Travel Tips for the Ladies

 

Through a set of circumstances I did not foresee, I have traveled more in the past six years than I did in the 30 years previous.

I’ve traveled by motorcycle, bus, taxi, train, and lots and lots of planes.

I’ve traveled too heavy (who in their right mind would have predicted three weeks in Scotland with ZERO rain? Not me; hence one entire suitcase that was never opened.)

I’ve traveled too light (throwing an extra pair of panties and a t-shirt into a big purse on the way to the airport will require a trip to the mall at some point)

I’ve got a travel “go bag” with an iPhone charger and a blow dryer that goes with me everywhere. Cause I figure any chick can go far with good hair and a charged phone.

But wearing pink cowboy boots is 100% a game changer and worth the hassle at TSA. They go with everything, people stop to tell you how fabulous you look (while staring at your feet) and you can go hands-free by shoving your vape into one and phone into the other when boarding the plane.

Am sitting in Las Vegas Airport as we speak. So far, winning the prize for the best music of any airport I’ve visited.

Published in Humor
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  1. Marjorie Reynolds Coolidge
    Marjorie Reynolds
    @MarjorieReynolds

    Come on Anne we need photos of these fabulous boots!

    • #1
  2. Bishop Wash Member
    Bishop Wash
    @BishopWash

    Annefy: I’ve got a travel “go bag” with an iPhone charger and a blow dryer that goes with me everywhere. Cause I figure any chick can go far with good hair and a charged phone. 

    My wife nicked my charger from my travel bag so I had to replace it this week before our trip next week.

    I also have toiletries that stay in the suitcase so I don’t have to raid the bathroom while packing.

    • #2
  3. EODmom Coolidge
    EODmom
    @EODmom

    Bishop Wash (View Comment):

    Annefy: I’ve got a travel “go bag” with an iPhone charger and a blow dryer that goes with me everywhere. Cause I figure any chick can go far with good hair and a charged phone.

    My wife nicked my charger from my travel bag so I had to replace it this week before our trip next week.

    I also have toiletries that stay in the suitcase so I don’t have to raid the bathroom while packing.

    Good hair and mascara. And headphones with extra batteries therefore. The nice little packet from the dentist every 6 months works for ToGo dental hygiene and holds floss and teeny tube of aquaphore. 

    • #3
  4. GrannyDude Member
    GrannyDude
    @GrannyDude

    Enough knitting to last through a layover…and a couple of delays.

    • #4
  5. J Ro Member
    J Ro
    @JRo

    It amazes me that 22 years after 9-11 no entrepreneur has tapped into TSA’s ten billion dollar ($10,000,000,000) annual budget by inventing a deck mounted shoe scanner which can reliably scan passengers’ shoes without requiring that they be removed and sent through the magic box which can see and identify all the other things being carried. OK, nobody wears shoe bombs anymore, but whenever I have to remove my shoes to take a flight, I feel like the terrorists have won.

    It’s as if some TSA gatekeepers enjoy hassling people or/and going through the personal belongings of strangers. The TSA team caught yesterday rifling bags and pickpocketing their contents as they passed through the checkpoint within sight of their distracted owners certainly labored under corrupt motives.

    Exiting the LAX International Terminal recently, some of us passengers slowed to look at the fully visible TSA screens displaying multicolored contents of outbound baggage. A TSA underling emerged from a nearby door, saw us and scolded, “Hey! Y’all not supposed to be looking at that!” Well then, don’t hide it behind a transparent barrier a few feet from our passageway. We want to look at that stuff, especially if there are pink cowboy boots!

    • #5
  6. Marjorie Reynolds Coolidge
    Marjorie Reynolds
    @MarjorieReynolds

    EODmom (View Comment):

    Bishop Wash (View Comment):

    Annefy: I’ve got a travel “go bag” with an iPhone charger and a blow dryer that goes with me everywhere. Cause I figure any chick can go far with good hair and a charged phone.

    My wife nicked my charger from my travel bag so I had to replace it this week before our trip next week.

    I also have toiletries that stay in the suitcase so I don’t have to raid the bathroom while packing.

    Good hair and mascara. And headphones with extra batteries therefore. The nice little packet from the dentist every 6 months works for ToGo dental hygiene and holds floss and teeny tube of aquaphore.

