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What Is the Truth, if Any, in the Following Aphorisms?
“God never gives you more than you can handle.” And, “be careful what you pray for, you might just get it.” Of course, presuppositions and context and the real meanings behind the words make all the difference. Here there are presuppositions that I would say are necessary to any comment on these aphorisms: that God exists, that He answers prayer, and that He is good (even loving).
This year has been very difficult for me. An acquaintance I have known for fifty years e-mailed me to send him thousands of dollars as “a matter of life and death” but “do not ask any questions.” I have been diagnosed with a problematic medical condition for which I am currently receiving treatment. And most recently a woman that we’ve known for ten or fifteen years showed up on our doorstep having just left her husband and having no place to sleep.
And in a conversation with her, she said that her pastor’s wife told her regarding her marital situation, unwittingly in a lead up to her leaving, be careful what you ask for, He will bring it to you good and hard. And I found myself responding, No, God will not answer you maliciously or vindictively, but will support you and stay with you through everything.
I think part of the answer involves that we don’t know how good God is, and we don’t realize how bad we are. This reminds me of Jesus’ words to Simon Peter that Satan has desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat: But I have prayed for you, that your faith fail not: and when you are converted, strengthen your brethren.
I’d like to know your thoughts on these two commonly used statements. Do you agree with these statements? Do they apply in your lives? (With the givens that God does exist and that God does respond to prayers.)
Published in General
I have this headline from the Babylon Bee posted over my desk:
Right next to it, I have this:
For the record, my favorite book of the Bible is Job.
Very good. :)
DANGER! The way you have it written, I can’t tell for absolutely certain that you know the email from the friend is a scam.
“God never gives you more than you can handle.”
I don’t know what the definition of “can handle” is. Some people “handle” it by ending their lives, some only with the help of others.
I think it’s an obviously false statement.
“I can do all things through Christ who strenthens me” – Php 4:13
“…without Me you can do nothing.” John 15:5
“I will never leave you nor forsake you” – Heb. 13:5 (quoting various OT scriptures)
“What can man do to me?” – Heb 13:6
There are numerous others, but they show the point.
Does God give a person more than he can handle? Yes, of course He does – sometimes to prove to you Jn 15:5
This I know: The Lord is merciful and gracious, longsuffering and abounding in goodness and truth, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin; by no means clearing the guilty….
Is it possible to pray contrary to God’s will? Of course it is! And how does He answer? Totally in accordance with His perfect will. And can the reprobate pray and expect to be heard? “And when ye spread forth your hands, I will hide mine eyes from you: yea, when ye make many prayers, I will not hear: your hands are full of blood.” – Isa 1:15
Yes, I didn’t believe him. As I say, I’ve known him for a long time. I do believe him when he says that he’s lived a hard and miserable life. So something was going on. If I had responded I would have just said that no one gives away thousands of dollars for no reason. Still, I feel for him.
And even to the believer: You ask, and receive not, because you ask amiss, that you may consume it upon your lusts.
😛
I think the implied assumption is that you can handle anything “if you do it right” or think right. And of course, as @chuckles points out, you are not the strongest or wisest person handling things. God is handling things on your behalf, too. And His ends are not necessarily your ends.
Yes, that’s why I normally try to give the reference when quoting. Context, context, context!
Yes, if I can do all things, why can’t I fly to the moon? It’s that stupid van Allen belt.
Since I work with tragedy, I’ve had reason to think a lot about God, and what God gives us (and doesn’t) to “handle,” and my bottom line is that whatever I come up with (aphorism, advice, prayer) has to “play out on the ground.” That is, if it’s not helpful to the mother whose child just drowned, I should keep my freakin’ mouth shut.
These are the things I’ve said (paraphrased, anyway) that turned out to be helpful:
1.) “I don’t know why this terrible thing happened. I do know that God is love, and God’s plan is that we love one another. So the question for me is always “where can I see love in this situation?”
2.) “I don’t have a specific answer to where your [adult, drug-addicted, criminal, atheist and now dead] son is. I do know that he is in God’s hands. And God is Love. I know that you loved your son. Even with all that your son put you through [this is usually a long and appalling list] you didn’t stop loving him. And even all these game wardens, police officers and volunteers, people who didn’t even know your boy, have been willing to search for him, doing their best to bring him home…I figure, God tries even harder than we do, and loves even more than we can, because God is God, and God is love. So I know that your son is safe with him. “
3.) “Yeah, I don’t like that phrase either: “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.” Who on earth could handle what has happened to you today? But I will say this: You’re still upright, still breathing, and that is all the handling you need to do right now.”
99% of love is showing up. None of the things I (or anyone) will say is “helpful” in the sense that we can make tragedy other than what it is, or take the pain and grief away. I always say that we don’t have the right to take the pain and grief away—it is love, after all.
