Quote of the Day: Women are not Simple

 

“Guys are simple… women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically.” —Dave Barry

I’d like to believe that most women, as they become older and wiser, overcome the belief that men and women are just alike. Although the Left continues to insist that we are all the same, everyone has experiences where one sex is baffled by the beliefs, comments, and actions of the other. It’s, “He knows exactly how I feel about the color green,” to, “I thought she’d love a new vacuum cleaner.”

I was just as guilty as any young woman of expecting my husband to care about the same things that I cared about; that a chick flick could be as much fun as a car chase film; that he would want to talk about his feelings when bad things happened; that he would realize how insulted I was every time I complained about something and he felt compelled to “fix it.” The list of differences in our perceptions is too enormous to include here. But eventually I realized two important ideas: (1) that we were temperamentally and in many other ways very different; and (2) that neither of us was superior or inferior in the relationship. (Of course, I secretly believe I have the upper hand.)

Once we realized how loving and helpful it was to not just reject our differences, but to embrace them, we were free to pay more attention to what was important to the other.

The best part, after 48 years of being together, is that we have both become well-trained and conditioned: we both are tuned in enough to each other that we can often anticipate when our different impressions might go off the rails and thus avert a disaster. Not always, but most of the time.

So I roll my eyes as my husband watches one of the John Wick movies and watch with him—unless it’s the fourth time. And he eats my spinach pie, as long as I add extra onions. And I refuse to watch the ultimate fighting matches or put ketchup on my scrambled eggs, and he turns up his nose at hummus and gefilte fish.

These are the actions that show that we honor our differences.

Mostly.

[photo courtesy of unsplash.com]

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  1. Kozak Member
    Kozak
    @Kozak

    • #1
  2. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Kozak (View Comment):

    Thanks, Kozak! I was hoping someone would have this in their collection. It’s perfect, isn’t it?

    • #2
  3. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    And this:

    • #3
  4. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Stad (View Comment):

    And this:

    Perfect! One thing we have both learned is that if one of us is worried about how the other is doing, we ask. And we have promised to give honest answers. And it works!

    • #4
  5. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    • #5
  6. Rodin Member
    Rodin
    @Rodin

    Women complain about the male “mute” button. But, then again, they overestimate the male’s capability to retain more than about 50 words. Men lock down on that number or risk not remembering anything at all. Women, make those words count!

    • #6
  7. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Rodin (View Comment):

    Women complain about the male “mute” button. But, then again, the overestimate the male’s capability to retain more than about 50 words. Men lock down on that number or risk not remembering anything at all. Women, make those words count!

    Yes, in my experience, long rants are not productive. That doesn’t mean I don’t use them, but they are rare!

    • #7
  8. 9thDistrictNeighbor Member
    9thDistrictNeighbor
    @9thDistrictNeighbor

    Perhaps the difference between men and women fuels the ongoing attempt to erase women.  If women are so complicated, then a man can be a better woman and women can improve by becoming a man.  Cover Girl, Maybelline, Olay, Ulta Beauty, Bud Light, Gillette, Nike, KitchenAid, etc., etc. seem to think so.

    • #8
  9. Rodin Member
    Rodin
    @Rodin

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):

    Rodin (View Comment):

    Women complain about the male “mute” button. But, then again, the overestimate the male’s capability to retain more than about 50 words. Men lock down on that number or risk not remembering anything at all. Women, make those words count!

    Yes, in my experience, long rants are not productive. That doesn’t mean I don’t use them, but they are rare!

    And it’s not because women’s rants are not justified, its just that men operate with more limited bandwidth.

    • #9
  10. Old Bathos Member
    Old Bathos
    @OldBathos

    I watched a woman in the grocery store hold jars of two brands of salsa, one in each hand.  She was not reading the labels, just looking at them and waiting for the decision to happen.  How long could it possibly take?  In contrast, men’s thoughts are more like tournaments, ideas win or lose and eventually there can be only one.  Things tend to be more binary.  I always read a menu as a contest of items, the first item is better than the second so it goes on to compete against the winner of 3rd versus fourth… and a decision happens in one pass through the document.  My wife, in contrast, seems to want the whole menu to wash over her as if there is some pleasure in keeping so many options open even if it annoys the waitress and her dinner companion.

    I am told that a higher proportion of a woman’s brain consists of the fibers that connect the right and left hemispheres so there may be more of a constant conversation going on.  Men tend to have more compartmentalized areas.

