Promoted from the Ricochet Member Feed by Editors Created with Sketch. My Knight in Shining Armor—Women Do Need Men

 

It was the championship soccer game, and the score was 0 to 0. Only two minutes were left in the game, and I didn’t want to face a grueling round of penalty kicks. I was determined to win straight out with all the players still on the field. I also wanted to beat the one team that had challenged us all year for the number-one spot.

It was a vicious middle school rivalry, complete with cursing, hair pulling, jabbing elbows, and an occasional punch when the referee wasn’t looking. As captain, I was one of the primary targets. I was also the one player who had racked up more goals against this team than anyone else all season. The goalie was out for blood, as was the massive center defender who could have passed as a linebacker on the high school football team.

The late summer sun beat down on us from a hard blue sky. Once green grass was brown, and bare patches spotted the field. The air smelled of pine and dirt and body odor. After a long game in 98-degree heat, I was covered in grime and sweat; blood dripped down my leg from a defender’s cleat. I was exhausted. 

But I wasn’t about to give up. When I saw an opening, I took it. I raced down the sideline past the midfielders then cut to the center of the field, motioning for a teammate to pass the ball. She kicked it right to my feet. I trapped it and turned only to find myself face to face with the massive defender. I faked to the right, then dribbled around her to the left. I can still hear her blood-curdling scream in my ears. She might have been big, but she was slow. I was skinny, but fast.

No one stood between me and the net but the goalie. She squared off and I shot the ball, hard and straight. The ball slammed into her face, and she hit the ground. Luckily, it bounced right back to me. With the goalie down, I took a single step and tapped the ball gently into the corner of the net. Five seconds later the game was over.

The goalie must not have been hurt very badly because she jumped up and ran toward me, yelling that I’d kicked the ball in her face on purpose. “You’re going to pay for that!” she screamed. The foul language that followed was mercifully drowned out by the celebration on the sidelines.

I ignored her as I joined my teammates to receive our trophies, but I could see a gang forming on the far side of the field—soccer players, boyfriends, thugs from the city high school. They were milling about, glancing in my direction. I knew I wouldn’t be able to avoid them on my way to the parking lot. I thought about asking some of my teammates for help, but I didn’t. I don’t know why. Pride maybe. So I procrastinated, gathering up my gear. By the time I was done, most of my teammates were gone.

Taking a deep breath and bracing myself for a confrontation, I headed toward the parking lot. But as I reached the far end of the field, I noticed my dad was waiting for me. Usually, I met my parents at the car after a game. He waved me over.

“Keep close,” he said in that gruff, no-nonsense Marine Corps voice that usually terrified me. I walked next to him right through the pack with their glares and muttered threats. When we reached the car, I let myself breathe.

“You didn’t have to do that, Dad,” I said. He looked at me and I knew he could see right through my feeble attempt at bravery. “Yes, I did.” At that moment, my dad was my hero, my knight in shining armor, and I’ve never forgotten it.

The reason that day had such a profound impact on me was that I wasn’t raised to be a damsel in distress, a princess in a tower to be rescued. My dad was the one who told me to stop crying and get back on my bike after I fell and skinned my knee. He was the one who made me go out and mow the lawn just as my brother did and clip the hedges with hand-clippers until they were perfectly even (I can still feel the blisters!).

My dad was the one who caught me picking a fight after getting off the school bus and told me that if it ever happened again, I needed to come home first and change out of my school clothes before bloodying them up—and if I did pick another fight, then I’d better be sure I could win. He was determined to toughen me up, at least when I needed to be.

So when my dad came to my rescue after the soccer game, it meant something significant. It meant that he saw that I truly needed him, that I was scared, and that it was his job, not just as my father but as a man, to protect me. I didn’t resent it for a moment. I loved it. It filled me up inside like nothing else. And it’s still something I long for, from my husband, and in a broader sociological sense from all men for all women.

Modern-day feminism teaches that chivalry is really chauvinism in disguise, that it assumes women are weak and that they can’t get by in life without the help of a man. Anytime a man helps a woman, he’s treating her as a subordinate in a patriarchal construct. When a man opens a door for a woman, he couldn’t possibly be doing it out of respect. He’s stroking his ego, treating her as if she’s helpless without him. Chivalry, to the feminist, is about male domination, not virtue.

