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Classical Music We Love to Hate—Midget Faded Rattlesnake
Our most recent thread on classical music favorites revealed a surprising amount of hate for Bach’s Toccata and Fugue in D minor. Or maybe it’s not surprising. Perhaps there’s no surer way to torture a music lover than to force him to listen to music that doesn’t, for whatever reason, meet his expectations of what music should be. And that got me thinking about classical music that I hate. Turns out there’s a fair amount of it.
I can’t be the only one around here who feels passionate hatred for certain pieces of classical music, so I thought it would be fun to start a thread on what classical music we hate and why. Here, in no particular order, are a few of my favorite hates:
The first and last movements of Spring from Vivaldi’s Four Seasons. I love Vivaldi. I love the Four Seasons. Except for these two movements. I suppose they’re nice enough when they’re played by a skilled group, but indelibly etched on my memory is the sound of our school orchestra tunelessly sawing its way through these two pieces, which it did every year without noticeable improvement. Even when I listen to skilled performers, my inward ear still returns, like a salmon to the stream in which it was spawned, to the sour, phraseless noise that constitutes my earliest memory of Vivaldi. Shudder.
Ave Verum Corpus by Mozart. Again, this isn’t bad music. In fact, it’s a miniature gem of balanced, bland niceness. Which is probably why I don’t like it. Too nice is boring. Moreover, such a bloodless setting of what is, after all, a rather bloodthirsty bit of devotional poetry strikes me as rather impious.
The choral portions of Beethoven’s 9th Symphony. Beethoven wrote music for his heroic ideal of what singers should be, not for singers as they really are, and it shows. Most singers just don’t have the stamina necessary to sing this work without shouting or shrieking. I’m not sure I can imagine anything more disorienting than being trapped in the middle of the soprano section on this piece as most of the sopranos (several of whom are inordinately proud of their A5’s) try to outdo one another on the held high notes. When high notes are held that long, you can’t help but become acutely aware that the singers around you each have their own idea of where the pitch is supposed to be. If I’m destined for Hell, Satan would have to work hard to devise a torture for me worse than surrounding me by sopranos, all of them shrieking slightly different versions of A5, and demanding that I “match that pitch and timbre”.
Wagner’s operas, at least half the time. Yes, I know. Not a terribly original hate. But I’m married to a Wagner nut. Which means every time there’s a Wagner opera in town, off we go. Often the music is heartbreakingly beautiful. Until the singers open their mouths. The singers believe that, since they’ve been chosen to sing Wagner, it must be their destiny to make themselves heard over the orchestra at any cost, even if it means singing ugly. The orchestra members also believe that, because it’s Wagner, for once they don’t have to hold back – it’s the job of Wagnerian singers, after all, to make themselves heard no matter what. A fierce battle between singer and orchestra typically ensues. You could say that the orchestra usually wins, but, in reality, nobody wins. It’s a pity, because on the rare occasions you hear singers naturally powerful enough to carry their part over the orchestra without effort — or an orchestra sensitive enough to hold back — the results are extraordinarily lovely. I think that’s what’s meant by Wagner’s music being better than it sounds.
The Fanfare-Rondeau by Jean-Joseph Mouret. You may not think you know this piece, but you probably do. Thanks to PBS, this might be the most widely-recognized piece of Baroque music aside from Pachelbel’s Canon in D. As a TV theme song, it’s fine. As one of the few Baroque pieces most people can recognize as such, it’s not. It is music that’s unbearably pleased with itself. If this was your idea of Baroque music, you could easily be forgiven for thinking of Baroque music as nothing more than smug, repetitive tootling that never reaches beyond itself, though Baroque music needn’t be any of those things. I find this piece much more annoying than Pachelbel’s Canon.
In fact, I still enjoy Pachelbel’s Canon. Once in a while. Yes, it’s overused. And yes, it’s sad that more people’s musical horizons don’t extend beyond it. But the reason Pachelbel’s ghost follows musicians everywhere, tormenting them, is precisely because the bass line Pachelbel used is so effective. A composer could do much worse than to write the first really famous piece of music using that bass line. In fact, many composers have.
I still haven’t gotten around to my hatred of many madrigals (if I ever see fair Phyllis I will strangle her), Maria Callas, atonality, or polytonality. Or my ambivalence toward countertenors. But that will do for now.