    Jung said that women hate to leave anything out, desiring completeness whereas men want to clear away the dross and get to perfection.  We are like like opposite ends of a cone.  My wife will sometimes include details in some account she is reciting as if every factoid was a child deserving of attention.  I tend to prune that which does not serve the punch line or point.

    The best functional answer to “How does this look” when a dress is being selected is something like “What an atrocity! Why did you even buy that one?” to generate an argument and binary thinking–either the dress is ugly and she will pick the other or she will vindicate her choice and wear it in defiance, oblivious to the fact that her husband is actually utterly indifferent and just wanted to leave.

    • #10
  11. Rodin Member
    Rodin
    @Rodin

    Old Bathos (View Comment):
    The best functional answer to “How does this look” when a dress is being selected is something like “What an atrocity! Why did you even buy that one?” to generate an argument and binary thinking–either the dress is ugly and she will pick the other or she will vindicate her choice and wear it in defiance, oblivious to the fact that her husband is actually utterly indifferent and just wanted to leave.

    Or…not leave at all, or only in separate cars (and separate destinations?).

    • #11
  12. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    Old Bathos (View Comment):

    I watched a woman in the grocery store hold jars of two brands of salsa, one in each hand. She was not reading the labels, just looking at them and waiting for the decision to happen. How long could it possibly take? In contrast, men’s thoughts are more like tournaments, ideas win or lose and eventually there can be only one. Things tend to be more binary. I always read a menu as a contest of items, the first item is better than the second so it goes on to compete against the winner of 3rd versus fourth… and a decision happens in one pass through the document. My wife, in contrast, seems to want the whole menu to wash over her as if there is some pleasure in keeping so many options open even if it annoys the waitress and her dinner companion.

    I am told that a higher proportion of a woman’s brain consists of the fibers that connect the right and left hemispheres so there may be more of a constant conversation going on. Men tend to have more compartmentalized areas.

    Jung said that women hate to leave anything out, desiring completeness whereas men want to clear away the dross and get to perfection. We are like like opposite ends of a cone. My wife will sometimes include details in some account she is reciting as if every factoid was a child deserving of attention. I tend to prune that which does not serve the punch line or point.

    The best functional answer to “How does this look” when a dress is being selected is something like “What an atrocity! Why did you even buy that one?” to generate an argument and binary thinking–either the dress is ugly and she will pick the other or she will vindicate her choice and wear it in defiance, oblivious to the fact that her husband is actually utterly indifferent and just wanted to leave.

    You remind me of the differences in the way we shop:

     

    • #12
  13. MarciN Member
    MarciN
    @MarciN

    Wow. There are so many ridiculous stereotypes about men and women in this thread, it’s insane. :) :)

    It was pretty funny, however. :) :)

    • #13
  14. MarciN Member
    MarciN
    @MarciN

    In fact, just to totally destroy all of the stereotypes about how women express themselves, people should view Rodin’s posted discussion on the history of the “trans” movement. Dr. Miriam Grossman’s discussion is really easy to follow. She seems to be able to edit her speech in her head in real time, on its way from her brain to her speech center. Really impressive.

    • #14
  15. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Stad (View Comment):

    Old Bathos (View Comment):

    I watched a woman in the grocery store hold jars of two brands of salsa, one in each hand. She was not reading the labels, just looking at them and waiting for the decision to happen. How long could it possibly take? In contrast, men’s thoughts are more like tournaments, ideas win or lose and eventually there can be only one. Things tend to be more binary. I always read a menu as a contest of items, the first item is better than the second so it goes on to compete against the winner of 3rd versus fourth… and a decision happens in one pass through the document. My wife, in contrast, seems to want the whole menu to wash over her as if there is some pleasure in keeping so many options open even if it annoys the waitress and her dinner companion.

    I am told that a higher proportion of a woman’s brain consists of the fibers that connect the right and left hemispheres so there may be more of a constant conversation going on. Men tend to have more compartmentalized areas.

    Jung said that women hate to leave anything out, desiring completeness whereas men want to clear away the dross and get to perfection. We are like like opposite ends of a cone. My wife will sometimes include details in some account she is reciting as if every factoid was a child deserving of attention. I tend to prune that which does not serve the punch line or point.

    The best functional answer to “How does this look” when a dress is being selected is something like “What an atrocity! Why did you even buy that one?” to generate an argument and binary thinking–either the dress is ugly and she will pick the other or she will vindicate her choice and wear it in defiance, oblivious to the fact that her husband is actually utterly indifferent and just wanted to leave.

