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Quote of the Day: Working with Trauma
“I am often asked how I can work with a subject as morbid as trauma without becoming burned out or depressed. My answer to this question is that witnessing the transformation that takes place in people when they master their traumas has proven to be a deeply sustaining and uplifting experience in my life”
— Peter A. Levine
No one gets through life without experiencing some kind of trauma. We may lose a loved one or suffer a catastrophic medical condition. We may go bankrupt or lose our home in a fire. There is no way to know in advance how we deal with a trauma in life, and we can’t possibly know how others will react to a trauma in their lives, either.
As a bereavement volunteer, I am continually amazed in my hospice work by the people with whom I speak. Whether I see that a young wife in her 40s has lost her husband; or a daughter who has been the caretaker of her mother most of her life is at loose ends; or whether I speak to a woman who has lost her brother to a sudden illness—I can never predict how people will respond to talking with me. It’s up to me to be alert yet relaxed, attentive but gentle, to the person I greet. When I present myself in those ways, the conversation is warm and comforting, and I often receive a sincere thank-you for calling.
All of us have people in our lives who have experienced at least one traumatic event. I have a friend whose husband is dealing with his fourth bout of cancer. They are both dealing with it, of course. This time I feel there are not enough comforting words to make their journey any easier. But I remind myself that the words are only part of what I offer.
Friendship, caring, presence, and love are what count the most.
Published in Group Writing
That has always been my concern whenever someone with whom I should express condolences go through a death. People have so many different feeling regarding the death of a loved one close in time to the event. Its hard to know (impossible, really) what feeling they might have at the time you speak to them. One message at that moment may be perfect, or horrifying. I think “open wound” is the best analogy. How do you touch it, if you must? Gently, carryingly is all I can come up with.
I often have to tell the young folks I am mentoring on my team not to worry about small things. Microaggressions are trivia that only someone who hasn’t lived long enough to experience real trauma could care about. I tell them all and often that these aren’t the things they want to be fixated on in their lives. Life is too short to sweat the small stuff.
That’s it. The best we can do.
Profound and practical advice, Raxxalan. Thank you.
Let’s not forget those who have been traumatized by the pandemic and everything associated with it. It’s difficult for me to be patient with people who try to justify masking up, inside or outside, or assume that every sniffle they contract is a sign of Covid. We all have different levels of resilience, wisdom, curiosity and a quest for the truth. Those who prefer to live in ignorance may generate our disdain, but their trauma, to them, is real.
Thank you for the work you are doing, Susan. The world is a better place because you are in it.
Thanks for your kind words, Jean. Much appreciated.
Isn’t that the truth? Life is full of surprises.
Reminds me of the Cannonball Adderley monologue:
Mercy, Mercy, Mercy Lyrics
You know, sometimes we’re not prepared for adversity. When it happens sometimes, we’re caught short. We don’t know exactly how to handle it when it comes up. Sometimes, we don’t know just what to do when adversity takes over. (chuckle). And I have advice for all of us, I got it from my pianist Joe Zawinul who wrote this tune. And it sounds like what you’re supposed to say when you have that kind of problem. It’s called mercy, mercy, mercy.