First-World Predicaments

 

shutterstock_164988680So, I’m reclining in a chair at the bedside of an old man, asleep, in a nursing home. Life is easy when the senile sleep.

On the other side of my chair is a coffee table with a single item, taunting me: a container of delicious cookies.

The catch is that it’s one of those clear plastic snap containers they sell in the bakeries of supermarkets.  If I try to open it, the loud snapping will undoubtedly wake my slumbering charge.

Diabolical!

What are some first-world problems you have encountered lately?

There are 64 comments.

Become a member to join the conversation. Or sign in if you're already a member.
  1. Albert Arthur Coolidge
    Albert Arthur
    @AlbertArthur

    I appreciate the spirit in which you posed the question, so I’ll say that cloth (or otherwise “reusable”) grocery bags drive me bonkers. However, the whole “first world problem” thing also drives me bonkers, just like solipsistic talk of “white privilege.”

    • #1
  2. user_1184 Member
    user_1184
    @MarkWilson

    We have three roommates renting a house together.  We have three cars between us, but only a two car garage.  One of us has to park outside.  The HoA just cracked down on parking, banishing residents from parking in the guest parking spaces.  All the outside spaces in the neighborhood are guest parking spots.  So I have to park my car a quarter mile away in the next neighborhood over.  It takes me up to 7 minutes to walk to or from my car.

    • #2
  3. Ryan M Member
    Ryan M
    @RyanM

    Albert Arthur:I appreciate the spirit in which you posed the question, so I’ll say that cloth (or otherwise “reusable”) grocery bags drive me bonkers. However, the whole “first world problem” thing also drives me bonkers, just like solipsistic talk of “white privilege.”

    hahaha – I think it is sometimes used (by liberals, go figure) as a way to essentially claim white guilt, in a condescending tone, and directed at others.  The way Aaron is using it, unless I’m wrong, is as an easier way to say “problems that aren’t really problems.”  They happen in 3rd world countries, too.  The amazing thing about misery throughout the ages – something lost on most people, especially “white guilt” lefties – is that the people who have historically lived in misery have not necessarily been miserable.  Without people being comparatively better off, I think actual objective misery is not quite as rampant as we like to believe.  That’s not to say we should avoid the expansion of wealth or the reaching out to the worse off in a spirit of charity, but only that the more condescending use of the phrase “first world problems,” is also kind of nonsensical.

    The way Aaron is using it, however, is universal.  Like missing the end of a movie because your wife decides to start [coc compliant term for sex]ing you half way through.

    • #3
  4. hawk@haakondahl.com Member
    hawk@haakondahl.com
    @BallDiamondBall

    Park on the lawn.

    • #4
  5. otherdeanplace@yahoo.com Member
    otherdeanplace@yahoo.com
    @EustaceCScrubb

    The grave problem of too many remotes.

    • #5
  6. Pencilvania Member
    Pencilvania
    @Pencilvania

    Aaron, just want to put a little blessing on you for visiting an old gent, whether he was sleeping or not.    > + <

    You deserve some cookies!

    • #6
  7. Tom Meyer Contributor
    Tom Meyer
    @tommeyer

    I forgot to charge both my mobile devices overnight. Now, I’m going to have to go into work with them only partially charged!

    • #7
  8. TG Thatcher
    TG
    @TG

    Tom Meyer, Ed.:I forgot to charge both my mobile devices overnight. Now, I’m going to have to go into work with them only partially charged!

    What, you don’t keep an extra set of charging cords at your work location?!?

    • #8
  9. TG Thatcher
    TG
    @TG

    Innocent Smith:

     Like missing the end of a movie because your wife decides to start [coc compliant term for sex]ing you half way through.

    Shouldn’t that be missing the end of the game, to make the dilemma more pointed?  (grin)

    • #9
  10. Spin Coolidge
    Spin
    @Spin

    I’m having a problem coming up with any.  That’s my problem.

    • #10
  11. Casey Member
    Casey
    @Casey

    Oh gosh… don’t get me started.  This weekend I need to run to Home Depot to pick up a replacement water filter for my fridge so that I can more effectively purify my already potable water.

    Every six months I gotta do this!

    • #11
  12. Casey Member
    Casey
    @Casey

    Then I gotta spend all day Friday looking at this!

    The-Emperor

    • #12
  13. Fredösphere Member
    Fredösphere
    @Fredosphere

    The clutch on my Mini Cooper is so stiff, my left foot hurts slightly sometimes when I’m driving downtown. C’est tragique!

    • #13
  14. Jimmy Carter Member
    Jimmy Carter
    @JimmyCarter

    Having to watch a 30 second ad before I can watch funny cat videos on Youtube.

    • #14
  15. DrewInWisconsin Coolidge
    DrewInWisconsin
    @DrewInWisconsin

    500 channels and nothin’ on.

    • #15
  16. Pilli Member
    Pilli
    @Pilli

    Political commercials EVERY TWO YEARS!

    • #16
  17. DrewInWisconsin Coolidge
    DrewInWisconsin
    @DrewInWisconsin

    When it comes to first-world problems, I challenge everyone to top this:

    Transgender Woman Can’t Be Diversity Officer Because She’s a White Man Now

    A student who was born female felt perfectly comfortable identifying as a man at Wellesley College — until people said he shouldn’t be class diversity officer because he is now a white male.