The problem with this kind of thinking is that it’s a lie. Women can certainly be strong, can and should have equal opportunities, can compete in many arenas, and can even stand up for themselves when they need to, but this doesn’t mean women don’t need men. Women are the softer sex, whether we like to admit it or not. We need a man’s physical strength, his emotional fortitude, his unique way of looking at the world, his masculine wisdom.

To have this need doesn’t mean women are subordinates. It means we are incomplete. It means we can’t do it alone. Oh, we can try. We might even succeed in some form or another, but at what cost? What have we sacrificed by denying our nature and by denying men theirs? In truth, we have sacrificed something very fundamental—the peace, contentment, and wholeness that come when we each live according to our created natures, natures that are interdependent and complete only when we meet the needs of the other.

Radical feminism fills us with holes, and one of the biggest is that we can exist without men, that we are the same, perfectly equal, and we don’t really need them. But we do. We are different, and therein lies our need. A father. A brother. A boyfriend. A husband. Turning our backs on them leaves us wanting.

The power feminism promises women is an illusion. The sexual revolution that was supposed to make us equal with men has made us victims of our own choices. We have deprived ourselves of the security that a man loves us for who we are, not for what we can give him. We have given up our power to make men prove to us they are worthy suitors even as we prove ourselves worthy of them. We have cheapened ourselves. We have exchanged our femininity for a delusional equality, and we are lesser because of it.

In marginalizing the importance of men in our lives, feminism has violently corrupted the feminine soul. Our spirits are sick with pride, and nothing will heal it. Not casual sex. Not money. Not a career. Not even children. Only humility can save us.

Now, more than ever, we need men, strong, virtuous men, to lift us when we’ve fallen, to protect us when we’re threatened, and to bind us up when we’re broken. And women need to let them. Only in mending this severed relationship can our society be healed. 

I wonder, as I think back on that day so long ago and how my father’s strength made me feel loved and valuable, whether we can overcome years of anger and bitterness to find that place where a woman—free from the kind of oppression that gave rise to feminism in the first place—is willing to depend on a man, to reach out her hand for him to take, to hold, to kiss, and the man is willing to let her.

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  1. Wylee Coyote Member
    Wylee CoyoteJoined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member
    John Walker: You were blessed with a wonderful father.

    Never forget that it completes the life of a man to protect a woman. We complement one another.

    John Walker stole my thunder.

    Great post, Ms. McAllister. I’m grateful to have read it.

    • #1
    • June 23, 2013, at 3:05 AM PDT
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  2. John Walker Contributor

    You were blessed with a wonderful father.

    Never forget that it completes the life of a man to protect a woman. We complement one another.

    • #2
    • June 23, 2013, at 4:21 AM PDT
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  3. D.C. McAllister Inactive
    D.C. McAllister
    John Walker: 

    Never forget that it completes the life of a man to protect a woman. We complement one another. ·

    Exactly. Thank you for understanding—and for tolerating my long post :)

    • #3
    • June 23, 2013, at 4:23 AM PDT
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  4. Lensman Thatcher
    LensmanJoined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    You hit the issue squarely when you brought up the concept of chivalry. As I recall the motto at West Point is “Duty, Honor, Country.” The military virtues of defending the weak, including women, and the concept of “Right makes Might” was a civilizing concept in the the literature of the late middle ages, especially the Arthurian romances.

    I live in the South and chivalry and the American military ethos is still respected. Sadly the proportion of the population who have personal experience with the military is not what it used to be. In lieu of that, we need the vicarious experience from the popular culture. Maybe all these movies based on comic books will help. But I sure wish we had a 21st century John Wayne in Hollywood. I loved his line in one movie, “A man’s got to do what a man’s got to do.”

    Maybe the Western will make a comeback and replace the zombie movies as the next big thing.

    • #4
    • June 23, 2013, at 4:28 AM PDT
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  5. Bigfoot - Human Impersonator Coolidge

    I echo John Walker’s sentiments. Men need women also.

    • #5
    • June 23, 2013, at 4:30 AM PDT
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  6. EThompson Inactive

    We need a man’s physical strength, his emotional fortitude, his unique way of looking at the world, his masculine wisdom.

