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Rory McIlroy Busted My Knee
Okay, that’s not entirely correct. He’s responsible for my busted knee. No, that’s not correct either. He’s responsible for finally winning the Masters, which caused me to do something stupid, which in turn, resulted in me busting my knee.
Perhaps I should explain.
In the final round of the Masters, Rory McIlroy (one of my favorites) started the final round tied for the lead with Bryson DeChambeau at -10. DeChambeau faded during the round as McIlroy increased his lead to -14. Meanwhile, Justin Rose steadily climbed up the leaderboard. Now at -14 after hole 10, McIlroy was poised for an epic choke, as he did in the 2011 Masters (the one in which I attended the Friday round with middle daughter). The 2025 final round ended with McIlroy and Rose tied. As it turned out, McIlroy didn’t choke in the first hole of sudden death, winning with a sweet birdie putt. He did it! He finally did it!
And that’s when Stad got stupid.
I was so thrilled McIlroy finally won the Masters that I raced to the bathroom for a quick use before returning to watch the ensuing celebration. As I rushed out of the john, my right shoulder clipped the door frame, twisting me so that I fell sideways into the opposite wall. I bounced back into the bathroom, and as I tumbled through the door, flame on my way to the floor, my left knee hit the door frame – hard. My right foot got a slight twist as I thudded to the deck.
“Need help?” neutral observer asked as she found me sprawled on the bathroom floor.
“No, thanks,” I replied.
I managed to get up, but I could already feel the knee beginning to swell, so I carefully made my way upstairs and got ready for bed early. Sure enough, the next morning, I discovered I needed our walker to get around. I used the walker all day Monday, then went to a cane on Tuesday. On Thursday, I could start using the cane less and less. After a full week, I could walk without the cane and drive my car, but I still kept the cane handy in case I sat somewhere and had a hard time getting up. Being older now, it will take a lot longer to fully recover.
In fact, both of us have fallen so many times this year, we’re thinking of renaming this Spring as our “Fall” season.
Anyway, we’re also thinking of bubble-wrapping our entire house. Safety first, you know . . .
Published in Humor
Bubble wrap yourself. That way you’re still safe if you go out.
Also, get well soon.
Don’t admit to that if you’re ever hospitalized for any reason. That’ll initiate a protocol that will keep you confined to bed except for strictly monitored occasions, such as going to the bathroom, where you’ll be required to sit on the stool.
He ain’t lying. Stad, be careful, man. Neutral Observer, make sure the life insurance is paid up. 😉
Also, watch out for the phone calls from the contracted outliers, partnered with and lurking around, the periphery of your health insurance company, who phone you up (ad nauseam, in my experience), always starting out by making it sound as if they’re actually from your insurer, but who–on further direct questioning–are found not to be so. They’re the ones who’ll start asking you–among much else–if you have throw rugs on your floors; how high your bed is from the floor; if you have rails in the shower and non-skid mats on the shower and bathtub floor; if you have adequate banisters on your stairs (or if you even have stairs–or even just the challenge of any steps at all in your daily life); if there are any open fireplaces or flames in your home; and–yes–how many times you’ve fallen in the last six months. Triggering them with a thoughtless answer to any of these questions results in interminable and inconvenient interference from the parties concerned, and visits, installations, and alterations to your way of life which may just affect your satisfaction with the way of life you thought would be yours for the duration.
I–fortunately–learned this through an elderly family member who didn’t spot the consequences, before I became a target myself. Therefore, I participate as little as possible in such games.
Last time I went to the doctors for my annual (at “no cost” to me, HaHa) “Medicare” checkup, I was presented with a multi-page questionnaire designed to elicit disturbing (for them) responses to the above questions and more. Fortunately, “decline to answer” was one of the options, so we’ll see where invoking that gets me going forward.
All other things being equal, I’d rather rely on a friend or family member to let me know when I might be falling behind or failing, than some bloody computer algorithm designed to enrich either the insurance company or its friends by overtaking my life and making me essentially a prisoner in my own home.
Also it might not be a bad thing for Neutral Observer to have video recordings of what goes on in this house.
Had this recent turn of events caused Stad to pre-maturely meet the saints, I could just imagine a “Dateline” episode with the local DA pressing homicide charges and a bunch of forensic “fall” experts who testify a simple fall could not ever cause so much bruising to so many parts of the body.