What about you? What classical music do you love to hate?
Published in General
Bo Derek?
Yup – I can’t stand Ravel’s Bolero – I’ll actually switch to a different music channel rather than listen to that.
I keep theclassicalstation.org streaming live on my PC throughout the day. Thank goodness for the internet; out here in the cornfields of NW Iowa it’s the only way I can get classical music or jazz. (And I refuse to listen to NPR.)
Yes, all bad. My husband had never seen the staged version of Carmina, so we watched it during supper last night. Bad idea. It doesn’t go with food. Especially sausage.
I’m actually feeling a lot of hate for this piece now, particularly since we’re scheduled to sing it soon. The translation of the words doesn’t help. How I’ll sing those words with a straight face, I don’t know.
Totally agree about B’s 9 chorus. I have to sing it every other year with my choir and San Diego symphony and I hate that thing. Every voice part is asked to screech, not just sops. Beethoven tried to make a beer hall song epic. Epic fail.
In general though, I come to appreciate music that I sing even if I don’t love it initially. I don’t usually like Vaughan Williams’ music, but sang his Dona nobis pacem a few years ago. It’s a setting of some Walt Whitman poems about the Civil War. I loved it in the end. It was thrilling to sing and deeply emotional. He really captured the spirit of those poems and the tragedy of the Civil War.
Recently I sang Verdi Requiem with a choir of more than 200 voices. When I listened to it in preparation it seemed over the top, but it was thrilling to sing and the audience was also thrilled. I was converted.
You’d think that since I dislike VW I’d dislike Britten, but I love Britten, especially Ceremony of Carols. Something about his work strikes me as spare and yet joyous. Go figure.
I love the Cignus ustus cantat; such silly words with such serious music.
I’m still trying to get over the angel-roasting scene I saw last night that goes along with that solo.
But nobody can screech quite like sopranos. It is, acoustically, the most exposed part. Physics dictates that, the higher notes get, and the longer they’re held, the easier it is for the human ear to detect discrepancies in pitch. When we hear lower voices with “good intonation”, odds are they’re still getting away with more than sopranos could get away with.
It is no wonder that, in your typical choir, the sopranos are the most neurotic. For a soprano, Hell is quite often other sopranos. It certainly was for me on B’s 9. Last time we did it, I volunteered to drop to alto. Still vocally tiring, but not nearly as crazy-making.
Wow, never paid attention to Carmina Burana before. Just assumed it was the pre-ordained score for Conan.
Midge–sopranos can be a punishment for all the voice parts–but I suppose it’s worse being in the midst! Luckily I’m an alto.
But the reason Pachelbel’s ghost follows musicians everywhere, tormenting them, is precisely because the bass line Pachelbel used is so effective. A composer could do much worse than to write the first really famous piece of music using that bass line. In fact, many composers have.
It’s also because the chords used happen to align with the easiest open chord I, IV, V, vi progressions on guitar, so a lot of pop songs use the same chords.
Thanks! I don’t play guitar, so I didn’t know that. I just knew that 8-5-6-3-4-1 is a very strong sequence, particularly in the bass.
Plus, the ground bass makes improvisation easy. If you ever find yourself bored by the Canon, you can amuse yourself by making up your own parts, and they’ll probably fit right in. That’s what I do.
You are so right about countertenors — their voices are hardly ever resonant or interesting. Give those parts to the lady mezzos or altos. Not to mention that the countertenors have trouble with big houses. I once heard David Daniels as Julius Caesar to Ruth Ann Swenson’s Cleopatra at the Met, and the way her voice utterly dominated his was almost farcical.
Last Movement of B’s 5th: Had a voice teacher who said B didn’t write well for sopranos in this work – or rather, didn’t know what to do with them. She also mentioned that a few could be singing the Star Spangled Banner along with the chorus and no one would notice.
Carmina Burana: What – some of you don’t like a bunch of bawdy poems written by some horny monks in the 11th century? Actually the work is quite fun to sing, tho we joked that the production (with the Canadian Royal Ballet and Pittsburgh Symphony) was in danger of being shut down back in the late 70’s due to its rather lewd nature. The dancers all wore only flesh colored leotards and nothing represented in dance was left to the imagination.