    Denise, you certainly know how I feel on this subject!

    I only hope that good fathers, brothers, boyfriends, and husbands will not grow discouraged by negative societal influences and will refuse to moderate their instinctive behavior toward women.

    I think that their influence was fruitful several decades ago regarding the workplace, but feminists have successfully accomplished the mission in this country and need to move on to those who are truly in need. See: women in Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia, Somalia, and many other places in the Mid-East.

    • #6
    • June 23, 2013, at 4:40 AM PDT
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  7. The (apathetic) King Prawn Inactive

    Simply wonderful, Denise. As a man, I appreciate reading things like this and am encouraged, ennobled even, by your words. It makes me look at my wife with a conviction of the strength and the gentleness of my love for her. When I grill a two inch thick ribeye in a little while I’m sure the stereotype will overtake me again though.

    • #7
    • June 23, 2013, at 4:45 AM PDT
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  8. D.C. McAllister Inactive
    D.C. McAllister
    EThompson: 

    I think that their influence was fruitful several decades ago regarding the workplace, but feminists have successfully accomplished the mission in this country and need to move on to those who are truly in need. See: women in Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia, Somalia, and many other places in the Mid-East. 

    Maybe we can develop an exit program to ship radical, statist feminists overseas at least for a year or two (without the protection of noble American men!) :)

    • #8
    • June 23, 2013, at 4:48 AM PDT
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  9. Richard Fulmer Member
    D.C. McAllister
    EThompson: 

    I think that their influence was fruitful several decades ago regarding the workplace, but feminists have successfully accomplished the mission in this country and need to move on to those who are truly in need. See: women in Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia, Somalia, and many other places in the Mid-East. 

    Maybe we can develop an exit program to ship radical, statist feminists overseas at least for a year or two (without the protection of noble American men!) :)

    Interesting point. Perhaps feminism is only possible in places that have been made safe (usually by men). It is only under such circumstances, sheltered from the world as it was – and still is in far too many places – that people have the luxury to forget history. To forget how dangerous the world is and how safety is won with courage, sweat, and blood.

    • #9
    • June 23, 2013, at 4:56 AM PDT
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  10. Richard Fulmer Member
    Denise, When I grow up, I want to be able to write as well as you do.
    • #10
    • June 23, 2013, at 4:57 AM PDT
    • 1 like
  11. D.C. McAllister Inactive
    D.C. McAllister
    Richard Fulmer: Denise, When I grow up, I want to be able to write as well as you do. · 3 minutes ago

    Thank you, Richard. You are very kind to say that. :)

    • #11
    • June 23, 2013, at 5:01 AM PDT
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  12. EThompson Inactive
    D.C. McAllister
    EThompson: 

    I think that their influence was fruitful several decades ago regarding the workplace, but feminists have successfully accomplished the mission in this country and need to move on to those who are truly in need. See: women in Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia, Somalia, and many other places in the Mid-East. 

    Maybe we can develop an exit program to ship radical, statist feminists overseas at least for a year or two (without the protection of noble American men!) :) · 14 minutes ago

    While we’re at it, let’s kick the UN out of the Apple and force them all to re-locate to Benghazi, until Samantha Power’s term is up. Then we can exit completely from that useless organization!

    • #12
    • June 23, 2013, at 5:14 AM PDT
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  13. Ansonia Member
    AnsoniaJoined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    This post is the truth written beautifully.

    • #13
    • June 23, 2013, at 5:20 AM PDT
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  14. Ontos Inactive
    D.C. McAllister:Modern-day feminism teaches ……..

    …..

    The problem with this kind of thinking is that it’s a lie. Women are the softer sex whether we like to admit it or not. We need a man’s physical strength, his emotional fortitude, his unique way of looking at the world, his masculine wisdom…….

    The power feminism promises women is an illusion. The sexual revolution that was supposed to make us equal with men has made us victims of our own choices. …. We have exchanged our femininity for a delusional equality, and we are lesser because of it.

    In marginalizing the importance of men in our lives, feminism has violently corrupted the feminine soul. ….