    You remind me of the differences in the way we shop:

    Actually, we both hate shopping. I hate stores, too. If I have to go to a store, I know just what I’m looking for, and if it’s not there, I’m outta there. That’s why catalogs work best for me, except for buying shoes. I need to get a pair or two, and I have to try them on to ensure a fit. Annoys the heck out of me!

    • #15
  16. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    MarciN (View Comment):
    It was pretty funny, however. :) :)

    That, as you probably figured out, Marci, was the whole point. For every stereotype, there’s an exception. Or several of them!

    • #16
  17. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    Percival (View Comment):

    Old Bathos (View Comment):

    I watched a woman in the grocery store hold jars of two brands of salsa, one in each hand. She was not reading the labels, just looking at them and waiting for the decision to happen. How long could it possibly take? In contrast, men’s thoughts are more like tournaments, ideas win or lose and eventually there can be only one. Things tend to be more binary. I always read a menu as a contest of items, the first item is better than the second so it goes on to compete against the winner of 3rd versus fourth… and a decision happens in one pass through the document. My wife, in contrast, seems to want the whole menu to wash over her as if there is some pleasure in keeping so many options open even if it annoys the waitress and her dinner companion.

    I am told that a higher proportion of a woman’s brain consists of the fibers that connect the right and left hemispheres so there may be more of a constant conversation going on. Men tend to have more compartmentalized areas.

    Jung said that women hate to leave anything out, desiring completeness whereas men want to clear away the dross and get to perfection. We are like like opposite ends of a cone. My wife will sometimes include details in some account she is reciting as if every factoid was a child deserving of attention. I tend to prune that which does not serve the punch line or point.

    The best functional answer to “How does this look” when a dress is being selected is something like “What an atrocity! Why did you even buy that one?” to generate an argument and binary thinking–either the dress is ugly and she will pick the other or she will vindicate her choice and wear it in defiance, oblivious to the fact that her husband is actually utterly indifferent and just wanted to leave.

    I faded out after word #50…

     

     

    • #17
  18. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    Rodin (View Comment):

    Old Bathos (View Comment):
    The best functional answer to “How does this look” when a dress is being selected is something like “What an atrocity! Why did you even buy that one?” to generate an argument and binary thinking–either the dress is ugly and she will pick the other or she will vindicate her choice and wear it in defiance, oblivious to the fact that her husband is actually utterly indifferent and just wanted to leave.

    Or…not leave at all, or only in separate cars (and separate destinations?).

     

    • #18
  19. Full Size Tabby Member
    Full Size Tabby
    @FullSizeTabby

    Mrs. Tabby (retired accountant), our daughter (mathematician doing data analysis), and our daughter-in-law (aerospace engineer) all think much like guys (“just give me the answer as quickly as possible”) so I don’t have to deal with the stereotypes in my family life. 

    But I have long enjoyed two items in particular that pull from the stereotypes:

    The old joke about the genie who initially rejects the wish grantee’s request for a bridge to Hawaii, until the grantee asks to understand women. https://www.jokeindex.com/joke.asp?Joke=3529

    Bill and Pam Farrel’s work, “Men Are Like Waffles; Women Are Like Spaghetti.” Interviews with them are fun to listen to. Pam (the wife) does most of the talking! They chose those metaphors because men tend to compartmentalize the way waffle squares are compartmentalized, and you can pour syrup into each box separately. They point out that even many of the things men like are box shaped (television, computer, automobile engine bay opening, tool box, sports court or field). They point out that yes, men often even have an empty box in which they are thinking of nothing. Women’s thoughts lead everywhere and touch many other subjects, often simultaneously, like a strand of cooked spaghetti that touches almost every other strand of spaghetti on the plate. 

    • #19
  20. Chris O Coolidge
    Chris O
    @ChrisO

    Susan Quinn: that he would realize how insulted I was every time I complained about something and he felt compelled to “fix it.”

    Guilty on this one, but in my defense she chose my “fix” on the most frequent complaint: leave that company. She did and we started one of our own. Now the complaints are about clients. I’ve learned to validate because the main function of the complaint is to act as a stress breaker. They’re not big things, pretty much procedure and preferences. Me? I have to go kick things at taekwondo class. Hers doesn’t cost anything.

    Really enjoyed this, Susan, and good to know we’re doing some of the right things here.

