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Theseus’s Corvette
The great Greek hero Theseus sailed to Crete to slay the Minotaur. Upon his safe return, his ship was preserved as a memorial. By ancient accounts, it was preserved for centuries, though the wear of wind and water began to rot the ship at its moorings. The citizens of Athens replaced the planks of the deck, the mast, the rigging, even the pieces of the hull as time ravaged the old vessel. This led philosophers to ponder a question: was the ship still the one Theseus sailed, even though nothing remained of the original vessel but its shape and memory?
I recently purchased a 1973 Corvette in Blue-Green, and the legend came sharply to mind as I probed its workings. I’m not sure how original this car is, much less how original it will be. I knew its previous owner had replaced the engine and the exhaust system, re-plumbed the radiator, rebuilt the steering mechanism, and replaced all of the shocks and springs in the rear end. He also replaced the differential cover, which — on this car — also holds up the rear leaf spring. But that was only the beginning.
I think that every buyer of an old car starts out thinking “Hey, I’ll just replace a few worn out items and be OK. Hmm… a few hoses here and there, fix that loose trim panel, work on those squeaks…” We’re good at telling ourselves little lies as we peruse the parts catalogs. The first item I ordered was a replacement adjustment knob for the clock in the dash.
Lies we tell ourselves… I had owned the car only eight hours when the first problem struck. As I gassed up, a man in a brand new 2014 Vette of identical color drove by, waved, and complimented my color choice. My chest swelling with pride, I got back in and prepared to rev-up. The engine would not start.
A car like this always attracts attention, but embarrassingly more so when it fails to run. I had several offers to help jump the battery and the first Samaritan soon pulled alongside and popped his hood. After attaching the jumper cables to his car, I clipped black-to-black, and orange-to-orange on my battery. Sparks flew. I knew that shouldn’t happen but — in my growing embarrassment — I didn’t realize the implication until after I’d tried to crank the engine a few more times and the other car had driven off. I then re-checked my battery cables and noticed something odd: the orange wire was hooked to ground, while the black wire was hooked to hot. The tow truck driver, when he arrived, also noted this.
So, ten hours after I bought the thing, it returned home a flatbed tow truck; it left the same way the following morning for a local garage. The alternator had failed, and this was right before what promised to be a weekend of perfect driving weather. I picked the car up on a Tuesday.
I drove then to work without issue, but a belt broke in the right-front tire on the way home. On Friday, I took it to a tire shop and had four new tires put on it. That weekend, I pulled the exhaust pipes to swap out the mufflers with something that wouldn’t give me tintinitis, only to find that the last owner had welded the “slip in” mufflers in place, so I had to replace the exhaust pipes too. Driveable at last!
Till the brakes gave out on Monday.
The brake line to the (again) the right-front had ruptured. I made the first of many trips to the auto parts store for brake parts. At home, I pulled the wheels and tried to swap out the rubber brake lines. They had corroded in place so badly that I broke the steel brake line. Thus began a month-long saga where I worked upstream throughout the brake system, eventually replacing or rebuilding almost everything.
As I spent so much time under the car, I created a growing wish list of other items to replace. The big-ticket one is the frame itself. I’d checked it before purchasing the car, but a steady rain of rusty dust on my face during the repairs has forced me to reevaluate.
Along the way I have made a number of other small repairs — replacing rusty bolts, dismantling systems to swap out old parts — and now I wonder: by the time I am done with this car, how much of the original will really be left?
If I replaced the frame, would the car still be vintage? The engine is new, the wheels are new, the brakes are new, the wiring will all eventually be new, and I plan to replace most of the dash gauges, including the clock. In the end, what will be left of the original? Perhaps the fiberglass body panels alone will remain, holding the shape in memory of what once was. Will the car still be “vintage” in any meaningful sense? I think I shall name the car Paradox, in honor of Theseus’s ship
Relatedly, my family visited the USS Constitution — the world’s oldest floating commissioned warship — in Boston this summer. I asked one of her crew how much remained from her 1790s construction. He said maybe 20% of the original timbers remained; the rest was of the ship was newer.
Similarly, on the USS Niagara, in Erie, Pennsylvania, some wood from Perry’s real flagship was re-used to make doors for the officers’ cabins. Everything else (including the diesel engine) is newer.
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Stop teasing us, Devereaux. Show us some pictures.
I would but I’m at work and don’t go home until the weekend. And I have no way to post pics from here. Sorry. Will try to remember when I get home and post a couple.
Is Theseus’s Corvette anything like Geronimo’s Cadillac?
