I Have Never Been a Feminist

 

From the beginning of the feminist movement, I saw an army of angry, frustrated and vengeful women who had to blame men for their disappointments and psychic wounds. The ugliness of their positions, instead of attracting me, repulsed and alienated me. Even today, the old and tired rhetoric persists:

Almost all modern societal structures are patriarchal and are constructed in such a way that men are the dominant force in making the majority of political, economic, and cultural decisions. In large part, this is the case due to colonization and imperialism by Europeans. Part of the cultural erasures perpetrated by imperialism involved eliminating the many existing matrilineal societies across the world and instituting Western patriarchy instead. Feminism focuses on the idea that since women comprise one-half of the world population, true social progress can never be achieved without the complete and spontaneous participation of women.

As time went on, feminists refused to acknowledge the progress that women had made, and instead focused on the outdated diatribes:

Feminism assumes that sexism, which disadvantages and/or oppresses those identified as women, is not desirable and should be eliminated, however, it continues to be an issue in the workplace.

Unequal salaries are still pervasive in the workforce. Despite the Equal Pay Act of 1963, on average, a woman (on average) still earns only 80.5 cents for every dollar a man earns. This varies significantly when race is factored in, however.

These people see no reason to consider the many and diverse ways that women participate in the workplace that account for pay differentials; those facts only complicate their positions. More than that, they lie regarding their hatred of men:

There is a common misconception that feminists are reverse sexists, however, unlike male sexists who oppress women, feminists do not seek to oppress men. Rather, they seek equal compensation, opportunities, and treatment across genders.

And yet we see regular attacks on men, such as accusations of toxic masculinity, humiliating and denigrating boys in school, and criticizing gestures by men such as pulling out a woman’s chair or opening a door for a woman as degrading and insulting.

They’ve also updated their message for the woke generation:

The goal of feminism is to create equity, which is essential for leveling the playing field to ensure that no one’s rights are violated due to factors such as race, gender, language, religion, sexual orientation, gender identity, political or other beliefs, nationality, social origin, class, or wealth status.

Today’s feminists have done nothing to improve the status of women in society. To the contrary, they have created greater divisions between men and women and in the general culture. Their agenda is not to empower women but to teach them how to attack those who don’t support them in humiliating and discounting men.

As far as helping other women, where are they when girls are being discouraged from honoring their own sex and their bodies? Why aren’t they protecting girls from boys who want to use their restrooms and locker rooms? Why aren’t they fighting against boys and men who want to compete in sports against girls and women? Why aren’t they speaking out against female genital mutilation or the transgender mutilations?

*     *     *     *

As you might assume by now, feminism never spoke to me. From the time I began working, I didn’t feel the need to take on extra adjectives to define who I was. It was enough for me to be a woman, a daughter, a wife, a teacher, and a consultant. Although there may have been biases against me, I never felt them or I ignored them; if I didn’t get promotions or raises or contracts, I assumed I had to work harder. And I did.

I’m not saying there weren’t women who had difficulty progressing in the workforce, but I didn’t believe I lost an opportunity to move ahead because I was a woman. And although there may have been times as an outside consultant when I wasn’t brought in because I was woman, neither the men nor women were foolish enough to tell me; they also had the right to work with a person with whom they felt comfortable. I included in my clients engineers and police officers; both groups always treated me with respect. Part of the reason was because I worked to earn their respect and I received it when it mattered.

I don’t expect to ever be equal to any other women; each of us is unique. Some women are superior to me in temperament, smarts, job skills, and communication; there are other women whom I can work circles around. And still others where there is mutual admiration and appreciation for what we have to offer to the world.

The term feminism is meaningless in this world. It’s time that women support both men and women in the workforce, in daily life, and in relationships, rather than spend their time emasculating men and trying to shame them. This is a time when people need to individually stay in their own lanes, but help each other to fight through the storms of adversity and conflict.

Together.

