Conspiracy Theorists Are Nuts (No, Those Other Conspiracy Theorists)

 

My beloved Uncle Gabe was diabetic, and when his sugar dropped, his vision would become blurred and he would become irritable. So when he was driving, his wife was always alert to potential problems. They came down to Tennessee to visit us once, and when they got close to our road, he could feel his sugar dropping, and he was having a hard time reading the road signs to find the turn. He would ask, “Is that it?” and his wife would say no – should I drive? He would tersely respond, “No.  I’m fine.” And his wife would watch even more closely.

Anyway, they finally found our road in the mountains of Tennessee, where our exotic neighbors raised even more exotic animals as a hobby. All of a sudden, he grew very quiet and just stared straight ahead, which his wife found concerning. Then his young daughter in the backseat yelled, “Look!  A zebra!” And Uncle Gabe let out a relieved gasp and said, “Oh, thank God…” When he had seen our neighbor’s zebra, he finally had started to wonder whether he really was ok to drive. What an odd-looking pony that is – Oh my God

This is how I feel watching the news now. I had a post with over 80 likes not hit the main feed after Biden’s victory, I think because I openly wondered whether our elections were legitimate. Such wondering is no longer verboten. The head of the FBI today acknowledged that perhaps COVID really was leaked from a Chinese lab that was developing bioweapons. Our Supreme Court is trying to figure out how the President of the United States can simply transfer hundreds of billions of dollars of taxpayer money to grievance studies majors. Elon Musk is exposing the long-term coordination of our government and the social media tycoons to suppress free speech.

So, many conspiracy theories are being exposed as obvious truth. So now I feel like less of a conspiracy theorist. And like my Uncle Gabe, I think, “Thank God. I was really starting to wonder if I was crazy, for a while there...”

Will it help? Will it help that the truth is being exposed?

Well, no. Not if our elections are being controlled. Not if our government is working with social media tycoons to control speech. Not if our President does not need to consider the Constitution as long as he’s a Democrat.

If those things are true, then none of this helps.

But for it’s worth, I feel better about myself.

As I often say, I hope I’m wrong about all this.

And as I even more often say, I need another drink.

The bourbon doesn’t fix any of this.  It just makes it hurt less.

pause *sip* pause…

Ah, that’s so much better.

Except for one problem. One serious problem that even the bourbon can’t help me with:

If all those other ridiculous conspiracy theories were actually true all along, what about all those other conspiracy theories? The conspiracy theories that are still considered conspiracy theories among polite company?

I used to think that those whacko conspiracy theorists who believed that the only solution to complete leftist control of America was secession — that the only hope for freedom was to split America up into two or more countries — I used to think that those whacko conspiracy theorists were whacko conspiracy theorists. I still do. Really. After all, I’m not a whacko conspiracy theorist. Right? Right.

But I’m no longer laughing out loud. Perhaps I’ll just keep my criticisms to myself, and see how all this plays out.

After all, those conspiracy theorists — they really are nuts. Right?

Right. Obviously.

I need another drink.

Maybe two.

Oh my God…

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  1. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    Victor Tango Kilo (View Comment):

    The people who “debunked” the Wuhan Lab Leak theory are the same people who “debunked”
    2000 Mules.

    And who upheld the Steele Dossier. And who called Hunter’s laptop “Russian disinformation” And who pushed a plan to kidnap Gretchen Whitmer. And who found that Hillary “didn’t intend” to mishandle classified information.

    • #31
  2. Red Herring Coolidge
    Red Herring
    @EHerring

    The Reticulator (View Comment):

    Postmodern Hoplite (View Comment):
    owever, I believe that an American Revolution 2.0 is quite possible, and may be unavoidable.

    That would be good to avoid, because the outcome is likely to be a more tyrannical government than we have now. Certainly in the short term, and perhaps in the long term, too.

    That is an unknown. What is known is that is where we are headed if we stay the course.

    • #32
  3. The Reticulator Member
    The Reticulator
    @TheReticulator

    Percival (View Comment):

    Victor Tango Kilo (View Comment):

    The people who “debunked” the Wuhan Lab Leak theory are the same people who “debunked”
    2000 Mules.

