Yet Another Insane TSA Anecdote


Update: Ricochet readers, if this story sounds familiar to you, it’s because George already posted it, thanks to a tip from G.A. Dean. I opened the link, left it open, came back to it after doing a bit more web-surfing, forget where it had come from and thought, “Wow, that’s funny–straight to Ricochet!” I’m a bit embarrassed. Diane tactfully pointed this out to me, proving that it is she, not I, who really runs this place. At least the story is so good it’s worth posting twice. George and G.A. Dean, my apologies: At least you know that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.


I wasn’t going to rabbit on about the TSA anymore–I figure we’ve covered that story–but this is so hilarious and ridiculous I just can’t resist:

So we’re in line, going through one at a time. One of our Soldiers had his Gerber multi-tool. TSA confiscated it. Kind of ridiculous, but it gets better. A few minutes later, a guy empties his pockets and has a pair of nail clippers. Nail clippers. TSA informs the Soldier that they’re going to confiscate his nail clippers. The conversation went something like this:

TSA Guy: You can’t take those on the plane.

Soldier: What? I’ve had them since we left country.

TSA Guy: You’re not suppose to have them.

Soldier: Why?

TSA Guy: They can be used as a weapon.

Soldier: [touches butt stock of the rifle] But this actually is a weapon. And I’m allowed to take it on.

TSA Guy: Yeah but you can’t use it to take over the plane. You don’t have bullets.

Soldier: And I can take over the plane with nail clippers?

TSA Guy: [awkward silence]

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  1. Profile Photo Inactive

    First they take away your nail clippers, next they’ll take away my peanut butter.

    No, wait, they’ve already confiscated my peanut butter. Seriously. A jar of peanut butter is too dangerous to take on a plane. Not just any jar of PB, but a jar carried by a 49-yr-old pasty WASP. Y’know, the classic terrorist profile.

    Meanwhile, drugs are shuttled between PR and the East Coast for months under the noses of the TSA, and just yesterday came word that bags in Miami have circumvented security for some time now, if you knew someone or tipped especially well.

    Not to mention all the cruise ship luggage that is out of the passengers’ control from midnight until the time they disembark the ship many hours later, that ends up in the belly of planes without further scrutiny by the owners. (Question at airport check-in: “Have these bags always been in your control?” Answer by lying cruise ship passenger: “Yes.”)

    But our soldiers can’t bring nail clippers, and jars of peanut butter are verboten.

    • #1
  2. Profile Photo Editor

    You’d have to grudgingly admire the terrorist who succeeded in weaponizing peanut butter. I’m hard pressed to think of a substance less likely to be useful in hand-to-hand combat. Jello, maybe.

    • #2
  3. Profile Photo Inactive

    Same thing happened to my battalion in 2003 coming back from Iraq. For most of us it was Mach 3 razors, but same thing. M16A4 rifles, M9 pistols, M249 SAWs, and everyone with at least two really big knives hanging off body somewhere. Some of us even had ammo! Yet lighters, shaving razors, and fingernail clippers were verboten. Idiots.

    • #3
  4. Profile Photo Member

    Well, Mach 3 razors I can understand. Those things have three blades afterall. You were clearly up to no good.

    This is all as ridiculous as patting down pilots for fear they’ll use some implement to wrestle control of the plane from themselves.

    • #4
  5. Profile Photo Member

    Scott Reusser: Well, Mach 3 razors I can understand. Those things have three blades afterall. You were clearly up to no good.

    This is all as ridiculous as patting down pilots for fear they’ll use some implement to wrestle control of the plane from themselves. ยท Nov 20 at 6:08am

    I wonder if the TSA agents pat around the pilots’ loaded sidearms (with no safety) or they ask them to hold it.

    • #5
  6. Profile Photo Member

    This is our government defending our nation. Half the pilots in our country are carrying an issued sidearm…Heckler & Koch .40 USP compact with a hollow-point round in the chamber and there is no safety. They also have a fire axe (read battle axe) in their cockpit that will cut through aluminum (planes are made of aluminum). Half of them are ex-military aviators and the ones carrying a sidearm spend an additional two weeks in close quarter combat training in New Mexico (i.e. cockpit). I trust our pilots to defend me more than the brain-dead TSA agents.

    I can’t wait until we get another version of our TSA drones directing our healthcare.

    • #6
  7. Profile Photo Inactive

    Sense: It’s not too common any more.

    I’ve been telling myself that New Zealand, in spite of it’s Euro weenie social democratic ways, might be a nice place to become undocumented. But I’m beginning to think the Maoris will figure out that their colonialist occupiers can be intimidated into surrender. Is there any country that still has a clear vision of freedom and self-reliance?

    With the dim-wits, uh, excuse me, I mean “educated, reality-based community,” we have in charge, it would be a long walk just to get back to a starting point on the road of liberty.

    • #7
  8. Profile Photo Member

    I wish somebody would try to take over an airplane with nail clippers. It would be awesome.

    Now if they succeeded, my only conclusion would be that every other passenger and all the staff were the sort of San Fransisco liberals who faint at the very mention of violence.

    While discussing the TSA issue with a friend today, we came to the conclusion that what needs to be done is for a group of like minded men who did not care to book solid a large plane. Everyone of them then would demand to be searched rather than go through the body scanner simply to bog down the system.

    • #8

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