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  1. Bryan G. Stephens Thatcher
    Bryan G. Stephens
    @BryanGStephens

    You are not a feminist. 

    You have always been a lady to those of us at Ricochet. 

    • #1
  2. Misthiocracy has never Member
    Misthiocracy has never
    @Misthiocracy

    It’s tricky. “Feminism” is one of those words that can mean whatever someone wants it to mean so why not just call yourself one, if for no better reason than to keep the Left from having a monopoly on the label?

    Like, I had a candidate ask me for my opinion on what he should say if a reporter asks him if he believes in evolution.  I advised him, “just say ‘yes’ and move on to the next topic. The word ‘evolution’ can mean pretty much whatever you want it to mean, and it’s not like the reporter is gonna be asking any in-depth follow-up questions about the finer points of Darwinian theory.”

    If you want three definitions of “feminism”, ask two feminists. If one believes that women shouldn’t be hunted for sport, that’s enough to justify calling oneself a feminist. Heck, the idea that women have a right to their own washrooms was once a wacky feminist idea (in fact it was one of the demands of the Suffragettes).

    • #2
  3. Old Bathos Member
    Old Bathos
    @OldBathos

    I assumed that feminism was just another way for women to feel bad.  As I commented before, the snake in the Garden of Eden invented the world’s oldest profession: giving really bad advice to women to make them unhappy.  If she pursues a career, she has betrayed her duties to her family, if she gives priority to marriage and family, she has left down all womanhood and herself.  She is flawed and ugly compared to cover models and glossy ads.  She is always doing something wrong with her kids, sex, health, appearance… And women must be placed in warring camps in culture wars.  They must gripe, complain, resent, and feel victimized…

    • #3
  4. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Bryan G. Stephens (View Comment):

    You are not a feminist.

    You have always been a lady to those of us at Ricochet.

    Aw, gee, thanks, Bryan. 

    • #4
  5. JustmeinAZ Member
    JustmeinAZ
    @JustmeinAZ

    I’m with you Susan. Maybe I’m just an insensitive clod but I never felt the sting of oppression. I was happy to do my part as daughter, wife and mother and I progressed as far in my work life as I thought my abilities warranted. In the company I retired from (a very large aerospace firm) the President, Controller and the three managers directly above me were all women  – they must have been oppressed also. Maybe I’m too harsh but I say if you are always unhappy and dissatisfied look inward, not to those around you.

    • #5
  6. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Misthiocracy has never (View Comment):
    It’s tricky. “Feminism” is one of those words that can mean whatever someone wants it to mean so why not just call yourself one, if for no better reason than to keep the Left from having a monopoly on the label?

    Thanks, Mis, but I’d just as soon be rid of the label, period. In too many cases it’s been used as a cudgel and for division. Since I don’t believe I am a feminist, I don’t care to identify with the word in any way, for any reason. I don’t think it’s helpful, particularly if it has so many meanings.

    • #6
  7. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Old Bathos (View Comment):

    I assumed that feminism was just another way for women to feel bad. As I commented before, the snake in the Garden of Eden invented the world’s oldest profession: giving really bad advice to women to make them unhappy. If she pursues a career, she has betrayed her duties to her family, if she gives priority to marriage and family, she has left down all womanhood and herself. She is flawed and ugly compared to cover models and glossy ads. She is always doing something wrong with her kids, sex, health, appearance… And women must be placed in warring camps in culture wars. They must gripe, complain, resent, and feel victimized…

    I’ve seen those attacks. Although I hate to admit that I do care what people think of me, especially people I like and respect, I can’t think of a time I’ve been motivated to change to meet other people’s expectations (unless I could see a benefit in doing so). Then again, my husband really dislikes this one simple black dress I bought . . . 

    • #7
  8. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    JustmeinAZ (View Comment):
    Maybe I’m too harsh but I say if you are always unhappy and dissatisfied look inward, not to those around you.