My ideal collectible car would be a 1984-85 Mazda RX7 GSL-SE, the fuel-injected model. I briefly owned a 1980 model which had fantastic handling; when you changed lanes it felt like it ‘hopped’ into the other lane. It wasn’t fast but felt like it was because it revved very freely.
The proper thing to do here is just drive the heck out of it once you’ve got it working decently. You can’t take it with you. YOLO. Carpe diem. Etc…
Already doing so. But with the caveat that the kids are already fighting over who gets it (heh heh, they haven’t had to wrestle that clutch yet).
Found a fun link today – Corvettes that are most certainly beyond help.
Some favorites:
Some others
Yikes! The worst one I’ve seen was at the National Corvette Museum in Bowling Green, Kentucky. It’s hard to see on a picture this size but it has rhinestones on the door handles and wheels, as well as lace around the bottom.
In defense of the museum, there are a lot of cool customizations, too.
Those poor Corvettes!
It’s Barbie’s Corvette!
No doubt the reason God punished the museum. ;)
Could be, although I kind of envision God as a Rolls-Royce driver. Maybe Satan wanted to pull those Corvettes closer to him.
Skip – those are downright UGLY!
For those who don’t have thousands of dollars lying around to buy classic cars, you can instead spend sixty bucks to play around with hundreds of virtual recreations designed by car fanatics. Forza Horizon 2 is an awesome car playground.
In the real world, I’ll settle for my boring but reliable Maxima.
OK, OK, OK! Someone has to be blunt and honest with you! A 1973 Corvette may be a classic (As in old, or from a long time ago.). But as a classic Corvette this is one of the least desirable Corvettes (The beginning of the upside down bell curve of terrible Corvettes lasting through the seventies and into the eighties.) The Greeks would have cut this baby loose hoping it would drift off and sink! Thus the orange/red wires attached to the negative post, lack of maintenance, brake hoses deteriorated, cobbled repairs and basic lack of drivability. If this was a classic in automotive world understanding – you would not be finding these repairs, you would be focused on smaller minor repairs to make a more original and more delightful driver. And yes if it was a classic car it would be 90% – 95% still original, solid – no rusty components – and reliable . Classic is not only about the vehicle it is about the manufacturer and manufacturing of the vehicle. Knowing the times and condition GM was creating this Corvette is instructive to understanding whether it is a classic and whether your concerns are warranted. I would surmise this is already a terrible base car because of the above so in my perspective any repairs I did would do would be to improve, or go above the manufacturer and make the car better than it came from factory. I would say, “Damn the originality, I want a driving car”! Or since you are discovering what a lousy car this really is – fix it so it is safe, add on your cost for repairs and unload it and start looking again. Oh and hire someone, or take your future “love” somewhere for an inspection before buying so you know what you are getting! A “paid” objective third party inspection can save thousands of dollars in repairs, save you hours of despair – time you will never get back and help you in setting a price, in the negotiation and knowing when to walk. If the buyer hesitates one iota on the idea of such an inspection – run!
This question has at least two answers that I’m aware of. One has already been given to you, starting with Aristotle, given fuller expression by Leibniz, and culminating in modern computerized proof assistants. Critics will point out that the question hinges on whether the “properties” in question are material or merely functional (where “functional” might include aesthetics). I’ll claim that this is isomorphic to asking whether the logic in question is extensional or intensional, respectively (yes, I am a theoretical computer scientist; why do you ask)?
The second and, to be honest, more practical answer comes from vintage car collectors, museums, and shows. I can’t tell you what that answer is. I can only tell you that my FIL faces this issue every time he restores a 1936 Jaguar or similar. There really are definitional lines in this community, across which certain designations no longer apply. Even so, the answer nevertheless often rests not upon even some commonly-accepted definition, but upon some judges’ interpretation of those definitions. (Hmmm… sounds like a few other domains we could name).
So I would find the nearest classic car club in a major metropolitan area near you, show ’em what you got, and ask them.
Hey now! I LIKE the car, and it is FUN to drive – goes like spit and is pretty maneuverable for its time. The ’73 has a unique look too – last of the chrome rear bumper and first of the urethane noses. You are right only in the sense that there is a price premium on “correct” ’68-’72 and ’79-’82 models as this one is something of an orphan in its looks.
It’s also something I can work on and learn the skills before I go investing in something more pricey (that would be driven less often out of fear of pranging it).
