Are You a Purist?

 

I went to the ABC store the other day to buy my husband some absinthe for his birthday. It had been a while since I’d bought some liquor—I usually leave that job to my husband. I live in one of the nanny states that makes you feel like a sleaze or criminal for buying liquor, so instead of picking up my vodka at the local grocery store—as I should be able to do!—I have to slip into the county-owned ABC shop to get my Grey Goose, Maker’s Mark, or Macallan. Since I don’t want to feel like I’m brokering a drug deal, I prefer just to let my husband do it.

When I opened the door to the store, I was shocked by the rows upon rows of vodka flavors that are now available. I was overwhelmed, and to be honest, a little repulsed. Besides your typical fruity flavors like mango and raspberry, there were a host of others I couldn’t even imagine putting into a drink.

I felt like I was looking into a bag of Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans and fully expected to find a bogey-flavored vodka on the shelf. Marshmallow, Bacon, Cake, Jalapeno, Bubble, Root Beer, Dill Pickle, Horseradish, Basil, and Popcorn. It went on and on.

There were also some unidentifiable ones called Rangtang, Dude, and Loopy. I think the Loopy one is infused with the flavor of Froot Loops. I don’t even want to think about what Dude might taste like.

Okay, if anyone says “yummy” to any of these, I have to wonder what you’ve been drinking.

As I walked along the aisle, transfixed by all the colors and choices, I had to appreciate the creativity of capitalism. But, for me, I just wanted to buy some plain and simple vodka for my plain and simple martinis.

I guess I’m like that about a lot of things. I don’t want fruit in my beer or chocolate in my wine. I don’t like seasoning on my steak, sugar on my popcorn, herbs in my coffee, caramel in my pipe tobacco, or covert anti-constitutionalists in the GOP.

I’m a purist. Even about everyday things. I don’t wear much jewelry. A string of pearls and diamond stud earrings are enough. I like music that isn’t overly produced. Just the voice and well-played instruments speak to my soul.

I don’t know why I’m like this. Maybe I’m simple. Maybe I’m just plain boring. Maybe I’m unevolved. I don’t know, but it makes me wonder who else is like me. Are you a purist? If so, what about?

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  1. Profile Photo Inactive
    @DocJay

    Purist.  I love  absinthe every now and then too. 

    • #1
  2. Profile Photo Inactive
    @MLH

    I miss Ben’s weekly mixology posts. . .having said that, I lean toward purist ‘tho’ I pretty much stick to wine. 

    • #2
  3. Profile Photo Inactive
    @DocJay

    Flavored vodka is for dating women DC.  So you can make sweet love down by the fire. Chef.jpg

    • #3
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    @ManfredArcane

    Surely, for your husband’s sake, you don’t draw the line at lingerie.

    • #4
  5. Profile Photo Inactive
    @DCMcAllister
    DocJay: Purist.  I love  absinthe every now and then too.  · 1 minute ago

    I’ve tried to like the green fairy. I love the process. Pouring water over the sugar cube and watching it melt through the absinthe spoon. But I can’t get past the licorice taste. I was never a Good & Plenty girl. (behave)

    • #5
  6. Profile Photo Inactive
    @DCMcAllister
    Manfred Arcane: Surely, for your husband’s sake, you don’t draw the line at lingerie. · 1 minute ago

    I’m a purist. What lingerie? 

    • #6
  7. Profile Photo Inactive
    @ManfredArcane

    I hope you consider your husband’s tastes in this decision.  ‘Cause, if he is normal, you need to reconsider.  Just saying….

    D.C. McAllister

    Manfred Arcane: Surely, for your husband’s sake, you don’t draw the line at lingerie. · 1 minute ago

    I’m a purist. What lingerie?  · 9 minutes ago

    • #7
  8. Profile Photo Inactive
    @DCMcAllister
    Manfred Arcane: I hope you consider your husband’s tastes in this decision.  ‘Cause, if he is normal, you need to reconsider.  Just saying….

    D.C. McAllister

    Manfred Arcane: Surely, for your husband’s sake, you don’t draw the line at lingerie. · 1 minute ago

    I’m a purist. What lingerie?  · 9 minutes ago

    0 minutes ago

    lol. He’s normal. I’ll take it under consideration. :)

    • #8
  9. Profile Photo Member
    @OleSummers

    Well I perfer my Irish whiskey staight with maybe a little ice, coffee black, enjoy music with simple strings and good words with meaning….. and still have trouble going into a convientence store and sorting thru all the flavors before I actually find the REAL COFFEE.

    lol…. have not considered myself either simple or boring… might just mean that I am not going to complicate the important issues of life with distractive matters like : needless flavors, loud sounds, seasoning on perfectly good steak ……lol.. and of course lingerie!