In any event, short of us seniors living in padded cells, falls and similar events do take out a lot of people.
It has become obvious that if the Big Supplemental Insurers involving MediCare really had our interests in mind,we wouldn’t be forced to choose among them between Oct 5th and Dec 5th of each year.(So maybe they should stop with all the phone calls.)
We find to our horror that our picking out the better plan money-wise was extremely irrelevant, because these insurers get to raise their rates on Jan 1 of the following year.
So just about 3 weeks after we finalize the deal, we realize they have the power to legally bait and switch the coming year’s premium.
As I read the post I knew I could see myself doing that. Oof! Getting older isn’t for sissies. And it requires being less invested in your dignity (because age won’t respect it anyway).
Can’t you pause live TV these days?
Yesss!! (Good luck with that.) 😭
Both my wife and I (not “myself”!!, but that’s a separate peeve) have fallen recently. She got up a little drowsy from a nap and the cat tripped her. At least that’s her story. She hit the back of her head and after two nights with trouble sleeping, got a “cat” scan and no issues were detected. She’s fine.
Later on, after we had been cleaning the kitchen cabinets with Pledge, I happened to walk on the hardwood floor in my socks and bam, right on my a$$. It hurt for about a week, but I’m OK.
Advice: Don’t let the cat walk behind you and keep the Pledge off your hardwood floors.
Gee Stad, it is only golf. Y’all be careful.
I was supposed to learn how to fall in karate. Instructions were, Bite, Bend, Breathe, Brake. I never advanced passed splat when sparring. No sparring partner is allowed to throw me now.
These are legitimate medical questions, designed to elicit risks for minor things like hip fractures. I have seen many a little old lady with a serious fracture arising from tripping on an object on the floor, tripping over a cat, slipping on a loose rug. These are not trivial things.
For anyone over 60, my first rule is Don’t Fall.
I don’t have a DVR, just a basic satellite receiver . . .
Falling was one of the first things I learned in karate too! Unfortunately, I wasn’t at a dojo on a mat, and karate was about 100 years ago . . .
People keep talking about hips here, and things like checkers and getting off my damn lawn.
The real issue here is: When are we going to seek justice for Stad? When do we corner Rory and ask him why he broke Stad’s knee?
I watched the last half of the tournament, and knew a *little* of Rory’s background, so while it was painful to watch that first makeable putt miss, him eventually holing it in the playoff and getting what he had finally earned was amazing to watch.
We didn’t have mats back in the day. We do now but it is harder to balance on one leg when kicking when standing on mats.
Our mats were floors, back in the day. Gym floors (wooden), or the hard tile floors. Slippery as hell when trying to move or kick. Back before kicking shoes became a thing and the ground was instantly grippy.
We had mats and bare floors. We used the floors for kata and kumite, as well as general technique practice. We used the mats for falling as well as ground-level self defense moves . . .
Back in my day, all we had was rocks and sand, and we liked it. And bare feet, none of these new-fangled shoes.
Guess which one of those things I did two nights ago (the night after this was posted)?
I’ve fallen enough times after 60, the most common being falling off my bicycle due to forgetting to unclip before coming to a stop. When I switch between bicycles with SPD clip pedals and those with flat pedals, it’s easier to forget. When I always ride with clips (aka clipless) I always unclip without even thinking about it. But the bike I use for airline travel is one I usually ride without clips, because I don’t want to take extra bicycling shoes with me, so now there is some going back and forth between riding clipless (i.e. with clips) or with flat pedals. I’ve always rolled with the fall, so no damage has ever been done except the time a few years ago when I didn’t fall because I jerked my foot away from the pedal at a stop sign where there was a poor view of coming traffic, forgetting that I was clipped in. I finished my ride, but that took a while to heal. There was also the time 13 years ago I caught my foot in the wire mesh for the concrete slab in the driveway I was prepping to pour. Slightly cracked a rib on that one, it seemed, but it wasn’t as bad as the time a decade earlier when I went down when riding across wet railroad tracks while trying to figure out the new road to the campground near the Battle of Tippecanoe site. I was still in my 50s on that one. I kept riding in days to come, but I needed Mrs Subcomandante’s help to roll out of bed in the mornings. Once I was on my bicycle I was always OK.
