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I’ve been listening to a YouTuber by the name of Pearl Davis (JustPearlyThings). Pearl Davis is making her bones by pointing out some of the foibles of the fair sex. Specifically she is identifying certain proclivities that today’s women exhibit that are (ahem) counterproductive.
She cites promiscuity, addiction to attention, and a desire to dominate their men among the systemic sins that are driving men away from institutions of marriage.
Ms. Davis says that when women lead families things start to fall apart. Her formulation is that the natural order of things are God, Men, Women and Children. She sells “Women Shouldn’t Vote” T-Shirts.
There is a lot of overlap between her maxims and examples found within the “manosphere” — mostly male social media influencers who advise men on what to look for/what to avoid and how to conduct themselves in the sexual marketplace.
These influencers range from Jordan Peterson to Andrew Tate. The former calls men to be the best possible person they can be by finding courage to embrace responsibility and embark on a life adventure that includes love, marriage, children and legacy. The latter embraces the “love ‘em and leave ‘em” ethos — transactional relationships between the sexes. The Andrew Tate crowd is not into marriage.
Ms. Davis and commenters in the manosphere are asking “what are women bringing to the table?”
Well in my household it’s lots of tasty food that is very healthy. My wife is a fantastic cook, and a wonderful homemaker. There is a maxim that a man can buy a house but a woman makes it a home. That is very true in my case. However, the tasks that my wife performs are physical manifestations of something mystical, at least by my lights.
I have been in houses where men lived. Some are roommates, some gay couples. Of the four or so I never felt the same home-ness that I feel in households of women and wives. Totally unscientific, but if you know you know.
I am raising a granddaughter. I want her to be the best version of who she can be. Children are born wet, naked barbarians with nothing to guide them but their appetites. We parents have to provide the guidance for being civilized. I don’t think “Grrlll power” is going to cut it. I don’t want to raise a narcissistic princess doomed to spiralling discontent and a house full of cats. Her grandma sure isn’t like that.
I asked the AI Chat-GPT 3.5 to turn Proverbs 31:10-31 into this list of characteristics of a virtuous woman. I edited it a bit, because I am a human.
- Worth – She is more precious than rubies.
- Trustworthy – Her husband’s heart trusts in her.
- Supportive – She does him good and not harm all the days of her life.
- Industrious – She seeks wool and flax and works with willing hands.
- Entrepreneurship – She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands, she plants a vineyard. She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
- Strength – She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong.
- Charity – She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy.
- Prudence – She is not afraid of the snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet.
- Dignity – She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple.
- Leadership – Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.
- Wisdom – She opens her mouth with wisdom
- Kindness – …and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
- Diligence – She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
- Praiseworthiness – Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.
- Faithful – Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
I think this answers the question “What SHOULD a woman bring to the table” — and candidly all these virtues ought to be found in me. Two people equipped with these virtues are going to make a very satisfying life together no matter what the details of that life might be.
My wife was not raised under “X” wave feminism. She wanted to make a home with lots of children. Alas, she was not treated with the honor and respect her conduct commanded. She and I have had to work out our issues, but the basic code and operating system was there. I think she picked this up from her own nature, upbringing and culture. It runs beautifully. I just have to get out of the way.
I said all that to say this. My experience has been that women are usually getting clobbered in the bad partners department. Evangelicals have a robust manhood industrial complex extolling men to be good leaders for their families with an implication being that if you build it they will come, that being a good man will attract a good woman. I am not convinced this is true, and I think that the social pressure is for women to have expectations of their mates without much thought given to the responsibilities of being a partner.
I certainly thank God for my wife.Published in