Ricochet is the best place on the internet to discuss the issues of the day, either through commenting on posts or writing your own for our active and dynamic community in a fully moderated environment. In addition, the Ricochet Audio Network offers over 50 original podcasts with new episodes released every day.
Are the Prayers of Women Superior?
I spend a lot of time in prayer, both alone and in a quorum (a minyan) of men. Prayer is a form of quasi-meditation, once likened by Rabbi Sachs to focusing on micro-adjusting a shortwave radio dial to tune into a very faint and elusive signal. The “still small voice” might be our souls, or it might be the voice of the divine, or it might just be our imagination. I think it might, at times, be none of them, or all three together.
In Judaism, men have a much stronger obligation to pray, especially in synagogue. There are various reasons given for this: women may have other obligations that make scheduled prayer impossible; men need the spiritual connection more than women do, etc. The net result is that many fewer observant women pray in synagogue. But there is a corollary: those few that make the effort radiate an undeniable spiritual energy and power.
My wife and I went to Israel recently, and we prayed at the Wall of the Second Temple a number of times. We also went to the burial place of Sarah, Abraham, Rebekkah, Isaac, Leah, and Jacob, in Hebron. And my wife came away with a renewed sense of respect for those women who make the effort to pray at the holiest places available to Jews today.
What do people pray for? Judaism has set services and verbiage, but there is endless room for specific and personal appeals. People pray for health and blessings in sustenance and relationships. We pray for positive connections, and for the pain of our loved ones to be alleviated.
But the experience made me consider the likelihood that men and women not only pray for different things, but that the average prayers of women may be, in some sense, at a higher plane than the average prayers of men.
To me, the reason is that the prayers of women are generally less obviously selfish than the prayers of men. Women pray for children, for the welfare of their offspring, and family and friends. Women come to the Wall with a list of people to pray for. The prayers of women form the links of the chains between people and between generations. Women are praying for posterity.
Men, on the other hand, more often pray for what we lack in the moment: present well-being of all kinds (from health to income). We pray that our lives will have meaning and value to G-d. The prayers are sincere and heartfelt. But they are also, in their way, less expansive in terms of love for others. And G-d wants us, above all, to love others. Loving others (and praying for them) is the keystone for a holy relationship with G-d
I realize that this is a gross overgeneralization. But when you see women of childbearing years pouring out their souls in appeals for children, or older women doing the same on behalf of their daughters or daughters-in-law, the net spiritual effect inspires awe in any passerby. This is the energy that inspires women to flock to the (assumed) burial place of Rachel in order to connect with the matriarch who desperately wanted children with all her heart. Nobody messes with a woman who is praying in this way. I have never seen a man pray with this kind of spiritual aura.
This is my impression, for what it is worth. For those who pray: do you concur, or is your experience and understanding different?
Published in General
Have you ever noticed that some musicians need a lot of time to master a new piece? They sweat out the phrasing, the intonations, the transitions. Their parts are frequently annotated with scribbled reminders written in the middle of careful study and repetition.
Others hear the piece, maybe run through it once, and say “I’m good.”
Men are enjoined to pray more because they need the practice.
Yet the man is assigned the leadership role in the Bible. C.S. Lewis remarked in one of his writings that reality is often a bit strange, that is, not the way we might intuitively think that it should be.
I wonder, having written this…
Do women pray driven by their worries?
While men pray driven by their hopes?
I think it’s to put people where they would not naturally go.
When I was young our family would join the yearly Slovak pilgrimage to Holy Hill in Wisconsin (from Illinois and Indiana). Holy Hill has a path of life size renderings of the Stations of the Cross starting at the bottom of a very steep hill. Although the path is paved with asphalt, there is also one set of cement steps as it gets steeper toward the top of the hill, to mimic Jesus’ journey to Calvary. I remember seeing, on more than one occasion, elderly, frail looking women probably in their 70’s, not only praying the Stations, but also praying the Rosary in between each Station as they made their way up the hill on their knees.
Even as a youngster this was a tough climb for me and I always felt like such a slacker after passing them on the hill. The faith that would propel one to such physical sacrifice is amazing and surely must have been rewarded many times over.