Now I’m 76 and decided it’s time to transition away from SPD pedals altogether, except for the bicycle that I use for indoor rides on my trainer.
Two days ago I did a 50 mile ride, but with several rest stops. It was harder than any rides of that size (or longer) that I did last year, which I hope is just a temporary issue. I’ll be putting it to the test shortly, because I’m planning an upcoming tour with plenty of 50 mile days in it.
Another issue with getting older is severe leg cramps (or in any muscles of the body) after or even during rides. This started 15 years ago and has been getting progressively worse. I now take electrolyte powder packets with me to mix with every bottle of water. It helps a lot while riding, but doesn’t eliminate the problem at the end of the day when trying to get dressed after a shower, or after a nap or in the evening when I’m in bed, especially in the hours after a long ride.
I almost dreaded taking a nap in the Lazy-Boy after that ride because I knew what was going to happen when I got up. But this time, before getting up, I tried a thorough routine of tightening and loosening leg muscles while still lying down. Toes toward me, tighten and hold for a few seconds. Toes away from me, tighten and hold for a few seconds. And other such things, with several reps. Behold, it worked! I got out of the Lazy-Boy without cramping up! It was a new revelation for me. (In the past I’d also get the cramps while still lying down, and I’d have to scramble to my feet to stand on them and get some relief, but maybe the electrolytes have been helping with that. Otherwise I have no explanation for why I haven’t had much of that part lately.)
The rest of the evening went fairly well. But during the night, when I woke up in bed, I decided to get up a bit. I think what happened was that I started to cramp about the time my feet hit the floor, and in my reaction I slipped and fell, and banged my jaw on a the wooden foot of the bed. It’s an old-fashioned antique of a bed, with a wooden foot with square edges that wraps around the corner, slightly higher than the mattress.
I knew this was not good, and yelled out to that effect. Mrs Subcomandante didn’t stir; she’s used to me dealing with cramps when I get up, and thought this was another episode like that. I was worried that this could put an end to my upcoming tour plans, but after thinking it through figured my teeth are probably all already dead on that side, with root canals, etc.
When I was in my 20s I was wheeling our little daughter in a stroller when the wind caught the sunshade and threw it back where it whacked my upper jaw in the same place. That led to a long series of dental problems that I was dealing with for over 20 years, until in the end I had a bridge installed there.
This time I got only a small cut, and some swelling on that side. It’s still a bit sore, but there are no apparent dental problems yet. So maybe I’ll be OK.
When I got back to bed I saw that yep, that’s a throw rug there, and I probably slipped on it when I started to cramp. I thought we had already removed most of the throw rugs in our house, but I guess only in the slipperiest places, such as tile floors. There still are some, but that one I probably slipped on is now gone, and if I have my way the others won’t be there much longer, either.
I have learned the truth of “Use it or lose it” (age 77.6).
Assuming you have a big comfy but firm bed mattress, start taking practice falls. Include falls where the object is to have you hit your head – SMACK – temples first. Don’t let your hands or arms shelter the impact.
The main thing is, when you practice taking a fall on your head itself, after your head hits the mattress, roll so should you ever fall enough that there is reverb, the reverb will have the second slam hit a shoulder.
Do it often enough that it become an instinct.
I had an 85 year old client who went down a few concrete steps to join me in his garden. He slipped and that would have been “All she wrote”, except he somersaulted and landed on his feet like an Olympic gymnast. This was all the more amazing since he was not in good shape.
He then said: “I did this because of years of martial arts classes. Taken decades ago.”
He then revealed the instructions listed above for what I should do if I ever was in the middle of a very bad fall on my head.
The instruction allowed me to survive a very bad head slam onto asphalt pavement in Apr 2016. (It’s funny how time slows and a person thinks clearly in the middle of a bad accident.) I still suffered major brain trauma from the first impact and the reverb impact I forced onto my shoulder did screw that shoulder up for a few months. But the alternative would have been far worse.
Not Falling might require a twelve-step program.
Two beers then we head to the gym on the ship when it is rocking and practice kata and kumite next cruise?
LOL I can barely remember any of my katas, and I’d likely break my fist even if I pulled a punch . . .
Great! Finally a sparring partner I could beat!
LOL! Beating up on an old man!
Heck, I bet GLDIII would be ordering our drinks just so he could watch the show.
Can a National Review cruise provide this quality of entertainment? I think not.