    And who upheld the Steele Dossier. And who called Hunter’s laptop “Russian disinformation” And who pushed a plan to kidnap Gretchen Whitmer. And who found that Hillary “didn’t intend” to mishandle classified information.

    I’m not sure those are all the same people, except that the same news media seemed to get in on all of it. 

    • #33
  4. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    The Reticulator (View Comment):

    Percival (View Comment):

    Victor Tango Kilo (View Comment):

    The people who “debunked” the Wuhan Lab Leak theory are the same people who “debunked”
    2000 Mules.

    And who upheld the Steele Dossier. And who called Hunter’s laptop “Russian disinformation” And who pushed a plan to kidnap Gretchen Whitmer. And who found that Hillary “didn’t intend” to mishandle classified information.

    I’m not sure those are all the same people, except that the same news media seemed to get in on all of it.

    • #34
  5. The Reticulator Member
    The Reticulator
    @TheReticulator

    Red Herring (View Comment):

    The Reticulator (View Comment):

    Postmodern Hoplite (View Comment):
    owever, I believe that an American Revolution 2.0 is quite possible, and may be unavoidable.

    That would be good to avoid, because the outcome is likely to be a more tyrannical government than we have now. Certainly in the short term, and perhaps in the long term, too.

    That is an unknown. What is known is that is where we are headed if we stay the course.

    I’m using the same information you are using, that is, history about what has happened in the past.  

    • #35
  6. Red Herring Coolidge
    Red Herring
    @EHerring

    The Reticulator (View Comment):

    Red Herring (View Comment):

    The Reticulator (View Comment):

    Postmodern Hoplite (View Comment):
    owever, I believe that an American Revolution 2.0 is quite possible, and may be unavoidable.

    That would be good to avoid, because the outcome is likely to be a more tyrannical government than we have now. Certainly in the short term, and perhaps in the long term, too.

    That is an unknown. What is known is that is where we are headed if we stay the course.

    I’m using the same information you are using, that is, history about what has happened in the past.

    Have you studied the history of the radical left?

    • #36
  7. The Reticulator Member
    The Reticulator
    @TheReticulator

    Red Herring (View Comment):

    The Reticulator (View Comment):

    Red Herring (View Comment):

    The Reticulator (View Comment):

    Postmodern Hoplite (View Comment):
    owever, I believe that an American Revolution 2.0 is quite possible, and may be unavoidable.

    That would be good to avoid, because the outcome is likely to be a more tyrannical government than we have now. Certainly in the short term, and perhaps in the long term, too.

    That is an unknown. What is known is that is where we are headed if we stay the course.

    I’m using the same information you are using, that is, history about what has happened in the past.

    Have you studied the history of the radical left?

    I’ve studied the history of people.  The radical left are people. 

    • #37
  8. Red Herring Coolidge
    Red Herring
    @EHerring

    The Reticulator (View Comment):

    Red Herring (View Comment):

    The Reticulator (View Comment):

    Red Herring (View Comment):

    The Reticulator (View Comment):

    Postmodern Hoplite (View Comment):
    owever, I believe that an American Revolution 2.0 is quite possible, and may be unavoidable.

    That would be good to avoid, because the outcome is likely to be a more tyrannical government than we have now. Certainly in the short term, and perhaps in the long term, too.

    That is an unknown. What is known is that is where we are headed if we stay the course.

    I’m using the same information you are using, that is, history about what has happened in the past.

    Have you studied the history of the radical left?

    I’ve studied the history of people. The radical left are people.

    You need more than “people” in your studies.

    • #38
  9. The Reticulator Member
    The Reticulator
    @TheReticulator

    Red Herring (View Comment):

    The Reticulator (View Comment):

    Red Herring (View Comment):

    The Reticulator (View Comment):

    Red Herring (View Comment):

    The Reticulator (View Comment):

    Postmodern Hoplite (View Comment):
    owever, I believe that an American Revolution 2.0 is quite possible, and may be unavoidable.

