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Late Night Reflections on Our New Secretary of Defense
Well, I didn’t know much about Ashton Carter until today. But good citizen that I am, I have tried to inform myself. What I have concluded from my study — admittedly not a deep one — is that Ashton Carter is the most singularly boring being in all of recorded human history ever to have wielded so much power.
Define B as “boringness quotient” and “P” as “capacity to destroy the world.” I would have said, until yesterday, that Angela Merkel expressed the world’s highest BP coefficient. But Ashton Carter just leaves her in the dust. She is as nothing in BP compared to our new Secretary of Defense.
There’s a side of me that reckons this is probably a good thing. We are sane and we are American and it just wouldn’t be right to look as if we’re the sort just to blow up the whole world on a bet or for a lark or in a fit of momentary pique or just because we can.
Still, I must say another part of me — the part, perhaps, that is the reason no one has ever suggested I run for high office — would like to see that office filled by a man of the sort to marry his sister, appoint his horse Consul, execute those who look down on him from a high place, and insist that his subjects address him as Latian Jupiter. After all, might not that sort of appointment be just the thing to get the rest of the world to sober the hell up? I mean, we’ve tried mature, reasonable, adult, and responsible, haven’t we? Not really working, is it?
I might have thought, “It’s time to give oderint dum metuant a chance.”
Published in General
Mr. Carter is a respected, reasonable, responsible choice. He is a peacetime consigliere.
Let us hope in the next two years we don’t need a wartime one.
Probably the most boring post WWII President we have had was Gerald Ford who did not aspire to be President until he was President. He was a decent man, who wasn’t presidential material.
I just scanned Ashton Carter’s Wikipedia page, but he probably didn’t aspire to be anything but a consigliere, which normally means being behind the throne, not on the throne. SecDef is too noticeable a position to interest a consigliere. At sixty-two years of age when his tenure ends, he can move on from SecDef and become the head of Halliburton.
Who knows? Vice President?
But then, Dick Cheney was never boring, though a good (war time) consigliere.
When I opened my browser and, briefly, saw the google news page headline, I thought Ashton Kutcher had been appointed. “Meh, we could worse.”
With a name like Ashton Carter, I thought for certain he went to Groton. But NO, he’s a public high school grad. His time at Oxford probably make him suspicious though.
Carter’s BP coefficient is exceeded only by his boss’s. If the apocalypse comes in the next couple years it’ll be a total yawner.
I’d just be happy with a restoration of “Nullus amicus melior, nullus hostis peior”. (Apologies if I’ve screwed up the Latin)
he was terrific in Dude, Where’s My Car?
I feel it is basically irrelevant who is made Secretary of Defense. The problem is that Obama doesn’t seem to listen to his Secretaries of Defense, as all seem to have attested to in their books. I’m sure Chuck will have some stories to tell. The patter from what I can gather is that everyone who sits there in the Pentagon will eventually have to tell this president something he doesn’t want to hear, which the president will pretend not to hear, and for which he will be blamed for when it happens. Frankly I pity this poor chap, because if he has a shred of decency and responsibility he will be driven mad by our vacuous, myopic, unconcerned, and utterly unstrategics president.
Ashton Carter is an unknown. So we have are knowns. Our unknowns. And our unknown unknowns. SNAFU.
I wish the US would move to the position of “Crazy old man on the block”.
You know the guy. The old codger none of the kids would mess with on the block because you just don’t know what he might do. That was part of the beauty of Renaldus Magnus. “That crazy old man has his finger on the button, don’t get him mad”….
I gotta give the ultimate BP rating to Konstantin Chernenko, a boring time-serving Party hack, who was briefly able to incinerate the planet at will. If I knew anything about various Chinese leaders (other than the horrifically interesting Mao and the not-at-all-boring Deng), I’d guess they’re strong runners up.
I could handle more boredom in foreign relations and defense matters. I haven’t been bored enough with this stuff since at least 9/11.
And our enemies should remember: the quiet ones are more dangerous!
Don’t know about that, but that Rhodes–you bet.
Agreed. Except you could replace the word “Defense” in your first sentence with “Whatever.” Secretary of Whatever. To whom Obama will pay no attention whatever. The job description for any job in this White House is “Sycophantic Yes Man.”
The only thing more dangerous than an arrogant narcissist who won’t take advice from anyone is a stupid arrogant narcissist who won’t take advice from anyone.
He is a footstool until he manages to figure out that he has a backbone. Should that happen, he’ll be gone.
Hmm, he might actually be less boring than you think:
Theoretical Physicist to lead Pentagon
And to your point about wanting someone with a little radical-ness at the helm, here’s my favorite part of the blog post:
Yeah, I saw that, and it gave mild comfort to my Id. I don’t think he’s the worst imaginable choice. I just enjoyed the thought of the moment at which we present to the world some raving, cackling, foaming-mouthed berserker prone to referring to himself in the third person, calling the football “my precious,” and making comments of the “It was just their way of having a bit of fun, the swines, strange thing is that they make such bloody good cameras” variety.
But as I said, this may be why no one called me to ask for my advice.
I too dream of the day our Pentagon is lead by some shirtless muscular Greek man who when told his plans are madness will respond by kicking the questioner down a bottomless pit and yell “This is Sparta!”
Like this guy?
I was hoping Cruz would be president not Secretary of Defense.
How about a narcissist who looked down on everyone as though he came from some higher place, appointed a horse’s ass Secretary, executed only those laws that pleased him and insisted we pretend he was a legal scholar?
When did we do that? Did I miss it?
Claire,
I’m confused. (wouldn’t be the first time) Didn’t Carter hold a position at the ‘Bland’ Corporation during the Caligula Presidency.
Boy I tell you this kind of thing keeps me up at night. I long for the days when Errol Flynn was Secretary of Defense. With him in ‘charge’ you knew just where you stood (tall in the saddle). Nobody was going to kill innocent women and children and get away with it.
Ahhh. The good old days.
Regards,
Jim
I had the good fortune to have Carter as a guest lecturer for a graduate course I took earlier this year about nuclear policy. He struck me as a rather sharp-minded, non-ideological guy who holds conventional views on the military. Even though he is a Democrat, he spoke in favor of maintaining a strong nuclear posture and specifically the nuclear triad, and gave a list of reasons. He also advocated refreshing the nuclear command and control infrastructure. I wonder how that advice will go over with Mr. Obama.
I predict that he will be an improvement on Chuck Hagel, who was a political hack. This guy may be bland, but he is a pro . . . and Lord knows, we need a pro.
Technocrat. Think Harold Brown, minus the strategic vision, and with Vietnam, not WWII, as your formative era.
Hagel and Kerry make Harriet Miers, Janet Reno or Alberto Gonzalez look like intellectual fireballs. They were picked to stay out of the way of the WH staff on important matters; Hagel was picked because Obama wanted someone with a purple heart to handle the downsizing of the military and handing out reduction in force orders.
On first glance I think this guy is much better than what we could have expected from Obama, and the Repubs should confirm him before Barry changes his mind.