    • #9
  10. Profile Photo Inactive
    @DCMcAllister
    Ole Summers: Well I perfer my Irish whiskey staight with maybe a little ice, coffee black, enjoy music with simple strings and good words with meaning….. and still have trouble going into a convientence store and sorting thru all the flavors before I actually find the REAL COFFEE.

    lol…. have not considered myself either simple or boring… might just mean that I am not going to complicate the important issues of life with distractive matters like : needless flavors, loud sounds, seasoning on perfectly good steak ……lol.. and of course lingerie! · 4 minutes ago

    I’m pleased to know I’m in good company. And I’m with you on the coffee thing. There’s nothing like a good cup of simple, black coffee. 

    • #10
  11. Profile Photo Inactive
    @DocJay

    EJ Hill could make a Good and Plenty teddy.  Of course he’d probably photoshop it on to me.

    Back to the post.  If you want berries in your vodka, put them there yourself.  Lemon?  Add it then.  Dude flavor?  Does dudity count, if so drink it that way.

    • #11
  12. Profile Photo Member
    @SusaninSeattle

    Purist. 

    • #12
  13. Profile Photo Member
    @Grendel

    These flavored vodkas are booze for people who don’t like whiskey, just as Starbucks’s beverages are coffee for people who don’t like coffee, and environmentalism is religion for people who don’t like religion.

    I have often thought that modern infantilized Americans seem unable to appreciate taste–plain or subtle–and have to mash up flavors and other sensory stimulants in ways that have little to recommend them except their novelty.  It all started with honey mustard.

    Leviticus would not approve.  Leviticus was right.

    This is not to condemn all combinations.  Bruschetta , e.g., was what God had in mind when he invented tomatoes, onions, garlic, and olive oil, and told man to be steward of His Good Earth.

    • #13
  14. Profile Photo Inactive
    @DCMcAllister
    DocJay: EJ Hill could make a Good and Plenty teddy.  Of course he’d probably photoshop it on to me.

    Back to the post.  If you want berries in your vodka, put them there yourself.  Lemon?  Add it then.  Dude flavor?  Does dudity count, if so drink it that way. · 2 minutes ago

    Thanks for that imagery all around, Doc. lol!! I wonder if there’s a Chick flavor.

    • #14
  15. Profile Photo Inactive
    @DCMcAllister
    Grendel: It all started with honey mustard.

    I love this comment. :)) I wish I could like it more than once.

    • #15
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    @NickStuart

    Passion fruit or pomegranate anything.

    • #16
  17. Profile Photo Member
    @SusaninSeattle
    Grendel:   It all started with honey mustard.

    Quickly followed by wine coolers.

    • #17
  18. Profile Photo Inactive
    @DCMcAllister
    Nick Stuart: Passion fruit or pomegranate anything. · 2 minutes ago

    For Nick’s enjoyment:

    Unknown.jpg

    Unknown-1.jpg

    • #18
  19. Profile Photo Inactive
    @MLH
    Susan in Seattle

    Grendel:   

    Quickly followed by wine coolers. · 7 minutes ago

    and now no one knows how to make a spritzer!

    • #19
  20. Profile Photo Coolidge
    @BrandonShafer

    Gin not vodka in the martini.

    • #20
  21. Profile Photo Member
    @HartmannvonAue

    About Bier-oh, ja und wie.  No “Berry Lager” fur mich, thanks. Nor any of the beer-flavored cool-aid that is laughably passed off as lager by the BIG AMERICAN breweries.  And coffee. Hazelnut is as far as it goes. An Eiskaffee with vanilla icecream and lots of Redi-Whip is fine , but by then you’ve crossed the line to dessert. 

    • #21
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    @ManfredArcane

    You would take ‘simple, black coffee’ over some mocha coffee confection?  Why?  How, exactly, would you ever partake of the mocha flavor, if not in your coffee?  

    Do you folks also only use the ‘missionary position’?  (<– sorry for that…I am in a mischievous mood today, I guess).  

    But seriously, what is going on here?  Remember the old ‘Silk Road’, bringing exotic spices from the Orient back to titillate the palate of backward Europe?  Was that all misguided, do you think?  And what about all the other exotic things that were similarly conveyed?  Were they, like fundamental Islamicists may believe, corruptions of a ‘purer world’.  :)

    D.C.

    “There’s nothing like a good cup of simple, black coffee. ” 

    Grendel: These flavored vodkas are booze for people who don’t like whiskey, just as Starbucks’s beverages are coffee for people who don’t like coffee.

