One of the blessings I give my children is that they should make it into adulthood “Without Doing Anything Irrevocably Stupid.” It doesn’t matter how good a home you build: when a young person turns into a teenager, they do not grasp that following their instincts comes with profound and lifelong consequences. “Being true to yourself” when you are hormone-addled and cannot comprehend the magnitude of second-order consequences leads to a lifetime of regrets.  A girl who is “true to herself” and “living in the moment” can violently and permanently rip her soul from her body – look up “Lily Phillips” to see the current poster child, the reductio ad absurdum of this way of thinking and where it leads.

At the root of the problem is a conceptual gap: when people are taught there is no soul, then there is only a body. And it thus follows that a reasonable life goal is to maximize the pleasure we experience through our bodies. This way of thinking is so obvious to young people these days that to think otherwise makes one Not Normal.

Of course, as every parent and then grandparent knows, there are a lot of joys in the world that are not the direct result of our physical experiences or prowess. The feelings one gets when one holds a newborn child, or celebrates the achievements of a grandchild are unparalleled – but these deeply moving events are so far away from the thought patterns of young people that they might as well come from an alien species.

We are introduced to the dualism of the body and the soul at the creation of mankind – Adam is made from earth and from a divine spark. We are meant to aspire to elevate ourselves, to elevate the body through our choices. Our bodies are not meant to be temples in themselves: instead, our bodies are meant to connect with the souls of others and the spiritual energy which is G-d. And when we do that, when we invest in the timeless, and in each other, we grow in ways that far exceed the limitations of our frail and mortal flesh.

And this is actually meant to be a story arc – the ideal growth pattern for each person. Because nobody is a holy baby, child, or teenager. We start life as selfish little monsters. Children are not “pure” – they are self-centered. They are fixated on their bodies– so much so, that unless and until they come to believe in the existence and importance of a soul, they can remain selfish hedonists forever.

But then as we grow, and especially as we invest ourselves into relationships, our horizons expand, in every way. We learn about the emotional pleasure of love, the spiritual thrill of connection, the deeply warming and beautiful glow that can be the result of a lifetime of good choices.

The Torah is focused on healing the breach between the body and the soul. It is why we are commanded to “bind these words on your hands (body) and between your eyes (soul).” It is why Jacob, named as a “heel-grasper,” grows into a new name, “Israel,” named for wrestling with G-d – Jacob grew from wrestling with his brother and Lavan and even his wives, to wrestling with G-d. Jacob’s story is about growing up. His horizons expand as he grows, and they transform from a physical focus to a spiritual and emotional one.

This is what our humanity is meant to do. As we age, and our physical capabilities decline, we are ideally able to grow in other ways.

But the Torah teaches us that if we have really connected our bodies and our souls, then the actions of one leave an imprint on the other. Just as using our bodies can carelessly damage, scar or even dislocate our souls, so, too, our spiritual actions impact our bodies. This is what happens when Jacob wrestles with the angel: he passes a spiritual test, but there is a physical reminder of that achievement, a consequence that stays with him for the rest of his days.

Jacob’s battle with the angel can reasonably be understood as a battle with himself, with his alter-ego, with indecision driven by the fear of the unknown. For all that Jacob worked as a shepherd, it was that single spiritual battle that left Jacob limping for the rest of his life.  Jacob’s cost is not meant to be forgotten, but is instead to be remembered by every Torah Jew to this day: we don’t eat filet mignon because Jacob was wounded in that part of his body. The Jewish people earn a special relationship with G-d as a result of the choices Jacob made.

The lesson in this is simple: The most important challenges that we face are invariably the ones we have with ourselves and our loved ones, and they are for spiritual and emotional ends, not merely physical pursuits. Which is why the greatest rewards mankind ever experiences are not from the thrill of physical pleasure (heck, for many older people, simple relief from pain is itself a great reward), but instead are enjoying the spiritual fruits that come from a life well spent.

Jacob “dwells” in the land of Canaan, while his fathers had merely “sojourned.” (Gen. 37:1) The word for “dwell” is shared with the word for Shabbos – resting. And just as Shabbos is the reward for a week of creative action, so, too, Jacob’s dwelling in the land was his reward for a life of indefatigable pursuit of what he believed was right. Jacob grew as he aged, and he was rewarded accordingly.

Joseph names his son Menasseh – which means “from nasseh” – the nasseh is the nerve where Jacob is wounded, the source of Jacob’s limp. It is the reward for refusing to quit. Joseph, when he named his son, connects with his father’s payment for spiritual achievement – Joseph, like Jacob, was acknowledging the blessings he received, stating that he, too, paid a price for the rewards he earned.

Joseph and G-d have zeroed out their debt – Joseph suffered for his woes, and for the loss of his father’s house. And G-d blessed Joseph in return for acting like his father, Jacob: he refused to give up and quit, he did not lose faith despite suffering body blow after body blow.

I am no fan of suffering, yet the challenges G-d puts us through are much more tolerable if we see them through the eyes of Jacob and Joseph. We wrestle with G-d and with man (and especially with ourselves). And we will take hits. But the reward will be there, if we can but keep faith and refuse to quit.