I doubt cats have a tight grip on God’s triune nature.
I’m not even sure cats can get into heaven. When a pet dies it’s comforting to think of seeing it again in the afterlife. But if there is a Kitty Heaven, a literalist interpretation requires a Kitty Hell where unsaved cats suffer eternal weeping and gnashing of teeth. If I ended up in hell there would be a lot of cat dander because my allergies get bad around longhairs. Really bad.
With a feline-specific Kitty Pope, you would add in kitty purgatory and kitty limbo (have you tried baptizing a cat?) which would really complicate things. Logically, it would work better if there was a single heaven and a single hell instead of a sub-eternity for each animal.
With that assumption in place, a priori, there is no need for each animal type to have its own pope. Thus, a Kitty Pope would have to be the actual Pope and, honestly, does anyone see that happening? Catholics just green-lighted the first South American Pope, they aren’t jumping to non-humans any time soon. Frankly, the entire discussion is just ridiculous.
So, no, I’m not writing about Kitty Pope. And that’s final.
Cats are already in heaven. At least mine is. If only I could be so pampered and fawned over…and for what? She catches no mice. She sleeps at least 20 hours a day or complains that I’m not feeding her enough while she scratches up my furniture. She is living a blessed life.
I just hope Kitty Pope won’t redistribute the kitty litter.
Did I miss the reference to the catacombs?
Someone on Facebook is upset I didn’t mention the Micene Creed. Let 1,000 puns bloom!
I understand Saint Andrew is the patron of the Church’s Scottish fold.
From each cat according to their ability, to each cat according to their need. Karl Meowx.
meow. we are testing the kitty pope-mobile.
I see your point, but of course it will succumb to puntificating.
My cats are not reading about Kitty Pope. One is sleeping and the other is nodding off.
You know where this is going to lead…
The English Bulldog Reformation.
The way these jokes are going, you will have to do some serious Punance.
Wonderful post, John.
Felinious Monk?
Does Kitty Pope believe in Nine Souls or just reincarnation numerous times? Asking for this annoying feisty stray’s friend.
Actually, Martin Luther’s wife’s name was Katherine. There was a biography written about her some decades ago entitled,
Ready? I couldn’t make this up:
Kitty My Rib
So, technically, one could say that… yes, there was…
I can’t go on.
It’s started. My dog just nailed 95 Milk Bones on the back door.
My cat gave this post two thumbs up!
Purrrfect Contrition?
Kitty Pope? No, but I used to date her sister Allison.
Holy mackerel! Kitty Pope updates catechism: fish every day, not just Friday.
On your tour of Catican City don’t forget to visit Catsle Gandolfo, St. Peter’s Catsilica &the Hisstine Chapel.
This whole thread is a catastrophe!
A ferret, a mink and a weasel were drinking in the Mulberry Bush Pub.
They were discussing religion and the argument got very heated.
The mink claimed that the Archbishop of Canterbury was the holiest man in the world. The ferret said it was the Dali Lama.
They went around and around in the Mulberry Bush then….
“POPE!” went the weasel.
Good thing you didn’t write about Kitty Pope! That would be wrong.
Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI was born Joseph Ratzinger. Coincidence?
It seems to me that kitty pope would be virtually immune to the possibility of stumbling into any sort of doctrinal errors…
Because, you know, he can’t speak or communicate at all really except perhaps to demand some pontifical cat food or to be let out of the papal apartments.
So, at least there’s that for an upside, right?
The schism is complete. What could Kitty Pope possibly know about DOGma?
Kitty Pope is the head of the Church of Ceiling Cat.
https://www.facebook.com/TheChurchofCeilingCat
This post is a prime example of what Ricochet is, should people ask.
Here is Pope Marcello purring ex catedra.
I’m surprised you didn’t go for MEOWtin Luther