    That would be good to avoid, because the outcome is likely to be a more tyrannical government than we have now. Certainly in the short term, and perhaps in the long term, too.

    That is an unknown. What is known is that is where we are headed if we stay the course.

    I’m using the same information you are using, that is, history about what has happened in the past.

    Have you studied the history of the radical left?

    I’ve studied the history of people. The radical left are people.

    You need more than “people” in your studies.

    Cats and badgers?

    • #39
  10. Chowderhead Coolidge
    Chowderhead
    @Podunk

    I have never been a big believer in conspiracies. Simply for the fact that very few people can keep a secret. You can’t have four people with juicy knowledge for very long, let alone 400 or 4000. They have to tell someone.

    My dad raised bees. The hive always had an agenda, and they would follow it blindly to their death. You could kill any one of the bees or even 20% of the bees and they would still try to meet the goal that they don’t even know they have. None of them know what they are doing or why. They just do what comes naturally.  

    Apply bee logic to the presidential election. A little ballot stuffing here, a little voting machine tweaks there. Same thing.

    • #40
  11. Flicker Coolidge
    Flicker
    @Flicker

    Chowderhead (View Comment):

    I have never been a big believer in conspiracies. Simply for the fact that very few people can keep a secret. You can’t have four people with juicy knowledge for very long, let alone 400 or 4000. They have to tell someone.

    My dad raised bees. The hive always had an agenda, and they would follow it blindly to their death. You could kill any one of the bees or even 20% of the bees and they would still try to meet the goal that they don’t even know they have. None of them know what they are doing or why. They just do what comes naturally.

    Apply bee logic to the presidential election. A little ballot stuffing here, a little voting machine tweaks there. Same thing.

    Good analogy.  I would add that since some conspiracies are advertised on Amazon, they’re not trying to keep a secret.  They’re relying on incredulity.

    • #41
  12. AMD Texas Coolidge
    AMD Texas
    @DarinJohnson

    The Reticulator (View Comment):

    Red Herring (View Comment):

    The Reticulator (View Comment):

    Red Herring (View Comment):

    The Reticulator (View Comment):

    Red Herring (View Comment):

    The Reticulator (View Comment):

    Postmodern Hoplite (View Comment):
    owever, I believe that an American Revolution 2.0 is quite possible, and may be unavoidable.

    That would be good to avoid, because the outcome is likely to be a more tyrannical government than we have now. Certainly in the short term, and perhaps in the long term, too.

    That is an unknown. What is known is that is where we are headed if we stay the course.

    I’m using the same information you are using, that is, history about what has happened in the past.

    Have you studied the history of the radical left?

    I’ve studied the history of people. The radical left are people.

    You need more than “people” in your studies.

    Cats and badgers?

    Suspect groups both of them. Cats are by nature sneaky and badgers? What’s up with the mask? Very suspect.

    • #42
  13. MarciN Member
    MarciN
    @MarciN

    Chowderhead (View Comment):

    I have never been a big believer in conspiracies. Simply for the fact that very few people can keep a secret. You can’t have four people with juicy knowledge for very long, let alone 400 or 4000. They have to tell someone.

    My dad raised bees. The hive always had an agenda, and they would follow it blindly to their death. You could kill any one of the bees or even 20% of the bees and they would still try to meet the goal that they don’t even know they have. None of them know what they are doing or why. They just do what comes naturally.

    Apply bee logic to the presidential election. A little ballot stuffing here, a little voting machine tweaks there. Same thing.

    I agree with this. When I read the Democratic Party Platform, I was so upset. The Democrats accused Donald Trump of being responsible for thousands of covid deaths. The document was filled with out-and-out damning lies about Trump. It was unreal. It sent the Democrats off on a holy mission.

    The Crusades were conducted by independent noblemen in Europe. For the most part, they were not a coordinated effort in any way. It’s just the way people are.

    • #43
  14. Old Bathos Member
    Old Bathos
    @OldBathos

    If the emperor had a better deep state and compliant media, the kid who noticed he was nude would be dismissed as a “clothing denier” or “nudity monger”.  Steve Colbert would have an entire routine mocking him.  The WaPo and NYT would look into his parents’ background.  And the millions who know that they really saw the monarch’s bare bottom would seethe in silence, waiting, hoping for the truth to become mainstream again.

