A Random Day In A Random Life

 

It’s Friday morning. I wake up early to shower and dress, so I’ll have time to attend random religious services at a random house of worship before work. I take special care to put on my random fringed vest and a random head covering. Then breakfast — a random round bread with a hole in the center.

That morning, I receive a call from a random place in the Middle East. It’s my older daughter, who is spending a year studying random religious texts in a random seminary. I ask about her plans for the upcoming random day of rest. We wish each other a peaceful day of rest in a random language.

It’s a slow day at work. My colleagues order pizza for lunch, and generously offer me some. But I decline, because I observe random dietary restrictions. Fortunately, I randomly packed a random lunch this morning. Also, I need to work through lunch; I’m planning to leave early, so that I can get home randomly before sunset.

On my way home, I stop off at a random grocery store and deli to pick up some random last-minute items. The store is remarkably like that Paris grocery and deli that recently experienced a random shooting. It’s packed with random shoppers, rushing randomly as I am. Like one of the Paris victims, I stop at the bakery counter to grab some random braided egg bread.

As I’m paying, my cell phone rings. It’s a random friend, calling to wish me a pleasant random day of rest. He’s like a brother to me. We forged our relationship volunteering together on behalf of a random private school. We experienced many late night meetings, calls with parents and administrators and teachers and donors. We had many sleepless nights as we wondered where we would find the money to keep the doors open. But we did it for our children and the children of our random community, so that they would have access to a quality random education. I gave the random school a decade of my life, and continue to support it financially.

Once home, I randomly change into a suit, and head out to services at a random place of worship (it’s the same one as in the morning — what are the chances?). Then my wife and I sit down to dinner. It’s just the two of us this week, because my younger daughter is away on a retreat with a random youth group. My wife and I perform random rituals, sing random songs, and eat a feast randomly prepared the night before. We discuss lessons from a random holy book.

We’re tired after a long week, so we retire to read a little before bed. The news in my random community newspaper is depressing, so I switch to random works of history and sociology.

And finally, I turn in, with a thought and a prayer for the random victims of the random shooting in Paris. I’m grateful that my random life has turned out so well. I must be really lucky. In a random world, what are the chances?

There are 44 comments.

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  1. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    Just a random day in a random life, much like the random lives of those killed in Paris due to the luck of that random draw.

    • #1
  2. Ricochet Member
    Ricochet
    @EustaceCScrubb

    Just happened upon this post when I happened upon this website. Serendipity is a wondrous thing.

    • #2
  3. Casey Inactive
    Casey
    @Casey

    Are you being stochastic?

    • #3
  4. Songwriter Inactive
    Songwriter
    @user_19450

    Great post. A wonderfully ironic way of pointing out the random foolishness of random people on a random side of the political spectrum.

    • #4
  5. skipsul Inactive
    skipsul
    @skipsul

    Found a few errors:

    1. Are you sure that this is your “wife” and not some random-gendered random-species living with you?
    2. You refer to a random individual who is like a “brother” – this is randomly offensive, perhaps you should use “like a random familial relation”
    3. “Youth group” seems offensive too – should read “random collection of ages group”
    4. “Deli” is offensive – should read “random vendor of random food products”
    • #5
  6. Midget Faded Rattlesnake Contributor
    Midget Faded Rattlesnake
    @Midge

    Casey: Are you being stochastic?

    Sigh. Actuaries. They can’t help being like this.

    • #6
  7. Oblomov Member
    Oblomov
    @Oblomov

    Brilliant!

    • #7
  8. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    Midget Faded Rattlesnake:

    Casey: Are you being stochastic?

    Sigh. Actuaries. They can’t help being like this.

    Is Casey an actuary, too?

    • #8
  9. Casey Inactive
    Casey
    @Casey

    I like to visit the actuary and chase the birds.

    • #9
  10. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    Yeah, Casey…that list of vocab words to look up…

    • #10
  11. skipsul Inactive
    skipsul
    @skipsul

    Arahant:Yeah, Casey…that list of vocab words to look up…

    Yeah, I’d better consult my pictionary here, or was it my brontosaurus?

    • #11
  12. Western Chauvinist Member
    Western Chauvinist
    @WesternChauvinist

    Instant Ricochet classic.  Wonderful work, SoS!

    • #12
  13. Jojo Inactive
    Jojo
    @TheDowagerJojo

    Like.

    If you haven’t read steynonline.com today, you should.  Mark Steyn does well at dispelling the possibility it was a random infelicitous turn of phrase.

