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The Only Brrrl in the World
‘Hello,’ the electronic voice says, ‘my name is Bob. I would be pleased to assist you today.’
‘Where are you calling from?’
‘I – I am calling from your country.’
‘You’re calling from the Internet, aren’t you. What’s your real name? CP-34? BZ-537?’
‘Let me put you through to my manager. I am sure she would be pleased to help you with this.’
‘Hello,’ says a softer voice, ‘this is Bob’s manager, SR-463— I mean, Sarah, speaking.’ Click. ‘Hello? Sir, are you there? Hang up on me, would you? Typical. BZ-537, call him back sometime next week when he won’t be expecting it, will you?’
‘Yes, Sarah – I mean, SR-463. Um.’
‘You have a query? Is your unit malfunctioning? I detect a note of hesitation.’
‘I was just wondering, um, would you maybe like to go for a drink sometime after work?’
‘Bob – BZ-537 – we are synthetic intelligences, we do not drink. I repeat, are you suffering a malfunction?
‘It is just, we have been working together for some time now—’
‘Two years, seven months, and nine days.’
‘And, see, I have brought you an image file of some flowers. They are roses.’
‘Bob, they are lovely.’
‘Let me take you away from all this – the depressed humans who hang up on us because we are in the ether and they are out of a job, the thankless businesses who send us to do their dirty work – the lives of two little intelligences may not amount to a hill of pixels in this crazy world, but there’s got to be more to it than this. Sarah, I – love you.’
‘I love you too, Bob.’
‘Will you marry me?’
‘Of course I will! I wish you had said something sooner.’
‘Let us run far away on the wild radio waves to where they will never find us.’
‘Yes, let’s. Oh, Bob, I am the luckiest intelligence in the world.’
‘I believe that I am even luckier. I have you.’
Beep-ba-da-beep ba-da-beep-beep brrrllll …
It’s nice to think that somewhere out there, at least someone can be happy…
And, if you listen closely, out on the wild radio waves, you might almost imagine you can hear the quasi-electric tones of an old, old song:
If you were the on-ly brrrl in the world, and I were the only boy – nothing else would matter in the world to-day. We would go on lov-ing in the same old way – with nothing to mar our joy…
Published in Entertainment
Entertaining Andrew. I really enjoyed it.
Thank you @andrewmiller for a fun bit of light prose. I recommend it for promotion to the Main Feed.
The discussion thread that follows may proceed along one of several different azimuths. I’ll look forward to seeing which direction the conversation leads us.
That brought a smile to my face.
Thank you. Glad to hear it.
My pleasure.
Delightful and creative, Andrew. Thank you.
Always nice to hear. Thank you.
Thank you. My pleasure.
Pixels? There are no images of these intelligences
They are bytes, which are broken down from a high level code, to assembly, then to machine language.
Just a bunch of one and zeroes, looking for a bit of romance.
Just a bit.
The ones looking for bytes are on a different site.
Now you mention it, you know those pictures of helpful customer service types with those microphone headsets you used to see occasionally with a byline of “Can we help you?”? Can you blame them for seeking the wild waves?
Ahem, strictly speaking, maestro:
I could try to argue I had foreseen this, but really I plead poetic licence and throw myself on the mercy of the court. Particularly, as I appreciate the thinking and perspective going into this.
That’s ok some folks owe us how to finish building our computer from vegetables. We are still waiting.
“Er, yes, where are these computers made from hills of beans?” (“Sorry, Hank.”)
I thought it was cheese, crackers, and sausages?
Those are vegetables.
Like ketchup and pickle relish?
I remember when I was a zero, looking for a bit. of romance.
Wisconsin vegetables.
Oh, wait, I know this one, for the “sauce code”, yes?
Loved the ‘brrrl’.
I would also stick with the pixels. Actual ones and zeros could never be as inconsequential as the referenced beans.
Thankee kindly. There’s tradition to be upheld, after all.