    Timothy Boatwright was born a girl, and checked off the “female” box when applying to the Massachusetts all-women’s school, according to an article in the New York Times. But when he got there, he introduced himself as a “masculine-of-center genderqueer” person named “Timothy” (the name he picked for himself) and asked them to use male pronouns when referring to him.

    And, by all accounts, Boatwright felt welcome on campus — until the day he announced that he wanted to run for the school’s office of multicultural affairs coordinator, whose job is to promote a “culture of diversity” on campus.

    But some students thought that allowing Boatwright to have the position would just perpetuate patriarchy. They were so opposed, in fact, that when the other three candidates (all women of color) dropped out, they started an anonymous Facebook campaign encouraging people not to vote at all to keep him from winning the position.“I thought he’d do a perfectly fine job, but it just felt inappropriate to have a white man there,” the student behind the so-called “Campaign to Abstain” said.

    “It’s not just about that position either,” the student added. “Having men in elected leadership positions undermines the idea of this being a place where women are the leaders.”

    • #17
  18. danys Thatcher
    danys
    @danys

    Those unsolicited credit card applications that I have to shred.

    • #18
  19. TG Thatcher
    TG
    @TG

    DrewInWisconsin:When it comes to first-world problems, I challenge everyone to top this:

    But some students thought that allowing Boatwright to have the position would just perpetuate patriarchy. They were so opposed, in fact, that when the other three candidates (all women of color) dropped out, they started an anonymous Facebook campaign encouraging people not to vote at all to keep him from winning the position.“I thought he’d do a perfectly fine job, but it just felt inappropriate to have a white man there,” the student behind the so-called “Campaign to Abstain” said.

    Oh, that’s just too funny!

    • #19
  20. tabula rasa Member
    tabula rasa
    @tabularasa

    All those choices at the grocery store, and all those grocery stores.

    The Soviets presented an existential threat to the world for 70 years, and did it on turnips, beets, cabbage, and vodka.

    • #20
  21. Vance Richards Member
    Vance Richards
    @VanceRichards

    Sometimes I get mad because the refrigerator is so full that it is hard to find what I am looking for.

    And yes, those plastic containers are annoying. While I do not steal sweets from the elderly, I do try to sneak a snack every now and then without having the wife make another comment about my weight.

    • #21
  22. Casey Member
    Casey
    @Casey

    Vance Richards: Sometimes I get mad because the refrigerator is so full that it is hard to find what I am looking for.

    Oh, I know!  The refrigerator is the worst!

    I hate it when I go to the fridge literally dying of thirst and all I have is water, juice, milk, ginger ale, and gatorade but kinda feel like something else.

    • #22
  23. aaronl@hotmail.com Thatcher
    aaronl@hotmail.com
    @TheLopez

    Costco stopped selling my favorite brand of socks. Now I have to order samples of vastly different styles and prices to see if any if them can match the ecstasy laden comfort I’m used to before I run out.

    It’s simply infuriating.

    • #23
  24. Misthiocracy Member
    Misthiocracy
    @Misthiocracy

    There’s a apocryphal story about a boss once saying to an underling, “I can’t get any work done in First Class. It’s too quiet!”

    I had a boss who once got castle dust on his jacket while on a foreign junket, necessitating a quest to find a dry cleaner. Poor guy.

    • #24
  25. tabula rasa Member
    tabula rasa
    @tabularasa

    The Lopez:Costco stopped selling my favorite brand of socks. Now I have to order samples of vastly different styles and prices to see if any if them can match the ecstasy laden comfort I’m used to before I run out.

    It’s simply infuriating.

    I’m assuming you’re looking only for locally-loomed socks.

    • #25
  26. Mark Belling Fan Member
    Mark Belling Fan
    @MBF

    My wife is temporarily unable to drive due to medical issues. Her Honda is a lease, so I’d just be wasting miles that I’m already paying for by letting it sit in the garage for the next couple months. But my Wrangler is soooo much more fun to drive!

    • #26
  27. user_1184 Member
    user_1184
    @MarkWilson

    tabula rasa:

    The Lopez:Costco stopped selling my favorite brand of socks. Now I have to order samples of vastly different styles and prices to see if any if them can match the ecstasy laden comfort I’m used to before I run out.

    It’s simply infuriating.

    I’m assuming you’re looking only for locally-loomed socks.

    Gluten-free, dolphin-safe, fair-trade, conflict-free, carbon-neutral, organic, and sustainable.

    • #27
  28. Misthiocracy Member
    Misthiocracy
    @Misthiocracy

    Mark Wilson: Gluten-free, dolphin-safe, fair-trade, conflict-free, carbon-neutral, organic, and sustainable.

    I only eat tuna-friendly dolphin meat.

    • #28
  29. Jimmy Carter Member
    Jimmy Carter
    @JimmyCarter

    Casey: I hate it when I go to the fridge literally dying of thirst and all I have is water, juice, milk, ginger ale, and gatorade but kinda feel like something else.

    I hate it when I go to the fridge literally dying of thirst and all I have is Shiner Bock, Heineken, Corona, Samuel Adams, and Guinness but kinda feel like something else.

    • #29
  30. Casey Member
    Casey
    @Casey

    Vin Diesel and Michael Caine are filming some movie in my building this month.  The trucks on my block are unsightly.

    I mean, I don’t even know who Vin Diesel is!

    • #30

Comments are closed because this post is more than six months old. Please write a new post if you would like to continue this conversation.