“I Am Verklempt!”

 

In fact, I have been verklempt since the election…that is, when I’m not screaming at the walls, at the piles of laundry, or at the cowardly Uber Eats drivers who drop off my food without waiting for a tip and run away. You’d think they’ve never seen a 425 lb. trans woman with purple and neon-green hair, piercings, face tattoos, and stubble whose mascara is running before.

I can’t seem to get anything done. My ten or twelve or so cats are no longer a comfort to me. Their litter box is in need of cleaning. I’m afraid to go outside because all my neighbors are racists and misogynists, and I know I will be attacked. Look at what America has become! Look what all the racists and homophobes and misogynists voted for. Not a single obese transgender or gender-fluid person of color has been nominated by Trump Hitler in his fascist, Christian, white supremacist, genocidal Zionist stormtrooper cabinet and there isn’t likely to be.

And yesterday, get this: yesterday, I received a letter that I am expected to actually show up at my cubicle in D.C. instead of working from home. I’m so upset, I’m actually considering accepting Hitler’s buyout offer to leave my job as a crisis counselor in the Health and Human Services agency.

– Aurora Gemini Pinkhat (my pronouns are ze, zee, zea, zimmy, zoe, zono, zip, and zipper)

A GoFundMe page has not been established yet for Aurora Gemini Pinkhat. Please consider starting one. Those wishing to date Aurora can contact zea/zip at eHarmony or Tinder.

The preceding is possibly satire. This post is not authorized for distribution in the United Kingdom or Canada where the satirist may be subject to arrest, imprisonment, and re-education after a visit from the police.

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There are 13 comments.

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  1. Brian Watt Member
    Brian Watt
    @BrianWatt

    It just got worse! – Aurora

    https://twitchy.com/amy-curtis/2025/01/31/federal-employees-to-remove-pronouns-from-email-by-5-pm-today-n2407655

    • #1
  2. E. Kent Golding Moderator
    E. Kent Golding
    @EKentGolding

    You need to update your profile image to reflect the new you.

    • #2
  3. Painter Jean Moderator
    Painter Jean
    @PainterJean

    Did you get your inspiration from this?

    Walter Hudson on X: “FULL VIDEO: Today I sat exposed as a 450 pound criminal repeatedly approached me within two feet and screamed in my face with a bullhorn. At any moment, it could have turned violent and there would have been little I could have done to avoid harm. Democrats? Silent.https://t.co/IL5mY2ZXQu” / X

    • #3
  4. Brian Watt Member
    Brian Watt
    @BrianWatt

    Painter Jean (View Comment):

    Did you get your inspiration from this?

    Walter Hudson on X: “FULL VIDEO: Today I sat exposed as a 450 pound criminal repeatedly approached me within two feet and screamed in my face with a bullhorn. At any moment, it could have turned violent and there would have been little I could have done to avoid harm. Democrats? Silent.https://t.co/IL5mY2ZXQu” / X

    Nope. First time I’ve seen it. Thanks.

    • #4
  5. Andrew Troutman Coolidge
    Andrew Troutman
    @Dotorimuk

    I thought this was a NY Times editorial.

    • #5
  6. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    Andrew Troutman (View Comment):

    I thought this was a NY Times editorial.

    Or L.A. Times, or Seattle Times…

    • #6
  7. Eugene Kriegsmann Member
    Eugene Kriegsmann
    @EugeneKriegsmann

    I love it! What a great way to start the morning.

    • #7
  8. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    Eugene Kriegsmann (View Comment):

    I love it! What a great way to start the morning.

    I agree!

    • #8
  9. kylez Member
    kylez
    @kylez

    I’m surprised you would be on such a Christo-Fascist website as eHarmony.

    • #9
  10. Brian Watt Member
    Brian Watt
    @BrianWatt

    kylez (View Comment):

    I’m surprised you would be on such a Christo-Fascist website as eHarmony.

    You mean this eHarmony?

    • #10
  11. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    Or…

    • #11
  12. kylez Member
    kylez
    @kylez

    eHarmony was sued by New Jersey years ago, because the civil rights of gays were being violated somehow by them not having a gay section. I wrote a letter about it. 

    • #12
  13. GlennAmurgis Coolidge
    GlennAmurgis
    @GlennAmurgis

    Andrew Troutman (View Comment):

    I thought this was a NY Times editorial.

    or  TheBulwark

    • #13
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