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Ask Amelia: Diets, Boredom and the Perils of Exercise
It’s Friday afternoon, — time for Amelia Hamilton to answer readers’ vexing questions and curious queries!
Dear Amelia,
I hate exercising with a passion, but I live in Real Housewives of Orange County territory, and I’m the fat, plain housewife next door. I’d love to be the slightly less fat, plain housewife next door. Any tips for finding a workout routine that doesn’t make me wish I lived in Samoa?
— The Realistic Housewife of Orange County
Dear Housewife,
Oh, how I hear you. Exercise really isn’t fun, and I don’t know why so many people don’t understand that simple fact. Still it must be done, for your weight loss goals as well as for overall health. Keep trying until you find what you hate the least.
For me, that’s heading to the local civic center for a few laps around the track. I bring my dog and my favorite podcasts along to make it go faster, which sort of works on most days. Keep your eye on the prize: once you start seeing those results it will be a lot easier to keep the momentum going.
In the meantime, take what you’ve got and work it. There’s nothing sexier than that.
Dear Amelia,
Why is there so much talking on conference calls?
Signed,
So Bored
Dear Bored,
I checked to see when this e-mail was sent and was not surprised to see it was around 5:00 p.m. At least it wasn’t on a Friday, but it’s never pleasant to have a call at the end of the day in which people just Won’t. Stop. Talking. This is because people are very impressed with themselves and want everyone else on the call to be impressed, too. Aren’t you? Aren’t you so impressed with their words? Didn’t think so.
Just hit mute and play on social media. It will help pass the time.
Dear Amelia,
I am a victim of elder abuse — abused by a piece of exercise equipment. I am thinking about retirement. What kind of exercise regimen can you recommend that won’t injure me further?
H.R. (D-Anonymous)
Dear Not-So-Anonymous,
I don’t think you know what “elder abuse” means, but let’s skip that for the moment. When you’re retired, you will have more time for working out in age-appropriate ways. Maybe try “Sit and Be Fit” or aqua aerobics. Prancercise if you’re feeling up to it. Just make sure your doctor approves of the regimen. Hope you have decent insurance!
Agree? Disagree? Have something to add? Leave a comment!
Want to submit a question of your very own? Tweet using #AskAmHam or e-mail askamelia@mail.com.
Published in Culture
As for exercise – For me I’ve found that I can tolerate an exercise bike because it allows me to read at the same time.
Bloody marvelous! :-)
Live a little. Exercise your stomach muscle.
Prancercise! When I first saw it I thought it was parody but then she was on Dr. Oz. Hm. So, I guess it could, indeed, be parody.
Does modifying your stationary bicycle so that you fit a tray on the handlebars that can hold a box of a dozen jelly donuts count as exercise?
How else are you going to keep from fainting?!
Lift weights. It’s fun. Girls can do it too.
Housewife,
Eat less. Eat healthier. You can’t out-exercise a bad diet.
Do some form of body movement that doesn’t feel like exercise. There must be some form of human movement that you enjoy — walking, dancing, cycling, gardening. Heck, even fidgeting burns calories. But success or failure is going to depend on what happens at your piehole.
Like profdlp said, lift weights. If you really want to change your body, hit it hard and heavy. Get strong. You won’t get bulky.
I walk around my wooded neighborhood and enjoy nature. I recommend walks in nature. I cant tolerate gyms due to the hampster on a wheel problems. So I turn Pandora to something loud and awesome and go outside and enjoy the sunshine.
Some of us are just outdoor cats.
But not the silence or sounds of nature. I don’t mean offense, it’s just something that I don’t get.
I get bored. Its a problem I know. I have to have more than 1 thing going on or my brain rips itself apart.
But pandora plus Indoors excercise doesn’t work either.
But if my cell is uncharged, I can still do outdoors but not as long. Pandora has approximately a 4x multiplier in my tolerance for either scenario.
That I get. So, I just solve any problems that aren’t mine. People tell me I should meditate.
If you don’t like jogging, and those 5K Runs seem a little too packed and well, tame, you can try this on for a smaller size
The 5K Zombie Run – Think You Can Outrun a Flesh Hungry Zombie? Prove It!
I assume there should have been a /sarc tag there.
I worked as a Personal Trainer for several years. Many of my female clients didn’t want to use the “boy’s part of the gym”. I would point out that if they thought of themselves as the weaker sex than that’s exactly what they were going to be. The funny thing is, once they got going with the weights they told me without exception that they could no longer stand to do any sort of gym-based cardio. It was just no fun.
By the way, out of my ten favorite clients, seven of them were women. (And of my ten least favorite clients, nine were women.)
I wasn’t referring to the “girls can do it too,” part, but the “it’s fun,” part.
Well, I think it is. I would tell my clients that if they absolutely hated the weight exercise I had them doing they should not worry – they’d be doing something different in five minutes. Then I’d point to some poor sap slogging away on the treadmill and remind them that that guy had been doing the exact same thing for the last 45 minutes.
I’ll second the notion of doing something for which the exercise is a by-product. For me it was a martial art. I get a good workout, but generally don’t notice it because I’m thinking about something else. In conclusion, work your self-deceit for all it’s worth.