But the fact that other people show up in the midst of that agony, and do their best to help…that’s pretty wonderful, really. It’s the answer, in itself.
People often seem to think that prayer should provide outcomes, like a coin in a slot. (Yeah, me too.)
If instead of thinking of God as the director or screenwriter of one’s life, it might be more useful to think of God as the prof in an improv class: OK, you’re an aging guy with money problems, your kids are estranged, your wife depressed, work is tough but you can’t quit. You just woke up to start another day…and action!
You are not graded on the outcome of the scene or the story so much as how fully and imaginatively you brought it to life. The circumstances described may suck but you get an A for the class if you make it big, novel, courageous, and honest. So we never get a scene that can’t be handled well if we try.
I can imagine some pretty . . . interesting scenarios.
Both are good ways to answer the question. One is action oriented, and the other is God oriented. It reminds me, too, of Job, who got his best consolation when his friends were silent and just sat with him for a week.
You mean like saying, “I’m just going out for a pack of cigarettes. I’ll be right back.” even though you don’t smoke? And ending up in Australia, with a fine wahine, listening to steel drums play, while eating chicken vindaloo at tiki bar? Interesting.
Or, you know, like in the movie Falling Down.
I never saw Falling Down because I thought it would be a bummer. I was thinking more like something with Alec Guinness ending up on a beach, sucking Mai Tais.
I think it was a bit ahead of its time.
I find the saying that “God Never Gives You More Than You Can Handle” to be quite inspiring.
Unless I am having a very bad day and it is 104 degrees out in the shade.
The first is a pep talk with weak Biblical support and the second is a strange variety of magical thinking – even if we assume miracles, the ‘twist’ comes from superstition.
I pretty much agree with your thinking about the first statement, with caveats as to definitions: it really means nothing that I can see.
But the second statement seems almost to propose a mean-spirited “gotcha” God. And I don’t think that’s how God presented himself to either Cain at one end of the spectrum or even Job at the other.
God never gives you more than you can handle.” And, “be careful what you pray for, you might just get it.”
Yes I believe in both of those statements and wished I had heeded both early in life, and throughout more often. I’ve certainly had my share of situations where I wrongly prayed for something and found myself in the spiritual hot seat so to speak. Other times, I thought my prayers were being answered and maybe they were, but it rests on us to discern what is really good for us, based on God’s direction, and while God has been by my side clearly, I have thought many times that this is more than I can handle………. We still think we know better, especially when young.
I am glad to hear you are getting treatment for whatever is ailing you and wish you a full recovery! So…….was that “email” about the thousands of dollars for real and not ask questions, or a spam that looked real? I think I’d have to ask questions………
Agreed. It’s not part of Jewish or Christian understanding of how G-d works. It comes from else where/when.
I remarked the other day that Judeo-Christian theology does not have a ‘trickster’ figure the way other cosmologies do. Satan tricks but he is always malevolent.
It was a personal request from him. I didn’t respond because there was nothing to say. And two months later I got a another e-mail from him, so at least I know he didn’t die. Which is good.
Added: And, yes, it is hard to know how prayers are being answered.
And thanks for the good wishes. They are worth a whole lot. :)
I’ve never liked the first aphorism and have had more than one occasion to have it said to me so I had to come up with (I think) a better one in response: God never gives you more than He can handle. And that is my big takeaway from a decade of moments of witnessing my kids on their crosses whenever they’re not carrying them. That we are upright and moving forward and still able to contribute to the good of others is completely and utterly by the grace of God.
My prayers lately are along the lines of “Yes, I know You are a Good Father and do not will the evils that befall us. But, You allow them and the only reason that makes sense of it to me is that we otherwise would not have realized our complete dependence on You.” Your mileage may vary. But, when our priest said to look at your sufferings as an “opportunity,” I took it to mean an opportunity to lean all the more on God.
And on the flip side, you never know what you’ve been spared. . .
As to prayer and its effects, I try to remember I’m not changing God’s mind (will.) I think prayer is mostly a call to holiness both individually and collectively. You may think you’re interceding on someone’s behalf, but really you’re just drawing closer to Love. Thy will be done.
My mum used to say, “God answers all your prayers. Many times it won’t be the answer you want.”
I wish He did because God doesn’t give bad things. I never liked that saying either.
That sounds too much like I Dream of Jeannie
I agree with this. Certainly, all prayer is a humble approach to God and His Spirit and understanding His ways, made bold by His own encouragement to us to pray in all things. And prayer focuses us on God and His provision. But I think there’s more. God gives wellness whether physical or spiritual as gracious gifts that go beyond learning and emulating His character. People really have gone to God for personal physical healing and have received it. And Christians have healed others who requested healing. So there is a functional material aspect to prayer as well. (Not that you said there wasn’t.)
Yeah, but not to my kids. It would be a miracle.
Yes, He doesn’t do it miraculously for everyone. I don’t know why, though.