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Holy Cross College Women’s Water Polo
Notre Dame is not the only Catholic school of higher learning in Notre Dame, Indiana. Located just west of the University of Notre Dame is Holy Cross College.
A sister school of Notre Dame that receives some attention from The Irish Rover, an independent non-profit newspaper run by students, and has Notre Dame faculty advisors. The Rover is not the official campus newspaper, but nonetheless they still have faculty advisors.
As expressed in the Rover’s constitution, three objectives guide our editorial policy:
1. Defend the Faith and honorable traditions of this great university;
2. Articulate conservative principles;
3. Engage in collegial debate.
The Irish Rover has serious essays written by students, as well as articles written by faculty members. The Rover also offers humorous essays.
Victory without mercy – HCC Women’s Water Polo
With winter weather rolling in, student athletes found themselves training indoors to avoid the frigid temperatures. As a headband-wearing pickleballer, I know this frustrating experience all too well.
The women’s water polo team at Holy Cross, however, doesn’t have to worry about that problem. “Holy Cross’ endowment fund was fleeced when the prior board committed to buying a used yacht in the ‘70s,” said Holly C. Ross, Holy Cross College Historian.
She continued, “So we couldn’t afford to install a pool in our gymnasium. Rather than give up on women’s water polo, the administration decided to apply its natural resources instead.” The result is the most powerful team east of the Mississippi fueled by its unique home court advantage: the St. Joseph River.
The Saints are led by center forward Katherine Ellis from Boston with 31 goals, including 30 at home. “I don’t really mind the cold or Sven. In fact, my family is from his town in Norway. I kind of enjoy watching my opponent’s lips turn blue in the ice water. Sometimes I even tell them to look out for the snapping turtles just to freak them out before scoring.”
Their recent match against the Aggies was close until hypothermia set in for the visitors during the second half. They were unable to move in the 32.1-degree water. Ice was starting to form along the banks. Eventually, the Aggies began to lose their footing in the swift currents of the river. At one point, their goaltender was swept 50 meters downstream, screaming for help. “That’s when we moved in for the kill, right on schedule,” boasted coach Svedman. “Our secret to battling currents is ankle weights.”
The Saints are currently ranked 23rd in the power rankings and fighting for a spot in the NCAA tournament. Road losses to St. Norbert’s College, Illinois Institute of Technology, and various community colleges can’t make up the gap for home victories over Stanford, USC, and the entire SEC.
You can read the entire essay by clicking on the link in this essay.
Published in Humor
Notre Dame is Catholic?
Personal foul! Unnecessary roughness! Fifteen yards.
Touchdown Jesus is not pleased.
A patient of mine in Tennessee won a state high school basketball championship in the early 60’s. All his games were away, because his school didn’t have a gym. They practiced at a hoop in the playground next to the school. He said playing on hardwood was easy if you were used to playing on dirt.
The Irish Rover essay is a clever look at Notre Dame’s reluctance to join a conference for their football program. Their football program generates revenue that supports their Olympic sports and the general student body.
Their football television contract with NBC:
Speaking of playing in the snow:
Holy Cross certainly lives in the shadow of the Golden Dome.
When HC was about to close, this happened:
https://www.wndu.com/content/news/Holy-Cross-hopes-to-offset-financial-woes-by-selling-land-to-Notre-Dame-422131404.html
The Saints should have asked for a pool as part of the deal.
Boys and girls, if you want to learn how to write satire, read this essay…THAT’S satire. (I am still getting these bits suddenly reappearing in my memory—like the lead weights…oh no, I’m laughing again, and each time it’s funnier than the last. Am I going to be a basket case before day’s end?)
EDIT: No worries about being a basket case by lunch. I just tried to read the post to my wife. I didn’t get far. I am a basket case. And it’s not 9:00 yet. If there are typos in this Comment, it is because of the tears in my eyes. Thanks, Doug.
If you think they have it bad, there’s that team in Niagara…
Sometimes satire about one place echoes reality at another. A college close to ND has a tennis team, but no tennis courts. It also has a track team, but no track. It has a swim team, but use a pool in the next town, about 15 miles away.
How close to ND is it? Closer than Goshen College?
Yes, much closer. BTW, Goshen has a track and tennis courts, but, if I am not mistaken, filled in their pool with dirt.
Ah. Varsity mud wrestling!