“I need to go to the city,” Grandma said.

“Oh, boy!” I replied.

“Wait, just a minute. I didn’t say you were coming with me.”

“But Grandma, I’ve never been to the city.”

“Well…” Grandma said, “Okay, but you do what I say and stay close to me.”

Then Grandma unlocked her gun safe and took out her Glock 9mm pistol, holstered it, put on her coat over her holster, and made sure she had an extra clip of bullets. Then she stuffed her coat pockets with little canisters of pepper gel.

“Okay, Little One. Let’s go.”

We drove to the city in Grandma’s Hummer. Grandma said that taking public transit was too dangerous, and she didn’t want to have to break some meth-head’s knees or send a gang member to the hospital, because that would slow us down.

Grandma took the exit ramp from the freeway into the city and we passed a lot of tents. There must have been hundreds of tents, and the buildings behind the tents were painted with a lot of bad words. Grandma parked her Hummer in a hotel parking garage and we set off to get those things in the city that Grandma needed.

Grandma lifted me up and carried me over the sidewalk because people had pooped on it. I saw hypodermic needles in the poop, the kind of needles that they used when I got my vaccination shot. When we reached a cleaner sidewalk, Grandma let me down but took a firm grip of my hand.

There were a lot of sirens from police cars, fire trucks, and ambulances in the city. The air smelled stinky.

“Keep your eyes open for anything strange,” Grandma said.

“Okay, Grandma,” I said. I did notice a man in black leather shorts and high heels walking another man in black leather shorts and high heels on a dog’s leash, but I didn’t mention it to Grandma. I saw another man walking in circles and screaming up into the sky but I didn’t mention that either. I liked going places with Grandma because it was always an adventure.

We walked about a block, and I saw something else that I thought was strange.

“Hey, Grandma,” I said, “What are all those people doing at that drug store?”

“They’re looting, Little One.”

“What’s looting, Grandma?” I asked.

“Looting is stealing what doesn’t belong to you. It’s wrong. Would you like to hear a story, Little One?”

“Oh, yes please, Grandma.”

“A long time ago, this city was hit with a major earthquake and fire.”

“Oh, my!” I said.

“And when people looted the stores like those people are doing, soldiers in the army shot them dead. So, what’s the lesson from this story, Little One?”

“Don’t loot,” I answered, “…because it’s wrong and you could be shot.”

“Yes, Little One, it is wrong, very wrong. But they don’t shoot looters anymore. They let them steal.”

“But Grandma, that’s wrong.”

“Yes, it is, Little One, but the people who run this city are idiots, and are destroying this once beautiful city by allowing thieves to run rampant.”

Grandma and I entered a store that had a sign that read, “Going Out of Business Sale.” A clerk brought some packages from the back room and gave them to Grandma.

“Thank you,” Grandma said to the clerk. “What will you do now?” Grandma asked the clerk.

“My wife and I are moving to Idaho,” the clerk replied.

“Good idea.” Grandma said, “Get out while you can.”

We left the store with Grandma’s packages and walked back to the hotel parking garage and got into Grandma’s Hummer.

“I don’t think I like the city, Grandma.”

“You’re a smart boy, Little One. I don’t think we’ll be going back to the city. There are safer, cleaner, and more fun places that aren’t run by Democrats.”

“What are Democrats?” I asked.

“Don’t get me started,” Grandma said. “Let’s just listen to some nice music on the way home.”

We went to the city, just Grandma and me. It was my first time and my last time, and I’m glad.