    Now, more than ever, we need men, strong, virtuous men, to lift us when we’ve fallen, to protect us when we’re threatened, and to bind us up when we’re broken. And women need to let them. Only in mending this severed relationship can our society be healed. 

    Truly excellent. The selections I quoted above manifest the logic of a very deep problem. The Left has poisoned relations between men and women for the past 50 years. The poison has been cast deeply. (continued)

    • #14
    • June 23, 2013, at 5:20 AM PDT
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  15. Richard Fulmer Member
    D.C. McAllister
    Richard Fulmer: Denise, When I grow up, I want to be able to write as well as you do.

    Thank you, Richard. You are very kind to say that. :)

    I never compliment, I only observe.

    • #15
    • June 23, 2013, at 5:29 AM PDT
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  16. Dave Carter Podcaster

    Well, now you’ve done it. And I’m so very gratified that you did, too. Spot-on analysis, exquisitely expressed.

    • #16
    • June 23, 2013, at 5:39 AM PDT
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  17. Ontos Inactive

    I have been a witness to these past 50 years. Individually, some men and women make their own way and provide to each other what they each need. But a society needs institutions that are good and strong. The Left has been worming its way into the society’s conceptual framework to try and undermine the relations between men and women, through education, politics, the labor market, popular media and everywhere else. Generations are being born into and raised in this changed understanding.

    The separate facts that women have now been educated and live a great part of their life outside the home, have provided a surface challenge to traditional understanding, that has not been met. 

    Good and strong institutions are only possible with an adequate conceptual framework. Society-wide, there has been a cessation of intellectual effort directed to understanding such issues in honest and real ways. Most of the academy’s work functions as corrupt handmaiden to the received wisdom of Left. Alternative views and serious exploration are ridiculed and exiled, resulting in Uniformity.

     Your post is excellent because it shows insight into truth at a deeper level than the present Zeitgeist. Only Insight offers Hope. (Continued)

    • #17
    • June 23, 2013, at 5:45 AM PDT
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  18. D.C. McAllister Inactive
    D.C. McAllister
    Dave Carter: Well, now you’ve done it.

    I know. I’m a glutton for punishment. Oh well. It had to be said.

    • #18
    • June 23, 2013, at 5:46 AM PDT
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  19. D.C. McAllister Inactive
    D.C. McAllister
    Fake John Galt: Times have changed, actions have changed, needs have changed. 

    But you see, that’s one of my points, our needs have not changed, not fundamentally as men and women. Ontologically, we are no different than our ancestors whether it’s ancient Greece, the Dark Ages, the 1950s, or the 21st century. Men are men. Women are women. Yes, the social constructs have changed, some for the better, some for the worse. For example, women’s rights to their own property and to make a living for themselves and not to have their homes taken away if their husband’s die are great examples of true progress. But superiority in the name of equality, the robbing of a man’s rights and dignity in the name of progress is a terrible development. So is the destruction of the family and statist control over parental actions. But our innate makeup, our needs are unchanged. These needs have been ignored, suppressed, and distorted. By standing up and calling this out and saying I’m not going to live by the constructs but by what’s real is necessary to save the culture. At least I hope so.

    • #19
    • June 23, 2013, at 5:54 AM PDT
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  20. Ontos Inactive

    Insight into what is true is the only way that intellectual advances are made. If people are open to hearing Insight expressed then there is a chance for it to spread. The problem is that Insight is not easily communicated. People are not often truly open to receiving the Insight that is offered. It too easily is changed into something we already think we know–most often only at a superficial and easily refuted level. Only real Insight transforms & personal transformation is rare. [Interestingly, the Left can only “fundamentally transform” not through imparting Insight, but by erecting societal mechanisms to promote its way; and authoritarian controls to obstruct contrary ideas.]

    Your post today reveals perception at a deep level and not simply a transmitted concept. I will try to find a way to contribute to this conversation which you have begun here.

    • #20
    • June 23, 2013, at 5:57 AM PDT
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  21. D.C. McAllister Inactive
    D.C. McAllister
    Ontos: Insight into what is true is the only way that intellectual advances are made. If people are open to hearing Insight expressed then there is a chance for it to spread. The problem is that Insight is not easily communicated. People are not often truly open to receiving the Insight that is offered. It too easily is changed into something we already think we know–most often only at a superficial and easily refuted level. Only real Insight transforms & personal transformation is rare. [Interestingly, the Left can only “fundamentally transform” not through imparting Insight, but by erecting societal mechanisms to promote its way; and authoritarian controls to obstruct contrary ideas.]

