Contributor Post Created with Sketch. Ask Amelia: Crafty Jerks, Bosses’ Wives, and Mortal Enemies

 

AskAmelia3Ask Amelia is back with her Friday column to help all of you resolve your interpersonal quandaries!

Dear Amelia,
My friend keeps wanting to hang out. She just commented on my latest post on Facebook asking if anyone wanted to come over this weekend for a craft. The problem is that her husband is the biggest jerk on the planet, and I want nothing to do with him. He could watch football with my husband while we craft, but he wants nothing to do with this jerk, either. How do I handle this?
— Frustrated Friend

Dear Frustrated,

It can be hard to maintain a relationship with a friend who is married to a jerk, but it can be done. Try inviting her over during the day when your husbands are at work so you can spend some one-on-one time without him making you (or your husband) miserable. As she’s already taken you up on the invitation this time around, you have a couple of options.

The first option is to deal with them this one last time, but your husband would bear the brunt of that. The other option is to tell her that this weekend won’t work out, and suggest pushing it back to next week as I said above.

To prevent this from happening in the future, I’d suggest putting her on a restricted Facebook list so she doesn’t see these invitations unless you want her to.

Good luck!

 

Dear Amelia,

My boss’ wife is officially one of my assistants. The problem is she is making decisions that I don’t approve of and is making my life pretty miserable. I’ve been there for over a decade and have a great relationship with my boss but I also know he adores his wife and thinks she is great at what she does. I am tempted to just walk away from my position and try to find a different job but I was wondering if you have a suggestion as to whether it is a bad idea to try to fix this and if so, how should I approach addressing it.

— At the End of My Rope

Dear EOMR,

This really is a tough situation, but it is not hopeless. Before you walk away, give your boss (and his wife) a chance to make things right. If it doesn’t work out, you will be able to walk away, knowing that you did what you could.

Treat her as you would another employee, as tough as that might be. I would suggest having a conversation about discuss roles and responsibilities, boundaries, and how you would have made different decisions in certain situations. Be professional and respectful, set expectations for the future, and see if you can move forward from there.

If that doesn’t do the trick, then it’s time to talk to your boss. Ensure he understands that you respect him personally and professionally, but that having his wife as your assistant isn’t a good fit. Don’t assign blame, don’t get angry or frustrated about it, just calmly tell him how you feel about the situation. It probably wouldn’t hurt for you to compliment her strengths, too, so that he knows you appreciate his wife and are not putting her down. This is simply a case of a poor fit between an assistant and the person she is meant to assist, and you need to discuss how to remedy that to get the support that you need.

In this economy, it’s certainly worth giving it your best shot before walking away, but if you exhaust every avenue, and can’t work something out, perhaps it’s better to look for another opportunity. If he and his wife are reasonable, though, it shouldn’t come to that. If it does… well, you were thinking of leaving anyway, so what have you lost?

 

Dear Amelia,

So, should I go ahead and shag my mortal enemy, just ‘cause he’s pretty?

— Confused in Quebec

Dear Quebec,

No. No no no no no.

First, look at why you would even want to go there with a man whom you call your mortal enemy. Why is he in your life in any capacity? No need to spend any more time with him than necessary (which might be none, depending on how you know him).

As you have given him such a remarkable moniker, one can assume that you’re not going to feel too good about yourself should you get it on with this guy. Respect yourself enough to walk away.

There are 12 comments.

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  1. Basil Fawlty Member
    Basil Fawlty Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    “Try inviting her over during the day when your husbands are at work.”

    Love it!

    • #1
    • March 6, 2015, at 4:37 PM PST
    • Like
  2. Done Contributor

    Amelia Hamilton:


    Dear Amelia,

    So, should I go ahead and shag my mortal enemy, just ‘cause he’s pretty?

    — Confused in Quebec

    Dear Quebec,

    No. No no no no no.

    First it’s “don’t shag your mortal enemy”, next it’s “don’t shag your lesser enemies”. Where does it end?