    I have often thought that modern infantilized Americans seem unable to appreciate taste–plain or subtle–and have to mash up flavors and other sensory stimulants in ways that have little to recommend them except their novelty.  It all started with honey mustard.

    • #22
  23. Profile Photo Member
    @Ansonia

    Jello. It’s harder now to find knox unflavored gelatin when you want to make your own gelatin fruit molds using fruit juice. I don’t know that I’m a purist. It’s more that I want to do my own mixing.

    • #23
  24. Profile Photo Inactive
    @DCMcAllister
    Brandon Shafer: Gin not vodka in the martini. · 8 minutes ago

    I like gin martinis, but I prefer vodka martinis with just the smallest splash of vermouth. And three big, fat fresh olives. A delight!

    • #24
  25. Profile Photo Inactive
    @DCMcAllister
    Manfred Arcane: You would take ‘simple, black coffee’ over some mocha coffee confection?  Why?  How, exactly, would you ever partake of the mocha flavor, if not in your coffee?  

    Do you folks also only use the ‘missionary position’?  (<– sorry for that…I am in a mischievous mood today, I guess).  

    But seriously,what is going on here?  Remember theold ‘Silk Road’, bringing exotic spices fromthe Orient back to titillate the palate of backward Europe?  Wasthat all misguided, doyou think?  …

    D.C.

    “There’s nothing like a good cup of simple, black coffee. ” 

    lol. You’re probably right. Though I’m not saying things should be plain all the time! I love spices. It’s just when it comes to traditional things, I like them simple. Maybe that’s the difference. Not that I don’t love various flavors in their own right or in new dishes, etc. But when something is wonderful to start with—a good steak for example. I don’t want to change it by adding all kinds of stuff to it. Not that the other dish isn’t good in its own right, but it ceases to be a “steak” in the purist sense.

    • #25
  26. Profile Photo Inactive
    @DCMcAllister

    As for the vodka martini vs. gin martini, I think James Bond preferred the vodka martini. At least he seems to in the movies. Any James Bond aficionados out there who knows what he preferred in the books. (just an random question if anyone knows.)

    • #26
  27. Profile Photo Coolidge
    @BrandonShafer

    Now you’re talking crazy talk!  I love the story about Winston Churchill, where it is said that he liked his martinis so dry he would just bow in the direction of France, and that would suffice.  Love the olive in a martini, once its soaked in there, its amazing!

    D.C. McAllister

    Brandon Shafer: Gin not vodka in the martini. · 8 minutes ago

    I like gin martinis, but I prefer vodka martinis with just the smallest splash of vermouth. And three big, fat fresh olives. A delight! · 9 minutes ago

    • #27
  28. Profile Photo Member
    @Sabrdance
    Brandon Shafer: Now you’re talking crazy talk!  I love the story about Winston Churchill, where it is said that he liked his martinis so dry he would just bow in the direction of France, and that would suffice.  Love the olive in a martini, once its soaked in there, its amazing!

    D.C. McAllister

    Brandon Shafer: Gin not vodka in the martini. · 8 minutes ago

    I like gin martinis, but I prefer vodka martinis with just the smallest splash of vermouth. And three big, fat fresh olives. A delight! · 9 minutes ago

    1 minute ago

    ARGGHH!

    Churchill was making a joke about his alcoholism, not a recipe suggestion!  If you are going to order an over-dry vodka martini, just skip the pretense and start downing vodka shots.

    • #28
  29. Profile Photo Coolidge
    @BrandonShafer
    D.C. McAllister: As for the vodka martini vs. gin martini, I think James Bond preferred the vodka martini. At least he seems to in the movies. Any James Bond aficionados out there who knows what he preferred in the books. (just an random question if anyone knows.) · 6 minutes ago

    From Mental Floss

    1. James Bond. In Ian Fleming’s Casino Royale, Bond orders the drink like this: “Three measures of Gordon’s, one of vodka, half a measure of Kina Lillet. Shake it very well until it’s ice-cold, then add a large thin slice of lemon peel.” Since the 1953 novel, though, Kina Lillet is no longer available… however, that doesn’t stop Daniel Craig from ordering it that way in the 2006 movie. Today, if you order a Vesper (the offical name of the James Bond martini), Lillet Blanc is typically substituted. Also, the “shaken, not stirred” method will really spark an argument among martini purists – many believe that shaking it bruises the gin and maims the integrity of the cocktail.

    The Gordon’s is a London dry gin.  So it seems he liked both.

    • #29
  30. Profile Photo Inactive
    @Herbert

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shaken,_not_stirred

    Iced tea…. Lemon or sugar or both?

    • #30
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