PHILADELPHIA, Pa. — The Inaccurate Championship Souvenir Network (ICSN), a Philadelphia-based international organization dedicated to distributing T-shirts, baseball caps, and other memorabilia prepared for teams who lose championship games to impoverished people around the world, has been activated to distribute vast quantities of Bud Light that have gone unsold at the nation’s bars, grocery stores, and beer distributors, sources confirmed over the weekend. The move comes after experts in international relations approved it, reasoning that global tensions might decrease if those involved became “pleasantly toasted.”

The beer surplus, a result of the backlash against the brand’s partnership with professional oddball Dylan Mulvaney, received a mixed reception. One older man, wearing a T-shirt made to commemorate France’s victory in the 2022 World Cup, exclaimed upon tasting Bud Light, “What kind of [expletive] is this? They have not made beer; they have only ruined water.”

However, one woman, inexplicably wearing both a baseball cap from Hillary Clinton’s inauguration in 2017 and a T-shirt from Donald Trump’s second inauguration in 2021, was moved to tears by the donation. “The Americans are so poor, they can only afford to make this weak and pathetic beer, yet out of their generosity, they have shared what little they have with us.” She then loudly passed gas and giggled about it for a half hour.

Officials from ICSN are pleased with the initial implementation of the plan and intend to expand it within the next few months as the losers of this year’s Stanley Cup and NBA finals become known.

The distribution of the beer seemed to run into problems when two groups of Bud Light-besotted youths, one wearing a Philadelphia Phillies 2022 World Series Champions t-shirt and the other wearing Philadelphia Eagles Super Bowl LVII Champions t-shirt, got into a brawl.

The situation was resolved when visiting officials of the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Service gave everyone involved a green card, on the grounds that they would assimilate perfectly into Philadelphia.