    Oh, but JustMe, that’s so hard and painful!! It’s so much easier to blame others. And I love your attitude–good for you!

    • #8
  9. Rodin Member
    Rodin
    @Rodin

    As best I can tell feminism never appealed to individualists. And so we are left with only collectivists embracing and pushing feminism forward. 

    • #9
  10. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Rodin (View Comment):

    As best I can tell feminism never appealed to individualists. And so we are left with only collectivists embracing and pushing feminism forward.

    I’m not disagreeing, but I’d never thought about feminism that way. Was that the need for the collectivists to be “part of something”? And the Marxist shading?

    • #10
  11. Misthiocracy has never Member
    Misthiocracy has never
    @Misthiocracy

    Click to embiggen.

    • #11
  12. Jim McConnell Member
    Jim McConnell
    @JimMcConnell

    Misthiocracy has never (View Comment):
    Click to embiggen.

    Thanks for the new term. I learn something from Ricochet every day.

    • #12
  13. Misthiocracy has never Member
    Misthiocracy has never
    @Misthiocracy

    Jim McConnell (View Comment):

    Misthiocracy has never (View Comment):
    Click to embiggen.

    Thanks for the new term. I learn something from Ricochet every day.

    It’s a perfectly cromulent word.

    • #13
  14. Hugh Member
    Hugh
    @Hugh

    Hi Susan.  always great reading your posts.

    For me feminism comes down to the where.  Living in Africa there is a type of feminism happening that actually means something.  Some women are treated as property and that needs to change.  Some women are subject to violence and that needs to change.  Girls should be allowed to go to school and women should make the same money as men doing the same work.

    All this is the stuff of first wave feminism when it actually meant something.  In Africa, almost all women are homemakers, raising kids, cooking meals and doing all the traditional stuff.  Of course many/most also have other jobs some of which involve leaving the property and going to an office.  Life can best be summed up as “traditional”.  Its a shame that the westerners want to end all that and destroy the family structure.  Happily I don’t think they are strong enough.

    Another joy of Africa is that there are no trannies wandering around, no rainbow flags (on African company lawns anyway), and not much in the way of abortions although all the western “women’s health” NGOs are trying hard to change that. If a woman get pregnant then she has a baby.  If she needs help raising it then the family helps.  She is not alone and all children are loved.

    Even being gay is kept at a personal level and tolerated as long as you don’t make a big song and dance about it.  Its definitely a city thing anyway. Being gay will get you stoned in some villages.

    All in all i’d rather be home in Africa than in the west.

    • #14
  15. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Misthiocracy has never (View Comment):

    Click to embiggen.

    Yes, I love being able to enlarge it. Some of the comments in the articles make me laugh–although I doubt they were meant to be funny. But as you say, Mis, they are all over the place with definitions, just as people are today.

    • #15
  16. Raxxalan Member
    Raxxalan
    @Raxxalan

    Ironically enough, the first time I have actually seen some anecdotal evidence first hand that a company was systemically underpaying women who work for it is at my present company.   It is also the most woke corporation I have ever worked for with many internal programs to promote diversity and awareness of women.  I don’t have a big enough dataset to draw any firm conclusions though. 

    • #16
  17. JustmeinAZ Member
    JustmeinAZ
    @JustmeinAZ

    Jim McConnell (View Comment):

    Misthiocracy has never (View Comment):
    Click to embiggen.

    Thanks for the new term. I learn something from Ricochet every day.

    You been living under a rock? Even I know that one.

    • #17
  18. Jerry Giordano (Arizona Patriot) Member
    Jerry Giordano (Arizona Patriot)
    @ArizonaPatriot

    Hugh (View Comment):

    Hi Susan. always great reading your posts.

    For me feminism comes down to the where. Living in Africa there is a type of feminism happening that actually means something. Some women are treated as property and that needs to change. Some women are subject to violence and that needs to change. Girls should be allowed to go to school and women should make the same money as men doing the same work.

