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Proving once again that there’s no instance of American misery he can’t compound, President Obama — probably trying to kill time while waiting for the Tandy on which he is currently coding healthcare.gov to boot up — hopped on Twitter today with a helpful tip on how to make your already-strained holiday gathering into an even redder hell:
<blockquote class=”twitter-tweet” lang=”en”><p>When your loved ones get together this holiday season, remember to talk to them about health insurance. <a href=”http://t.co/jGbLVLNAfK”>http://t.co/jGbLVLNAfK</a> <a href=”https://twitter.com/search?q=%23GetTalking&src=hash”>#GetTalking</a></p>— Barack Obama (@BarackObama) <a href=”https://twitter.com/BarackObama/statuses/403249979747086336″>November 20, 2013</a></blockquote>
<script async src=”//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js” charset=”utf-8″></script>This sort of boxes in those young, hip Obama voters doesn’t it? I mean, you can either be a paragon of cool, detached sophistication or you can lobby your aunt about the importance of community rating over the cranberry sauce. You can’t really do both.
And by the way, if you try to pull this crap at my table, you better pray to whatever gender-neutral deity your side worships that all the utensils on the table are plastic. Otherwise, you’re going to be doing field research on the state of the American health care system in short order.
Thankfully, the Obama communciations team (which we can safely assume has been reduced to one chain-smoking guy with the disposition of John Malkovich after three nights of insomnia) has done the hard work for you, preparing talking points (click on the image below to enlarge) that won’t be at all awkward to print out and keep inconspicuously under your plate (h/t to Conor Friedersdorf for this):
I’m assuming it’s all part of the broader health care motif here to make the president’s holiday shock troops come off as human canker sores.
Since everyone’s been fixated on the Gettysburg Address parallels this week, why not close with a comparison of the Thanksgiving messages of two American presidents?
The year that is drawing towards its close, has been filled with the blessings of fruitful fields and healthful skies. To these bounties, which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source from which they come, others have been added, which are of so extraordinary a nature, that they cannot fail to penetrate and soften even the heart which is habitually insensible to the ever watchful providence of Almighty God.
In the midst of a civil war of unequaled magnitude and severity, which has sometimes seemed to foreign States to invite and to provoke their aggression, peace has been preserved with all nations, order has been maintained, the laws have been respected and obeyed, and harmony has prevailed everywhere except in the theatre of military conflict; while that theatre has been greatly contracted by the advancing armies and navies of the Union.
Needful diversions of wealth and of strength from the fields of peaceful industry to the national defence, have not arrested the plough, the shuttle or the ship; the axe has enlarged the borders of our settlements, and the mines, as well of iron and coal as of the precious metals, have yielded even more abundantly than heretofore. Population has steadily increased, notwithstanding the waste that has been made in the camp, the siege and the battle-field; and the country, rejoicing in the consiousness of augmented strength and vigor, is permitted to expect continuance of years with large increase of freedom.
No human counsel hath devised nor hath any mortal hand worked out these great things. They are the gracious gifts of the Most High God, who, while dealing with us in anger for our sins, hath nevertheless remembered mercy. It has seemed to me fit and proper that they should be solemnly, reverently and gratefully acknowledged as with one heart and one voice by the whole American People.
I do therefore invite my fellow citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next, as a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens. And I recommend to them that while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings, they do also, with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience, commend to His tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty Hand to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquillity and Union.
Hassle Grandma until she submits just to shut you up.