This is the most disappointing post that I have seen on Ricochet. It is pernicious in that it invites others to enter the narrows of a soul who thinks it is for humans to wonder and ponder about and gauge the sincerity, worthiness and the efficacy of others’ prayers to God.
I will restrain myself from commenting on the other evils of this post.
I think it’s either a subset of your experience iWe or perhaps an artifact of Judaism or perhaps your type of Judaism. For the most part in Christianity, women are by far the most frequent prayerful. At least that is my experience. Now this may also be an artifact of 21st century life it appears it may have been quite different in different eras
As to whether the prayers of women are more efficacious, in the New Testament there is a verse, “The prayers of a righteous man availeth much.” Or in other translation, “are most powerful.” So the more righteous a person, the more effective the prayer . (James 5:16)
By the way, I rarely pray for myself. My prayers are almost always focused on others
I’m sorry you feel that way. It is actually a loving and kind post.
You may have misread it, but I suspect you are reading it from a perverse perspective that iWe and others don’t have.
As for me, I enjoyed it enormously.
I doubt very much that women’s prayers are superior, but the writer’s intent was very clear to me and it was very sweet.
We should all be as humble toward one another.
I did not read it that way at all. I see the author speculating that others prayer lives are deeper than his and wondering where he’s falling short and what the difference might be.
From what I remember there are four categories of prayer: prayer of praise/worship, prayer for contrition/spiritual improvement, prayer of thanksgiving, and prayer of supplication. Supplication being a request from G-d for some outcome. I think these four categories holds for just about any religion. Some might split these categories to refine the category and get more than four, but if you want to reduce it to the essentials, I can’t think of any more than these four.
We have set prayers in Christianity too, most of which derive their form in some way from Jewish prayers! I speak for Catholicism though, I can’t speak for other types of Christianity, but I suspect if they have a set prayer or liturgy, it’s derived in some way from the Old Testament. Most set prayers are a combination of those four categories. Any complex prayer will take from the four categories. Take any psalm over 20 lines and there are more than one of those categories in it. Check it out.
What do I pray for? I try to pray the morning and evening prayers of the Liturgy of the Hours. I know religious Jews pray morning and evening prayers (I live in an Jewish Orthodox neighborhood) and I suspect they are very similar. The Liturgy of the Hours are derived from ancient Judaism practice. The Liturgy of the Hours typically use all the four categories, especially of praise, contrition, and thanksgiving. The supplications are relatively generic. I’ll add my supplications, such as the development of my son and the strength of my marriage, and perhaps whatever comes my way as a need from a friend or family member or even encounter of a stranger. I also keep two lists that I occasionally go to for prayer of supplication. One is a list of people who need health issues resolved, especially someone with a chronic issue that will not go away. Second is of a list of dearly departed, people who have passed away. I pray for their souls.
Prayer ultimately is not a magic spell to push G-d in a particular direction. It may or may not push Him. He has His purposes. Prayer is a means of conforming oneself to G-d’s will, and therefore making oneself holier. Just as Moses and Elijah, to pick two from the OT, became holier through their interactions with G-d, prayer is a means for us to interact with Him.
You can take a months long study class on prayer. The topic is both simple (talking with and listening to God) and as complicated as can be. One thing I think prayer is not, is meditation. Our God is a personal God and has given us the ability and desire to connect directly with him. Meditation doesn’t have that focus.
While it’s not wrong to pray for things on a list, prayer is also praise, and humility (confession), and gratitude, and acknowledgement that we are not God.
I see meditation differently. In fact, in some ways it’s a more intimate way for me to connect with G-d. Sometimes, to help me focus, I “breathe in” Baruch Ha-Shem, which is a kind of way of thanking G-d, and sometimes “breathe out” darkness. To me, the thanks is meant to cover everything I have to be grateful for. I also do conventional prayer.
I guess it depends on what you mean by meditation. Prayer is very meditative by nature, as far as can tell. You might want to look up a prayer/meditative practice called Lectio Devina. The Wikipedia entry on it looks accurate.
I’ve read about that practice. It’s a wonderful contemplative prayer, in a way combining prayers and meditation. (At one time I was teaching meditation to Christians and Jews and did a lot of homework on it.) Our faiths provide beautiful ways to connect with G-d.