    All this is the stuff of first wave feminism when it actually meant something. In Africa, almost all women are homemakers, raising kids, cooking meals and doing all the traditional stuff. Of course many/most also have other jobs some of which involve leaving the property and going to an office. Life can best be summed up as “traditional”. Its a shame that the westerners want to end all that and destroy the family structure. Happily I don’t think they are strong enough.

    Another joy of Africa is that there are no trannies wandering around, no rainbow flags (on African company lawns anyway), and not much in the way of abortions although all the western “women’s health” NGOs are trying hard to change that. If a woman get pregnant then she has a baby. If she needs help raising it then the family helps. She is not alone and all children are loved.

    Even being gay is kept at a personal level and tolerated as long as you don’t make a big song and dance about it. Its definitely a city thing anyway. Being gay will get you stoned in some villages.

    All in all i’d rather be home in Africa than in the west.

    I don’t know whether to laugh or cry when I compare your second and third paragraphs here.  I haven’t studied the issue exhaustively, but I have the impression that everywhere that the feminist reforms mentioned in your second paragraph have been implemented, the destruction of the traditional family has followed.

    • #18
  19. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    Susan Quinn: As time went on, feminists refused to acknowledge the progress that women had made

    The leaders acknowledge nothing. Keeping the donors donating requires that new problems be found; hopefully insoluble ones, since actually solving problems can lead to fundraising woes. 

    • #19
  20. Misthiocracy has never Member
    Misthiocracy has never
    @Misthiocracy

    JustmeinAZ (View Comment):

    Jim McConnell (View Comment):

    Misthiocracy has never (View Comment):
    Click to embiggen.

    Thanks for the new term. I learn something from Ricochet every day.

    You been living under a rock? Even I know that one.

    It’s always a shock to learn that not everybody has studied at the Springfield Heights Institute of Technology.

    • #20
  21. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Hugh (View Comment):

    Hi Susan. always great reading your posts.

    For me feminism comes down to the where. Living in Africa there is a type of feminism happening that actually means something. Some women are treated as property and that needs to change. Some women are subject to violence and that needs to change. Girls should be allowed to go to school and women should make the same money as men doing the same work.

    All this is the stuff of first wave feminism when it actually meant something. In Africa, almost all women are homemakers, raising kids, cooking meals and doing all the traditional stuff. Of course many/most also have other jobs some of which involve leaving the property and going to an office. Life can best be summed up as “traditional”. Its a shame that the westerners want to end all that and destroy the family structure. Happily I don’t think they are strong enough.

    Another joy of Africa is that there are no trannies wandering around, no rainbow flags (on African company lawns anyway), and not much in the way of abortions although all the western “women’s health” NGOs are trying hard to change that. If a woman get pregnant then she has a baby. If she needs help raising it then the family helps. She is not alone and all children are loved.

    Even being gay is kept at a personal level and tolerated as long as you don’t make a big song and dance about it. Its definitely a city thing anyway. Being gay will get you stoned in some villages.

    All in all i’d rather be home in Africa than in the west.

    Great input, Hugh! You should do a post on Africa!

    • #21
  22. Rodin Member
    Rodin
    @Rodin

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):

    Rodin (View Comment):

    As best I can tell feminism never appealed to individualists. And so we are left with only collectivists embracing and pushing feminism forward.

    I’m not disagreeing, but I’d never thought about feminism that way. Was that the need for the collectivists to be “part of something”? And the Marxist shading?

    All of the individualistic women I have known were happy for the workplace to be less mysoginistic and for legal rights to be neutral with respect to the sexes, but never wanted to subordinate their voice to the power needs of a movement. From the perspective of these women, a feminist leader, was likely more an exploiter of collective power than simply a well-adjusted, self-confident and capable woman. 

