The Anecdotal Yokel Wins the Ukraine War

 

It hit me in the shower. Usually, I don’t like being hit, especially in the shower, but this was an idea, a germ of an idea, or was it something altogether extra?

Send the Taliban to Ukraine to fight the Russians. They are the #1 fighting force in the world, and have defeated the Russians before, although with a different head coach and starting lineup. They’re tenacious, crafty, and even…wily.

It’s economical. We’ve already armed them. Think of how much better they are at warfare now. Also, they seem to enjoy fighting, so it could be a win-win. Throw in a few thousand Sabra Hummus™️ snack packs and we might help those Ukrainians repel the invaders on the cheap.

Sandals on the ground!

After this, we send them over to Taiwan. They’ll love the warm climate.

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  1. navyjag Coolidge
    navyjag
    @navyjag

    Thought they were making more money by selling the billions  of dollars we left behind in U.S. military equipment to the Russians. Did I miss something? Good idea though. 

    • #1
  2. Dotorimuk Coolidge
    Dotorimuk
    @Dotorimuk

    navyjag (View Comment):

    Thought they were making more money by selling the billions of dollars we left behind in U.S. military equipment to the Russians. Did I miss something? Good idea though.

    They could win with or without our weapons, I suppose. They were already the top seed in the war tourney.

    • #2
  3. BDB Inactive
    BDB
    @BDB

    Dotorimuk (View Comment):

    navyjag (View Comment):

    Thought they were making more money by selling the billions of dollars we left behind in U.S. military equipment to the Russians. Did I miss something? Good idea though.

    They could win with or without our weapons, I suppose. They were already the top seed in the war tourney.

    No way.  A force as thoroughly untrained as the Taliban is incapable of victory.

    • #3
  4. navyjag Coolidge
    navyjag
    @navyjag

    BDB (View Comment):

    Dotorimuk (View Comment):

    navyjag (View Comment):

    Thought they were making more money by selling the billions of dollars we left behind in U.S. military equipment to the Russians. Did I miss something? Good idea though.

    They could win with or without our weapons, I suppose. They were already the top seed in the war tourney.

    No way. A force as thoroughly untrained as the Taliban is incapable of victory.

    Probably right. But I bet they could take a lot of Wagner convicts in a fight. 

    • #4
  5. The Reticulator Member
    The Reticulator
    @TheReticulator

    Dotorimuk: Send the Taliban to Ukraine to fight the Russians

    That sounds like an entanglement we could do without, starting with what we’d have to do to get the Taliban to take orders from us. 

    • #5
  6. Hang On Member
    Hang On
    @HangOn

    I think you need to get back in the shower.

    • #6
  7. thelonious Member
    thelonious
    @thelonious

    The Taliban is great at home. They’re 2-0 against stiff competition. I don’t know how well they can take their game on the road. It’s easier to protect your home turf than to conquer it.

    • #7
  8. Dotorimuk Coolidge
    Dotorimuk
    @Dotorimuk

    thelonious (View Comment):

    The Taliban is great at home. They’re 2-0 against stiff competition. I don’t know how well they can take their game on the road. It’s easier to protect your home turf than to conquer it.

    And crowd noise can really influence the momentum of a match. Younger participants can get rattled in a hostile environment. 

    • #8
  9. mildlyo Member
    mildlyo
    @mildlyo

    There were rumors last year that Russia would have no problem recruiting jihadis in Syria to fight the great Satan in Ukraine. Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.

    • #9
  10. Skyler Coolidge
    Skyler
    @Skyler

    The flaw in your argument is that the Taliban (all of Afghanistan in fact) get invaded by everyone and always lose to everyone.  The problem is that there is no reason to live in Afghanistan so eventually their conquerors leave.  And the Afghans don’t leave.  They lost.  Their price for losing is that they are still in Afghanistan.

     

    • #10
  11. BDB Inactive
    BDB
    @BDB

    Skyler (View Comment):

    The flaw in your argument is that the Taliban (all of Afghanistan in fact) get invaded by everyone and always lose to everyone. The problem is that there is no reason to live in Afghanistan so eventually their conquerors leave. And the Afghans don’t leave. They lost. Their price for losing is that they are still in Afghanistan.

    Yup.  Afghanistan is always a denial game, with the possible exceptions of the Soviets, who could have leveraged some warm-water exposure to the south.  Granted, there’s no pleasant way to get from Tajikistan to the North Arabian Sea, but they could potentially have gained semi-sovereign access to a major port in the belly-button of shipping.  Worth the squeeze for most fruit, but not so the Afghan cactus.

    • #11
  12. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    Great idea!  The only problem I see is making them leave after they win . . .

    • #12
  13. cdor Member
    cdor
    @cdor

    Hang On (View Comment):

    I think you need to get back in the shower.

    Make it a cold shower!

    • #13
  14. ToryWarWriter Coolidge
    ToryWarWriter
    @ToryWarWriter

    Only problem.

     

    The Taliban are allied with Russia.  See in the two years leading up to the US pullout, Lavrov and Putin organized the peace in Afghanistan and power brokered the end of the conflict.  

    The Soviets didnt really lose in Afghanistan, they pulled out and their puppet government managed to hold on for years.  If the Soviet Union had never dissolved there puppet would have likely been kept in power forever.

    Something we used to be able to do, but cant anymore.