    • #20
  21. BDB Inactive
    BDB
    @BDB

    Full Size Tabby (View Comment):

    Mrs. Tabby (retired accountant), our daughter (mathematician doing data analysis), and our daughter-in-law (aerospace engineer) all think much like guys (“just give me the answer as quickly as possible”) so I don’t have to deal with the stereotypes in my family life.

    But I have long enjoyed two items in particular that pull from the stereotypes:

    The old joke about the genie who initially rejects the wish grantee’s request for a bridge to Hawaii, until the grantee asks to understand women. https://www.jokeindex.com/joke.asp?Joke=3529

    Bill and Pam Farrel’s work, “Men Are Like Waffles; Women Are Like Spaghetti.” Interviews with them are fun to listen to. Pam (the wife) does most of the talking! They chose those metaphors because men tend to compartmentalize the way waffle squares are compartmentalized, and you can pour syrup into each box separately. They point out that even many of the things men like are box shaped (television, computer, automobile engine bay opening, tool box, sports court or field). They point out that yes, men often even have an empty box in which they are thinking of nothing. Women’s thoughts lead everywhere and touch many other subjects, often simultaneously, like a strand of cooked spaghetti that touches almost every other strand of spaghetti on the plate.

    Wow.  Looks like they lifted that wholesale from this really funny Mark Gungor routine.  Great stuff, funny, insightful.

    • #21
  22. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Chris O (View Comment):
    Guilty on this one, but in my defense she chose my “fix” on the most frequent complaint: leave that company. She did and we started one of our own. Now the complaints are about clients. I’ve learned to validate because the main function of the complaint is to act as a stress breaker. They’re not big things, pretty much procedure and preferences. Me? I have to go kick things at taekwondo class. Hers doesn’t cost anything.

    Thanks, Chris. I finally explained to Jerry that I just needed to vent, and I would try to be clear about that from the outset. The urge must have been hard to not pursue, but I so appreciated when he got it. Actually, I have that attribute myself: I would try solve his grievances that he brought home from work. But frankly, he brought them home a lot. So I said that I would keep my mouth shut and listen, if he would occasionally come home and say something good about work! Problem solved!

    • #22
  23. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    BDB (View Comment):

    Wow.  Looks like they lifted that wholesale from this really funny Mark Gungor routine.  Great stuff, funny, insightful.

     

    He’s terrific! I saw him years ago, and I watched it all over again here. Too funny!

    • #23
  24. Bartholomew Xerxes Ogilvie, Jr. Coolidge
    Bartholomew Xerxes Ogilvie, Jr.
    @BartholomewXerxesOgilvieJr

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):

    That, as you probably figured out, Marci, was the whole point. For every stereotype, there’s an exception. Or several of them!

    A friend of mine has an interesting formulation (I don’t know if he came up with this himself or got it from somewhere). There are traits that are masculine, and traits that are feminine. As a rule, men have predominantly the masculine traits, and women the feminine traits, but it’s not really that simple. Everybody has some of both, in differing proportions, and the most successful couples are the ones where the two partners are complementary.

    For example, in my marriage, my wife is the one who is taciturn and never talks about her feelings. She also hates chick flicks and would much rather watch John Wick or Kill Bill. I, on the other hand, am the sentimental and introspective one. But in the long run, my weaknesses are her strengths, and vice versa, and it works.

    That’s what makes this whole thing even more wonderfully challenging: there are no rules that apply to everyone. At best, the standard men-versus-women characterizations are rules of thumb. Instead it’s about figuring out your particular spouse (or significant other). No one else can give you the answers — least of all the person you’re trying to figure out!

    • #24
  25. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Bartholomew Xerxes Ogilvie, Jr. (View Comment):
    That’s what makes this whole thing even more wonderfully challenging: there are no rules that apply to everyone. At best, the standard men-versus-women characterizations are rules of thumb. Instead it’s about figuring out your particular spouse (or significant other). No one else can give you the answers — least of all the person you’re trying to figure out!

    Excellent comment, BXO! And you are absolutely right!

    • #25
  26. Full Size Tabby Member
    Full Size Tabby
    @FullSizeTabby

    Susan Quinn: I was just as guilty as any young woman of expecting my husband to care about the same things that I cared about; that a chick flick could be as much fun as a car chase film;

    In our pairing I actually like “romantic” movies more than Mrs. Tabby does. I could watch Jane Austen adaptations almost endlessly, while Mrs. Tabby prefers police detective mysteries. (Though I will also take a good car chase.)

