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Good European Cars
Back in the ’90s, my dad became a fan of Volvos, so each member of the family drove a used one. There may also have been a bonus car occupying the curb out in front of the house. One of my dad’s friends remarked, “Man, Jim, how many Volvos are you going to buy?” My dad in the same spirit muttered back, “A whole fleet of ’em.”
One brown Volvo in particular features heavily in my memory. My dad ferried us from home to the campus where I was in college and my siblings in high school. It seemed to drive fine, but the speedometer and maybe one or two other non-crucial elements didn’t work. Whether or not these items were actually important depended on one’s point of view, I suppose. While thankful to have had a convenient daily ride and a family vehicle, I remember running low on gas a couple times and having it buck and shudder on the way to classes. One afternoon, it was raining, and as I waited for my dad in the vehicle, thinking the rain pattering on the roof should feel cozy, it rather seemed damp in that beige interior.
My dad came home from a long road trip with the Volvo now missing another feature. Seems he’d fallen asleep at the wheel, veered off the road, and awakened to manzanita bushes whipping by the windows. One of these had torn off the passenger side mirror.
My sister maneuvered the freeways of L.A. with one particularly old Volvo while attending Biola. She sometimes had to dart across multiple lanes to get to her exit. She had to drive with the heater on so the engine wouldn’t overheat.
My younger brother recently related a brown Volvo story that he said made him laugh harder than he’s laughed at anything else in his life. He was still living at home and went with my dad to pick up the Volvo at the mechanic’s. The exchange with the mechanic went something like this:
“How’s the car?”
“Good, good–everything’s fine.”
“No issues, then?”
“No, no big issues. But there was one little thing.”
“What’s that?”
“It’s the horn.”
“You can’t get the horn to work?”
“No, no. [Pause.] We can’t get it to shut off.”
“Oh, that’s just great.”
My brother says when they got in the car and my dad started up the engine, the horn started blasting, with my highly motivated dad trying various means to silence it.
These days, a used BMW occupies the parking space next to my parents’ house. It’s a powerful little thing for navigating hills and curves, and has a good sound system–a tad loud in the back, though. Oh, wait, there are two used BMWs, a pretty red one for my mom. Just two. Both have had their issues, but the speedometers work, and last I checked, all side mirrors are intact.
Published in Humor
Does the title imply German is better than Swedish?
Oh, dear. Good European cars just doesn’t have the same ring.
One fell swoop of the dikes should do it.
One of my college roommates and his twin brother had a ‘68 Saab, that their uncle had given them. Their uncle was an Air Force officer and had spent quite a bit of his career in Europe took to driving Saabs. One afternoon, I returned from class to finding them glueing tiny bits of a taillight lens back together. Apparently one of them backed into something and shattered the lens. They went to an auto parts store to get another lens, and discovered that there were only four other Saabs of that model in the US, so nothing to be had anytime soon, so they went back to where the accident occurred and picked up every bit of red plastic they could find. My roommate said after he thought about it, that their uncle did have the car shipped home from Germany, which probably explained both the lack of replacement parts and why he gifted them his car.
My wife had a beloved 2013 Volvo, a newer one built after a Chinese holding company bought Volvo from Ford. She took great pains to take it to the dealership for any and all service.
She was going to a niece’s wedding, and I told her I could save some money changing the oil before she left. She was suspicious of my work, but I went ahead and changed it.
On the day she was supposed to leave for the wedding, she came into the house after visiting the car and told me there was fluid on the cement floor where the car sat. I went out, and sure enough, it looked as if maybe the car was leaking radiator fluid. What had I done but changed the oil? Did I accidentally hit a hose? For hours I searched the water lines and radiator and the radiator expansion tank. Nothing. This went on for so long, that my wife despaired of going to the wedding. It was too late by afternoon to make it. (The car I drove was a beater, so it wasn’t a good idea for her to take it to the wedding.)
It was only late in the day and lots of Internet searching that I figured out what the “leak” was. The fluid on the cement floor was washer fluid, not radiator fluid. When you wash the windshield by pulling back on the windshield wiper arm, spray guns come out of the front bumper, spray the headlights, and then retract so that you wouldn’t know these spray arms are there.
* * * *
Because I always get the used car when we get a new one, I now drive the Volvo. I’m watching it like a hawk.
In the early ’70’s my brother had a Volvo. He worked for an outdoor equipment rep firm, and was constantly on the road. I don’t remember what the odometer said on at least its second time around, but it was impressive, hundreds of thousands of miles beyond American cars of the time could do. The interior was, shall we say, trashed? But that thing ran like it did when it came off the showroom floor.
