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Enough with the “Dad Jokes”
While it’s refreshing to see the paterfamilias get some love, let’s give the “Dad Jokes” a break and share some “Dad Advice.” What pearls of wisdom were passed on to you? What can you hear your old man saying? The pithier the better. I’ll go first: “Keep your word!”
Published in General
I don’t remember ever getting specific advice, he taught by the example of how he lived and worked.
There were times I seemed to get advice from him in dreams, but of course that was really just me talking to myself.
“If you’re attaching something with several screws, don’t tighten them all the way at first. Get them all in and snug, and then go back around and finish tightening them.”
I used to love watching my dad build and fix things, and then helping him when I was old enough.
I still follow that procedure when putting in screws or nuts and bolts, just like he taught me probably 60 years ago.
‘There’s always money to do the job right – the second time’
As we passed every cemetery in the car: “people are dying to get in there”.
“Don’t take wooden nickels.”
Sorry that’s a family dad joke.
“I love you” is the best thing I say to my kids.
My Dad taught me…
1. A person will do bad things to you when he is in a group that he would never do if he were alone with you.
2. Everyone is a hypocrite.
3. Let the main out till it just luffs, then bring it in till it just fills.
4. It is in the nature of a woman to cut butter from both ends of a stick, and not straight.
5. There is no evidence that dietary intake of cholesterol increases blood cholesterol.
6. If he hadn’t been broke all the time he could have bought stocks and made a big fortune.
7. Anyone can be successful if he gets an education, even the ten sons of a “poor West Virginia dirt farmer.”
8. The value of a sailboat that is just big enough to have a hanging locker for your blazer and white ducks.
Best advice my dad ever game me, when I complained about financial distress: “Stop spending so G**D*** much money!”
Look them in the eye when you shake their hand.
One of my father’s occasionally asked questions that I sometimes ask from a safe distance: “Are you bragging or complaining?”
Boys, kill yourselves but don’t get hurt!
“Gravity.”
As in “gravity will win.” I.e., you or something will fall, sometimes spectacularly, which is likely to be the outcome of some stupid activity you are preparing to do. But the lessons started with the toddler who pushes his spoon off the edge of the high chair tray. “Gravity” was a recurring theme in the stories told by his grandchildren at his memorial service.
“F = ma”
Force is a multiple of the mass (most people think of weight) times the rate of acceleration.
The rapid deceleration at the end of the fall, or when the vehicle moving at speed encounters a solid object, will involve a significant force on you.
He was a professor of mechanical engineering.
For the family’s grocery market, my dad routinely hired high school boys to work afternoons on days the “order” arrived, i.e., the weekly delivery of non-perishable goods in cartons to be stacked up in the back room. The kids learned to open the cartons, mark the contents with price stickers or stamps, to stock the shelves out front.
Of course, with kids, there always was a fair amount of horsing around, some more inclined to it than others. Fooling around lowered productivity, and led him to utter one of his more memorable quips, about what to expect from hiring teenagers:
One boy is a boy.
Two boys is half a boy.
And three boys is no boy at all.
My dad was a carpenter and always had some project going out in the garage. I was always out there helping, picking up dropped nails, holding the end of the board he was sawing, stuff like that. But often I helped by “staying out of the way.” I could still watch and be available if necessary. He let me know that I had limitations, but did not have to scram out of there.
Absolutely the top advice came from my Grandad when I, age 21, helped him reroof his house (he was 65 and outworked me hands down). Since we were not in earshot of his wife (a constant talker) I pumped him for life lessons and the best one is: “We didn’t like to borrow so we waited for things.” As Solomon said, “The borrower is servant to the lender.” Not being in debt has meant we were free to make decisions along the way that would have been closed off otherwise. Debt restricts choices so we didn’t borrow unless it was necessary and then only for things that well outlast the payment coupon.
“Can’t never did.”
I was, I think, twenty-something when it finally dawned on me what it meant. But I stopped using (whining, actually) the phrase “I can’t” years earlier.
“Last place I want to go!”
It’s ok to get drunk once, because you don’t yet know how alcohol affects you. After that you have no excuse.
“Ahh, your first hangover! Enjoy it! I remember my first hangover. Well, actually that’s not true. If I remembered it, it wouldn’t be a real hangover.” – Londo Mollari
From my father’s father, my papou (Greek for grandfather):
Metríste déka forés, kópste eno
(Measure ten times, cut once.)
My dad used to say that a lot, too, but I first heard it from my papou. (He apprenticed as a cabinet maker in his teens.)
My uncle passed on timeless wisdom: “When you are sitting at a poker table with strangers and you can’t spot the fish, that is because the fish is you.”
The version I heard started with “One boy is half a man”, then carried on from there.
When I turned 18 and was thus of legal drinking age – “Stay away from the hard stuff. Find a beer you like and stick with it.”
“Don’t force it.” (When working with tools.)
“Walk it off.” (When I got hit by a baseball.)
I used to hear, “I cut it twice, but it was still too short.” I never heard that one from my father, though.
Much of my father’s advice was delivered with such foul language I can’t post it here. It’s too bad. Some of it was quite funny.
Actually, he taught me about electricity and electronics. Most important thing being always complete the circuit, if you want it to work.
He also taught me a lot about chess. I’m not a great player, but I’m better than I would be otherwise.
“Banks are in the business of lending money. If they won’t lend someone money, there’s a reason. Never co-sign a loan.”
Speaking of Dad jokes – last month my husband and I were driving from Florida to Georgia. We were stopped at a red light on a state highway. An older man in the truck beside us motioned to me to roll down my window. Don’t ask me why, but I did. He said, “Why do chicken coops only have 2 doors?” I kind of blinked. As the light changed and he pulled away he yelled, “Because if they had 4 doors they’d be a chicken sedan.” Sorry!
When I was in junior high my next door neighbor and I played a lot of chess. We were very evenly matched.
Then I read a book from the library on how to improve my game. After I read it, he started beating me consistently.
“Or grandma. Put your hand down, Louis, we all know your parents died.”
Fun thread, y’all, thanks for chiming in!
Reality is objective.
The Bible is true.
Assume every gun is loaded.
Actually, it was a friend’s father who gave me this advice when I started college:
“Finish your homework before you open your first beer.”