    Some [male] friends had a funny experience when they gathered to watch a Bruce Willis movie (I think one of the Die Hard series) while their wives were out having dinner together. The wives stopped by to pick up something at the house at which the guys were watching the movie. One of the wives asked about the movie’s plot. Universal response from the guys: “Plot? Why does it need a plot? It’s got chases and explosions.”

    • #26
  27. Chowderhead Coolidge
    Chowderhead
    @Podunk

    Stad (View Comment):

    Old Bathos (View Comment):

    I watched a woman in the grocery store hold jars of two brands of salsa, one in each hand. She was not reading the labels, just looking at them and waiting for the decision to happen. How long could it possibly take? In contrast, men’s thoughts are more like tournaments, ideas win or lose and eventually there can be only one. Things tend to be more binary. I always read a menu as a contest of items, the first item is better than the second so it goes on to compete against the winner of 3rd versus fourth… and a decision happens in one pass through the document. My wife, in contrast, seems to want the whole menu to wash over her as if there is some pleasure in keeping so many options open even if it annoys the waitress and her dinner companion.

    I am told that a higher proportion of a woman’s brain consists of the fibers that connect the right and left hemispheres so there may be more of a constant conversation going on. Men tend to have more compartmentalized areas.

    Jung said that women hate to leave anything out, desiring completeness whereas men want to clear away the dross and get to perfection. We are like like opposite ends of a cone. My wife will sometimes include details in some account she is reciting as if every factoid was a child deserving of attention. I tend to prune that which does not serve the punch line or point.

    The best functional answer to “How does this look” when a dress is being selected is something like “What an atrocity! Why did you even buy that one?” to generate an argument and binary thinking–either the dress is ugly and she will pick the other or she will vindicate her choice and wear it in defiance, oblivious to the fact that her husband is actually utterly indifferent and just wanted to leave.

    You remind me of the differences in the way we shop:

     

    Has anyone noticed the woman actually never made it to the gap? I think the mall was closing and she had to order it online.

     

    • #27
  28. Full Size Tabby Member
    Full Size Tabby
    @FullSizeTabby

    A pastor friend has had some pretty amusing speculations about God designing humans and thinking about how much fun it would be to make the male and the female quite different from each other yet be irresistibly attracted to each other so that the humans would have to figure out how to get along and for each of us to learn that we can’t always get our way. 

    • #28
  29. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    Chowderhead (View Comment):

    Stad (View Comment):

    Old Bathos (View Comment):

    I watched a woman in the grocery store hold jars of two brands of salsa, one in each hand. She was not reading the labels, just looking at them and waiting for the decision to happen. How long could it possibly take? In contrast, men’s thoughts are more like tournaments, ideas win or lose and eventually there can be only one. Things tend to be more binary. I always read a menu as a contest of items, the first item is better than the second so it goes on to compete against the winner of 3rd versus fourth… and a decision happens in one pass through the document. My wife, in contrast, seems to want the whole menu to wash over her as if there is some pleasure in keeping so many options open even if it annoys the waitress and her dinner companion.

    I am told that a higher proportion of a woman’s brain consists of the fibers that connect the right and left hemispheres so there may be more of a constant conversation going on. Men tend to have more compartmentalized areas.

    Jung said that women hate to leave anything out, desiring completeness whereas men want to clear away the dross and get to perfection. We are like like opposite ends of a cone. My wife will sometimes include details in some account she is reciting as if every factoid was a child deserving of attention. I tend to prune that which does not serve the punch line or point.

    The best functional answer to “How does this look” when a dress is being selected is something like “What an atrocity! Why did you even buy that one?” to generate an argument and binary thinking–either the dress is ugly and she will pick the other or she will vindicate her choice and wear it in defiance, oblivious to the fact that her husband is actually utterly indifferent and just wanted to leave.

    You remind me of the differences in the way we shop:

    Has anyone noticed the woman actually never made it to the gap? I think the mall was closing and she had to order it online.

    Yes, I’ve pointed that out when that meme showed up in other places.  Indeed, there’s no indication she ever left the mall.  I suppose she’s at the food court with Dadbert.

    • #29
  30. Kozak Member
    Kozak
    @Kozak

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):

    Kozak (View Comment):

    Thanks, Kozak! I was hoping someone would have this in their collection. It’s perfect, isn’t it?

    And I love this little video too.

    • #30
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