In the ’80’s I was driving my brand new Plymouth Voyager, full of kids from our church youth group to Yosemite to go skating. Rounding a curve on the icy road, a Volvo coming the other way lost control and hit us, running the length of my car on the driver’s side, starting on the driver’s door. Had the car not been brand new it would undoubtedly have been totaled. The engine would start, but it wasn’t going anywhere.
The Volvo owner gave his fender a good pull to get it off his front tire, and drove on.
Nobody was hurt. The Park Rangers got the kids to the skating rink in Yosemite Valley. They had a great day, and other church members came up and got them home. I got a tour of Yosemite’s idyllic winter views fit for a post card – from a tow truck, and a ride home on the next available bus.
In hindsight I wish the insurance company had totaled that Voyager. It was hands – down the worst car I ever owned. But that’s a story for another day.
Friends years ago (when all our children were little) had one of the Saabs with the ignition keyhole in the console, between the front seats. As apparently happened to many Saab owners of the era, as one of their kids was clamoring into the car, the child accidentally stepped on and broke off the ignition key in the ignition keyhole, such that her parents could not start the car.
Since I was a teenager who paid close attention to cars in the 1970s (southern California), I was fascinated with the many boxy underpowered Volvo 240s that would accumulate hundreds of thousands of miles in an era when most car owners were pleased if their car reached 100,000 miles.
https://www.autoevolution.com/news/volvo-240-turns-40-photo-gallery-85424.html
Those boxy 240s remained sufficiently popular that I seem to remember that a number of years ago there was a company that rebuilt them and sold the rebuilt cars on a commercial scale, almost assembly-line-like. But today I find no evidence of that business, though there seem to be several businesses that specialize in restoring your Volvo 240.
Another charming post, sawatdeeka.
That reminds me of an episode from childhood. My mom had a Lincoln Continental Mark IV that developed an intermittent problem. There must have been a wire that was somewhat loose in the steering column, because once in a while the horn would honk when you made a left turn. But it hadn’t done that for quite a while so everyone forgot about it. Then the problem resurfaced during my great-grandmother’s funeral procession. Every time we had to make a left turn, the horn would honk until the wheel was straightened again.
I had a Volvo 740 station wagon. At 140,000 miles or so it developed an electrical leak to the dashboard. We had to carry a spare battery in the car to change it out every week or so. I did this once on the way to a concert, wearing a tuxedo shirt. Such fun.
@quietpi‘s story of the Volvo and his Plymouth Voyager reminds me of a fellow I worked with. He drove a Saab. We were working for a subsidiary of GM and at a GM facility. I asked him about his choice of vehicles.
“Many years ago, I was riding with a friend in his Saab when a semi missed a stop sign and hit us. We both survived relatively unhurt. I’ve driven Saab cars ever since.”
Who was using the windshield washer while it was parked?
I probably did, testing things out before the long trip.
I’ve had several old BMWs and an old Dodge. The Dodge had to have the heater going to keep from overheating…when I lived in Phoenix. It was so hot, the heater was more like regular ventilation.
My oldest BMW had an incident similar to the manzanitas. In 2005 in Utah, I was behind a semi at 2am, when out from under the semi flipped a deer. I drove straight over it as there was no time to veer safely. The low hanging fog light snapped off and a tire developed a slow leak which had to be repaired in Wyoming. We made it back to Illinois otherwise unscathed. For months after, no matter how much I tried to clean it, there was an odor of deer flesh burning. I still have the car.
One of my lady lawyer friends at DOE always drove Volvos. I asked her why, and she said it was bwecause they were the safest cars out there. I then asked, “Is it because they really are the safest, or is it because the safest drivers perceive them as safest and buy them, thus actually making them among the safest cars?”
She had to think about that one . . .
That’s a darn good point, Stad. But I do believe that in industry-standard crash testing, Volvos have historically been above average. And even the cars that just barely pass today’s federal safety standards are very much more crash-worthy than the best cars from a few decades ago. Sometimes people think the opposite is true because new cars may look so much more smashed-up after a crash, but that’s because everything outside the passenger compartment is designed to crumple and absorb g-force, thereby lessening the g-force transmitted to the passengers.
There are a bunch of similar videos out there, I just grabbed this first one that came up.
Exactly. They are safe cars, but safe drivers make the combination even safer, thus (one could argue) skewing the statistics . . .
You could have put a tub under the dashboard to catch the electricity that leaked out and then pour it back into the battery.