Anything by Charles Ives. (Unrecognizable variations of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star is painful to listen to.)
Anything written in 12-tone.
The O Fortuna part of Carmina Burana is way over-used in TV commercials and movies. I have played the whole thing, and it’s really fun, and fiendishly difficult for the choir.
I hate late Bartok string quartets-they sound like the fingernail on a blackboard to me. Also Britten operas-just ugly.
“In fact, I still enjoy Pachelbel’s Canon. Once in a while. Yes, it’s overused. And yes, it’s sad that more people’s musical horizons don’t extend beyond it. But the reason Pachelbel’s ghost follows musicians everywhere, tormenting them, is precisely because the bass line Pachelbel used is so effective. A composer could do much worse than to write the first really famous piece of music using that bass line. In fact, many composers have.”
Have you ever listened to the PDQ bach album “WTWP Classical Talkity-talk Radio”?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/WTWP_Classical_Talkity-Talk_Radio
The radio station’s slogan is “all pachelbel, all the time”.
This!
For me, discomfort with countertenors may be more a sexual thing than a musical thing. I’m fine with countertenors singing in a group with other singers, and many groups I admire (the King’s Singers, many early music groups) make extensive use of countertenors without making me squirm.
But there’s something about contertenor solos… That sound of having been freshly kicked in the groin, perhaps?
Likewise, I find it… a bit awkward when women soloists sound too much like men, though I’m fine with a few women singing tenor in a choir (in fact, I’ve done it in groups hard up for tenors – really hard up). Cher’s “Believe in life after love” still gives me the creeps.
Perhaps I am more heteronormative than I thought.
A truly great contralto may be the rarest voice type. Heard one once singing “Refiner’s Fire” from Messiah. Nearly died with delight. Alas, I couldn’t track down which recording it was. I’m still looking.
I don’t love Elgar, either, with the important exception of his cello concerto.
Speaking of PDQ Bach, I find his Concerto for Horn and Hardart very difficult to listen to.
This is really off the subject of classical music, but Dash put this up off-site at pitheads.blogspot.com last week, and I thought it might appeal to certain readers here. This is a group who takes popular music and re-imagines it done in different past styles.
Game of Thrones as Smooth Jazz
Sweet Child of Mine as New Orleans Soul
Or Nikelback as Motown
Bolero is very repetitive, so if you aren’t listening for the variety in the timbre & range of the specific instruments featured, or the nuances in the soloists delivery, it will be pure torture. I think the repetition can have a snake charmer effect…which some people enjoy. :)
If chords were crayons, I-IV-V would be your basic 8 color box (primary colors)
add I-IV-V-vi and a few extra chords and you get more colors in your box…like 16, 32, 64, 92.
Cellists and Bassists will whine about their part in Pachelbel’s canon, but that piece, with all of its layers and embellishments, is a fallen house of cards without the foundation of that beautiful chord progression and the ‘Ground’ Pachelbel created from it.
I prefer his music for Tromboon.
Maybe Duke Ellington arrangements of classics would throw the discussion back on track. It’s not Xmas at my house without Three Suites playing.
Great link, thanks!
It’s like a trippy game of Tetris.
I’m a great fan of Peter Schickele, and of musical parody in general. The “New Horizons in Music Appreciation” bit about Beethoven’s 5th is a family favorite.
We rely on musical parody to exorcise our frustrations with “real music” a lot around here.
This is even better when you can see it live, because there are numerous sight gags. Here is another YouTube clip of the same:
SoS: I’m with you completely on Britten, and mostly with you on Elgar, but you clearly haven’t spent enough time on Vaughan-Williams. My introduction to him was hearing his 5th Symphony played live by the Pittsburgh Orchestra under the direction of Andre Previn. It was a sublime musical experience, which caused me to listen to and buy (LPs, then CDs) just about everything composed by V-W. He gets a bit gloomy at times, but he’s always at least good, and often great.
He’s not a Beethoven or Mozart, but he deserves a seat on the first row of the second rank.
Have you tried bon-bons? Or is that part of the problem?
Vaughn Williams: The Wasps
(just needs a good Western wrapped around it, although with you can provide your own, even without party chemicals.)
Elgar: String Serenade and Bavarian Dances
Britten: Matinees Musicales
And given that I like all those, could anyone explain why Richard Strauss makes me barf?