    When people notice an obvious lie, speculation is inevitable but not necessarily correct.  But refuting instances of incorrect speculation does not justify the lie that triggered it but that is how our rulers operate now. Laughing off one particular lame theory of election cheating means you can ignore the fact that in the same jurisdiction, 4,000 ballots had the same time stamp down to the second.

    Scoffing at the notion that Jack Ruby was part of the conspiracy means that there could have been no conspiracy to kill JFK. (Ask yourself why the CIA still refuses a congressional requirement that all docs related to the assignation be made public.  What could possibly justify that? Names of 1960’s secret agents still in the field, undercover in Russian nursing homes?  Super secret 1960s surveillance technology?  Or was the X-Files ‘smoking man’ really the guy on the grassy knoll and still high up in The Agency, somehow not dead of pulmonary disease after 75,000 packs of cigarettes?)

    When the deaths of straw men reach genocide levels and false dichotomies outnumber us all, shouldn’t that be a breaking point?

    • #44
  15. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    Old Bathos (View Comment):

    If the emperor had a better deep state and compliant media, the kid who noticed he was nude would be dismissed as a “clothing denier” or “nudity monger”. Steve Colbert would have an entire routine mocking him. The WaPo and NYT would look into his parents’ background. And the millions who know that they really saw the monarch’s bare bottom would seethe in silence, waiting, hoping for the truth to become mainstream again.

    When people notice an obvious lie, speculation is inevitable but not necessarily correct. But refuting instances of incorrect speculation does not justify the lie that triggered it but that is how our rulers operate now. Laughing off one particular lame theory of election cheating means you can ignore the fact that in the same jurisdiction, 4,000 ballots had the same time stamp down to the second.

    Scoffing at the notion that Jack Ruby was part of the conspiracy means that there could have been no conspiracy to kill JFK. (Ask yourself why the CIA still refuses a congressional requirement that all docs related to the assignation be made public. What could possibly justify that? Names of 1960’s secret agents still in the field, undercover in Russian nursing homes? Super secret 1960s surveillance technology? Or was the X-Files ‘smoking man’ really the guy on the grassy knoll and still high up in The Agency, somehow not dead of pulmonary disease after 75,000 packs of cigarettes?)

    When the deaths of straw men reach genocide levels and false dichotomies outnumber us all, shouldn’t that be a breaking point?

    Saved as a simple image for easy sharing:

     

    • #45
  16. Nanocelt TheContrarian Member
    Nanocelt TheContrarian
    @NanoceltTheContrarian

    Rule of thumb:  If the Left says it’s a conspiracy theory, it’s almost certainly true. If the Left says it’s true, it’s almost certainly a conspiracy theory. 

    • #46
  17. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    Nanocelt TheContrarian (View Comment):

    Rule of thumb: If the Left says it’s a conspiracy theory, it’s almost certainly true. If the Left says it’s true, it’s almost certainly a conspiracy theory.

    Or it’s just a lie, or they’re projecting again:  accusing the other side of what THEY are actually doing.

    • #47
  18. Saint Augustine Member
    Saint Augustine
    @SaintAugustine

    kedavis (View Comment):

    Nanocelt TheContrarian (View Comment):

    Rule of thumb: If the Left says it’s a conspiracy theory, it’s almost certainly true. If the Left says it’s true, it’s almost certainly a conspiracy theory.

    Or it’s just a lie, or they’re projecting again: accusing the other side of what THEY are actually doing.

    So it’s both.

    • #48
  19. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    Saint Augustine (View Comment):

    kedavis (View Comment):

    Nanocelt TheContrarian (View Comment):

    Rule of thumb: If the Left says it’s a conspiracy theory, it’s almost certainly true. If the Left says it’s true, it’s almost certainly a conspiracy theory.

    Or it’s just a lie, or they’re projecting again: accusing the other side of what THEY are actually doing.

    So it’s both.

    Well, I suppose projecting is a particular kind of lie.

    • #49
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