    • #14
  15. Skyler Coolidge
    Skyler
    @Skyler

    ToryWarWriter (View Comment):
    The Soviets didnt really lose in Afghanistan, they pulled out and their puppet government managed to hold on for years.  If the Soviet Union had never dissolved there puppet would have likely been kept in power forever.

    No.  I don’t agree with that at all.  

    • #15
  16. BDB Inactive
    BDB
    @BDB

    ToryWarWriter (View Comment):

    Only problem.

     

    The Taliban are allied with Russia. See in the two years leading up to the US pullout, Lavrov and Putin organized the peace in Afghanistan and power brokered the end of the conflict.

    The Soviets didnt really lose in Afghanistan, they pulled out and their puppet government managed to hold on for years. If the Soviet Union had never dissolved there puppet would have likely been kept in power forever.

    Something we used to be able to do, but cant anymore.

    Wildly incorrect.  You get paid to write about this stuff?

    • #16
  17. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    ToryWarWriter (View Comment):
    The Taliban are allied with Russia. 

    Silly me!  I thought they were allied with Allah . . .

    • #17
  18. BDB Inactive
    BDB
    @BDB

    Stad (View Comment):

    ToryWarWriter (View Comment):
    The Taliban are allied with Russia.

    Silly me! I thought they were allied with Allah . . .

    Silly them!  So did they.

    • #18
  19. Dotorimuk Coolidge
    Dotorimuk
    @Dotorimuk

    Stad (View Comment):

    ToryWarWriter (View Comment):
    The Taliban are allied with Russia.

    Silly me! I thought they were allied with Allah . . .

    Allah for one and one for Allah. (2 for $10.)

    • #19
  20. ToryWarWriter Coolidge
    ToryWarWriter
    @ToryWarWriter

    BDB (View Comment):

    ToryWarWriter (View Comment):

    Only problem.

     

    The Taliban are allied with Russia. See in the two years leading up to the US pullout, Lavrov and Putin organized the peace in Afghanistan and power brokered the end of the conflict.

    The Soviets didnt really lose in Afghanistan, they pulled out and their puppet government managed to hold on for years. If the Soviet Union had never dissolved there puppet would have likely been kept in power forever.

    Something we used to be able to do, but cant anymore.

    Wildly incorrect. You get paid to write about this stuff?

    Well heres Reuters in 2019 reporting upon the negotiations. 

    https://www.reuters.com/article/us-afghanistan-russia-taliban-idUSKCN1PP19A

     

    Heres Taliban working with Russia on a mutual trade deal.

    https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2022/9/28/taliban-signs-preliminary-deal-with-russia-to-buy-gas-wheat

    I guess there is a reason I get paid to write about this stuff and you guys dont.

     

     

    • #20
  21. BDB Inactive
    BDB
    @BDB

    ToryWarWriter (View Comment):

    BDB (View Comment):

    ToryWarWriter (View Comment):

    Only problem.

     

    The Taliban are allied with Russia. See in the two years leading up to the US pullout, Lavrov and Putin organized the peace in Afghanistan and power brokered the end of the conflict.

    The Soviets didnt really lose in Afghanistan, they pulled out and their puppet government managed to hold on for years. If the Soviet Union had never dissolved there puppet would have likely been kept in power forever.

    Something we used to be able to do, but cant anymore.

    Wildly incorrect. You get paid to write about this stuff?

    Well heres Reuters in 2019 reporting upon the negotiations.

    https://www.reuters.com/article/us-afghanistan-russia-taliban-idUSKCN1PP19A

     

    Heres Taliban working with Russia on a mutual trade deal.

    https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2022/9/28/taliban-signs-preliminary-deal-with-russia-to-buy-gas-wheat

    I guess there is a reason I get paid to write about this stuff and you guys dont.

     

     

    How do you say that in Russian?

    A generation of Russian officers didn’t study their loss in Afghanistan so that they could replicate those results.

    Did the Russians win the Cold War, too?

    “I guess there is a reason I get paid to write about this stuff and you guys dont.”

    What do they pay people to read it?

     

    • #21
  22. Skyler Coolidge
    Skyler
    @Skyler

    ToryWarWriter (View Comment):

    BDB (View Comment):

    ToryWarWriter (View Comment):

    Only problem.

     

    The Taliban are allied with Russia. See in the two years leading up to the US pullout, Lavrov and Putin organized the peace in Afghanistan and power brokered the end of the conflict.

    The Soviets didnt really lose in Afghanistan, they pulled out and their puppet government managed to hold on for years. If the Soviet Union had never dissolved there puppet would have likely been kept in power forever.

    Something we used to be able to do, but cant anymore.

    Wildly incorrect. You get paid to write about this stuff?

    Well heres Reuters in 2019 reporting upon the negotiations.

    https://www.reuters.com/article/us-afghanistan-russia-taliban-idUSKCN1PP19A

     

    Heres Taliban working with Russia on a mutual trade deal.

    https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2022/9/28/taliban-signs-preliminary-deal-with-russia-to-buy-gas-wheat

    I guess there is a reason I get paid to write about this stuff and you guys dont.

     

     

    I may have missed it, but I didn’t see in those reports that Russia has had a puppet government in control all this time.

    Does Russia have spies and manipulators there?  Sure, they have such here too.  It doesn’t mean that Russia controls us.

    • #22
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