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A Humbling Experience
This past week, my husband and I went to a private three-day defensive pistol training course. We’d had training with the organization before and they had excellent personnel. We hadn’t gone to a class in five years, and I thought the training would be valuable for me to not just increase my skills, but also prepare me and increase my confidence for concealed carry. Unfortunately, my experience was disappointing.
I had an unintentional discharge.
To backtrack a little, we practice fairly regularly at our local gun range. But from the start of the training, I was having just a little difficulty focusing. We were reminded over and over again (rightly so) at the beginning of each session about gun safety, particularly watching where the gun is pointed and keeping the finger off the trigger. This was old news to us, so I didn’t anticipate a problem. But I wasn’t consistent about keeping my finger off the trigger.
And then the moment came on the third day during a technique practice; the magazine was empty and I went to reload. I put the new magazine in, racked the slide to put a round in the chamber—and the gun fired. No one was hurt, but the experience was devastating.
My finger had been on the trigger.
Our trainer (who was great in every way) took me aside and explained that if I had been in a class with others, I would have been told to leave. I couldn’t put someone else at risk. And of course, he was right.
He did come up with a solution, which he put to his boss (the owner of the company), and I was allowed to use the trainer’s red dot SIRT gun. It wasn’t a great substitute, but it was better than the alternative.
How can I explain my lack of attention and focus? For one, the heat was wearing, especially on the third day. Second, my ability to focus seemed to deteriorate over the class time. I am 75 years old, so that might have been a factor. And it occurred to me that it was possible that my brain had been affected from the chemotherapy—chemo brain—which I’d had three years ago. The damage from chemo is still evident in my feet with my peripheral neuropathy.
Where do things stand now? For one, I’m not safe for concealed carry. Whether I improve enough with practice to consider CC is unclear. We plan to continue shooting at our local range. And I’m going to investigate pepper spray, which our trainer thought was an excellent alternative.
Some of you might suggest supplements that might help me if I have “brain damage.” But I take enough medication and supplements, and I’m not interested in putting anything else in my body.
There is a cautionary tale in this story. Guns are dangerous. They can kill people. And they need to be taken seriously and handled with close attention.
That is certainly my plan from here on out.
Published in Guns
My thanks to Doug Pratt for his suggestions and recommendations.
There’s a bad joke to be made here, but I should probably leave it alone. Or maybe put it in “Vault of Horrible Humor.”
You’re right. It is what it’s called.
Perhaps a bit of perspective might help? The first accidental discharge I ever saw was at Camp Spearhead in Kuwait, 2004 (Operation Iraqi Freedom). A young Marine Lieutenant was coming through the Port HQ security checkpoint and as he was clearing his rifle, there was a loud BANG! and then…dead silence. We were all just as surprised as he was, and no one envied him the a**-chewing he received from his Lieutenant-Colonel Battalion commander (and likely his Colonel Regimental Commander as well.)
What’s the point of this long, boring story? That if it can happen to professionals, it can happen to any of us. You kept the muzzle up and down range, yes? You immediately knew what you’d done wrong, and I guarantee you’ll never make that mistake again.
So…cut yourself some slack.
Thanks for the suggestion, PH. But we disagree. I can’t seem to keep my finger off the trigger even when I’m at the gun range. I will work hard at correcting this problem, but until and unless that time arrives, I’m not carrying.
I’ve read about some handguns designed to help deal with that, but I can’t remember what they’re called. Something to do with the trigger guard, perhaps.
I am really feeling some of the pain, in spite of merely reading this, and never having even met you.
God bless you in your and your husband’s work on dealing with this. Your choices already show bravery, wisdom, and a heart that puts others’ well-being above your own.
I was shocked to see even one attempt use this sad event as a chance to show off among Ricochet users at the expense of your feelings. You handled him very respectfully and graciously.
I did one, long ago. I’ve never forgotten it, it’s still among the most embarrassing events of my life. Never again.
I could just see your grip tightening with the effort to pull back the slide and it would be a natural, unwanted thing when fatigued. It’s not difficult to imagine, and I’m sorry for your experience.
Supplements? I’m no help, but maybe re-check with your physician or rehabilitation specialist about stamina and grip strength. I can tell you sports drinks will not be an aid as they use artificial sugars your body has to work harder to break down. When I coached, I banned sports drinks because they took energy off the field. If you haven’t already, consider adjusting your diet for a higher-activity day as well.
Thanks, Chris. We tried so hard to stay hydrated with water–the trainer brought lots of water with ice–I suspect a level of dehydration accounted for the slip, too. I hadn’t considered that.