    Your post today reveals perception at a deep level and not simply a transmitted concept. I will try to find a way to contribute to this conversation which you have begun here. · 14 minutes ago

    Edited 3 minutes ago

    I appreciate your comments. I do think the Left seeks not only to control our behavior but to change our thinking, to dull our minds, and, honestly, to make us doubt ourselves. We have to fight against this. Thank you for reminding us of this fact.

    • #21
    • June 23, 2013, at 6:14 AM PDT
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  22. Skyler Coolidge

    Thank you DC.

    • #22
    • June 23, 2013, at 6:15 AM PDT
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  23. EThompson Inactive

    My dad was the one who told me to stop crying and get back on my bike after I fell and skinned my knee.

    There is a lot written about the father-son relationship, but not nearly enough on the enormous impact a father can have upon a daughter. Denise’s post gives a good example.

    After some extensive whining as a kid– “But, but… that’s not fair!” my father would patiently explain to me that “There is no such thing as fair.”

    Best life lesson, ever!

    • #23
    • June 23, 2013, at 6:42 AM PDT
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  24. D.C. McAllister Inactive
    D.C. McAllister
    EThompson: 

    After some extensive whining as a kid– “But, but… that’s not fair!” my father would patiently explain to me that “There isno such thingas fair.”

    Best life lesson, ever! · 11 minutes ago

    If I heard that once, I heard it a thousand times. I think that repeated refrain alone ensured that I’d be a conservative forever. And that’s a good thing!

    • #24
    • June 23, 2013, at 6:55 AM PDT
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  25. Ansonia Member
    AnsoniaJoined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    Re : comment 48 and 49

    Has anyone hear read The Enemies of Eros ? That’s a book I wish everyone would read.

    • #25
    • June 23, 2013, at 7:03 AM PDT
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  26. The (apathetic) King Prawn Inactive
    D.C. McAllister
    EThompson: 

    After some extensive whining as a kid– “But, but… that’s not fair!” my father would patiently explain to me that “There isno such thingas fair.”

    Best life lesson, ever! · 11 minutes ago

    If I heard that once, I heard it a thousand times. I think that repeated refrain alone ensured that I’d be a conservative forever. And that’s a good thing! · 3 minutes ago

    I tell my kids that if anything in life was fair I’d be taller than their mother…

    • #26
    • June 23, 2013, at 7:04 AM PDT
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  27. D.C. McAllister Inactive
    D.C. McAllister

    King Prawn–It is a man of notable self-assuredness who can be with a woman taller than him. She is a blessed woman. As you are a blessed man, I’m sure. :)

    • #27
    • June 23, 2013, at 7:12 AM PDT
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  28. The (apathetic) King Prawn Inactive
    D.C. McAllister: King Prawn–It is a man of notable self-assuredness who can be with a woman taller than him. She is a blessed woman. As you are a blessed man, I’m sure. :) · 9 minutes ago

    Eh, I like the view.

    • #28
    • June 23, 2013, at 7:45 AM PDT
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  29. Dave Carter Podcaster
    The King Prawn
    D.C. McAllister: King Prawn–It is a man of notable self-assuredness who can be with a woman taller than him. She is a blessed woman. As you are a blessed man, I’m sure. :) · 9 minutes ago

    Eh, I like the view. · 4 minutes ago

    Next time, TKP, would you be so kind as to make sure I’m not drinking anything before you write something like that. Now I have to clean the keyboard.

    • #29
    • June 23, 2013, at 7:51 AM PDT
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  30. livingtheLoneStarlife Inactive

    John Walker said it well; men need women too.

    My wife completes me in a way I never knew was possible before our marriage. But every year over the past 17 years I’ve come to realize more and more how much I need her.

    Men just need to step up, be courageous, and be who we are instinctively. We need to ignore the feminists, the popular culture, the so-called smart people and protect and provide for the ladies in our lives.

    • #30
    • June 23, 2013, at 8:04 AM PDT
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