    I need lots and lots of moisturiser so I have an array of 100ml bottles that I refill when I travel. 

    • #6
  7. She Member
    She
    @She

    Annefy: But wearing pink cowboy boots is 100% a game changer

    Excellent tip.  My own tip: Never wear boots that have seen the inside of a barn if you’re going to board a plane.  It was the middle of winter, and I was all bundled up, and wearing a pair of boots which were perfectly clean.  At least, I thought so.  However, the scanners, or the sniffers thought otherwise.  It’s the only time I’ve been pulled aside for the third-degree treatment, because of the vestiges of manure on my boots.

    • #7
  8. 9thDistrictNeighbor Member
    9thDistrictNeighbor
    @9thDistrictNeighbor

    TSA has a problem, but community service will suffice.  Maybe Sam Brinton can get that deal as well.

    He starts by opening the larger main pocket, then the smaller front pocket when he pulls out a wallet and drags it to the corner of the bin behind a larger bag.

    As the bin moves along, he opens the wallet and fingers through the cash that hangs out of it. While the bin goes down the line, he continually comes back to it.

    His hands are in the bin touching the bag up until it must go into the x-ray machine. Then he puts his hands into his pockets and walks back to the end of the line.

    I’ve traveled with boots but they stay in the carry on.  I will vote for any candidate who pledges to abolish the TSA.

    • #8
  9. CarolJoy, Not So Easy To Kill Coolidge
    CarolJoy, Not So Easy To Kill
    @CarolJoy

    My tip: If you are planning on a trip, which the spouse is not going on, don’t bother mentioning it to him.

    No matter how many times you gently  let him know:

    I am going to visit my family, most likely a month from now

    I am looking for a good price on airline tickets

    I bought some new luggage to take with me

    I priced out a hotel

    I have everything ready so I can leave a week from today

    ###

    On the day you are going to leave, he still might say “What! Why didn’t you tell me you were going away? And that you’d be gone 10 days!”

    ###

     

     

    • #9
  10. EODmom Coolidge
    EODmom
    @EODmom

    CarolJoy, Not So Easy To Kill (View Comment):

    My tip: If you are planning on a trip, which the spouse is not going on, don’t bother mentioning it to him.

    No matter how many times you gently let him know:

    I am going to visit my family, most likely a month from now

    I am looking for a good price on airline tickets

    I bought some new luggage to take with me

    I priced out a hotel

    I have everything ready so I can leave a week from today

    ###

    On the day you are going to leave, he still might say “What! Why didn’t you tell me you were going away? And that you’d be gone 10 days!”

    ###

     

     

    Even when you’ve made casseroles and stocked the fridge with a week’s worth of Emergency Rations. 

    • #10
  11. CarolJoy, Not So Easy To Kill Coolidge
    CarolJoy, Not So Easy To Kill
    @CarolJoy

    EODmom (View Comment):

    CarolJoy, Not So Easy To Kill (View Comment):

    My tip: If you are planning on a trip, which the spouse is not going on, don’t bother mentioning it to him.

    No matter how many times you gently let him know:

    I am going to visit my family, most likely a month from now

    I am looking for a good price on airline tickets

    I bought some new luggage to take with me

    I priced out a hotel

    I have everything ready so I can leave a week from today

    ###

    On the day you are going to leave, he still might say “What! Why didn’t you tell me you were going away? And that you’d be gone 10 days!”

    ###

     

     

    Even when you’ve made casseroles and stocked the fridge with a week’s worth of Emergency Rations.

    Exactly!

    • #11
  12. Annefy Member
    Annefy
    @Annefy

    J Ro (View Comment):

    It amazes me that 22 years after 9-11 no entrepreneur has tapped into TSA’s ten billion dollar ($10,000,000,000) annual budget by inventing a deck mounted shoe scanner which can reliably scan passengers’ shoes without requiring that they be removed and sent through the magic box which can see and identify all the other things being carried. OK, nobody wears shoe bombs anymore, but whenever I have to remove my shoes to take a flight, I feel like the terrorists have won.