    • #13
  14. Ryan M Member
    Ryan M
    @RyanM

    skipsul:Found a few errors:

    1. Are you sure that this is your “wife” and not some random-gendered random-species living with you?
    2. You refer to a random individual who is like a “brother” – this is randomly offensive, perhaps you should use “like a random familial relation”
    3. “Youth group” seems offensive too – should read “random collection of ages group”
    4. “Deli” is offensive – should read “random vendor of random food products”

    Deli does have certain connotations.  I prefer eatery, but random vendor of random food products will do just fine in a pinch.

    • #14
  15. Vance Richards Member
    Vance Richards
    @VanceRichards

    I’ve never been to Paris, but I guess from the White House’s comments that finding a Kosher deli in Paris is like finding a Starbucks in Seattle, there must be one on every block. So if you are randomly looking for a place to shoot up, odds are you’ll end up walking into a Kosher deli.

    • #15
  16. Ryan M Member
    Ryan M
    @RyanM

    Vance Richards:I’ve never been to Paris, but I guess from the White House’s comments that finding a Kosher deli in Paris is like finding a Starbucks in Seattle, there must be one on every block. So if you are randomly looking for a place to shoot up, odds are you’ll end up walking into a Kosher deli.

    … a little presumptuous of you to use the K word, Vance.  I don’t think our White House would approve.

    • #16
  17. Midget Faded Rattlesnake Contributor
    Midget Faded Rattlesnake
    @Midge

    Ryan E:

    Vance Richards:I’ve never been to Paris, but I guess from the White House’s comments that finding a Kosher deli in Paris is like finding a Starbucks in Seattle, there must be one on every block. So if you are randomly looking for a place to shoot up, odds are you’ll end up walking into a Kosher deli.

    … a little presumptuous of you to use the K word, Vance. I don’t think our White House would approve.

    Well, we could call them “Cauchy” instead, and assume they are Cauchy-distributed. Would that be random enough?

    • #17
  18. skipsul Inactive
    skipsul
    @skipsul

    Ryan E:

    skipsul:Found a few errors:

    1. Are you sure that this is your “wife” and not some random-gendered random-species living with you?
    2. You refer to a random individual who is like a “brother” – this is randomly offensive, perhaps you should use “like a random familial relation”
    3. “Youth group” seems offensive too – should read “random collection of ages group”
    4. “Deli” is offensive – should read “random vendor of random food products”

    Deli does have certain connotations. I prefer eatery, but random vendor of random food products will do just fine in a pinch.

    How do you know he actually went there to eat?  Isn’t that assuming a wee bit too much?

    • #18
  19. Son of Spengler Contributor
    Son of Spengler
    @SonofSpengler

    Songwriter:Great post. A wonderfully ironic way of pointing out the random foolishness of random people on a random side of the political spectrum.

    Western Chauvinist:Instant Ricochet classic. Wonderful work, SoS!

    Thank you!

    • #19
  20. Trink Coolidge
    Trink
    @Trink

    Brilliant.   Painful searing brilliant satire.

    • #20
  21. iWc Coolidge
    iWc
    @iWe

    Jojo:Like.

    If you haven’t read steynonline.com today, you should. Mark Steyn does well at dispelling the possibility it was a random infelicitous turn of phrase.

    The Steyn article is superb.

    • #21
  22. jetstream Inactive
    jetstream
    @jetstream

    Looks like you hit a random target in one of it’s random centers ..

    • #22
  23. skipsul Inactive
    skipsul
    @skipsul

    jetstream:Looks like you hit a random target in one of it’s random centers ..

    “spontaneous locus of points”

    • #23
  24. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    Splendidly random, SoS.

    • #24
  25. Nanda Panjandrum Member
    Nanda Panjandrum
    @

    If you were striving for randomness, SoS, epic RicoFail…Your aim was flawless!

    • #25
  26. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    Nanda Panjandrum:If you were striving for randomness, SoS, epic RicoFail…Your aim was flawless!

    Yeah, that’s what I meant.

    • #26
  27. user_86050 Inactive
    user_86050
    @KCMulville

    Nice job.

    • #27
  28. user_82762 Inactive
    user_82762
    @JamesGawron

    Son,

    Einstein thought Gd didn’t throw dice. Obviously, Einstein never had to listen to President Snake Eyes. Lucky Einstein.

    Regards,

    Jim

    • #28
  29. user_8847 Member
    user_8847
    @FordPenney

    A random act of writing a brilliant post! Randomly excellent!

    • #29
  30. Western Chauvinist Member
    Western Chauvinist
    @WesternChauvinist

    I hope Taranto’s people find this for the Best of the Web. If anyone around here has contacts…

    • #30
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