    • #22
  23. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Rodin (View Comment):

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):

    Rodin (View Comment):

    As best I can tell feminism never appealed to individualists. And so we are left with only collectivists embracing and pushing feminism forward.

    I’m not disagreeing, but I’d never thought about feminism that way. Was that the need for the collectivists to be “part of something”? And the Marxist shading?

    All of the individualistic women I have known were happy for the workplace to be less mysoginistic and for legal rights to be neutral with respect to the sexes, but never wanted to subordinate their voice to the power needs of a movement. From the perspective of these women, a feminist leader, was likely more an exploiter of collective power than simply a well-adjusted, self-confident and capable woman.

    That makes sense.

    • #23
  24. Zafar Member
    Zafar
    @Zafar

    Well I hope you’ve never voted, held a job or had a bank account which you managed instead of having your husband do it for you (along with making all the other financial decisions in your life).  That’s consistency. Respect!

    • #24
  25. Charlotte Member
    Charlotte
    @Charlotte

    Susan Quinn:

    Almost all modern societal structures are patriarchal and are constructed in such a way that men are the dominant force in making the majority of political, economic, and cultural decisions.

    If only!

    • #25
  26. Charlotte Member
    Charlotte
    @Charlotte

    Jerry Giordano (Arizona Patrio… (View Comment):

    Hugh (View Comment):

    Hi Susan. always great reading your posts.

    For me feminism comes down to the where. Living in Africa there is a type of feminism happening that actually means something. Some women are treated as property and that needs to change. Some women are subject to violence and that needs to change. Girls should be allowed to go to school and women should make the same money as men doing the same work.

    All this is the stuff of first wave feminism when it actually meant something. In Africa, almost all women are homemakers, raising kids, cooking meals and doing all the traditional stuff. Of course many/most also have other jobs some of which involve leaving the property and going to an office. Life can best be summed up as “traditional”. Its a shame that the westerners want to end all that and destroy the family structure. Happily I don’t think they are strong enough.

    Another joy of Africa is that there are no trannies wandering around, no rainbow flags (on African company lawns anyway), and not much in the way of abortions although all the western “women’s health” NGOs are trying hard to change that. If a woman get pregnant then she has a baby. If she needs help raising it then the family helps. She is not alone and all children are loved.

    Even being gay is kept at a personal level and tolerated as long as you don’t make a big song and dance about it. Its definitely a city thing anyway. Being gay will get you stoned in some villages.

    All in all i’d rather be home in Africa than in the west.

    I don’t know whether to laugh or cry when I compare your second and third paragraphs here. I haven’t studied the issue exhaustively, but I have the impression that everywhere that the feminist reforms mentioned in your second paragraph have been implemented, the destruction of the traditional family has followed.

    I count four “feminist reforms” in Hugh’s second paragraph:

    1. No more treating women as property

    2. Help women who are subject to violence

    3. Girls should be allowed to go to school

    4. Women should make the same money as men for the same work

    Jerry, would you mind specifying which of these you oppose and why?

    • #26
  27. She Member
    She
    @She

    I don’t much like to lead with labels.  As for “feminists,” I have something of the same sense that–just as the workers of today owe something to the early unions which served a useful purpose in bringing to light, and often correcting, sometimes after great struggle, flagrant abuses of workers and the conditions they worked in–the modern woman does owe something of a debt to the earliest of their sistern back in the day.  (And I do mean “back in the day,” I’m not talking about the second wave and following, during and after which time feminism became big business and ultimately as greedy, corrupt, and destructive, as their brother institutions in the workplace.)

    Susan Quinn: Today’s feminists have done nothing to improve the status of women in society 

    Amen to that.

    Susan Quinn:

    From the time I began working, I didn’t feel the need to take on extra adjectives to define who I was. It was enough for me to be a woman, a daughter, a wife, a teacher, and a consultant. Although there may have been biases against me, I never felt them or I ignored them; if I didn’t get promotions or raises or contracts, I assumed I had to work harder. And I did.