I wish I had the confidence to say that it will never happen again, but I have a lot to do until I reach that point. It was embarrassing. And I hope to do better.
Yes, I would think a loss of manual strength would be part of that. Consider extra protein to start the day as well. Eggs always do it for me on high-activity days.
You’re right!! I should have had eggs in the a.m., although the discharge was in the afternoon.
Precisely the right frame of mind. Think that every time you touch a gun. Awareness of how easy it is to stumble greatly reduces stumbling.
It’s like focusing on how to pronounce “Worcestershire.”
A positive habit of indexing is required. It’s not enough to “keep one’s finger away from the trigger.” Negative habits do not work. One must work to develop the “finger goes here” habit.
I admire your questioning whether to trust yourself.
Which is why I completely trust you with a firearm.
Ice is not your friend. I’ve found that one does not drink as much cold water before your thirst feels quenched, so you end up not drinking as much water. Slightly cool is okay, but not cold.
First of all, thank you for posting this very personal, and painful reminder for Ricochet members that own firearms. The time lapse of 5 years of tactical training may have played a part in the loss of muscle memory when it comes to your index finger on the trigger rather than outside the trigger guard when reloading.
Wustashur.
Yes! That makes sense, Barfly.
Just don’t fail to fire when you should. (And yes, there’s the rub!)
Probably 20 years ago or more, when I had an accidental discharge. It was a .22 revolver and I still think about it. (It helps to have the bullet hole in a piece of furniture we still have.)
I am glad to know someone else here understands the additives in these “energy drinks” and vitamin drink-y H2O’s can impact our functioning.
When I was tutoring 7th graders to HS freshman, the lessons would go along smoothly.
Then mom would come in with water for me and a diet drink for the aspiring student.
The lesson would go downhill quickly once the diet drink was consumed. In some cases it was as though the kid had been zombified.
I have known a few people who insist that if a powdered vitamin C is added to the diet drink it won’t be so bad. (Like a packet of Emergency C.) Only the cola drinks are not going to benefit taste-wise from that addition.
It does sound like a humbling experience. I’m sorry it happened to you. I guess that is why such incidents are called accidents – but they still are unsettling.
Be sure and and see if you are “forgetting” to keep hold of things. I know how since my bad fall of Apr 2016, that once in a while, I simply drop a cup that I am holding onto. That is not normal behavior for us humans. I don’t know if that is considered an automatic reflex part of the body-nervous system gone haywire or what. But for most adults, once we have hold of something, we do not need to consciously remember to keep holding it.
Things like this happen to me most often when higher daily temps become the norm. Or if I am tired.
I’m convinced that had I continued physical therapy on a periodic basis, maybe none of this would happen at all. But the COV shut downs in California had my physical therapist re-locate in Florida.
If you are realizing that your hold on things is slipping, and you can get a scheduled visit with a neurologist, the doctor might be able to assess you and come up with solutions. I went that route but the neurologist at my clinic was an actual imposter at the time that I tried to do that for myself. (The specialist was fired but I still owed a big chunk of money for that appointment.)
More unsolicited advice: Make the tip of your index finger the first and last thing that touches the gun when you pick it up or put it down. That’s pretty much guaranteed to train the habit.
Where were you when I needed you?! 😉
Probly at the range.
I’ve come to believe that carrying a gun, for most people, probably increases the chances that something bad will happen for that person. So if you’re not in a line of work where you need to do carry, or some situation where it’s necessary, don’t.
I had an unintentional discharge once too. No one else was around. I was making sure my Smith and Wesson 5944 was empty. I cocked the gun to expel any rounds then instinctively aimed it at the floor which I was trained to do. I had done this any number of times before. I pulled the trigger to de-cock it and it and blew a hole in the floor and it hit the floor in the dining room below. When I had de-cocked it, it turns out I had inadvertently loaded it from the magazine which I had left in the handle.
I was well trained in how to use this gun, but it still happened. Until this kind of thing happens to you, you probably don’t really have a full respect for carrying a firearm. That was in 1997. I still have it but I don’t think I’ve fired it since.
We have several folks in our small country Church who are police officers/active duty Marines – but that is, as a former boss used to say, “invenerial”. I really disagree, but am willing to learn: Do you have any numbers supporting your idea?
No, it’s just an instinctive or common sense type feeling. How am increasing my net odds of survival when I leave home on an errand, by carrying a gun? Any scenario under which I would increase it seems so rare that it would be smaller than a scenario which could have the opposite result, such as someone taking my gun from me or where I would use the gun and hit someone I wasn’t aiming at.