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Newsom, Trudeau Marry
In a shocking development, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and California Governor Gavin Newsom married in a low-key ceremony on Valaa Private Island situated in Noonu Atoll. The political leaders chose to exchange vows in the Maldives in part to draw attention to the urgent need to fight climate change, according to the newly-minted power couple’s spokesperson.
All those in attendance wore masks with the exception of Newsom. Trudeau donned blackface and a Pride pin on his lapel while the governor wore one that read “I’m boosted!” Both grooms wore dark blue, pinstriped suits from Brooks Brothers which cost more than you make in a year. New York Times op-ed writer David Brooks marveled at the “crispness of their pant creases” while Chris Matthews, whose job has never been clear, confirmed that the mere presence of Trudeau and Newsom sent a thrill up his leg.
Those in attendance were a veritable who’s who of cultural and political elites including Oprah, Angela Merkel, Klaus Schwab, John Kerry, and, oddly, red-sweater guy Ken Bone. After the ceremony guests dined on a variety of insects with the exception of Kerry, who insisted that filet mignon is the “only real option for a person like me.”
The unexpected union of Trudeau and Newsom is seen by many as the nexus of a “new progressivism,” one situated at the crossroads of Canadian illiberalism and California one-party rule.
At press time, the streets of Canadian cities from Vancouver to Montreal held raucous celebrations marking what the Toronto Star referred to as “Canada’s first lesbian prime minister.”
Published in Humor
I am glad I wasn’t drinking anything while reading this. Kudos!
Should have added “of (fake) color.”
No finer compliment.
Laugh-out-loud funny. Well done.
Happy to hear it, Scott!
That much narcissism in one place is going to hit critical mass. Plus Oprah? Woo boy!
They’re so brave.
Too bad Fidel isn’t still alive to give away the bride.
J. B. Pritzker–always the bridesmaid, never the bride….
LOL!
“colour”
😂😂😂
Wonderful.
This is absolutely hilarious! I’m so happy for the new couple.
Actually, I’m glad he wasn’t around to see this. Not because he’d have been ashamed of his kid for marrying a man or anything. I just like that he’s dead.
He’s already eating for two. Maybe he’s pregnant.
Guys … guys! The left has abandoned humor (Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Colbert, Jimmy Meyers, Jimmy Oliver, Samantha Bee, Amy Schumer, et al.). Being funny marks you as a homophobic, white supremacist red meat eater. You’ll make David French cry!
The newlywed couple has a lot to do to build Canada and California back in the Venezuelan model. Plus, Gavin has to write his acceptance speech for his surprise nomination at the Democratic National Convention in ’24.
Gave me a great laugh this morning! I admit i wouldn’t be that surprised if that were an actual headline however. lol
AOC has better crazy looks.
I was encouraged to read somewhere or other today that Gavin Newsom’s idea of reparations for African Americans has fallen flat in approval polls. Except of course among African Americans.
Dems like reparations, but only by the slim margin of 43% approving while 41% disapprove.
Republicans want to nix the idea by a staunch 90%.