Negotiating the Debate Details

 

In preparation for the presidential election debates, each candidate has proposed certain conditions.

Former President Donald J. Trump specifies that the debates must:

  • Include feats of strength.
  • Allow campaign staff to represent each party in a bathing suit competition.
  • Include surprise guest stars, possibly including Corn Pop.
  • Allow Mr. Trump to be attended by his trainer and cut man between rounds.
  • Have strict rules of decorum that prohibit quotes from Clint Eastwood movies, unless they include the word “punk.”
  • Feature an on-camera presidential pardon, “One of those Hunter Biden immunity deals,” and Biden’s personal apology for stealing the 2020 election.

President Joseph R. Biden specifies that the debates must:

  • Not be scheduled on Meatloaf Night at the White House.
  • Include at least one nap.
  • Allow Mr. Biden to be advised by his speechwriters, policy consultants, White House interns, and Dr. Jill Biden, preferably through a remotely controlled teleprompter.
  • Include special guest advisers, possibly including some who are deceased and/or fictional.
  • Have strict rules of decorum that prohibit interruptions, insulting gestures, misgendering, sexual harassment, falsifying business records, and “hollering.”
  • Incorporate a broadcast delay that would, if necessary, allow Mr. Biden to collect his thoughts, control his stutter, revise his remarks, reverse his positions, or “let fly with a zinger.”
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There are 14 comments.

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  1. Randy Weivoda Moderator
    Randy Weivoda
    @RandyWeivoda

    Should we place bets on which one will be the first to bring up cannibalism?

    • #1
  2. KCK Member
    KCK
    @KCK

    Randy Weivoda (View Comment):

    Should we place bets on which one will be the first to bring up cannibalism?

    I’ll be happy if they don’t try to demonstrate it on the debate stage.

    • #2
  3. Joker Member
    Joker
    @Joker

    Trump: instant replay, sentence diagram-er

    Biden: at least 30% of questions on Delaware geography, Trump answers must be in Russian

    • #3
  4. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    Randy Weivoda (View Comment):

    Should we place bets on which one will be the first to bring up cannibalism?

    *Resets counter.*

    Oh, wait, this isn’t the PIT.

    • #4
  5. Mark Camp Member
    Mark Camp
    @MarkCamp

    Now that’s funny.

    The Laughs (Out Loud) generated by this post make the months waiting and wading through the last 772 strenuous but utterly unfunny efforts at political satire on Ricochet seem somehow worth it.

    • #5
  6. The Reticulator Member
    The Reticulator
    @TheReticulator

    KCK (View Comment):

    Randy Weivoda (View Comment):

    Should we place bets on which one will be the first to bring up cannibalism?

    I’ll be happy if they don’t try to demonstrate it on the debate stage.

    Is either of them pro-cannibal?

    • #6
  7. Randy Weivoda Moderator
    Randy Weivoda
    @RandyWeivoda

    The Reticulator (View Comment):

    KCK (View Comment):

    Randy Weivoda (View Comment):

    Should we place bets on which one will be the first to bring up cannibalism?

    I’ll be happy if they don’t try to demonstrate it on the debate stage.

    Is either of them pro-cannibal?

    No, but they have both talked about cannibals recently, which is rather remarkable as cannibalism isn’t the sort of thing that comes up very often.  Joe Biden told the false story of how his uncle was shot down (presumably by the Japanese) and was likely eaten by cannibals.  At a rally, Donald Trump said that foreign countries are clearing out their insane asylums (possibly including cannibals) and sending them to America.

    • #7
  8. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    Randy Weivoda (View Comment):
    No, but they have both talked about cannibals recently, which is rather remarkable as cannibalism isn’t the sort of thing that comes up very often.

    Maybe they have been hanging out in the PIT? It comes up almost every day there.

    • #8
  9. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Randy Weivoda (View Comment):
    No, but they have both talked about cannibals recently, which is rather remarkable as cannibalism isn’t the sort of thing that comes up very often.

    Maybe they have been hanging out in the PIT? It comes up almost every day there.

    There, and with Monty Python.

    • #9
  10. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    kedavis (View Comment):
    There, and with Monty Python.

    Same t’ing!

    • #10
  11. The Reticulator Member
    The Reticulator
    @TheReticulator

    Randy Weivoda (View Comment):

    The Reticulator (View Comment):

    KCK (View Comment):

    Randy Weivoda (View Comment):

    Should we place bets on which one will be the first to bring up cannibalism?

    I’ll be happy if they don’t try to demonstrate it on the debate stage.

    Is either of them pro-cannibal?

    No, but they have both talked about cannibals recently, which is rather remarkable as cannibalism isn’t the sort of thing that comes up very often. Joe Biden told the false story of how his uncle was shot down (presumably by the Japanese) and was likely eaten by cannibals. At a rally, Donald Trump said that foreign countries are clearing out their insane asylums (possibly including cannibals) and sending them to America.

    I suppose they could discuss whether DEI includes cannibals and whether they should be allowed to vote in U.S. elections.  

    • #11
  12. GlennAmurgis Coolidge
    GlennAmurgis
    @GlennAmurgis

    I can’t wait for Biden to do his best Izzy Mandelbaum (it’s go time) 

    The Best of Izzy Mandelbaum Part 1 | Seinfeld Clips | Bits of Pop Culture (youtube.com)

    • #12
  13. Chris B Member
    Chris B
    @ChrisB
    • Include surprise guest stars, possibly including Corn Pop.
    • Include special guest advisers, possibly including some who are deceased and/or fictional
    • So they’re agreed on Corn Pop?
    • #13
  14. Max Knots Member
    Max Knots
    @MaxKnots

    Chris B (View Comment):

    • Include surprise guest stars, possibly including Corn Pop.
    • Include special guest advisers, possibly including some who are deceased and/or fictional
    • So they’re agreed on Corn Pop?

    Yes, but not the purported gang member type. And preferably with caramel.

    • #14
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