As for your other remarks about the downward slope of the 70s and early 80s cars, the car is not fundamentally much different from the 68-72 series (and the frame is identical to the 63-67 series). The mechanics are the same, it is pre-catalytic converter, and there is a wealth of parts available for restorations or improvements. The horsepower (save for the California model, which this is not) was only down slightly from the ’72 models for the small blocks – the real HP drop-off started in ’74 and bottomed out in ’77-’78.
I’ve got Horizon 1 and Forza 4 already, and they are lots of fun on rainy days. Not been willing to pick up the next Xbox till the prices come down.
Oh, yes! Forza 3 & 4 are the cheapest way to race. You never have car repair issues, and you never DNF. And you don’t have to actually PAY for all the consumables – like gas, travel, hotel, trailer, storage, engine rebuild, tranny rebuild, shocks, driving suit and helmet (those go out of grace over a couple years wherein the cert is no longer accepted by whatever sanctioning body you are racing in). I love the physics. I love that I can race any of a myriad of cars on a whole bunch of tracks that are actually very accurate geographically. I love that different cars actually act differently on the track. I even love that I can take them to the garage and “modify” them – and get points and discounts on stuff to mess with the car the more championships I get.
Wasn’t for Forza, I’d probably be a lot poorer. And with less time on my hands.
I’ve always been more of a Gran Turismo guy myself, but I do understand that Forza is now the equal if not the superior of GT in the physics department. I have Forza 4, but the problem is, I have a logitech wheel, and Microsoft won’t allow open system steering wheels on their system, so I can only use my wheel on GT and not Forza.
I’ve recently been experimenting with iRacing (and I can use my wheel), which has a much better track selection than either (though Forza’s US track selection has always been better than GT). Iracing is focused on safety, which made me realize how much I’m willing to bounce of walls and other cars, which is not a good habit to get into for someone that occasionally drives on real tracks in my real car.
Heh – I race in Forza like I drive in Grand Theft Auto. Forza Horizon is especially great the way you can nudge a rival off the track and suffer no real damage to your car. In Forza 4 your car will actually suffer performance wise for such a maneuver (damaged steering, speed loss), but not Horizon. I feel like such a thug in Horizon.
I did not know about I Racing. I think I will need to give it a looksie – bonus that they support Macs too.
Have you guys tried racing online against other people? I understand that the folks who do that get good enough to do quite well in real cars.
I haven’t used a racing sim since the original Xbox. I found the physics of the game too frustrating, not at all like a real car, and didn’t want to invest in a racing-style seat.
I’m thinking of getting an Xbox One this Christmas and trying out Forza again. The new Nurburgring sounds fantastic… The old one was a hoot, even in low-rez.
If you want to race against real people online, iRacing is the package you want. Forza / GT online is overpopulated with kids that want to wreck for fun.
I wreck for fun too ya know.
Then stick w/ Forza. In iRacing, you get penalty points for any contact or going off track and after a certain number of penalty points, you get ejected from the race. I think going the wrong way on the racing surface gets you automatically ejected from the race and put on probation. They take their races pretty seriously. I’ve gotten PMs from people criticizing me for screwing up their race by being a newb.
I don’t generally like racing games because they aren’t dynamic enough. There aren’t enough variables to keep it fresh for a long time. But I love driving games. Most games that offer a wide variety of vehicles and roads (and offroad areas) for roaming are games that only incidentally include vehicles, like GTA or Watch Dogs.
The Need For Speed: Most Wanted games were decent. But Forza Horizon (Xbox One version for me) is so much better — a great combination of both racing and driving. I play it mostly solo, but online as well. Some races are on paved tracks. Some include dirt roads. And some are all over the place.
Here is a video of me topping out a Lamborghini Veneno (slightly out of my price range in real life). And here is an example of what happens when you can try things in a game that you would never do in reality. I had the damage setting on “cosmetic only”, but you can also set it to invulnerable or to real car-stopping devastation.
As an artist, something else I love about the game is the freedom for custom paint jobs. My designs tend to be stuff you would never see in reality, but I enjoy making them nonetheless. Here’s a simple one I made in the Forza 5 demo. I’ll make some screenshots later of my Horizon 2 stuff.
I have only driven a small handful of vehicles in my life. If not for games, I probably never would have “experienced” the difference between front-wheel drive, rear-wheel drive, and all-wheel drive. For a while, I thought I preferred one over the others. But games like Horizon 2 make it clear that it depends on the car and the driving circumstances.
I think driving in games has also taught me to be more aware of my surroundings in real life.
I’ll still give it a look though. If the realism is better and the competition isn’t a bunch of kids it sounds like more fun. Wrecking is fun in game, but a simulation is a different matter.
LOL. Sounds like the PCA!