    • #2
    • March 6, 2015, at 4:46 PM PST
    • Like
  3. Lash LaRoche Inactive

    Better to drive your enemies before you, and hear the lamentations of the women.

    • #3
    • March 6, 2015, at 6:16 PM PST
    • Like
  4. Done Contributor

    Mike LaRoche:Better to drive your enemies before you, and hear the lamentations of the women.

    Can’t you do both?

    • #4
    • March 6, 2015, at 6:25 PM PST
    • Like
  5. Jimmy Carter Member
    Jimmy Carter Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    Amelia Hamilton: Respect yourself enough to walk away.

    Dear Amelia,

    Please tell Her I’ll respect Her in the morning and I’ll call Her afterwards. Promise.

    -Her Mortal Enemy

    • #5
    • March 6, 2015, at 6:28 PM PST
    • Like
  6. TheChuckSteak Inactive

    Frank Soto:

    Amelia Hamilton:

    Dear Amelia,

    So, should I go ahead and shag my mortal enemy, just ‘cause he’s pretty?

    — Confused in Quebec

    Dear Quebec,

    No. No no no no no.

    First it’s “don’t shag your mortal enemy”, next it’s “don’t shag your lesser enemies”. Where does it end?

    I say go for it.

    • #6
    • March 6, 2015, at 7:46 PM PST
    • Like
  7. Sandy Member

    Frank Soto:

    Mike LaRoche:Better to drive your enemies before you, and hear the lamentations of the women.

    Can’t you do both?

    And where is Uncle Max when you need him?

    • #7
    • March 7, 2015, at 6:45 AM PST
    • Like
  8. PHCheese Member

    The wife is being groomed for the job. She should look elsewhere now and not look back.

    • #8
    • March 7, 2015, at 7:38 AM PST
    • Like
  9. Black Prince Inactive

    TheChuckSteak:

    Frank Soto:

    Amelia Hamilton:

    Dear Amelia,

    So, should I go ahead and shag my mortal enemy, just ‘cause he’s pretty?

    — Confused in Quebec

    Dear Quebec,

    No. No no no no no.

    First it’s “don’t shag your mortal enemy”, next it’s “don’t shag your lesser enemies”. Where does it end?

    I say go for it.

    Right…I always thought that you were supposed to keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

    • #9
    • March 8, 2015, at 10:32 AM PDT
    • Like
  10. Fricosis Guy Listener

    Re: shagging one’s mortal enemy: Ask yourself this question: “Do you want peace of mind and a clear conscience, or do you want memories that will last a lifetime?”

    • #10
    • March 9, 2015, at 7:59 AM PDT
    • Like
  11. Fake John/Jane Galt Coolidge

    Frank Soto:

    Amelia Hamilton:

    Dear Amelia,

    So, should I go ahead and shag my mortal enemy, just ‘cause he’s pretty?

    — Confused in Quebec

    Dear Quebec,

    No. No no no no no.

    First it’s “don’t shag your mortal enemy”, next it’s “don’t shag your lesser enemies”. Where does it end?

    I believe the standard female response is to shag their mortal enemy then accuse them of rape. It would probably go better if it is a rough shagging with some bumps and bruises to go with the semen as proof of the charges. The standard for rape is low enough and the definition is broad enough that such a charge will cost your mortal enemy thousands to defend themselves against and maybe a few years jail time, followed by a lifetime on a sexual predator list. Their present and future career will be set back or destroyed, their life upset as everybody that discovers their rapist past becomes suspicious and shuns them. Just remember to go directly to the hospital after the shagging to get a rape kit done and to never tell anybody what you did so the crime will stick. Do not talk to Rolling Stone or other reporters in that those individuals have a way of screwing up a good rape story.

    • #11
    • March 9, 2015, at 10:18 AM PDT
    • Like
  12. Profile Photo Member

    So Amelia, you’re saying when Jesus said to love your enemies he didn’t mean … ?

    • #12
    • March 10, 2015, at 8:35 AM PDT
    • Like

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