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Breaking: Anheuser-Busch Buys Fox News, Mulvaney to Replace Tucker
In a stunning move, embattled corporate giant Anheuser-Busch has announced plans to buy the Fox News Division. Critics likened the move to one giant sinking ship lashing itself to another, while others see it as a bold initiative. Even more shocking was the statement that trans activist and influencer Dylan Mulvaney would replace Tucker Carlson as the first “person of trans” to anchor a major prime-time news show. PMSNBC’s Rachel Madcow pointed out that she is close enough to be considered trans, and therefore the title of “first” belongs to her. Regardless, other networks are hailing Anheuser-Busch for their shrewd marketing strategy.
Sponsors such as Nike, KitchenAid, and Kate Spade are already lining up for advertising. Even Taco Bell is joining in, promising to introduce a new menu item called the Mulvaney Taco. While it comes wrapped as a taco, removing the cover reveals an all-beef frank.
When asked to comment on his replacement, Tucker Carlson smirked and said, “I wish him well. Her! I meant to say ‘her’!”
Published in Humor
Great snark.
Can’t tell if a typo or intentional.
Typo, and fixed. Thanks for the catch!
Oh darn.
I guess that shrew was tamed.
As funny as this is, I wouldn’t be particularly surprised if it all happened, word for word.
5 years ago, I would’ve scoffed. No scoff now, no way no how.
Yes, Megyn Kelly labeled FNC “Foxweiser”.
I beg your pardon
Gillette is going to buy spots reminding men to Do Better.
Hilarious! ! ! (except for the Kate Spade comment – she passed away tragically)
I thought it was Manscape, considering the audience they (FNS) want to attract.
Most excellent, Stad. My favorite: “person of trans.”
Ooops . . . referring to the brand . . .