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Clouds and Their Linings
I’ve been in one of those moods lately. It happens sometimes, and I’m not always sure why. One of those moods where I’m just chronically disgruntled, feeling discouraged and pessimistic. I’m sure there were some specific events or news stories that started me down that slope, but after a while it becomes self-sustaining, and I get into this mode where every little annoyance starts to seem like another piece of evidence that everything is going wrong.
The thing is, that’s just not me. Most of my life, I’ve been a cheerful person by nature. I suppose one could argue that as I’ve gotten older, I’ve lost my naive innocence and have become better able to see how awful the world really is. But I’m not ready to believe that. There is a lot of awful in the world, but there’s still a lot of wonderful too. Isn’t there?
I know several ways to dig myself out of this kind of funk, because I’ve done it before. Focusing on the things I can control; finding productive and satisfying activities to keep me busy. But there’s one strategy in particular that I think I need to get better at: gratitude. I’m aware that it’s a whole thing, that there have been books written about how a deliberate practice of gratitude increases happiness in an empirically measurable way.
The problem right now is that my brain is being spitefully negative, and I can’t help thinking about the dark cloud attached to every silver lining. I tell myself I’m grateful for my job and the comfortable lifestyle it has allowed me, and an answering voice says but the economy is going to pieces, so forget about those retirement plans. OK, let’s try something on a smaller scale: it’s Friday, so tonight I’m going to kick back and enjoy some pizza and a beer. The voice is ready: Yeah, that’s why all of your efforts to lose weight are failing.
Why can’t it be all silver linings? It used to be. Probably not really, but I used to have an easier time focusing on the silver linings to the point where the dark clouds (when I noticed them) were easy to ignore. I guess that’s just a muscle I haven’t exercised enough lately, and I’ve forgotten how to do it. Maybe I should buy one of those gratitude journals and start making more of an effort.
OK. Gonna finish my coffee now. There’s nothing wrong with that, is there?
Published in General
It’s easy to get into that mood and harder to get out of it. It’s going to be a great day here in central NC. I’d say get outside when you can and enjoy it! Not sure if your work schedule will allow, but a nice hike on one of the many trails at Jordan Lake could do the trick. That will counter the beer and pizza later (or at least that’s what I tell myself). Also, don’t read or listen to anything remotely political for at least 2 days.
https://www.audible.com/pd/Coffee-Is-Not-Forever-Audiobook/B09SJ4SBY1
I believe I know of what you speak. When we get in those moods, it can be hard to dig out. That’s why we need to think of exercising gratitude as building up a muscle. There are so many forces that will counter it, but with increasing exercise, you will have more contentment and less darkness. And it’s hard.
Yes. And I think it might be really important to figure out what to be grateful for. As I look back over my life it is those points where I had opportunities to choose my next steps that stand out. The feature that is consistent at those points is my exercise of control over at least some aspects of life. That makes me grateful for the base formation of values that has enable those choices to keep the sadness and gloom at bay.
Here’s one point I live with. Both nature and environment play a part and every human individual is indeed unique. No clones. Think about what that says, if it is true.
I just found out that one of my favorite bands, who haven’t released anything in twenty years, just released a new single.
The opening verse:
Gonna put my cell phone in the kitchen drawer
Turn off the screens and head on out the door
Spend some time under the stars above
Look in the eyes of the ones I love
And it’s supposed to be sunny today, with temperatures in the 80s. I do believe the Universe is trying to tell me something.
I’ve always wondered why people never feel gruntled.
Seriously, I know the feeling. In part, I think it is being retired and having more time to think about things I have no control over. I’m trying to fix that by learning new things (computer related) that I didn’t have time for when I was working full time.
Also, Nature reminds me that some things keep on going in spite of us humans. We saw our first Towhee of the year this morning in the drive. One day later than last year, but basically on schedule.
When my kids were young, I formulated the Universal Mood Theory. One of my kids called me from her college apartment and said, “Mom, what exactly is ‘the Universal Mood Theory’? I mentioned it to someone today, and she had never heard of it.” I laughed and apologized. I should have been clearer in telling them that I had made it up. It was a joke. It still is. It was an answer to all the college professors in the world who crank out theories every single second of every day. :) Unfortunately, I had mentioned it so often at home that they all thought it was a real thing. :) :) So, to be clear, I made up the following theory, and this is what it is:
I worked from home when my kids were growing up, and I also volunteered a lot in the public schools in our town. My clients were in all parts of the country, and because of the spacing of my kids, I was floating around from elementary to middle to high schools. I read the daily newspapers, and I was often in medical offices because I was looking after a friend. What I began to notice–something I was not looking for, so I tended to think it was real–was that everyone, no matter where they were or what they were doing, was in a similar mood. It not only showed up in their interpersonal interactions but also whether they were late or on time, were driving attentively or absent-mindedly or irritably, or sounded vaguely irritable on the phone.
I know there is a Universal Mood. I don’t know exactly what causes it. Is it the holidays? Is it news events? The alignment of the planets and positions of the stars and the moon? The weather? Emotion contagion? All of them? I have no idea. But it’s definitely real.
To the weather possibility, the end of March is always like this–lots of gray in the public mood. But advent and lent are also like this–lots of gray in the public mood. So it’s probably both, holiday and weather.
I’ve added Ricochet to my observation lookouts over the years because this place captures the same slice of American life that I was seeing when my kids were in school. It is undeniable, spending some time here, that some days nearly everyone is a tad grumpy, while other days, everyone seems to be looking for humor, and so on. Holiday, weather, and current events?
Moods are like the weather: sometimes you just have to wait them out. You’ll see something–a touch of color in an otherwise gray day–that cracks the mood, and pretty soon, you’re seeing sunny skies again.
I always say to myself, “This won’t last. What will I want to have accomplished when I’m feeling more energetic and happier?” I save those gray days for things like doing my taxes. :) :)
Same here in the NC Piedmont. Think I’ll take the Friday “POETS” post to heart, knock off early, and walk around downtown Waxhaw.
This is so true, Marci. A smile from someone, a joke, a dog video…
They say exercise helps and I now believe it. Since I lost my job I’ve been spending a brisk hour on the treadmill at least every other day. I feel better, have dropped a few pounds so I feel good about that too.
Yeah. When I lost my job I my income was drastically reduced, but I’m so much happier now. I don’t think you’ll regret working and building up your retirement funds, but when you leave work you probably won’t miss it.
I make it a point to pray with thanks. I thank God for all the good things and when I think about it, there are a lot of them. I think it’s good if one’s thanks outnumber one’s petitions.
I’ve gotten to the point where when I spend idle time alone, my thoughts aren’t dominated by negativity. I’m grateful for that.
I try to start the day by saying ‘Thank You God, for this day’ as I walk outside or even look out the window. Some days that was all I could be thankful for, but those are much less now that I am not working.
I remember reading something in a Reader’s Digest about a million years ago. Unless you have an acquaintance with an old Bible you may not be familiar with the phrase, but it went something like this.
A young person was grumping and griping about his state of mind and all the overwhelming things happening to him. An elder said “Just remember what it says in the Good Book. And he quoted “And it came to pass…” It doesn’t ever say, “it came to stay.”
I am grateful that you are here Bartholomew Xerxes Ogilvie Jr.
Sunshine and Mozart help.