    One thing (of many) that makes me crazy is the inconsistency of rules at security;I’m 100% convinced it’s done to keep up us off balance  

    When JY and I flew internationally from LAX last year nothing had to be removed from our bags;  no liquids, no electronics. We were through security and at our gate within 20 mins (something I’d allowed an hour for). It was so quick and efficient it was disconcerting  

    At Las Vegas airport, okay to leave liquids in your bag, but electronics were to be single stacked and in a separate bin. But okay to leave on your belt. Until you get to the full body scanner – the guy was standing there holding a bunch of belts  and in a very snippy mood by the time it was my turn.

    By the time I got off my belt I was being approached by several agents who were raising their voices at me – I’d forgotten an ear bud.

    But by far the worst was Heathrow and going through security for a flight to Edinburgh. (I had assumed getting stranded for at least a day on our journey and had packed accordingly)

    My entire carry on and purse was rifled through and unpacked.  And some of my $1,000 worth of the “natural look” was confiscated. Everything was well within the ounce limit, but it turns out everything has to fit in two plastic bags. Plastic bags that seem to be exclusively owned by security.

    When I was finally cleared I was shuffling with no shoes, no belt, jacket off, scarf tossed. Purse, overnight bag and all contents strewn about. And expected to grab everything and repack at a handy little table about 12 feet away.

    Standing next to strangers trying to dress and repack felt like a nightmare walk of shame.  

    • #12
  13. OkieSailor Member
    OkieSailor
    @OkieSailor

    EODmom (View Comment):

    CarolJoy, Not So Easy To Kill (View Comment):

    My tip: If you are planning on a trip, which the spouse is not going on, don’t bother mentioning it to him.

    No matter how many times you gently let him know:

    I am going to visit my family, most likely a month from now

    I am looking for a good price on airline tickets

    I bought some new luggage to take with me

    I priced out a hotel

    I have everything ready so I can leave a week from today

    ###

    On the day you are going to leave, he still might say “What! Why didn’t you tell me you were going away? And that you’d be gone 10 days!”

    ###

     

     

    Even when you’ve made casseroles and stocked the fridge with a week’s worth of Emergency Rations.

    Not me. I can open cans with the best of them, even have been known to use a microwave ;>)

    • #13
  14. OkieSailor Member
    OkieSailor
    @OkieSailor

    Annefy (View Comment):

    J Ro (View Comment):

    It amazes me that 22 years after 9-11 no entrepreneur has tapped into TSA’s ten billion dollar ($10,000,000,000) annual budget by inventing a deck mounted shoe scanner which can reliably scan passengers’ shoes without requiring that they be removed and sent through the magic box which can see and identify all the other things being carried. OK, nobody wears shoe bombs anymore, but whenever I have to remove my shoes to take a flight, I feel like the terrorists have won.

    One thing (of many) that makes me crazy is the inconsistency of rules at security;I’m 100% convinced it’s done to keep up us off balance

    When JY and I flew internationally from LAX last year nothing had to be removed from our bags; no liquids, no electronics. We were through security and at our gate within 20 mins (something I’d allowed an hour for). It was so quick and efficient it was disconcerting

    At Las Vegas airport, okay to leave liquids in your bag, but electronics were to be single stacked and in a separate bin. But okay to leave on your belt. Until you get to the full body scanner – the guy was standing there holding a bunch of belts and in a very snippy mood by the time it was my turn.

    By the time I got off my belt I was being approached by several agents who were raising their voices at me – I’d forgotten an ear bud.

    But by far the worst was Heathrow and going through security for a flight to Edinburgh. (I had assumed getting stranded for at least a day on our journey and had packed accordingly)

    My entire carry on and purse was rifled through and unpacked. And some of my $1,000 worth of the “natural look” was confiscated. Everything was well within the ounce limit, but it turns out everything has to fit in two plastic bags. Plastic bags that seem to be exclusively owned by security.

    When I was finally cleared I was shuffling with no shoes, no belt, jacket off, scarf tossed. Purse, overnight bag and all contents strewn about. And expected to grab everything and repack at a handy little table about 12 feet away.

    Standing next to strangers trying to dress and repack felt like a nightmare walk of shame.

    Mrs. OS was angrily asked what she had left in her jeans pocket. “A Kleenex.”
    “Take it OUT” was the unkind directive.
    She obviously looks like a Terrorist as all Grandmothers do.

    • #14
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