A Modest Proposal For Jeb’s Name Problem

 

Since the number of people looking forward to another Bush-Clinton presidential race is only slightly higher than the number looking forward to root canals of all their teeth sans anesthetic, I have a proposal, only slightly whimsical, for the former Florida governor. It’s very simple — all he has to do is change his name.

In these days of gender equality, polyamory, polly-(with a parrot, get it?)-amory, and whatnot, why should we be shackled to old-school heteronormative conventions like a wife taking her husband’s name? Just imagine if Jeb were to defy tradition, and take his wife’s name?

The newly rechristened Jeb Gallo could be rolled out as the first Hispanic El Presidente. Imagine his stump speeches en Español, with an adoring Columba beaming at his side.

Mis conciudadanos– [My fellow citizens]

Sé que muchos se han quejado que no tengo ese olor a “auto nuevo.” Pero a veces todo lo que es necesario hacer un coche nuevo para darle un nuevo nombre. [Many have said that I don’t have that “new car” smell. Well, sometimes one can get what seems like a new car with a new name.]

El Presidente Gallo comprenderá que su ley rompiendo y marchando con banderas mexicanas no es un acto de desprecio a nuestra nación, sino de amor. [A President Gallo will understand that you violate our laws, and protest and march with Mexican flags not out of contempt for our country, but out of love.]

El Presidente Gallo se asegurará de que todo el mundo se lleva a cabo con los mismos estándares educativos, sin importar qué idioma se enseñan en. [A President Gallo will ensure that everyone learns the same thing, no matter what language it is taught in.]

A diferencia de Hillary un Presidente, un Presidente Gallo no ser continuamente ayudando recuerda que un maníaco sexual canalla que teníamos en la Oficina Oval. [Unlike a President Hillary, a President Gallo won’t continually remind everyone of what a sex-crazed scumbag we once had in the Oval Office.]

Hablar de olor a auto nuevo. Un camión de abono 1928 Packard huele mejor que ella. [Talk about new-car smell. She smells like a 1928 Packard manure truck.]

He’d not only wrap up the Hispanic vote, but provide a name on the ballot that is neither Clinton or Bush, giving all the other voters some place to go. Plus, he might even get the Italians to think he’s one of them, and pick up San Francisco and New Jersey. It’s win win win.

 

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  1. user_657161 Member
    user_657161
    @SimonTemplar

    This:  El Presidente Gallo comprenderá que su ley rompiendo y marchando con banderas mexicanas no es un acto de desprecio a nuestra nación, sino de amor. [A President Gallo will understand that you violate our laws and march with Mexican flags not out of contempt for our country, but out of love.]

    And this:  It’s win win win.

    Vote Gallo y/o Gallina en 2016.  ¡Somos pocos pero locos!

    • #1
  2. ctlaw Coolidge
    ctlaw
    @ctlaw

    Rand Simberg: The newly rechristened Jeb Gallo…

    Don’t you mean Jeg Gallo?

    • #2
  3. MarciN Member
    MarciN
    @MarciN

    Check this out: “Jeb Bush Resigns as George Bush’s Brother.

    • #3
  4. user_1938 Member
    user_1938
    @AaronMiller

    Rand Simberg: The newly rechristened Jeb Gallo ….

    That doesn’t set up any cracks about rich Republicans and the 1%, surely.

    “My fellow citizens, pour yourself a glass of wine tonight. It’s on the House!”

    • #4
  5. Nick Stuart Member
    Nick Stuart
    @NickStuart

    A road-apple by any other name would smell the same.

    • #5
  6. blank generation member Member
    blank generation member
    @blankgenerationmember

    No way.  If he wins then the chickens will literally have come home to roost.

    • #6
  7. MJBubba Member
    MJBubba
    @MJBubba

    He should do it according to the latin custom:

    Jeb Gallo Bush del Pierce

    Where he adds his wife’s surname, and uses his Mama’s surname.

    But then his kids would all need to change their names to Bush del Gallo.

    • #7
  8. J. D. Fitzpatrick Member
    J. D. Fitzpatrick
    @JDFitzpatrick

    He’d still be accused by the left of eating babies.

    • #8
  9. x Member
    x
    @CatoRand

    MarciN:Check this out: “Jeb Bush Resigns as George Bush’s Brother.

    And this.

    • #9
  10. user_358258 Member
    user_358258
    @RandyWebster

    J. D. Fitzpatrick:He’d still be accused by the left of eating babies.

    You know he probably does.

    • #10
  11. otherdeanplace@yahoo.com Member
    otherdeanplace@yahoo.com
    @EustaceCScrubb

    I think he should change his to a proven vote getting winner. “Jeb Obamacare” or “Jeb Cromnibus” should work, since both names are proven vote getters (in congress at least.)

    • #11
  12. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    Gallo . . . isn’t that a wine?

    • #12
  13. MarciN Member
    MarciN
    @MarciN

    Trivia: What does “Jeb” stand for?

    Picture upside-down type: John Ellis Bush.

    :)

    • #13
  14. Rick O'Shay in Texas Member
    Rick O'Shay in Texas
    @RickOSheainTexas

    Orale. Jeb es mi Gallo.

    • #14

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