    I’m not saying there weren’t women who had difficulty progressing in the workforce, but I didn’t believe I lost an opportunity to move ahead because I was a woman.

    And to that.  Although I often felt a debt of gratitude to those who’d gone before, when the “opportunities to move ahead” and a wide variety of life choices weren’t so plentiful for women, and who–to a large extent–normalized and paved the way for my success in doing what I needed to and (sometimes) what I pleased.  I’m glad I married a strong man who wasn’t intimidated by any of that, and that we mutually supported each other, and our family, through our lives together.

    I enjoyed Susan’s measured post.  I’ve enjoyed, over the years, civil and constructive conversations with men and women on different sides of this issue.  Every once in a while, I encounter an unhinged ranter and I have to say that neither the Left not the Right seems to enjoy a monopoly on them. That’s when–after a try or two–I generally walk away.

    • #27
  28. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    She (View Comment):
    And to that.  Although I often felt a debt of gratitude to those who’d gone before, when the “opportunities to move ahead” and a wide variety of life choices weren’t so plentiful for women, and who–to a large extent–normalized and paved the way for my success in doing what I needed to and (sometimes) what I pleased.

    Thanks, She. I have to admit that there were women who paved the way. I just don’t know at what point the efforts started to go downhill. Was hating men inherent from the beginning, or did that slip in later? I’d love to know when others think the movement was helpful and when it went bad. I suspect it didn’t happen over night.

    • #28
  29. Zafar Member
    Zafar
    @Zafar

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):
    I’d love to know when others think the movement was helpful and when it went bad. I suspect it didn’t happen over night.

    When its focus went from the empowerment of women as a class to the empowerment of individuals as leaders of the women’s movement.

    (You could say that about any movement, from Communism to Conservatism, and in fact because we’re human all movements carry this fatal inclination at their heart, right from inception.  It might profit each of us to ask where our own movement of preference is on that continuum right now.)

    And ‘going bad’ is an overstatement.

    Feminism is still desperately needed in most of the world.

    You might believe that it’s delivered what it needed to in the West.  Maybe it has? For most women?

    At this point Feminist and Conservative “struggles” are to some degree LARPs.

    Feminism is looking for reasons to remain cutting edge and radical – when really feminism has become part of the mainstream power structure, and the leaders it raises up absolutely reflect that.  (Could we really have an Andrea Dworkin today?) A corporate rag’s rhetorical feminist flourish is today’s equivalent of a motherhood statement.  Honestly it seems like feminism in the West is focused on defending and expanding the rights of white middle class women as women (because this is a really safe space to be, in social perception) while ignoring the rights of women who have (dare I say intersectional) issues going on (because it is NOT a safe and corporately appreciated and rewarded space to focus on issue that working class women have (for eg) because of their class).

    Conservatives (yes, you guys) – you don’t really want to go back to a world where women didn’t have equal rights. where they didn’t have the vote (pre 1920 for white women in the US, when both our grandmothers’ were alive I would guess, so not that long ago)), where men’s responsibility for women was matched by their control of women.  But that was what the Conservative world was, in truth, all those things.  It seems like most of you just want to pretend that all these things achieved for women to date by feminism were always Conservative – a term that has come to mean more and more ‘stuff that I like’ than something with any historical accuracy.  I doubt you want to go back to segregation and slavery either – but guess what? By slight of hand those aren’t Conservative either, even though they were exactly conservative responses in their time.

    Don’t get me started on gay liberation…..

    • #29
  30. Ekosj Member
    Ekosj
    @Ekosj

    It’s complicated, apparently.   There’s first, second, third and fourth wave feminism.    And I’m mostly ok with the second-wave feminism of my favorite liberal lesbian feminist – Camile Paglia.

    https://www.city-journal.org/article/the-provocations-of-camille-paglia?wallit_nosession=1

    • #30
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